by Mariah Dietz
“Y … ye … yeah, yeah, of course. Why?” I sputter. Opening the driver’s door of my truck, I slow my movements to buy a bit of time. I need to gain some control on my emotions.
“I don’t know. You’ve seemed kind of distracted lately. How are things going with Kash?”
“Good. I think he’s considering retiring in a few more years and taking up training. I think working with Mercedes has made him realize how much he loves that side of the business.” I readjust my pants, so the damn button stops digging into my stomach.
“Summer?”
I look over to Lo and find her eyes are wide and searching.
“What?”
“Oh my God.” Her hand connects with my arm. The force might have caused me to wince if I wasn’t so confused by her reaction.
“What?” I ask again.
“You’re pregnant.”
“You’ve lost your mind.”
“You’ve been eating a ton, you’ve been gaining weight, you’ve been distracted, and—oh, yeah, the main piece of evidence—you and Kash! You’re pregnant.”
“What did you just call this? A woman foul? You’ve just made, like, four? Five? Four,” I say, recounting her points. “I’m eating and fat because I’m about to start my period. Pregnant people don’t gain weight until they’re, like, three months or more. You should know this.”
Lo raises her eyebrows, disbelief apparent and louder than any words she could be saying.
We ride the rest of the way in silence, her accusation pinging off every fragment of my imagination possible. To make matters worse, she isn’t fun to shop with this time because she’s on some ridiculous rabbit diet where she’s only eating spinach and other vegetables in order to fit into the wedding dress her old roommates, Charleigh and Allie, made especially for her.
SEVERAL HOURS HAVE passed, and I’m still considering Lo’s words as I lie in bed, waiting for Kash to come upstairs. He has been helping King with last-minute wedding plans. If I didn’t love him and Lo so much, I’d likely be throwing down the wife card because I’ve missed my husband.
THE BED DIPS, wakening me from the sleep I fought for over an hour while waiting for him.
He kisses me long and hard, like he knows I am in need of his attention.
“What’s on your mind?” He fishes an arm under my neck and brings us closer.
“I used to have these really weird … really vivid dreams about us having children.” I blame Lo for my blurting out this random fact.
“What kind?” he asks.
My eyes blink in rapid succession when he doesn’t seem even slightly surprised.
“You know, the human variety. They’re a fairly standard edition these days.”
Kash’s throat and chest vibrate with a nearly silent chuckle. “Tell me.”
“A boy and a girl.”
“Twins?”
“No. The girl was older.”
My head falls to the bed as Kash pounces on top of me, his eyes bright with mischief.
“What are you doing?” I ask between laughing.
“I believe I vowed to you that I would make your dreams become a reality.”
My laughter is so loud I don’t doubt Mercedes can hear me, possibly even Lo and King from all the way across the yard in their house. “Oh my God. Stop. You sound so cheesy right now.”
He’s smiling as he lowers himself and kisses me again. “How about practice makes perfect?”
I shove his chest, my cheeks aching because I’m laughing so hard.
“How about Mercedes would make the greatest big sister?”
“She will,” I whisper, my tone serious.
Kash jerks his head back, his eyes bright with question.
Reaching for the nightstand, I fish through the drawer until feeling the cool plastic stick.
Moving my gaze from the small plus sign to Kash, I smile to hide the plethora of emotions that have been running rampant since Lo purchased the pregnancy test for me while at the grocery store earlier, and slipped it into my purse with a knowing smile.
My attention shifts around the room with the unease of his silence.
Kash’s palm rests against my cheek, bringing me to focus on his intense stare. “Every day you make my life better. You make me better.” Softly, he traces his thumb over my cheekbone.
“I’m nervous,” I admit.
His eyebrows furrow. “Why?”
“What if I’m bad at being a mom?”
“Babe, you’ve been a mom for twelve years, and you’re the greatest mom, ever. This kid…” His eyes widen with thought. “Or kids, are going to be so damn lucky just because they’re loved by you, because there is nothing in this world that tops that feeling.”
“I love you,” I whisper.
He grins, and then pulls my shirt free along with my thoughts and fears, discarding them on the other side of our bedroom.
And like I have for so many years, I feel the effects of Kash’s love.
“LET’S GO!” KENDALL cries as she jumps up and tugs on my arm.
The entire yard spins as I stand up. Our Sister Sunday ended here at the house, where Mindi ordered Chinese takeout and we sat around the backyard discussing Kendall’s relationship with Jameson, which drifted to Jenny’s relationship with Paul, and later transformed into my relationship with Eric. I decided that the conversation required alcohol because although I was ready to end things with Eric a couple of weeks ago, I stopped telling my sisters that I am and have even been defending him again lately. I just didn’t want to deal with it, and it gave me an additional reason to avoid Max and his judgment.
Savannah decided that each time I used the phrase, “I don’t know,” I had to take a shot. Trying to explain my relationship with Eric and why I was staying in it while trying to be vague included three shots, which only made it more difficult to avoid those three cursed words. They were relentless and asked several questions knowing I’d respond with the key phrase, leading me to drinking too much.
Mindi, Savannah, and Jenny left Kendall and me to the lounge chairs in the backyard after ensuring we weren’t too drunk to pass out and drown, but apparently not to question that we’d be just drunk enough to do something stupid.
“Go where?” I ask.
“TP Marshall’s!”
I instantly laugh at the thought as I shake my head.
“Come on!” She wraps her fingers around mine and tugs once again, and I willingly follow her through the house. I’ve definitely drank too much, because I can hear a teeny tiny voice in the back of my head telling me that this is a bad idea, but a much louder voice in the forefront of my mind giggles and discusses strategy. That louder voice is my voice, as I help load Kendall’s arms.
“You look ridiculous.” I laugh at the sight of my sister in her neon green bikini bottom with toilet paper rolls bulging from her arms.
“We have to stay down so no one can see us,” Kendall whispers conspiratorially. I try to keep a straight face, but all I want to do right now is laugh. Everything seems funny, from the fact that we’re about to TP a house to Kendall wearing my bikini top because she thought it would make her boobs look bigger—it doesn’t, but by the time we finished swapping tops she was ready to go.
“You dropped one!” I stop in front of the fallen roll.
“Leave it!”
“I can’t. We need all of them!” I slowly bend to retrieve it and drop three more in the process.
Kendall’s giggles fill the air. “Stop, stop.”
I laugh as I work to pick up the four rolls of toilet paper. As I get the last one in my arms, it squeezes too tightly against one another and two more fall out of my arms. My laugh follows them rolling down the street.
“Oh my god, I think I just peed!” Kendall cries between squeals of laughter as she presses her forehead to my shoulder.
We decide to abandon the two rolls, and Kendall starts humming the Batman theme as she straightens and bolts down the middle of the road, surprisingly fast
for how drunk she is and being in a pair of flip flops I know from experience are stiff and uncomfortable to walk, much less run in.
I chase after her feeling but not really caring about the sharpness of the road against my bare, pool-pruned feet.
We duck behind a large azalea bush that lines Mr. Tucker’s walkway, which is only three houses down from Marshall’s, as a pair of headlights turn toward us.
“Shhh!” I whisper as Kendall leans heavily against me, still giggling. The small voice in the back of my head instructs me to look back and ensure it isn’t our parents. They’re supposed to be gone overnight, but catching us would definitely invoke a “Harper Jo.”
I stand to watch where the vehicle’s going, and Kendall levels me as she attempts to run forward. The rolls of toilet paper fall from our grasps as our arms fly out to catch ourselves. We lie on the cool grass, bursting into shrieks of laughter.
After a few minutes we slowly stand up. A stitch burns in my side from giggling as I dust dried grass off my exposed skin and begin picking up the fallen rolls.
When we get to Marshall’s we dump our collection under the large weeping willow that sits on the corner of his property and each grab a roll. We race around, throwing them to drape trails of toilet paper as quickly as possible.
“What are you doing?” The words are hissed from behind us making me jump and Kendall scream.
Read BECOMING HIS for Free
THIS BOOK WAS not initially on my idea board. It was barely even a thought when a few readers reached out to me and asked for a book about Kash and Summer. Those requests became more frequent and occasionally were paired with some hilarious threats. I have to say, I very much appreciate you all for pushing me to write this book, because while their conflict is a bit more subtle than some, I love the message in this book. I hope all women—all people—know their value, and don’t feel embarrassed, ashamed, or anything else by asking to be loved in the way they need. The way they deserve.
In addition, thank you to my family, especially my husband who once again was the target of my grumpiness while I channeled Summer and was mad at all males everywhere! To my two little boys that are my sunshine, my heart, my everything, thank you for always cheering me on and being the two best souls I know.
Lisa Greenwood, Becca Dawn, Katie Mazur, Jenna Chianello, Terri Peterson, Samantha Lloyd, Polly Matthews, Jodi Ridgeway-Nichols, Dawn Nicole-Costiera, and Donna Cooksley-Sanderson. This book took an entire village, and not one of you received the same draft, and not a single one of you has yet to see the final! Ha! Thank you all for pushing me to become a better writer, and helping make Kash’s and Summer’s book so special. You guys are amazing and sweet and talented, and I am so grateful to call each of you my friend.
Dreama with Ink Doodle by Dreama. WOW. WOW! I had the pleasure of meeting Dreama a few weeks after I messaged her on FB and begged her to make a cover for me. I had been stalking her work for a few weeks and knew I wanted a doodle on this cover, and that she would be the perfect artist for this project!
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of your time. You are the sweetest, most caring, and most talented person, and I am so grateful I got to experience this with you! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!
Erin Noelle, I might start calling you ‘The Closer.’ Thank you so much for helping me to get this book shined, pretty, and sparkling. I so very much appreciate you fitting this book in and then going through and editing it twice for me to ensure it was perfect!
Hang Le. I love you. I don’t know that I can say enough good things about you and your work. You amaze me. Dazzle me. And impress the hell out of me. Thank you for not avoiding me for being such a giant pain in your ass. I really do love you lots!
Jill Sava, thank you so much for doing the formatting and interior art of this novel. You are so sweet and patient, and I can’t thank you enough!
Becca Liberty, thank you for always listening to my crazy and entertaining me even when you ought to be sleeping. Your support, love, humor, and honesty are nearly as beautiful as you are. I flove you, and I could not have done this book without you.
Terri!!! I wrote a baby!! In a book!! Okay, well, you didn’t get a lot of baby, but still, it’s there! And it’s all for you, my lover!
To all of the readers, the bloggers, my friends, and my family, thank you! You all make this possible with your inspiration, love, and support. Thank you all!
MARIAH DIETZ lives with her husband and two sons that are the axis of her crazy and wonderful world.
Mariah grew up in a tiny town outside of Portland, Oregon where she spent the majority of her time immersed in the pages of books that she both read and created.
She has a love for all things that include her sons, good coffee, books, travel, and dark chocolate. She also has a deep passion for the stories she writes, and hopes readers enjoy the journeys she takes them on as much as she loves creating them.
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