“He’s fine. He and I live in town now with my uncle. We’ve got a place over the post office. You’ll have to come and see him there.”
“You left your mother?”
“You bet I did.”
“Joe, tell me. Why did you move out of your mother’s place?”
“Because she’s a troublemaker. I’m just sick, Mrs. Krueger, Jenny, about the things she said to you. I told her if you say you didn’t see that fellow Kevin that night, it’s because it was necessary for you to say it. I told her you been so good to me, I’d a lost my job when Baron got away ’cept for you. If Maw’d minded her business, you wouldn’t a had all that awful talk round here. That ain’t the first time a car went off that road down the riverbank. People woulda said ‘That’s a shame’ and somebody woulda said we need a better sign. Instead everybody in this county is snickering about you and Mr. Krueger and saying shows what happens when you get your head turned by a gold digger from New York.”
“Joe, please.” Jenny put her hand on his arm. “I’ve caused enough trouble here. Your mother must be upset. Joe, please move back home.”
“No way. And, Mrs. Krueger, if you want a ride anywhere or if the girls want to see Randy, I’ll be happy to bring you on my own time. You just say the word.”
“Sshh, Joe, that kind of talk doesn’t help.” She gestured toward the open doors. “Please, someone might hear you.”
“I don’t care who hears me.” The anger died from his face. “Jenny, I’d do anything to help you.”
“Mommy, let’s go now.” Beth pulled at her. But what was it Joe had said that was nagging at her?
She remembered. “Joe, whatever you said to your mother about it being necessary for me to say I wasn’t in the car? Joe, why did you put it that way?”
His face flamed red. Awkwardly he thrust his hands in his pocket, half-turned from her. When he spoke, his voice was a near-whisper. “Jenny, you don’t have to pretend with me. I was there. I was worried that maybe I hadn’t locked Baron’s stall door tight. I was just cutting across the orchard when I saw Rooney. She was almost at the big house. I stopped ’cause I didn’t want to get stuck talking to her. Then the car pulled up, that white Buick, and the front door opened and you ran out of the house. I saw you get in the car, Jenny, but I swear to God I’ll never tell anyone. I . . . I love you, Jenny.” Tentatively he took his hand from his pocket and closed it over her arm.
24
Erich came in just as the sun began to send slanting rays across the fields. Jenny had decided that no matter what, it was time to tell him about the baby.
He made it unexpectedly easy. He had brought canvases from the cabin, the ones he was planning to exhibit in San Francisco.
“What do you think of them?” he asked her. There was nothing in his voice or manner to suggest that the exchange with Sheriff Gunderson had taken place this morning.
“They’re wonderful, Erich.” Shall I tell him what Joe said? Should I wait? When I go to a doctor, maybe I can find out if amnesia spells can happen to pregnant women.
Erich was looking at her curiously.
“Do you want to come to San Francisco with me, Jenny?”
“Let’s talk about it later.”
He put his arms around her. “Don’t be afraid, darling. I’ll take care of you. Today when Gunderson was badgering you I realized that no matter what happened that night, you’re my whole life. I need you.”
“Erich, I’m so confused.”
“Why is that, darling?”
“Erich, I don’t remember going out with Kevin but Rooney wouldn’t lie.”
“Don’t worry. She’s not a reliable witness. It’s a good thing. Gunderson told me that he’d reopen the inquest in a shot if she were.”
“You mean if someone else came forward and claimed to have seen me get in that car, they’d reopen the inquest and maybe charge me with a crime?”
“There’s no need to talk about it. There’s no other witness.”
Oh, yes, there is, Jenny thought. Could anyone have overheard Joe today? His voice was loud. Joe’s mother was starting to worry that Joe, like his uncle, had a tendency to drink. Suppose sometime in a bar he confided that he’d seen her get in the car with Kevin?
“Could I have forgotten that I went out?” she asked Erich.
He put his arms around her. His hands stroked her hair. “It would have been a shocking experience. Your coat was off. He had the key in his hand when he was found. Maybe, as I suggested to you, Kevin made a pass at you, grabbed the key. Maybe you resisted him. The car started to roll. You got out before it went over the bank.”
“I don’t know,” Jenny said. “I can’t believe it.”
Later when it was time to go upstairs, Erich said, “Wear the aqua gown, darling.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t? Why not?”
“It’s too small for me. I’m going to have a baby.”
Kevin had responded with dismay the first time she told him she thought she was pregnant. “Hell, Jen, we can’t afford it. Get rid of it.”
Now Erich shouted with joy. “My darling! Oh, Jen, that’s the reason you’ve been looking so ill. Oh, my sweet. Will it be a boy?”
“I’m sure it is.” Jenny laughed, savoring the momentary release from anxiety. He’s already given me a harder time in three months than both girls did in nine.”
“We’ll have to get you right to a good doctor. My son. Do you mind if we call him Erich? It’s the family tradition.”
“I want it that way.”
With her wrapped in his arms on the couch, all the mistrust between them was forgotten. “Jen, we’ve had a rotten break. We’ll put all this misery behind us. We’ll have a big party when I come back from San Francisco. You shouldn’t travel now, should you, not if you haven’t been feeling well? We’ll face this community down. We’ll be a real family. The adoption will be complete by the summer. I’m sorry for MacPartland, but at least he’s not a threat anymore. Oh, Jen. . . .”
Not a threat, Jenny thought. Should she tell Erich about Joe? No, this was the baby’s night.
Finally they went upstairs. Erich was already in bed when she came out of the bathroom. “I’ve missed sleeping with you, Jen,” he said. “I’ve been so lonely.”
“I’ve been so lonely too.” The intense physical relationship between them, heightened and fired by separation, helped her forget the weeks of suffering. “I love you, Jenny. I love you so.”
“Erich, I thought I’d go crazy, feeling so estranged from you. . . .”
“I know.”
“Jen?”
“Yes, darling.”
“I’m anxious to see whom the baby looks like.”
“Mmm, I hope like you. . . . Just like you.”
“How much I hope that too.” His breathing became even.
She began to drift off to sleep, then felt that she’d been slapped with ice water. Oh, God, Erich couldn’t doubt that he was the baby’s father, could he? Of course not. It was just that her nerves were so shot. Everything upset her. But it was the way he’d put it . . .
In the morning, he said, “I heard you crying in your sleep last night, darling.”
“I wasn’t aware of it.”
“I love you, Jenny.”
“Love is trust, Erich. Please, darling, remember love and trust go hand in hand.”
Three days later he took her to an obstetrician in Granite Place. When she met Dr. Elmendorf she liked him instantly. He was anywhere between fifty and sixty-five, small and bald with knowing eyes.
“You’ve been spotting, Mrs. Krueger?”
“Yes, but that happened both times before and I was fine.”
“Did you lose so much weight at the beginning of your first two pregnancies?”
“No.”
“Were you always anemic?”
“No.”
“Were there any complications about your own birth?”
“I don’t know. I was adopted. My
grandmother never mentioned anything. I was born in New York City. That’s about all I know of my background.”
“I see. We’ve got to build you up. I’m aware you’ve been under a great strain.”
What a delicate way of putting it, Jenny thought.
“I’ll want to start you on vitamins. Also no lifting, no pushing or hauling. Get a great deal of rest.”
Erich was sitting beside her. He reached for her hand and stroked it. “I’ll take good care of her, Doctor.”
The eyes rested on Erich speculatively. “I think it would be well if you abstain from marital relations for the next month at least and possibly through the pregnancy if the spotting continues. Will that be too much of a problem?”
“Nothing is too much of a problem if it means that Jenny will have a healthy child.”
The doctor nodded approvingly.
But it is a problem, Jenny thought, dismayed. You see, Doctor, our marital relations give us the one area where we are simply two people who love and want each other and we manage to close the door on jealousy and suspicion and outside pressures.
25
The late spring was warm with afternoon showers and the rich abundant land became thick and green. The tough, heady alfalfa plants, now decorated with blue blossoms, were ready for the first cutting of the season.
Cattle strayed far away from the polebarns, happy with the grazing in the sloping fields that led to the riverbank. Tree branches rustled against each other, dressed in the leaves that made a solid green wall of the edge of the woods. Deer sometimes ran through that wall, paused, listened, then escaped back into the protective arms of the trees.
Even the house brightened with the fair weather. Rigid as they were, the heavy curtains could not withstand the delicate breezes that brought the scent of irises and violets and sunflowers and roses indoors.
For Jenny the change was welcome. The warmth of the spring sun seemed to penetrate the constant chill of her body. The scent of flowers in the house almost overcame the pervasive hint of pine. In the mornings she would get out of bed, open the windows and lie back against the pillows, enjoying the fresh, delicate breeze.
The pills for morning sickness weren’t helping. Every morning she was racked by nausea. Erich insisted she stay in bed. He brought her tea and saltines, and after a while the feeling would subside.
He stayed in the house every night now. “I don’t want you to be alone, darling, and I’m all ready for the San Francisco exhibit.” He was leaving on the twenty-third of May. “By then Dr. Elmendorf said you’ll probably be feeling a lot better.”
“I hope so. Are you sure you’re not interrupting your painting?”
“Very sure. It’s good to spend more time with the girls. And face it, Jen. Between Clyde on the farm and the manager at the limeworks and Emily’s father at the bank, I can manage my time my way.”
Now it was Erich who took the girls to the stable during the mornings and led them on their ponies. Rooney came over regularly. The sweater Jenny was knitting was going well and she was already starting Jenny on a patchwork quilt.
Jenny was still helpless to explain how her coat got in Kevin’s car. Suppose Kevin did come down, and tried that door on the west porch? It could have been unlocked. Suppose he came in? The closet door was right there. He might have panicked. After all, he didn’t know whether or not a housekeeper slept in. Perhaps he took her coat, planning to insinuate that he’d seen her, started driving away, took the wrong turn, put his hand in the pocket in the hope of finding money, pulled out the key and with that the car went off the bank.
It still didn’t explain the phone call.
After their nap the girls loved to roam in the fields. Jenny sat on the west porch watching them as her fingers knitted the rows of wool or made patchwork squares. Rooney had dug up material from the attic, leftover goods that had been used for dresses long ago, a bag of scraps, a bolt of dark blue cotton. “John bought that blue material for me to make curtains for the back bedroom when he took it over. I warned him they’d be too dark. He hated to admit it but he had me take them down after a couple of months. Then I made the ones that are there now.”
Somehow Jenny could not bring herself to sit in Caroline’s swing. Instead she chose a wicker chair, high-backed with comfortable cushions. Nevertheless Caroline had sat on this porch, sewing, watching her child play in these fields.
She no longer felt the lack of company. Now she always refused Erich’s suggestions of dinner at one of the local restaurants. “Not yet, Erich. I don’t even like the smell of food.”
He began taking the children with him when he went out on errands. They came back chatting about the people they’d met, the places where they’d stopped to visit and stayed for cookies and milk.
Now Erich always slept in the back bedroom. “Jen, it’s easier this way. I can stay away from you if I’m not too near you but I can’t lie beside you night after night and not have my hands on you. Besides you’re a restless sleeper. You’ll probably sleep better alone.”
She should be grateful but she wasn’t. The nightmares happened regularly; over and over again she’d had that sensation of touching flesh, a face in the dark, of feeling long hair against her cheek. She didn’t dare tell him that. He’d surely think she was mad.
The day before he was to leave for San Francisco, he suggested she go to the stable with him. The morning nausea hadn’t occurred for two days.
“I’d rather you be there when the girls ride. I’m getting pretty unhappy with Joe.”
A quick thrill of worry. “Why?”
“I’ve heard rumors he’s boozing it up every night with his uncle. Josh Brothers is exactly the wrong influence on Joe at this stage. Anyhow if you think he seems hung over, I don’t want the girls out with him. I may have to get rid of him.”
Mark was in the stable. His normally calm voice was raised and icy. “Don’t you know how dangerous it is to leave rat poison five feet from the oat supply? Suppose some of it got mixed in with the feed? Those horses would go crazy. What the hell is the matter with you lately, Joe? Let me tell you, if this happens again, I’ll recommend that Erich fire you. Those children ride the ponies every day. Erich’s horse is hard enough to handle even for an experienced rider like him. Give Baron a taste of the strychnine in that stuff and he’d trample anyone who came near him.”
Erich dropped Jenny’s arm. “What’s all this about?”
A red-faced Joe who seemed on the verge of tears admitted, “I was going to put the poison in the traps. I pulled the box in here when it started to rain and I forgot it.”
“You’re fired,” Erich said evenly.
Joe looked at Jenny. Was there something significant in his expression or simple pleading? She wasn’t sure.
She stepped forward, took Erich’s hand. “Please, Erich. Joe’s been wonderful with the children. He’s so patient teaching them to ride. They’d miss him terribly.”
Erich studied her face. “If it means that much to you,” he said shortly, then turned back to Joe. “Any mistake, Joe, any mistake, a stall door open, a dog running around my property, this sort of thing . . .” He glanced contemptuously at the box of rat poison. “That’s it. Got it?”
“Yes, sir,” Joe whispered. “Thank you, sir. Thank you, Mrs. Krueger.”
“And make sure it’s Mrs. Krueger,” Erich snapped. “Jenny, I don’t want the girls riding till I come back. Is that clear?”
“Yes.” She agreed with him. Joe looked ill. There was a bruise on his forehead.
Mark left the stable with them. “You’ve got a new calf in the dairy barn, Erich. That’s why I’m here. Keep an eye on Joe. He was in another fight last night.”
“What the hell is he fighting about?” Erich asked irritably.
Mark’s face closed. “Give people not used to liquor a couple of boilermakers and you don’t need much excuse.”
“Come back to lunch with us,” Erich suggested. “We haven’t seen much of you.”
>
“Please come,” Jenny murmured.
They walked up to the house together.
“You two go on in,” Erich suggested. “Mark, pour us a sherry, will you? I want to pick up the mail at the office.”
“Sure thing.”
He waited until Erich was out of earshot then said quickly, “Two things, Jenny. I heard the good news about the baby. Congratulations. How do you feel?”
“Much better now.”
“Jenny, I have to warn you. It was very good of you to save Joe’s job for him but it’s a mistaken kindness. The reason he’s getting into fights is that he’s too open about his feelings for you. He worships you and the guys who hang around the bars at night are teasing him about it. Joe would be better off far away from this farm.”
“And from me?”
“Bluntly, yes.”
26
When Erich was leaving for San Francisco he decided to drive the Cadillac to the airport and leave it there. “Unless you particularly want to use it, darling?”
Was there an edge to the question? The last time he’d been away she’d used the car to meet Kevin. “I don’t want it,” she said quietly. “Elsa can pick up anything I need.”
“You have your vitamins.”
“Plenty of them.”
“If you don’t feel well, Clyde will drive you to the doctor.” They were at the door. “Girls,” Erich called, “come give Daddy a kiss.”
They ran to him. “Bring me a present,” Beth begged.
“Me too,” Tina chimed in.
“Oh, Erich, before you go, tell the girls that you don’t want them on the ponies until you get back.”
“Daddy!” There were two wails of protest.
“Oh, I don’t know. Joe came to apologize to me. Says he knows he’s been off-base. He’s even going to move back in with his mother. I think it’s all right to let him take the girls out. You just be sure to be with them every minute, Jen.”
“I’d rather not,” she said evenly.
A Cry in the Night Page 17