The door opened and Des stood there in front of her. Suddenly she felt like she was twelve again; helpless and innocent after a day of being bullied at school and needing a hug and kind word from a loving parent. She almost burst into tears.
‘Hi Dad,’ she said, struggling to compose herself.
‘Em, what a wonderful surprise,’ Des Oliphant said, drawing her into a warm, welcoming embrace.
Emily breathed in his scents – Imperial Leather soap, Old Spice aftershave, and wool with just the slightest hint of eucalyptus clinging to it – before pulling away. If she stayed like that too long, she might crumble.
‘Enid, Em’s here,’ Des called as he led his daughter into the open-plan kitchen–dining area.
‘We weren’t expecting you, were we?’ Enid said, looking up from the sink. Her mother had pink rubber gloves on and was scrubbing the stainless steel with white cream cleanser.
‘No, I was just in town and thought I’d pop by for a quick visit,’ she said.
‘Oh,’ Enid said. Her hands stilled but remained in the sink. ‘What are you doing in Hope Springs that you can’t do in Wattle Creek?’ she enquired, eyeing Emily.
‘Just this and that.’
‘Like what?’ Enid persisted.
She racked her brain for a plausible excuse. Seeing the doctor wouldn’t cut the mustard because she didn’t look sick – no sniffling nose, croaky voice, or other symptom.
She looked down at her hands for inspiration and spied her diamond blinking up at her.
‘Isn’t it enough that she’s dropped in, Enid?’ Des said. ‘Well, I’m pleased to see you, pet,’ he added, looking pointedly at Enid and draping a protective arm around his daughter.
Enid let out a quiet harrumph and resumed her scrubbing in the sink.
‘I thought you might like to see my engagement ring,’ Emily said, putting her left hand out and wiggling her fingers.
‘Ooh, yes please,’ Des said, grasping her hand mid wiggle. ‘Oh what a beauty! It’s lovely. Look Enid.’
Enid made a show of leaning across, still with gloved hands in the sink, and trying not to be impressed. But Emily noticed her eyebrows lift and her eyes grow just that bit wider. ‘Yes, lovely,’ she said primly, and then turned on the tap.
‘Right, well, who’s for a cuppa?’ Des asked.
‘Do you have anything herbal, like peppermint, or something?’ Emily asked.
‘But you always have regular tea, coffee, or Milo,’ Enid said, looking at her suspiciously.
Emily was half expecting her to add, ‘What, too good for your usual now you’re sporting a large diamond, eh?’
‘Come on, Enid, give the girl a break. She wants something different. It’s a free country. Now let me check. I do vaguely remember seeing some peppermint in there. It came as part of a Christmas hamper from the Greens last year,’ Des said, and made his way across the kitchen.
Emily stood at the end of the bench while her mother continued to give the stainless steel sink all her attention. At her hip was her handbag, where the pregnancy test kit was practically burning a hole through the leather. As the silence went on, punctuated only by the sound of her father fossicking in the large pantry cupboard, Emily grew more and more restless.
‘Ah, found it,’ Des said, and reappeared clutching a small cellophane packet with tightly packed green envelopes inside it. ‘Will this do the trick?’
‘Perfect, thanks Dad,’ she said, offering him a warm smile. Well, that was what she was going for. It might have come out more as a grimace.
‘Excuse me, Enid,’ Des said, as he held the kettle near the sink and swivelled the spout of the tap around to fill it. Enid reluctantly stepped aside and he turned on the water.
‘Do you mind if I just use the loo?’ Emily said.
‘Of course not, pet. You don’t need to ask. Go right ahead,’ Des said. ‘Are sure you’re you okay? You look a little green around the gills.’
‘I’m fine,’ Emily said. She rushed past her mother, who was now using the dishcloth to wipe away imaginary drips from the bench top. She shut the toilet door behind her and sat down while letting out a huge breath.
Why does it have to be so hard?
Was Enid still angry with her about not wanting a wedding? Well, she’d have to damn well get over it, because Emily was not giving in. Not this time. Anyway, would Enid still want to parade her daughter around if she was sporting a prominent baby bump? The thought of her quickly backpedalling from organising the wedding almost made Emily giggle.
With shaking hands she drew the long box out of her handbag. She read the instructions, pulled out one of the two foil sealed packets and opened it. Holding the test stick, she reread the instructions and tried to commit to memory if one line or two pink lines meant she was pregnant. But her brain was failing her.
She undid her jeans, pulled everything down, and tried to position herself over the white stick just inside the toilet bowl. Please don’t get pee everywhere, she begged, as she tried to let out just a small amount.
Ew, yuck. Gross! Rather than just a nice little targeted dribble on the stick, she’d managed to wee all over her hand. A few wayward drops fell on the seat as she brought it up to eye level. Apparently she had to wait five minutes for the reading. How was she going to get away with being in here for that long without another inquisition?
‘Are you all right in there?’
Emily cringed at hearing her mother’s voice. She rolled her eyes. She’s like a bloody heat-seeking missile!
‘Yes, fine, coming,’ she called back, looking around desperately. She yanked a few tissues from the floral plastic-covered tissue box matching the soap dispenser and toilet brush holder and quickly wrapped the stick in them. As if it could it get any grosser, she thought, holding the wad with the tips of her fingers. With her nose turned up in distaste, she pushed it into her handbag along with the remaining stick in the box and did up the zip. She carefully wiped the seat, rearranged her clothing, flushed the loo, and washed her hands. Drying her hands on the coordinating hand towel, she composed herself in the mirror.
Emily opened the door to find her mother standing on the threshold, and got such a fright she leapt back slightly and almost dropped her handbag.
‘God, Mum,’ she said, bringing a hand to her chest. ‘All yours,’ she said brightly, and quickly made her way back to the kitchen where a steaming mug of peppermint tea awaited her on a coaster on the table.
‘Everything all right, pet?’ Des asked, looking up from his own mug.
‘Yes, thanks, fine.’
‘It really is the most beautiful engagement ring,’ he said, nodding at Emily’s hand. ‘Congratulations again. He’s very lucky to have you.’
‘Thanks, Dad. I think I’m pretty lucky too. I can’t believe he actually asked you.’
‘Shows a lot of respect, in my book. I did feel bad about keeping it from your mother – and I’m not entirely off the hook yet – but I couldn’t have her… Well, she can be so…’ He gave up with a shake of his head and picked up his mug.
‘I know,’ Emily said, following suit.
As she sipped her tea, Emily couldn’t decide if she was hoping the little white stick would turn out to be positive or negative. She wasn’t afraid of what Jake would say if she was pregnant. He definitely wanted kids. And they were engaged, so it wasn’t as if they weren’t committed. But she did feel very jittery about the reality of being pregnant – all the awful medical things she’d heard about. And, oh God, if Barbara lost her baby after such a battle only to find Emily had accidentally got pregnant and all was well…
‘You haven’t been overdoing it, have you?’ Des quizzed her again. ‘You’re looking awfully pale.’
‘Just a little washed out. You’re probably right – just been doing too much.’
‘I’m not surprised. You had a lot of work taking care of all those men. And the project certainly has come along quickly.’
‘It has. We’re already start
ing to put the guest list together for the opening party. Oh, and Jake’s sister Simone has agreed to be my first artist,’ Emily said proudly.
‘I didn’t know Simone was an artist,’ Enid said, returning to the room with her handbag. ‘Not that I know anything about her,’ she added.
Emily ignored the pointed comment. ‘Well, she dabbles. Mainly in acrylic at the moment. She’s got some gorgeous large, bold floral pieces in her home, but this will be her first ever exhibition.’
‘Sounds very modern. I’m not sure I like the sound of them. And do you think that’s wise, Emily, if she’s completely unknown?’ Enid said.
‘She’s very talented, just chose a different career path. All the famous artists had to start somewhere, Mum. And I like the idea of helping her.’
‘How wonderful that you can give her the opportunity to shine in public. I look forward to seeing her work,’ Des said enthusiastically.
‘Thanks Dad.’
‘Well, it sounds like an awfully big risk to me. I hope you know what you’re doing,’ Enid warned. Emily tried hard to not roll her eyes.
‘Oh, I forgot the biscuits,’ Des added, getting up.
‘No, don’t bother. I’d better get going anyway,’ Emily said. She drained her mug and stood up. ‘Jake started up at David’s today.’ Emily had no idea how this was meant to explain her need to get going. It had just slipped out. She couldn’t exactly say that she needed to rush off to check if she was pregnant or not. ‘Thanks for the cuppa,’ she said, putting her mug in the sink.
‘I have to head off to a Lions Ladies meeting,’ Enid announced, and offered Des and then Emily air kisses from about six inches away.
Des walked Emily to the front door while Enid made her way to the door off the kitchen into the garage.
‘Bye Dad,’ she said into her father’s neck as he hugged her goodbye. She waved to her mother backing out of the driveway as she got into her car and then waved again to Des, who was still standing on the front step as she pulled away from the kerb.
Emily considered stopping in the next street to check the little white stick, but the last thing she needed was Enid or one of their neighbours pulling up alongside her and asking what she was doing. She couldn’t exactly claim she was looking at a map for directions.
As she drove back to the farm, she thought about going straight out to David and Barbara’s to see Jake and have them see the result together. But she didn’t want to distract him from his work for their dear friends in their time of need.
And, anyway, did the result stay on the little stick indefinitely or go away after a while? The last thing she needed was to have to squat in the middle of the paddock to use the second tester. No, she’d find out for sure and tell Jake later.
Back in her own kitchen, Emily dumped her bag on the table, unzipped it, pulled out the wad of tissues and unwrapped it. She stared at the two pink lines, trying to remember what that meant. She reached into her bag for the box, struggled, and then gave it a good tug. It flew from her hands and fell on the floor. She bent down to pick it up and then banged her head on the underside of the table as she stood back up. She almost laughed. The universe clearly didn’t want her to know the result.
Finally she calmed down, sat back on the chair, and compared the picture on the box to the plastic tester. She looked from the box to the tester a few times to make sure, and then stared at the stick.
Two pink lines. She was pregnant.
Emily wasn’t sure how she felt, other than numb. At least the nausea seemed to have gone away in all the excitement. Uh-oh, spoke too soon. She put a hand to her mouth and bolted to the toilet. This time she actually threw up.
She flushed the loo and washed her face in the bathroom next door. As she did, she stared at herself in the mirror. What was she expecting to see? That she looked completely different as a result of what she’d just learned? Probably. She laughed at her ridiculousness. Sure, one pee on a little white plastic strip had totally changed her life. But she didn’t actually look any different than she had five minutes ago. She was almost disappointed. Where was the radiant glow? She went back to the kitchen and put the kettle on, as much for something to do as wanting to actually consume anything. As the machine hissed into life, she thought about the magnitude of what she had just learnt.
Was she ready to be a mother? At the barbeque back in February, she’d held Steve and Grant’s babies and just felt paranoid about dropping them. She’d felt nothing remotely like maternal stirrings inside her. So, no, she probably wasn’t ready. But who is? Did she want a child? Maybe. Though the timing wasn’t exactly perfect. In a few months she was opening a gallery and would be run off her feet keeping track of a new business. The timing is never perfect.
‘You’d better be a quiet one, or else Mummy won’t cope,’ she told her stomach. ‘Lots of sleeping, little one.’
She thought of her own mother, wondered how Enid had felt when she had learnt about her pregnancy with Emily. But of course that was different. She had been married. She’ll have a fit at me getting pregnant out of wedlock. Would Enid be the cold, children-should-be-seen-and-not-heard style of grandmother, or would she surprise them all and be the warm, doting mother figure Emily had never had? Like Gran.
‘Oh, Gran, I wish you were here,’ she said, looking up towards the ceiling.
What sort of mother will I be? What sort of parents will we be?
She suddenly had the overwhelming urge to tell Jake.
Chapter Thirty-one
Emily drove through Barbara and David’s yard, past the house and the shearing shed and on down to where she saw her bright shiny blue ute parked near some equipment a couple of hundred metres ahead in a small paddock of old silvered stubble. The place was eerily quiet, like a ghost town. She reached over and patted Grace beside her for comfort.
For about the hundredth time that day she crossed her fingers and hoped all would be well. The wait for news from Adelaide was excruciating. She could only imagine how Barbara and David must be feeling while they waited on test results and doctors’ opinions.
She made her way slowly, not much more than walking pace, letting the car roll down the slight decline, following the smooth, worn earth track cut deep from sheep and vehicle movement over the years. Jake’s green tractor was creeping its way along the far side of the next paddock. It must be a big paddock; he was only on his first lap. She didn’t want to sit for too long pondering and worrying about Barbara and David, and how Jake might react to her news. But she had no choice. She’d have to hope he’d see her car and pull up. She didn’t want to phone and disturb him – especially when he was on his first lap and needed to get the far edge of the wide machine as close as possible to the fence without hitting it. She wouldn’t have minded letting sleeping dogs lie – another favourite saying of Gran’s – but that wasn’t an option either.
The rational part of her knew he’d be fine – he’d said he wanted kids one day – but fear and insecurities still burbled away deep within her. People often said things they didn’t mean, or changed their minds when put on the spot. Hell, no one could really say how they’d feel about something as life changing as this until it actually happened.
She was terrified. Not just of Jake’s reaction, but the whole thing. The nine months – or however long there was left – of changes to her body, then the trauma at the end. And then the next thirty years raising a child and doing your best to ensure they turned out to be a well-adjusted, fully functioning contributor to society. And happy. She wouldn’t care what direction the kid wanted to go in as long as he or she was happy. She would make sure they knew that that was what mattered.
God, what if there was something physically or mentally wrong with him or her? The fear flared up in her again and she struggled for breath. Would she have one of those tests to see if there was anything wrong before the birth? Would she ever have the nerve to terminate?
Oh, God, there’s so much to think about.
She c
ame to a halt beside the ute, a little way away from where she knew the tractor would need to get access to the truck to fill up. She put the handbrake on and turned off the key. Her heart was racing. At least she had Jake to share the load with. Hopefully he would be happy about it.
Of course he’d be happy about it. They were committed, engaged, for goodness sake. It wasn’t as if they’d had a one-night stand. And he definitely wanted kids. She knew that. So what was her problem? Was this irrationality down to hormones? Perhaps all the worrying about Barbara and David was affecting her.
Emily leant back against the headrest, closed her eyes, and focussed on breathing slowly and deeply, and enjoying the warmth of the sun through the window. It will all work itself out for the best, she told herself, and repeated the words over and over in her head.
Finally the throaty tone of the tractor’s huge diesel engine became much closer and she opened her eyes. She watched Jake making his way along the fence line to her left. At last he was level with the gateway and lining up to start his second lap. The roar turned into a burble as he put the tractor into neutral and left it idling.
Emily watched as the door on the far side opened, Jake’s figure disappeared from the cab, and the door closed again. She got out and began walking in his direction. And then he appeared, in practically a run, new Akubra in hand and the bottom of his oilskin jacket flowing out behind him. She stopped in her tracks as she watched possibly the most handsome man she’d ever set eyes on – her man, the father of her child – coming towards her. Her heart flip-flopped and her emotions surged. Grace bounded off to greet him, the white tip of her tail bouncing up and down above her.
Jake patted Grace, and then moved on and swept Emily off her feet and into his arms, taking her so by surprise that she let out a little gasp.
‘I’m so glad to see you,’ he said, spinning her around. ‘What a lovely surprise. I wasn’t expecting a visit.’ Then he set her down and scrutinised her features. ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, touching her face gently with the tips of his fingers. ‘Did you go and see a doctor?’
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