by J. A. Delese
He almost laughed. He thought she was remembering things, and he had planned to say something horrible, but she was only worried about his parents!
That’s easier.
“They agreed, of course. And it actually doesn’t matter whether they allow it or not. I’m not a little boy, Catherine. No permission is required. We do what we want to do. No need to think about other people.”
He moved closer to her. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright.
“But, they are not other people, Tom. They are your parents. They are your family! Trust me! I’ve done this before. If your parents are not okay with me, this marriage won’t last long. And I don’t want to see the end of another marriage.”
When she finished talking, he could see tears in her eyes. He couldn’t take it, so he hugged her in his arms and told her gently, “We will be together no matter what. I’ll marry you, and there will be no end in our marriage. We will be together for the rest of our lives until we die.”
He could feel that she was crying. He held her tighter. He wanted her to know how much he cared about her. He would do anything to keep her safe. He wouldn’t let anybody ruin this ever again. He wouldn’t lose her again this time.
“Maybe, Tom…” She said.
He loosened his arms and looked at her eyes.
“Maybe I suffered so much so I could meet you. As kind of…price to pay.”
He felt his heart aching at what she said. He held her closer to his chest.
“Don’t worry. There will be no more suffering. Only happiness, Catherine. I won’t let anything harm you.”
She looked at him with her teary eyes and smiled. His heart pounded with excitement. He felt extremely happy whenever he saw her smile. He kissed her on her lips gently and whispered in her ear, “I love you.”
Catherine
“How could you do this, Cathy? Do you know how worried I was about you? I THOUGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU! I THOUGHT SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENED TO YOU!” Her mom shouted.
She needed to pull the phone away from her ear. Her mom shouted some more and finally stopped yelling.
“Mom, I’m really sorry,” she said.
Her mom sighed heavily and asked, “Where are you now?”
“I’m in London.”
“London? I thought you were in New York. Are you working in the U.K. now?”
“Yeah…sort of….”
She didn’t know how to explain. It was hard to know where to start. Should she start from her memory loss? Or about her boyfriend? Or her wedding? Or how did she end up in London first?
And how come she doesn’t even know I’m staying in London?
That meant she hadn’t contacted her mom for more than a year. Why? How did that happened? She usually contacted her mother at least once a month.
“Last time, when you visited me and you left with those guys, I was really scared,” her mom said.
“When?” she asked.
She didn’t remember visiting Korea.
“Last year! Are you alright? Who were those guys?”
She felt confused. How come she didn’t tell anything about this to her mom? Why did she visit Korea, and who were the guys her mom was talking about?
“Are you with your boyfriend there? He called one more time after you left. He even found a girl who could speak Korean this time. He said you had disappeared. I really thought….”
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’m fine,” she said.
She felt that her mom was about to cry and she didn’t want to console her, so she said she was fine and told her she’d call back soon. Then she just hung up the phone.
She couldn’t move for a while after hanging up the phone.
Tom called my mom? Why?
Maybe she argued with him and left for Korea.
And he called to find me.
It was an understandable scenario.
Then who are these guys? And why did he say I had disappeared?
She felt so confused. She didn’t remember any of this. Then she suddenly felt some pain in her head. She rubbed her temple and went to the kitchen to drink some cold water. While she was drinking some cold water with ice, she realized Susan was looking at her. Catherine could read from her face that she was worried about her.
“Don’t worry, Susan. Just a migraine,” she said lightly.
Susan, however, still looked worried. Tom told her that she had met Susan before and she probably pitied her.
Whatever.
She didn’t want to care about other things more. She came back to the bedroom and lay on the bed. She still had more than two hours until the appointment with Dr. Dempsey, so she could take a nap. She closed her eyes, and just like that, she fell asleep. She fell into a dream.
She found herself in a dark room. It was a huge room, and there was a big wooden bed in the middle. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room. She couldn’t see anything. The room was so dark, especially the corners of the room. She couldn’t see what was there. She didn’t feel scared, but she felt uncomfortable. She didn’t like to be here. So, she stood up and tried to find a door, but she couldn’t find one. She got close to each corner, but she couldn’t find anything that looked like a door. Instead, she found someone there. She suddenly felt terribly frightened and stepped backwards. She knew it was a man, but she couldn’t see his face. He was in black, like a shadow. He walked towards her. She stepped backwards again and accidentally fell on the bed. The man stopped walking, but he grabbed something with his hand. She couldn’t see clearly, but it looked like a belt. She didn’t know why, but she knew that he was going to try and strangle her.
“NO! GO AWAY!” she shouted, but he kept walking toward her regardless. Terrified, she jumped out of the bed and ran to the other corner of the room.
Door! Door! Where’s the door! There should be a way out! Where is it? Where is the fucking door!
She began to cry but still couldn’t find any door. She struggled to find a door, but she felt something around her neck.
No!
She wanted to scream, but she couldn’t make a sound. He was strangling her with the belt.
No! Please God! Help me!
She prayed, but he just tightened the belt. She was losing more of her breath. Her vision blurred, and she closed her eyes. Then she woke up from the dream.
A cold sweat had broken out all over her body. She was breathing raggedly. It felt like it was real. She touched her neck. She could still feel the belt around her neck.
Why? she asked herself. She wanted to know why she kept dreaming like this. This wasn’t first time she had nightmares. Sometimes, this man in black snapped a whip to her or slapped her face.
Why?
Why would she suddenly dream these things?
Is it my father?
Her father used to slap her face whenever he got angry, so this man in black could be her father.
But why now? He died a long time ago!
She sat on the bed and covered her forehead with her hand. She didn’t have a fever.
Maybe something happened to me….
Tom only told her that she fell down the stairs, but it could be something else. Maybe someone attacked her, and that’s how she injured her head. She held her arms tight and crouched on the ground. She felt scared. Maybe Tom lied about what really happened to protect her. Maybe this man in black strangled her with the belt and that’s really how she was injured.
Poor Tom.
She felt so sorry for her fiancé. He seemed like a good man and must be suffering because of her. She lost her memory, so she didn’t suffer from the incident now, but Tom must be in great pain. She breathed out deeply and stood up from the bed. She would see the doctor, and he would solve this problem. Whatever things happened previously, she would overcome them. She walked into the bathroom and washed her face in cold water.
I need to get stronger.
She should be and she would be for bo
th of them.
She got dressed and got into the car to go to the hospital. There was one guard in her car and three more in the car that followed behind hers. She clucked her tongue.
Too protective.
She, however, started to understand him now. Something terrible must have happened to her, and he became way more protective.
Which is understandable.
The car stopped, and she stepped out of the car and entered the hospital. After checking in, a nurse escorted her to take her vitals. Then, she moved to the doctor’s office. Dr. Dempsey told her she was recovering very fast, and so far, there was nothing to worry about.
“But, there is something I’m worried about,” she said.
“Yes? What is it?” he asked.
“I have nightmares.”
“Nightmares?”
“Yes.”
Dr. Dempsey began to write something down on his chart.
“Would you tell me briefly about nightmares?”
She was hesitant for a second but told him briefly about the man in black.
“There’s a man…he’s trying to kill me.”
“I see,” Dr. Dempsey answered casually.
“Is my brain bringing back a memory I lost?” she asked.
“We don’t know. It could be what you said or it could be psychological trauma from this incident. How often do you dream?”
“Almost everyday.”
“Everyday…Then…how about seeing a psychiatrist?”
“Psychiatrist?”
She thought about it for a second.
“Alright.”
* * *
“Psychiatrist?”, Tom said.
“Yes,” she answered.
“No need for that.”
“Why not? Maybe he can help.”
“You just got confused! That’s it!”
His reaction was not what she expected, so she felt weird. She narrowed her eyes.
“Don’t tell me it’s because of money!”
“Money? What money?” He laughed as if he heard something wrong. “Are you telling me I don’t want to spend money on you?”
“Otherwise why are you so against of this?”
“BECAUSE!” He shouted, but he didn’t say anything after that for several seconds.
“Because?” She said.
“Because, I know it won’t work. If they can really heal you from these nightmares, I will hire ten! NO, hundreds of them!”
“Then try!”
“No, Cathy!” he shouted.
She took a step back at that, and he came closer to her and hugged her.
“It won’t work. Trust me, baby. No one knows about nightmares more than me.” He looked at her eyes. “Like I told you, what is important is now. We should focus on now.”
I AM FOCUSING ON NOW!
She wanted to yell at him. What’s the freaking relationship between now and seeing a psychiatrist?
Unless something really happened and he doesn’t want me to remember.
That gave her goose bumps. She was stunned into silence for a while.
“Cathy? Are you alright?” Tom asked.
“I’m fine. Yeah, maybe it’s not a good idea to see a psychiatrist,” she said.
“It’s not,” he said with a smile.
She felt even more uncomfortable at that and was about to walk out of the room, but he dragged her arm and held her in an embrace again.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too,” she answered as usual.
“I love you more, Cathy. I love you much more than you love me, and there’s nothing I won’t do for you. I’ll do anything for you. Anything.”
Tom
“Thank you, Doctor,” he said.
He felt much more relieved after hanging up the phone. He had been very embarrassed the day before, and in the end, he had yelled at her. He felt guilty for what he did, but he didn’t have any other option. If she saw this psychiatrist and began to remember something, then it would be the end of their happy relationship, so he had called Dr. Dempsey and asked him not to recommend any psychiatrists to her.
It’s more for you, Cathy.
He did feel guilty, but he was doing what he had to do to protect her. If she remembered, it wouldn’t just be him who would be in pain. She would be in great pain, too.
And you will try to leave me.
He shook off to remove the thought from his head. He didn’t even want to imagine that she might leave him. Of course, he didn’t expect that this would last forever. Soon, she would remember everything, and he should face that cruel reality.
But not today.
At least not today, not this week, not this month. He wanted to be happy a bit longer. He had never been this happy since the day Liz left him. He even felt guilty for Liz these days. He didn’t have nightmares anymore, and sometimes didn’t think of Liz for days. He smiled faintly at that.
He had emerged from his nightmare; Catherine got into it instead. She woke up in the middle of the night and screamed or cried. She said a man in black came to kill her. She said this monster used a belt to strangle her. She also said she couldn’t see the face of this monster, so she didn’t know who it was. But he knew.
It’s me.
She was seeing him in her dreams. Every time she woke up from the nightmares, he hugged her tightly and told her that he would keep her safe from all these monsters; but that was very hard to do, because it meant he should protect her from himself.
Which is impossible.
He breathed out deeply and walked into the condo. He was expecting her to welcome him with her sweet smile, but she wasn’t there. He felt strange.
“Where is she?” he asked Susan.
Susan looked at the bedroom. Tom couldn’t help but wonder.
Why is she still sleeping?
He moved to the bedroom and opened the door with caution, so that he wouldn’t wake her up, but she wasn’t in the room. He felt a chill of fear.
Don’t tell me she ran away.
He totally panicked and was about to call out for the guards, but he heard a sound from the bathroom. He walked to the bathroom and opened the door. She was there! She was in the bathtub, taking a bath. She looked at him as he opened the door. He could see her half-naked body. He couldn’t take his eyes off her breasts.
God, I want to fuck her.
It’d been more than three months, and he still couldn’t make love to her. The doctor told them that it was fine to make love, but he asked them to be careful. He, however, wanted to wait longer for her to be perfectly recovered from the miscarriage.
But it’s been more than three months! Isn’t it okay now?
It should be okay now. Dr. Dempsey also said she was recovering fast.
“Do you want me to join you?” he asked, expecting a positive answer, but all she said was “No.”
What?
He opened his eyes bigger.
What the….
He wanted to ask her why, but she quickly stepped out of the bathtub and put on the bathrobe and slippers. He was just looking at her, waiting for her to talk, but she walked out of the bathroom. He could tell that she was obviously not in a good mood. He followed her to the bedroom quietly and watched her choosing her clothes.
“Would you stop watching me?” she said, her eyes still fixed on the clothes.
“I…I just have a feeling you’re not in a good mood,” he said.
“No, I’m not,” she answered right away.
He feels embarrassed again.
What is happening?
He had not seen her like this, so he didn’t know how to react.
“Why? What happened?” he asked.
“Let’s have dinner first.”
She entered the bathroom again and came out with the clothes on. Again, he just followed her to the dining table and sat beside her. She drank a sip of wine. He did the same thing. After the wine, she started to cut her steak, and he also did the same thing. He was
thinking of what to say, how to talk to her.
Is it my mom? Did she say something to her? Or is it Nate? Did Nate contact her today? But I didn’t get a report about that! Does she have another cell phone? How? She never left the condo today! Maybe she remembered something? Maybe she remembered what I did to her! NO! Please God, give me some more time!
“Who is Liz?” she asked.
He dropped the fork on the plate.
“What…?” he asked back.
“Who is Liz?”
“What do you mean?”
His voice shook, but he tried his best to suppress his fear.
Who told her that? Mother? Nate? Or grandmother?
He remembered how shocked his grandmother had been at her voice.
Going to punish whoever did this!
He clenched his fist.
“You look for Liz every night,” she demanded. “Who is this Liz? Your ex? Is she?”
Oh…that one….
He gave a sigh of relief. It was just like last time. Perhaps he called out Liz while he was asleep, and she heard it. He finally understood what was happening here. It was understandable that she was upset about that, but he didn’t know how to avoid it.
Should I tell her the truth?
No. She would think it was strange that he dreamed of his sister. Then, should he tell her that he didn’t know what she was talking about? Would she believe that?
“Tom. Answer me,” she asked firmly. “Who is Liz?”
“YOU!” he blurted.
“What?”
What? he asked himself.
“What do you mean? I’m not Liz. My name is Catherine!” she shouted.
“Yes, you are Catherine, but….”
But what?
“Your nickname! You like to be called Liz!” he said cheerfully.
Nice try, Thomas.
“Really?”
“Really!”
She frowned and stared at him for a while. He knew that she didn’t buy what he said, but he had no way out since he already said it to her.
“Alright…Liz…hmm….”
She drank another sip of wine.
“Well…I do like long names like Elizabeth or Beatrice, but….”
She looked at his eyes straight.
“Don’t call me Liz, Tom. I prefer that you call me Catherine.”
So do I.
“Sure. Won’t call you Liz anymore, Catherine.”