Lord Westbridge’s voice held the hint of a sneer. “You knew it well in its ‘down at heel’ days?”
“I was there once as a child, when Mama took me to visit the old Earl. Dear Lord Cranford. He was so nice to me. I wonder what became of him.”
Lord Westbridge shrugged with cool indifference.
Louisa noticed that her mother was frowning at her in displeasure. She was obviously afraid that Lord Westbridge might be offended.
‘I don’t care,’ Louisa thought rebelliously. ‘I do not like him, and I will never marry him. I think I would faint if he ever tried to touch me.’
Lord Westbridge’s hands were long and spidery, and the sight of them made her shudder. She thought of Roderick’s hands, how shapely and attractive they were, how brown and strong. How reassuring they had felt when they held her.
She knew that Roderick’s touch would never make her want to faint.
Then she blushed at her own thoughts. How shocking to be dreaming of a man, wanting him to touch her! Modest girls never indulged in such ideas.
But Roderick could make her think of things that she knew were forbidden.
She became aware that someone had asked her a question, and she had not heard it.
“I – I’m sorry –”
“I was saying that I hoped you would visit my stables and ride an animal that I will provide for you,” Lord Westbridge said. “You may recall that we discussed this during your recent visit.”
“We didn’t exactly –”
“Since then I have given the matter much thought, Miss Hatton. I know that only the finest horseflesh will suffice for you.”
“But in Firefly I already have the finest,” she parried.
He laughed and again there was the hint of a sneer.
“That animal is all very well. But I will set you on a horse such as no woman ever rode before.”
“My daughter is extremely grateful,” Lady Hatton intervened, throwing Louisa a scolding look. “She would like very much to try your horse.”
Louisa was obliged to smile and nod. But inwardly she told herself that no horse could be dearer to her than Firefly.
If only this wearisome meal would end soon and she could find Roderick.
CHAPTER FOUR
At last it was time for the ladies to leave the gentlemen to their port. Lady Hatton rose and they followed her out of the room.
“Thank you, my dear Arabelle, for looking after Simon Lightly,” Lady Hatton said graciously. “I noticed you deep in conversation with him at the table. I fear his talk must be way above the head of a young lady, but you are coping very well.”
“Thank you, madam,” Arabelle replied meekly.
Mrs Lightly too wanted to thank her and Arabelle became immersed in talk with the other ladies. Lady Hatton took the opportunity to draw her daughter aside and speak in a low, angry voice.
“Lord Westbridge could not have made his intentions more plain,” she said. “Such a flattering conquest and you were almost rude to him.”
“But I don’t want him as a conquest,” Louisa protested. “I did not ask him to come here, sneering at everything I love. I wish he would go away again.”
Lady Hatton’s face became hard.
“You are a stubborn, stupid girl! How can you judge what is best for you?”
Louisa stared. Her mother had never spoken to her so harshly before.
After that outburst, everything she observed seemed ominous, especially the way Lord Westbridge and her father were laughing as they joined the ladies. They seemed satisfied with each other, as though something had been settled between them.
Lord Westbridge was on his best behaviour, making the rounds of the ladies, being excessively charming, until it was time for the guests to leave.
“You will all be receiving invitations to a ball I am giving at Cranford Manor in the very near future,” he announced and there was a murmur of excitement.
At the last moment he lifted Louisa’s hand and allowed his lips to linger. She had to repress a shudder.
“I look forward to welcoming you to my home again,” he said.
“I shall enjoy visiting you,” Louisa said politely but untruthfully.
But she felt that he meant much more than that and she was sure of it when she saw his cold grin.
When the last guest had departed, Lady Hatton bid Arabelle goodnight and drew Louisa into the library. She was very angry.
“I am extremely displeased with you,” she said. “All the trouble we have gone to for your sake and you nearly ruined everything.”
“But Mama,” Louisa pleaded, “I do not like him.”
Lord Hatton calmed his wife.
“Leave the matter for tonight, my dear. Louisa will think it over and come to her senses.”
Louisa ran upstairs and shut herself in her room. She was shaking. She knew now that something was terribly wrong.
“Louisa, what is it?” Arabelle asked. She had just finished undressing.
“You know what they are planning, don’t you? Oh, I cannot bear it.” She threw an angry look at her friend. “I suppose you wonder why I care. You think it’s all right to marry for money, don’t you?”
“No,” Arabelle responded softly. “No, I don’t think so. And that man is bad. I can sense it just as you do.”
“Oh, Arabelle, what am I going to do?”
Louisa flung her arms around her friend’s neck and they clung together, listening to the sound of her parents mounting the stairs and walking to their room.
At last the house grew quiet.
“Let me help you undress,” Arabelle offered. “I have sent the maid away so that we could talk.”
“Not yet. There is something I need to do first.”
She knew she could bear it no longer. Throwing a cloak over her gorgeous dress, she slipped downstairs and out into the night, running as hard as she could in the direction of the stables.
There was a light on inside as she opened the door. Roderick was there, stroking Firefly’s nose. He looked up quickly as she entered and, with her heart beating wildly, she watched his face for a welcome, listening eagerly for his first words.
But all he said, in a bleak voice, was, “you should not be here, Miss Hatton.”
The disappointment was so severe that tears stung her eyes. She had longed to see him with such an aching intensity, hoping for so much from this meeting. And he looked at her like a stranger.
“I had to come,” she breathed. “I must talk to you. Why have you been avoiding me?”
“I have not.”
“Don’t deny it. This last few days, whenever I have tried to see you alone, you have just vanished.”
“It has been a busy time. I have had errands to run for your parents. I gather a happy announcement is expected at any moment. Should I congratulate you now, miss?”
“How dare you say that to me!” Louisa cried passionately.
“I did not mean to offend you. Everyone seems to think that Lord Westbridge is very suitable.”
“Do you think I would ever marry a man I didn’t love just because he was suitable?”
“He is immensely rich. Some girls would find that very loveable.”
She stood before him, challenging him with her fierce eyes.
“Do you think I am that kind of girl?”
He refused to look at her.
“I don’t know what kind of girl you are,” he said quietly. “I thought I did yesterday. But that was before you put me in my place, in front of him.”
“But I have been trying to tell you why I did that. When you caught me in your arms I was afraid he would think –”
She stopped because the memory of Roderick’s arms about her made her feel suddenly dizzy.
“You were afraid he would think you were over familiar with the groom and then he might not offer you his hand and his fortune,” Roderick said bitterly.
“No. I was afraid he would tell Papa that you had been over-familiar and
you might be dismissed without a reference. I did it for you, Roderick.”
Tears welled into her eyes.
“But you are so horrid, I wish I hadn’t bothered,” she added. “I have been trying to explain, but you would not let me. You only have time for Jane Birley.”
“Jane Birley?” he echoed, frowning.
“Papa says you are going to make a ‘suitable’ marriage.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, because she’s a – a ‘cosy little armful’, and young men ought to settle down and – and –”
Louisa could bear it no longer. Turning away from him, she burst into violent sobs.
“Don’t,” Roderick pleaded softly. “Please don’t cry.”
He gently took hold of her shoulders and turned her round. When she could not stop weeping, he drew her against him so that her head was resting on his broad chest.
“I hope you will be very happy,” Louisa sobbed.
“I shall not be happy with Jane, because I am not going to marry her,” he replied, sounding amused.
Louisa raised her head. Roderick drew a swift breath at the sight of her tear stained face.
“You are not – going to marry her?” she asked in a trembling voice.
“I don’t love Jane. I love –”
She felt a shudder pass through his body, pressed as he was against her.
“Who do you love?” she whispered, hardly daring to breathe as she waited for the answer.
“I love – I love nobody.” He repeated firmly, “nobody at all.”
She gave a little sigh. “Is that really true?”
“A poor man has no right to love.”
“Everyone has the right to love.”
Roderick smiled down at her with a tenderness that filled her with joy.
“Dear little girl, you are so young and you think the world is so simple.”
“If two people love each other, then the world is simple,” Louisa protested.
“I wish I could live in your world,” he said wistfully. “It sounds such a pleasant place, where only love matters. But the real world is a hard place, my d–”
He drew a sharp breath and checked himself.
“Yes?” she cried wildly, “what were you going to call me?”
“Nothing, I – nothing.”
“That is not true.” Why can’t you say it?”
“You know why. I am a servant. You are a great lady.”
“I am not a great lady. I am a woman. I want to be loved and I want to give love back. Can’t you feel that? Can’t you sense it?”
She knew she had struck home when she felt his hands tighten. With all the force inside him he responded to her, man to woman. He could deny it in words, but not in the tremor in his flesh.
“You can sense it, can’t you?” she persisted. “Tell me the truth.”
“The truth –” he answered hoarsely, “is that you are my employer’s daughter, a lady for whom I – have the greatest respect. And that is all.”
“It is not all,” she screamed with all the force of her passion. “You are lying.”
“All right, I am lying,” he shouted. “There are some things best lied about. Let it be. There can be nothing between us.”
“Nothing?” she exclaimed. “Nothing? Look at me Roderick and tell me there is nothing between us.”
But he turned away as though the sight of her was too much to bear. A mortal man beholding a phantom from another world might have averted his eyes as Roderick did.
“Look at me,” she commanded him fiercely. “Look at me.”
Slowly he turned back towards her, as though unable to stop himself. His face was tortured. As though in a trance, he lowered his head until his lips were almost touching hers. She felt the long, shuddering breath that told of unbearable temptation, a tortured struggle to resist. He was weakening, because she willed it so.
“Roderick,” she whispered eagerly, “Roderick.”
But the words broke the spell. Slowly he released her, looking like a man coming out of a dream. He stood back sharply, as though he was escaping the flames and regarded her luxurious clothes, as if seeing them for the first time.
Louisa nearly cried out as she saw a look of aloofness settle over his face.
“I think you should leave now, Miss Hatton,” he said. “And you must never come here again at night. It isn’t – it isn’t proper.”
Her hands flew to her mouth.
“Roderick –” she whispered in anguish.
“Goodnight, Miss Hatton.”
Louisa whirled and fled the stable. Tears were pouring down her face as she ran back to the house and upstairs to her room.
There she flung herself down on her bed and sobbed her heart out.
*
The district was abuzz with anticipation. Lord Westbridge had sent out invitations for his great ball at Cranford Manor. Everyone knew it would be the biggest and most glamorous occasion the County had ever seen.
“He is calling it a Christmas Ball,” Lord Hatton observed, “but I suspect he really wants to show off his house.”
“Papa, must I attend?” Louisa pleaded.
“Don’t be absurd, my child,” Lord Hatton said. “You are to be the Guest of Honour.”
“Oh, no! Oh, please believe me, I don’t want that. It looks so – so particular.”
“I am losing all patience with you,” Lady Hatton said. “The richest man in the County is making you the object of his attentions and you create a silly scene.”
“I do not see what his being rich has to do with it,” Louisa answered unhappily. “I don’t think money matters at all.”
“That is because you are ignorant of the world,” her mother reproved her severely.
“If I loved a man I could be happy with him in a cottage. Like you.”
“Me? When did I ever marry a man in a cottage?” Lady Hatton demanded, aghast. “The very idea!”
“You said once that you would have lived in a cottage with Papa, because you loved him so much.”
Lady Hatton breathed hard. She was very angry.
“It is time you stopped indulging in ridiculous dreams,” she carped.
“But it was you who made me realise that love is more important than money,” Louisa said passionately. “Is that a silly dream? Don’t you believe it any more?”
Lady Hatton did not answer. She only glared at her daughter and hurried from the room.
“Papa –” Louisa appealed, almost in tears.
“There, there, my dear,” he soothed her. “People say these things, but of course nobody wants to be poor. Money is very important. In fact – well, just take it from me that money is vital.”
Louisa felt suddenly alone and desolate. She had never heard her parents talk like this before. It was as though they were turning into different people before her very eyes.
She sent a message to the stables that she would ride today and hurried upstairs to dress in her riding habit.
Roderick was waiting for her with Firefly and his own horse, ready saddled so that he could accompany her. But instead of helping Louisa to mount, he pointed to a box in the stable yard.
“Look what I have found,” he said. “It’s a lady’s mounting block. I set it beside your horse, and now you don’t need my help.”
It was clear to Louisa that he was keeping his distance. He did not even want to help her into the saddle, because it would have meant touching her.
She knew he was protecting her. It was not safe for them to touch, even innocently. But it made her feel sad and lonelier than ever.
As they rode, he kept his own horse well back, instead of riding beside her. At last Louisa slowed to a canter and beckoned him forward.
“Don’t keep away from me, Roderick,” she said. “You are the only one I can talk to.”
“I wish I could help you, Miss Hatton.”
“I feel as if a net has been spread out for me, and I am being lured into it bit by bit. I struggle, b
ut it’s no use. I don’t know my parents any more. All they care about is Lord Westbridge and his money.”
“Westbridge is a heavy gambler,” Roderick stated, dropping the ‘Lord’ and speaking of the man with open contempt. “Perhaps your father owes him money.”
“Papa gave up gambling years ago. Besides, my father loves me. He would never – what a horrible idea! Oh, no, it’s impossible!”
“Westbridge wants you,” Roderick said. “He has done from the first moment he set eyes on you. I know some of his servants and they tell me that he speaks of you as no gentleman should speak about a lady.”
“The first day we met, I told you nobody could make me do what I didn’t want to do,” Louisa reminded him. “And you said you hoped I would always think so. What did you mean?”
“Only that the world is very hard on a girl who has nobody to protect her.”
Once Louisa would have insisted that her father would protect her. Now she said,
“But will you not protect me, Roderick?”
He laid his hand briefly over hers.
“In any way I can,” he replied seriously. “Trust me. I will always be there for you. Even if you cannot see me.”
She raised his hand and brushed her cheek against it. She felt comforted.
But how could that be? Roderick was a servant.
Then suddenly she understood that what mattered was the man inside, not how the world saw him. Some masters had the souls of servants and some servants had the souls of masters.
There was nothing subservient about Roderick. He was a true man, with power and instinctive authority. Her heart had recognised this from the start.
The next moment he proved it by saying quietly,
“I think it would be best if you did not visit the stables any more at night.”
“You don’t want to see me?” she asked in dismay.
“Not at night. It’s dangerous for you, can’t you see that? If anyone were to find out, you would be compromised.”
“And then Lord Westbridge would not want to marry me!” she cried with sudden inspiration. “Why that’s the answer. Let me be compromised!”
There was a touch of sternness in Roderick’s voice as he said,
“You talk like a child. Do you believe that I could bring myself to expose you to danger?”
A Heart in Heaven Page 6