by J. A. Delese
But it didn’t make any difference.
Getting married, studying in law school, becoming a lawyer…it all didn’t make any difference. She was still nothing but a victim of violence. No matter how much she tried, she was still the same girl who gets slapped by a man. She cried hard for a long time. It seemed like several minutes had passed. Even Susan came over and wiped her tears, but she still couldn’t stop it. She cried and cried like the young girl in her memory.
Tom
He came back a bit earlier the next day. When he came back, the house was dark. It felt like no one was staying there. He stepped into the living room and passed by the kitchen on his right. Susan was busy cleaning some dishes. Initially he thought Susan had dinner, but then he found a spoon and chopsticks on the table. It seemed that she had dinner. He stared at the chopsticks for a while. Thinking of her made him felt sad and guilty. He remembered what he did to her last night. It was madness. He should not have said those crazy words to her. She didn’t do anything wrong, and more over, she had no relation to Liz.
Just happened to have the same voice.
Susan’s eyes met his, and she looked at him for a second. He could feel that she was afraid. She probably also heard what he said last night. He had shouted loudly, so he was sure she heard it. He breathed out deeply. He didn’t know how to face her again. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t talk to him for a long time because of this, though she was already not talking to him, or maybe she would hurt herself again.
He moved to the stairs and climbed them. Maybe she wouldn’t even come to bed tonight. He frowned. He didn’t like to sleep alone. He could not imagine sleeping alone and waking up in the middle of the night again. He couldn’t do it all over again. He was about to enter the room, but he didn’t turn the doorknob. Something caught his eye. He saw something. He turned his head to that side. It was a reflection. Someone was crouched in the corner beside the kitchen. It was her! She was there hiding from him. He didn’t know what to say. He looked back and forth between the dining table and her and realized:
She was having dinner. Probably her first meal since last night, and they heard me coming home, so she rushed to hide.
It was obvious, so it was easy to guess. He couldn’t take his eyes off her reflection. She was literally hiding from him. He didn’t go into the bedroom. He went into the study instead and sat on the chair with his coat on.
That night, he couldn’t sleep at all. He kept thinking of her. It wasn’t just her. He thought about himself as well as their future. He knew how his parents would react. He also knew how other people would react. He’d always been telling himself he should think and behave responsibly, but no matter how much he thinks about this, he cannot remove her from his life.
But you cannot keep her like this forever, he told himself.
How long would they do this? How long could they hide like this? How long would she stay in the shadows like this? Previously, he thought he would get tired of her after a short time, but the longer he stayed with her, the more he felt a thirst for her.
He could see the sun rising from the window. He’d been thinking through the night and made a final decision. He walked out of the house and went to work. After his first meeting in the morning, he drove his car by himself to a jewel boutique. He ordered a ring, a big ring for their engagement.
Stephen
He took a look at the old painting on the wall. That was his father’s artwork. His father liked to draw things, and he said if it weren’t for his duty, he would live as a painter. When Stephen heard these words, he was only a teenager, so he thought his father was stupid and foolish and that his dream was ridiculous; but now in his late sixties, he felt slightly different. He felt pity for his father.
Hopefully my son will feel the same for me.
He said in his head. He sat on the sofa and heard from his secretary that Tom had arrived. He nodded in acknowledgement. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to hurt his son’s heart again, but he heard a report about this ring and decided to step in before everything got worse. Initially, he was very angry about what his son did. Tom was almost forty years old and still making troubles like this. This was how little boys play. He was thinking he’d scold him, but he remembered how much his wife begged him to help, so he decided to just help instead.
He heard his mother welcoming Tom. Stephen hoped that he and Tom’s grandmother could convince Tom together. Tom entered the room and Stephen smiled at his son as a matter of courtesy, but his son didn’t smile back. Tom obviously knew what he knew. His son sat down quietly and looked into his eyes.
“Thank you for coming, son. I know you’ve been very busy lately,”
He didn’t mean it to sound so sarcastic.
“My pleasure, Father. I also wanted to talk to you. Just….” He smiled faintly and looked around the room. “Didn’t expect to talk in this house.”
“I didn’t want your mother to hear this. You know her, Thomas. She will cry all night long if she finds out what you did, and I don’t want my wife to suffer,” he said firmly. He wanted his son to feel something from what he said, but Tom didn’t show any emotion in his face.
“You know I don’t allow this,” he said directly. He wanted his son to understand this and move on. He was sick of this madness and didn’t want to listen to it again if possible. Tom must get married and have an heir. He took a look at his son’s face. Tom wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at the table and thinking of something.
Hope you think wisely enough.
Stephen took a sip of wine and waited for his son to talk. It took several minutes for Tom to open his mouth.
“I want to be with her,” Tom said with a look of appeal. Stephen couldn’t say that he didn’t expect this, but it still was not easy to see. He didn’t want to be a bad father; he also wanted his son to be happy. Maybe he would allow this, if Tom was his second son, but Tom was the first son who would inherit everything from him. So he couldn’t allow this. He must not allow this, but he doesn’t want to hurt his son in the same time.
“Alright, then….” He put down the wine glass and looked at Tom’s face.
“Keep her one more year.”
When he said these words, he could see his son’s surprised eyes. He was also surprised at himself for this, but he should find a way to stop this before got worse. He’d been thinking about this compromise for several days.
“But there should be some changes. You should bring her out of there and let her tell other people that she is attached to you, and therefore, she’s staying with you according to her own will. We will offer her sufficient rewards as well as a contract for her silence about this for one more year, but that’s it. No more, Thomas. You should get married again soon.” He took another sip of wine.
Tom didn’t say a word back. He was just looking at the table. It was understandable for him to think about this. Stephen waited for about a minute, but he didn’t intend to wait for his son more than that, so he stood up.
“Think carefully.” He patted his son’s shoulder and was about to walk out of the room.
“What if I still want her even after one year?” Tom asked.
“There is no if. You must let her go! I’m sure she’ll be happy to sign the contract, since she has no interest in you at all.” When he finished speaking, he could feel Tom getting upset. He really didn’t want to hurt his son’s feelings, but someone should tell him the truth to wake him up and it was better for it to be him. Who else could do this? Tom looked back at his father.
“You think I’m not aware of that? You think I’ve never struggled about this? I have tried HARD!” he shouted, standing up.
“Then you should try harder,” Stephen snapped. He was quite tired of his son’s whining.
Graduated Cambridge and still cries like a baby.
He wanted to slap Tom’s face and scold him, but he stopped when he heard his mother’s voice.
“Thomas,” Margaret called. She was ve
ry old, but her mind was as sharp as ever. She came toward Tom and held his hand.
“Calm down, my boy. There’s no harm in hearing what your parents have to say.”
Tom sat down together with Margaret. She was patting his back consolingly.
“But doing what you heard from your parents is completely your choice. You can decide whatever you want. However, as your grandmother, I sincerely want you to think about this again. If it’s not good for both of you, then it’s not a love.”
Tom just listened. He didn’t say anything back.
Tom
He was watching her. She was leaning on the window, but her eyes were closed, so she didn’t know he was there. He wanted to go and hug her and kiss her, but somehow he was hesitant.
It may not be a good idea.
She was still icy cold. The moment they had in New York never happened again. It seemed like it never happened. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he was imagining it. Sadly, he could still remember the sweet moment they had in New York.
She opened her eyes and turned her head toward him. Their eyes met. She didn’t avoid his eyes, but he couldn’t read anything from her. It was completely blank. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say something nice to make her happy so that he could see her smile. He quickly thought about it and found something.
“Do you want to go out?” he asked.
She opened her eyes wide, but soon shook her head. She turned her head back to the window and stared outside again. He tasted bitterness on his tongue.
She’s scared to answer.
It tasted too bitter. He came back to his study and sat down. He leaned back in his chair and thought about the talk in his grandmother’s house. His father stood his ground in his decision, and he knew his father wouldn’t change his mind. He had never seen his father change his mind before. If Stephen Sharpe said no, it meant no. He sighed deeply. His father offered one more year for them. If she agreed, he would be happy for one more year at least.
If she agreed.
He breathed out heavily. He figured she wouldn’t agree. She wouldn’t even believe the contract itself. She wouldn’t think it would end within a year only.
She won’t believe me.
He closed his eyes. He should think. He should think carefully, so that he and she can be happy together. If he let her go, she would be happy, for sure.
But I wouldn’t.
If he married her, he would be happy, for sure.
But she wouldn’t.
Again, it tasted too bitter. He put his hand on his forehead. He didn’t want to admit it, but so far, what his father offered was the best compromise for all of them.
But what about one year from now?
Should he send her back? Should he find another girl and get married for his family? He didn’t like any of this. He knew that he had duties for the family and making her his wife would be an irresponsible decision, considering that she couldn’t bear a child. Even if she could, it would be a mixed-blood kid.
Half Asian….
He shook his head again. He’s not daring enough. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t.
Then, you should let her go! he urged himself. He stood up from the chair and started to walk around the room. He thought about the offer over and over again.
One more year.
Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe he wouldn’t want her anymore after one year, or maybe she would want him after one year. He laughed at himself to think she would want him. Considering their history, it would be a miracle if it really happened.
But I’m pretty sure that I will still want her.
The answer is clear. It’s too obvious. He doesn’t even need to think about it.
One year is definitely not enough.
He breathed out deeply as he made up his mind. He went back to the guestroom and opened the door. She was still sitting on the floor. He didn’t like to see it, but he didn’t say anything to her. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings till tomorrow night. He stepped into the room, and she took a look at him.
“Have dinner with me tomorrow,” he said.
She didn’t reply, but she looked confused.
“I will send people to bring you out tomorrow,” he said and left the room.
Catherine
People really came. Two girls came over with dresses, shoes, and jewelry. They set their things up and asked her to come over. She went over and sat on the chair. They showed the dresses they brought and asked her which one she liked the most. There were many different colors and all were beautiful. She chose a black one.
Since I’m good as dead, she laughed at herself in her head. She chose shoes and earrings and sat back in the chair and looked at herself in the mirror. With the bright lights on the mirror, she looked so old. She really looked old and wary. She touched her face. She looked like a different person. Her eyes looked lifeless. She smiled bitterly.
How come I ended up this way?
How come she became a prisoner? How come she lost everything so suddenly? What was wrong? What did she do wrong? How did she meet this guy?
The bar.
She remembered the day she met Tom for the first time. Nate introduced him to her, and they shook hands. She still could remember his eyes that night.
I should have not gone there, she thought.
She should have stayed in the office to work. She should have left the bar without saying good-bye to Nate. Then he would never have seen her. Then he would not know her name. Then she wouldn’t be here right now. She would be with Patrick.
All those useless thoughts…, she told herself not to think about it. It happened, and she was going to die like this. The two girls started to put make-up on her face. They rarely talked, except for asking each other to pass some tools. She thought of asking them to help her, but she changed her mind right away. They wouldn’t listen to her. If it was only one girl, maybe it had some possibilities, but it was two. They would report everything to him instead of helping her. She shook her head shortly.
It won’t work anyway.
It was too sad and bitter, but it was reality and she needed to face reality. No matter how much she tried, it wouldn’t work. Maybe what was left to her was only death.
But I want to live. I want to go back to my life. I WANT TO LIVE!
She really wanted to go back to her life. She could not say her life was perfect, but at least she was happy with it. She was always busy and tired, but she could feel that she was alive. Now, she didn’t feel that way anymore. Sometimes she didn’t even know if she was alive or dead. Maybe she was already dead. Maybe she was already gone, and this was her memory haunting her. Maybe it was a nightmare.
If this was a nightmare, I would wake up long time ago. This is endless.
Thinking of this made her sad, and her eyes filled with tears. She didn’t want to cry in front of them and tried to stop it, but tears fell from her eyes. The two girls noticed it and started to fuss around. They wiped her tears with tissues and cotton sticks. They asked if she was okay. She nodded without saying anything. One of the girls asked if she was uncomfortable with something, but she shook her head.
What could be comfortable here? she asked the girls in her head.
They redid the make-up for her, and she finally put on the black dress and black shoes. She stood in front of the mirror. The girl in the mirror looked better than she did two hours ago, but she still looked old and wary.
“You look absolutely beautiful!” one of the girls said.
She smiled faintly and walked to the main door with them. She hadn’t worn high heels for a long time, so it was very uncomfortable. Guards were waiting outside and escorted her to the car. She got in the car and left to the place where he would be waiting for her.
Tom
He arrived twenty minutes later than he was supposed to. The meeting lasted longer than expected and the traffic wasn’t good. He rushed into the elevator. He felt hasty. He was not supposed to be late like this. She
would be waiting for him. When the elevator door opened, he rushed into the restaurant, and the manager escorted him to the room. The manager opened the door for him, and he can see her sitting on the chair. She was wearing black dress. It’d been a long time since he’d seen her dressed up, and she looked so beautiful, just like the first day he saw her.
“Sorry for being late,” he said as he walked into the room.
She didn’t say anything back. She just stared at him for a moment and turned her head to the window. He also took a look at the view. The view was nice. It was even better than the view from home. It seemed she liked it. He sat on the chair with a smile on his face. He was happy that she liked this place. He would be much happier if she showed him her smile, but she didn’t. It was her usual blank face. He, however, didn’t mind. He decided to be a bit more generous for her today.
Food was being served and wine was poured for them. He thought about timing, but he couldn’t wait. He put down the jewelry box on the table. She took a look at it.
“A gift for you. I know you don’t like jewels much, but I hope you like this one,” he said the words he prepared before.
She seemed a bit interested. He opened the box for her. It was a shining necklace. It was made with small and large diamonds, and it was quite costly. He checked her face. She didn’t smile, but she was looking at it. The diamonds reflected light on her face. It seemed she couldn’t take her eyes off it. He could see she liked it, and he was happy that she liked it; but, honestly, he didn’t know what to say. He planned to give her an engagement ring instead of this necklace. He wanted to propose to her and ask her to be with him for the rest of their lives. So he bought a ring, but what his father had said stopped him in the last moment. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be so irresponsible and only think of himself. So, he didn’t bring it. He brought this diamonds necklace instead.
“It’s beautiful,” she said and smiled faintly.
“Do you like it?” he asked.