She shook her head. "I wasn't looking at anything.”
"I know when we went to the cove the other day there was something out there with us. I could feel it. I could see it in your eyes. I know it was there even if I don't know what it was and I know you can see it, Rosie."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
He took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. "Yeah you do, but it's okay. I'll be here when you're ready."
She looked at him through her eyelashes. "What if I'm never ready?"
"You will be."
The sound of air being sucked into the bottle surrounded them and the restless lamb began to squirm.
"I think she's ready to go in the pasture with the big girls. Hopefully one of them will take to her," Max said as he stood.
He took the lamb and walked it to the gate, Rosie standing and following.
"Is that likely?"
"Maybe.” He smiled as the little lamb inspected the pasture on wobbly legs. The other ewes watched from a distance.
"Should we stay?" Rosie ventured. "Make sure she's okay?"
"Nah. She's more likely to go exploring if we aren't here."
Rosie didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay in that barn, insulated from the world and enjoy the quiet that came from being around Max.
He walked the fence line and watched the lamb from afar.
"You have to work tonight?” He asked as he stopped and rested a foot on the bottom rung of the fence and leaned his forearms on the top. He looked like a real farmer. He could have been a cowboy if he had a big hat and an oversized belt buckle.
She leaned on the fence next to him and tried not to look at the thick layer of blonde hair on his forearms. He was tan underneath from long hours in the sun.
"No work tonight,” she said, her hands resting next to his on the fence as the sheep inspected each other. "Wendy changed my schedule around a little so I've got the night off."
"She changed your schedule? I thought you liked working nights."
"I do," she told him as one of the ewes, the skittish one, approached the lamb. "But she gave me a few things to do in the office so I have to be there more during regular hours."
"On top of all the cleaning jobs?" He sounded surprised.
"No, she's got me doing some cleaning in private homes. It's not my favorite but it'll do."
"What is your favorite?” He asked. "If you could do anything you wanted, I guess.”
She thought for a second. "I don't know.” She'd never really thought about, it had never been an option for her. She hadn't even graduated high school so a prosperous future seemed dim. She consciously chose not to dwell on the fact that she had little in the way of a future. It became depressing if she did. So, she told herself, when she got restless or bored, she'd move on and find a new place to live. She'd enjoy the routine of packing her things and finding somewhere else to move and building a new life. "I'm just exploring life for right now.” It was the only answer she knew how to give. It was the only way to explain drifting through life to someone who had it together.
Max was established in his life and she very much envied that. Not necessarily the farm or the business he'd built, but his drive and passion. Listening to him explain every little detail of soil components, it had become obvious he loved what he did. How could he not? He lived in this great place and cultivated things with his own hands.
“Wendy says you're the best she's got."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I can clean a toilet like a real champ."
He chuckled. "I think she meant you were thorough and reliable."
"So, I can clean the toilet really well and on time?"
His brows rose. "A joke. I like it."
The skittish brown ewe was standing stock still near the sheep barn, letting the little lamb nuzzle her wool.
"She looks like she might like the little one,” she mentioned to Max.
"Might be," he agreed.
She leaned back, still holding onto the railing. "Thanks for this. It’s definitely an experience I'll remember.”
"We'll have to feed her a couple times a day so you can come by anytime."
"I might take you up on that," she warned. "I might just take it home."
"Well, I know where you live in case she goes missing."
Rosie walked back toward the house and her bike, Max quickly falling in step beside her.
"Want me to give you a ride to town?"
She waved off his offer. "Nah. I've got my bike. I won't be long anyway so it's not a big deal."
"Where are you headed?” He didn't seem intensely interested, more just making conversation.
"A shop on Middle Street I haven't been in. I thought it looked cool but I haven't been by when it's open."
"Want to have lunch before you go?"
She stopped walking. They were almost to the back porch and she looked up at the door where Max's dog sat, wagging its tail.
“No, I’ll just get going.”
"You're sure you don't want a ride?"
She laughed at his persistence. "I'm fine."
"You ever think about getting a car?”
"God, no.” She straddled her bike. "I don't know how to drive. What would I do with a car?"
He looked flat out confused. "Wait. You don't know how to drive?"
"No. I never learned."
"That's…weird." He sounded like he was testing the word out. "How do you ever get anywhere?"
She walked. Rode a bike. Took the bus. Hitchhiked when times had been desperate.
"How did you get around before you drove?” She was trying to make a point, that you find a way when you need to.
"My parents drove me everywhere or I had Wendy to bug for a ride."
"It's the same for me. I do what I can when I can."
"You want to try for lunch tomorrow?"
She watched him carefully, his caramel eyes steady as he waited for her answer. She shielded her eyes from the sun that shone from behind him, trying to gauge his intent. He was showing interest in her but she wasn't sure how to handle it. As Wendy would say, she was "feeling the feelings" even if she didn't want to.
Maybe it was that his calming energy that attracted her. He had a gentleness that made him easy to be around. Strange, as she hadn't felt it for years, but there was also temptation to tell him her secret when he asked. He gave off the vibe that he would listen and try to understand what she was saying.
Nerves danced across her skin as she imagined the possibility of being in a relationship with a caring man that might just accept who she really was. Someone who might understand and not judge her.
Fear reared its ugly head, her mind conjuring Butch's face the last time she'd seen him. The look of regret on his face had haunted her for years, one that screamed I wish I'd never laid eyes on you. I wish I'd never listened to you. I wish I'd never let you into my home – into my life. It had all been right there for her to see, before he'd turned his back on her and walked out the door. She'd put all her trust in him like he'd asked, and that was what she'd gotten in return. There was no way she'd put her heart on the line like that again.
She shook her head, certain she knew what she was doing. "I can't."
He grabbed her handlebars before she could take off. "The day after?"
She looked him in the eye then, making sure he could see her resolve. "It's a bad idea, Max. I'll see you around."
She jerked the bike out of his grasp and rode away without looking back.
11
The Third Eye wasn't at all what Rosie thought it would be. She was expecting a kitschy, witchcraft kind of vibe but it had more of a relaxing bookstore feel to it. Bookcases lined the walls, dusty tomes and crystals dotting the shelves. There was a glass case that held more crystals where the cash register sat with a wall full of dried herbs behind it. It was more low-key than witchy.
"I was wondering when you'd be back."
Rosie turned to find the man that had cha
sed her on the street coming out of the back of the store. He was tall and thin, probably around thirty years old. He had blonde hair, a hipster beard and was wearing a pair of trendy black glasses
"I'm not sure I know what I'm doing here," she admitted.
"I think I do." He held out his hand for her to shake. "I'm Jay."
She hesitated for a fraction of a second before stretching her hand to his. "Rosie."
He held her for a second longer than necessary.
"We have a private room for Reiki," he motioned to a door across the room. "Would you feel more comfortable talking in there?"
"Talking about what?"
He smiled at her, like he knew something she didn't. "About why you're here, of course."
She looked around but didn't see any other customers or employees. "Seems like we're alone enough out here."
"For now," he agreed. When she just continued watching him he looked her up and down. "You're completely blocked, you know."
She felt blocked. She didn't say it out loud, not knowing if he was for real.
Jay walked a few steps to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup. He held it out in offering to which she accepted, then invited her to sit at the small reading alcove.
"Do you know what's got you so backed up?"
She sat but looked away from him, watching cars drive past, unsure of how to start.
"I'm not here to judge. I'm here to help."
When she turned he was watching her intensely. "What can you see?"
"In general or in you?"
"In general. What can you do?"
"I get a sense of energy sometimes but only if it's strong.” He tilted his head. "Hence, why I tried to tell you that day there was something following you."
"Someone. My boss's grandmother."
He sat up straighter. "You can see her?"
"Not now, but back then she followed me everywhere. Bugged the crap out of me."
"Can you actually see her or you just know it her energy?"
"No, no I can see her. Ugly pink skirt set and all. She was a pain in the ass."
"Was? Where'd she go?"
Bolstered by the fact Jay hadn't laughed once when she'd told him what she could see and that he had his own gifts, she answered. "I don't know. I don't see much of anything anymore."
"They're still here," he told her. "I can feel them clinging to you. Not bad energies though."
"I can't see them.” For something she'd wanted gone for so long, she felt like a part of her was missing without them. "I don't know why."
"Like I said, you're completely blocked. Your chakras are totally out of whack. Something's got you off kilter."
"I used to see auras but that’s gone too, for the most part."
"That's interesting," he murmured. "Have you always seen auras?"
"Yeah, from when I was little. I got used to knowing people before I ever really knew them."
"You relied on that," he concluded easily. "Knowing someone before knowing them."
"I did. It's nerve wracking without it."
"I can imagine. I haven't had my gifts my whole life but I'd hate to be without them now."
"I've always wanted them to go away. The auras, the sprits, the other stuff. Now that they're gone…" she shrugged not finishing the thought.
"There's more?” He shook his head slightly. "That's incredible."
"It's not incredible. Awful," she said. "Debilitating at times. Invasive, overwhelming. Any of those work."
His brow drew in confusion. "You still struggle with it?"
She nodded, mimicking his expression. "You don't?"
Jay shook his head. "I've worked really hard to study what I see. To make sense of it. That helped."
She shrugged. "I never knew where to start. The spirits, the dreams. It's a lot."
"Maybe I can give you a place to start if you tell me about it."
She looked away not even knowing how to begin.
"Okay," he drew the word out. "How about you tell me the first time you remember something being different."
That was easy. "I was really little. Three, maybe."
"Jesus," he muttered.
"There was this man my mom brought home. He was surrounded by all black, almost like a cloud but not puffy like that. More like," she struggled to find the right words. "static. I remember wondering why he didn't take a bath because he was surrounded by dirt."
"But it wasn't dirt," Jay finished.
She shook her head, agreeing with him. "I tried to put my hand through it, to touch it. It was so dark inside and it moved when he moved, I was totally captivated. So curious."
"Did you touch it?"
She shook her head again. "No."
His head tilted to the side and she knew he was reading her in some way. "Why didn't you touch it?"
"I just didn't." Her answer came quick and defensive.
"That's a lie," he told her quietly. "Why didn't you touch it?” His eyes were grave when they met hers. "It's important."
"It's really not."
"Why didn't you touch the aura?"
"Why does it matter? You wanted me to tell you about the first time. I did."
He sat back, disappointment marring his face. "This is why you're blocked, why you can't overcome whatever is happening to you."
"Because I can't remember why I didn't do something when I was three?"
"No, because you're lying about it. Not just lying to me, but lying to yourself."
"I'm not lying to myself." She huffed out a breath and crossed her arms. It took her about one second to realize how ridiculous she was acting. "He knocked me down. That's why I didn't touch it. Before I could, he hit me upside the head and knocked me down."
Jay said nothing.
"Back then, I loved the colors. I would steal crayons from places my mom took me so I could mix the colors together and match them to an aura I'd seen. Of course, I didn't know what they were until later. It took me a long time to match the colors to the moods."
"What color was your mom's aura? Can you remember?"
She watched him carefully, trying to figure out his motive.
"She had a few," Rosie told him without really answering.
"Did she know? What you could see?"
"I tried to tell her. Mostly, she thought I was crazy."
Jay leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. "The static you saw. Was that particular to that one man or is that how it appears?"
"I think the static was him. They used to be like thin clouds, I could see through them, but they were soft. Like, when you exhale on a cold day.”
"They used to be, before they stopped?"
"They changed a while back, went from thin clouds to something else."
"What changed for you that made the auras change?" When she didn't answer right away he continued. "I've found, most people that experience a change in their abilities also experience an event that triggers it." When she just watched him, he continued. "Mine came after I got hit by a car. I was sixteen and barely lived. I woke up in the hospital and everyone had colors pulsing from their bodies. They all thought I was dealing with a concussion and sent me to ophthalmologists and neurologists, but I was fine. I finally stopped telling them about it and researched it myself. I see chakras. Sometimes I get a quick blast of a word or picture.” He shrugged again. "I can't help it. Instead of fighting it, I educated myself and eventually opened the shop. I do readings but sometimes I do cleansings for people."
"What are the cleansings like? Do you think that's something that might work for me?"
He shrugged. "I've never worked with a medium. I don't know how much I can cleanse because I don't know how much of the energy I see is you and how much is them."
"There's no them right now," she admitted. "Just a dog and woman."
"Both ghosts?"
She took a deep breath, never talking this much about the subject before. "The dog is a spirit guide, I think. I'm friends with its own
er and it’s always hanging around."
"That's interesting," Jay commented.
For the first time, Rosie felt like she could talk with someone about her abilities. When she was a child Butch had pressed her but she hadn't been able to communicate what was going on or why it happened. Being able to talk with someone that didn't judge and maybe even understood, was liberating.
"You just blasted me with a wave of relief. From here.” He smiled, holding a hand up to his throat, his blue eyes sparkling. "What's going on?"
"I've never been able to talk about it before like this. Most people think I’m crazy."
He nodded like he understood.
"You don't give anyone much of a chance, do you?"
He wasn't too far off. "A lifetime of rejection will do that to you."
"I imagine it would," he agreed. "Back to the dog.”
She shrugged. "He's never talked about it. We aren't really close, we just met a few weeks ago, but it hangs out around his house. If he stops by my place it runs around my yard."
"And you still see it."
She nodded.
"What about the auras? You stopped seeing those too?"
"Only in strangers. Like I can't see yours but I can see the people I already know."
"So, you aren't reading new information, just the old stuff."
“I can see changes in their auras when they happen so it isn't residual but they aren't what they were a few weeks ago. They're like wisps or strands of color now."
"What were they before?"
"They were bright. Big and bold and thick like fog."
"So, what changed?"
She took a deep breath and scrubbed her face, wincing when she rubbed her remaining scabs.
"I had a run in with the other spirit."
"The woman?” She nodded. "What kind of run in?"
Rosie winced. "The kind where my entire body passed through hers."
He leaned way back in his chair and watched her carefully. "Through her."
Rosie nodded.
"What happened when you did that?"
Now, Rosie shook her head and held up her hands. "I can't talk about it."
"That bad?"
"It was bad.” Her voice was a whisper. "Really, really bad.” The more she thought about it, which she'd studiously avoided doing, the more she felt her eyes sting.
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