‘Thankfully they have your friendship.’
‘I feel a bit helpless, to be honest.’
‘I’m sure just knowing you’re able to be called upon is a huge comfort.’
‘Thora, I’m really sorry I haven’t been in touch properly since…’
‘Oh, Emily, I didn’t say that to make you feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. We’re fine. I’ve thrown myself into CWA, The Rose Club, and a few other bits and pieces. Gerald is still pottering about the farm and talking about selling up. You’ve been busy too. We drove past the other week and saw the big building project. Didn’t we, Gerald?’ she said, as he entered the room carrying a tray.
‘Sorry?’
‘I was just saying we saw Emily’s house being built.’
‘Oh, yes, marvellous.’
‘You should have stopped in.’
‘We didn’t want to disturb you.’
‘I would have loved to see you. Promise me you will stop in, next time? It’s an open invitation.’ Emily took a sip of tea. ‘Speaking of invitations. It’s going to be an art gallery – the building, that is. I’d like you both to come to the opening. It’s June twenty-fifth, from seven o’clock. You’ll get an invitation when they’re sent out.’
‘Oh, how lovely. I’m so pleased you’re building a future down there. It would’ve been quite difficult returning to somewhere you weren’t entirely happy.’
‘There’s something you should know, so you don’t hear from someone else. It’s all happened rather fast,’ Emily said, colouring. She picked up her mug to hide it, and took another sip.
‘You’ve met a new man,’ Gerald said.
‘Er, yes,’ she said, only just managing not to spit out her tea in surprise.
‘And he’s quite lovely, and very dishy, by all accounts,’ Thora said, raising her eyebrows and grinning a little cheekily.
‘I should have… I’m so sorry you…’ Emily said, blushing furiously. She still found it mind-boggling that they had apparently not known that she and John had split up, despite their separation being the talk of the town for a couple of weeks.
‘Nonsense. You owe us nothing, Emily. We’re very pleased to see you getting on with your life and being happy, especially after what John put you through. Aren’t we, Gerald?’
‘We most certainly are,’ Gerald said.
‘I really appreciate you being so understanding. It must be hard for you, too, to hear.’
‘Don’t worry about us. We’re all grown-ups. Have some cake.’
‘Thank you,’ Emily said, taking a slice from the offered plate.
‘So, tell us about this young fellow,’ Gerald said.
‘Jake is his name. He’s an architect and builder from Melbourne. He specialises in sympathetic renovations – merging the old with the new. It was his idea to rebuild the cottage. He’s hoping there might be demand for his work locally. The building is going to be a gallery, and it’s also going to double as a display home, advertisement.’
‘Sounds like a very good idea. I’m sure people will welcome him with open arms.’
‘Ah, and I see you’re engaged,’ Thora said, reaching for Emily’s hand. ‘How exciting! May I see the ring?’
Emily was a little startled. She had no idea she’d been fiddling with her ring, but now she realised she had. Why didn’t I take that off and put it in my pocket?
‘Yes, of course. It’s all happened rather fast,’ she said, embarrassed, holding her hand out for inspection.
‘Ooh, it’s just gorgeous. Love doesn’t run to schedules, dear, so don’t you worry about how it will look. What’s important is that you’re happy. And you are, you’re practically glowing. Being engaged really suits you.’
Emily looked down and fiddled with the handle of her mug, shifted in her seat. ‘Um…’
‘Except, it’s not just being engaged, is it?’
She let out a little sigh and shook her head slowly.
‘You are, aren’t you? Pregnant, that is?’ Thora’s eyes were wide.
‘Yes. But please don’t tell anyone – it’s too soon.’
‘I knew it!’ Thora said, clapping her hands. ‘I wondered that the moment you walked in the door. I have a nose for these things, you see. Oh, that’s wonderful news. And my lips are sealed.’
‘Hearty congratulations – on both counts,’ Gerald said.
Emily nodded. ‘Thank you.’
‘It is wonderful news, isn’t it?’ Thora said, peering at her.
‘Yes.’ She hesitated.
‘But? Is something wrong with you, the baby?’
‘No. We’re both fine, as far as I know. But, to be totally honest, I’m terrified.’
‘Of what?’
‘Excuse me, but I think that’s my cue to leave,’ Gerald said, standing up.
‘Oh, please don’t feel…’ Emily started.
‘I’ll see you again soon. Visit any time.’
Emily got up to hug him and watched as he kissed his wife on the forehead and left the room.
‘Don’t mind him. He’s just old-fashioned – baby discussions are the domain of women. Now, you were about to tell me what you’re frightened about.’
‘Everything, really,’ she said, shrugging helplessly, tears filling her eyes.
‘You can’t let yourself worry about what happened to Barbara and David Burton happening to you.’
‘I know. I’m trying not to think about it.’
‘That’s not all that’s bothering you, is it?’
‘No. I’m not unhappy about being pregnant, but I just don’t feel…’
‘Gushy, maternal?’
She nodded.
‘I have no doubt you’ll be a wonderful mother. Motherhood comes in all shapes and sizes, Emily. I felt gushy from the moment I found out, but I know plenty of women who didn’t feel much other than sick, worried, and frightened until they saw the baby, and some who didn’t ever feel the warm rush of gooey love. Oh, they loved their children, all right, don’t get me wrong, but they just didn’t goo and gah. Nothing wrong with that. Perhaps you’re worrying too much about what you’re not feeling. Maybe you’ve been keeping yourself too busy. But you can’t run away from your feelings forever, Emily. Trust me, I know. How far along are you?’
‘I’m not sure yet. Probably only a few weeks or a month. It wasn’t actually planned.’
‘Probably best that it wasn’t, dear. I’d say someone or something has taken that decision out of your hands, wouldn’t you?’
Emily wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Thora sounded so like Gran.
‘Jake is happy about it all, isn’t he?’
‘Oh yes. He’d probably be stocking up on onesies already if I let him.’
‘And he’s kind and supportive of you?’
‘He’s wonderful. I really am so lucky to have found him.’ Emily stopped herself abruptly.
‘Well, then, you have nothing to worry about. Together you’ll get the job done just fine. And how is Enid coping with all this?’ Thora asked in a concerned tone.
Emily really nearly did laugh this time. Oh, you know her so well.
‘She doesn’t know yet. We’re trying to stretch out the shocks. We’ve only just got engaged. I haven’t even got around to putting an ad in the paper yet.’
‘And perhaps putting it off?’
‘Yes. Guilty as charged.’
‘I know your mum can be a little standoffish and, well, holier-than-thou, but I haven’t yet met a woman who isn’t thrilled with the idea of being a grandmother. Although, I have to concede, there is a first time for everything.’
They exchanged a wan, conspiratorial smile before sipping their drinks.
‘But on a serious note, Emily, if you ever need a de facto set of grandparents or extra babysitters, I hope you’ll think of us. As you know, John was our only child, so we…’
Noticing tears in Thora’s eyes, Emily reached out and put her hand over the older lady’s. ‘Thor
a, I’d be honoured if you and Gerald would be another set of grandparents to my baby. Jake’s parents died when he was young.’
‘It would mean the world to us,’ she said, clutching Emily’s hand with both of hers. ‘We meant it when we said you would always be part of our family.’
‘And hearing you say that means the world to me, Thora,’ Emily said with eyes awash.
‘Oh, look at me, getting all weepy,’ Thora said, extracting a handkerchief from her pocket and blowing her nose.
They chatted for a few more minutes before Emily made to leave. At the door Thora held both Emily’s hands and looked deep into her eyes. ‘Remember, I’m here if you ever need me, Emily.’
‘Thank you, Thora. And if there’s anything I can do for you and Gerald, you only have to ask. And please don’t drive past again without dropping in,’ she added, smiling warmly.
Emily drove away with a wave. She felt so much better after her visit. She was heavy with feelings of love and gratitude for Thora and Gerald, but lighter about the baby.
Chapter Thirty-seven
In the week following, Emily rang Barbara every morning to see how she was, but she was wary of overcrowding her. It wasn’t that she avoided her friend; she just left it to Barbara to ask her to spend time together. She didn’t want the sudden attention to make her feel like a charity case. Given how little time they’d been spending together before all this happened, it might look very contrived. Besides, she had so much to do regarding the gallery opening and didn’t want Barbara sitting around feeling neglected.
She thought life had to start getting back to as normal as possible as soon as possible, not that she was in any way qualified to make such an assessment. It was probably tough love, but she thought Barbara needed to learn to live with the grief, and not bury it by filling her waking hours hanging out with her.
If questioned deeply, however, Emily would have had to concede that her actions weren’t solely motivated by Barbara’s best interests. As long as she didn’t spend too much time with her friend, she wouldn’t accidentally reveal her pregnancy, which she was slowly starting to feel better about. Admitting her mixed feelings might be worse than actually revealing the pregnancy.
She wanted to hold on to that news, and her relationship with Barbara and David, for as long as possible. She just didn’t want to cause them any more pain. A big part of her knew it was absolutely ridiculous – of course they would be happy for her and Jake – but she just couldn’t shake the fear that it could damage their friendship.
If the situation was reversed, she hoped she’d be pleased for her friends. Hurt and sad for herself and Jake, but happy for them. But there was no telling how they would react in their grief-stricken state. So, she hoped that if she kept it to herself long enough then they might be in a better place psychologically and therefore more inclined to accept it. That was her theory anyway.
Every now and then she wondered if it might be better to just sit Barbara and David down and tell them. But she wanted to get through the opening of the gallery first and didn’t want to do it without her dear friends. After all, they had been instrumental in helping her get back on her feet all those months ago.
Though, really, would they be up to a big night out so soon? Getting dressed up, putting on a happy face, dealing with the expressions of sympathy?
Emily had finally got around to booking her appointment to see the doctor, only to find she couldn’t get in for another week. Flu seemed to have well and truly gripped Hope Springs, the receptionist told her. When she heard that, Emily wondered if it might be best to hold off for a while. She didn’t want to expose her unborn baby to a room full of sick people.
Wasn’t the first ultrasound not until after three months, anyway? Surely she couldn’t be any more than a month along. She’d been on the pill for years, and had always heard that women were unlikely to get pregnant straight away after missing a few doses.
No, she’d better get it over with while she had the time. The doctor had wanted her to return in a week for the results. Oh well, she’d only be a few days late. Not the worst thing in the world, considering everything else that was going on.
Soon she’d be enveloping invitations, recording RSVPs, keeping track of acceptances and declines, and sorting out the catering. She tried not to think about how it would be running the gallery with a baby in tow. ‘Cross that bridge when you come to it, dear,’ Gran had often said. No doubt Thora would say the same. Emily felt a little guilty about confiding in John’s mother and not her own, but it wasn’t as if she’d planned it.
‘So, you’re off to see the doctor this morning, right?’ Jake said over breakfast one day.
‘Yes. Nine o’clock. I’d better get going.’
‘Want me to come along?’
‘Thanks, but there’s no need. I think I know what’s going to happen: He’ll tell me that I’m definitely pregnant, probably hand me a leaflet on what to expect, and give me a referral for an ultrasound.’
‘Well, if you’re sure…?’
‘Totally’ She’d told him of her visit with Thora and that she was determined to think better of things.
A few moments later the phone rang. The handset was nearer Jake, so he picked it up. Emily instinctively checked her watch – a little after eight. She had to leave at eight-thirty, eight thirty-five at the absolute latest, to get there on time.
‘Jake speaking. Oh, hi Barbara. Yes, she’s right here, I’ll just put her on.’ He handed her the phone.
‘Hi Barbara, how’s things?’ Emily asked.
‘Hi Em, doing a bit better this morning, thanks.’
‘That’s good to hear.’
‘Yeah, but another day here and I won’t be.’
‘Oh?’ She raised her eyebrows at Jake.
‘I need to get out of the house. Do you have any plans today?’
‘Today? Um, I don’t have anything major on,’ she said, wincing.
‘Can I come down and hang out?’
‘What time were you thinking?’ She crossed her fingers. Hopefully I’ll be back from the doctor in time.
‘Would nine o’clock work?’
Emily shot a stricken look at Jake. ‘Oh, er, sure. Nine o’clock would be fine.’
Jake frowned back and she shrugged helplessly.
‘Great, thanks so much,’ said Barbara.
‘No worries. I’ll see you soon,’ Emily said, and hung up.
‘What are you doing?’ Jake demanded.
‘I couldn’t really say no to Barbara,’ Emily said. ‘Not when she’s made the first move to start coming out of her shell.’
‘But what about your doctor’s appointment? Couldn’t you have told her to come over later? It’s not like this is just a regular check-up.’
‘I suppose. But it’s done now. I can’t exactly call her back now, can I? She’ll want to know why.’
‘Hmm, I see your point,’ Jake said. ‘Hey,’ he said, after a few moments, ‘Why don’t I just go on your behalf? I could get the blood test results and ask any questions you wanted to know.’
‘There’s no way they’d give out my information, because of confidentiality,’ she said.
‘Maybe they would if I had written consent from you,’ he suggested. ‘It’s worth a try.’
‘Would you mind?’
‘Of course not. It’s my child as well. This is the least I can do.’
‘Well, I guess it’s worth a shot. It’s that or miss the appointment. They don’t open until nine, so I can’t cancel it now anyway. If they won’t accept you as my proxy, then they can put the results in the post.’
‘You write the note and I’ll get changed,’ he said, getting up.
‘You’re the best. Thanks, Jake.’
Half an hour after Jake left, Emily heard the arrival of a car. Now there was less traffic coming and going for the building across the way, her ears were again tuned in to the sound of vehicles turning in off the dirt road out front.
She
went out to greet Barbara and was surprised to see David getting out of the driver’s side. She was even more surprised when he opened the back door of the dual cab ute and Sasha emerged.
‘I don’t want Barb driving at the moment,’ David said as he embraced Emily. ‘She’s a bit distracted.’
‘He means I’m a basket case who can’t be trusted behind the wheel,’ Barbara said, coming up beside them.
‘Oh. Right,’ Emily said, feeling a little uncomfortable.
‘Probably best, I am a bit distracted,’ Barbara added. ‘Yesterday I drove down to the end of the driveway to check the mail and ended up in Wattle Creek. See, totally off the planet!’
Emily relaxed slightly.
‘Hope you don’t mind Sasha coming along, but we’ve become a bit attached.’
‘Not at all. Grace will be pleased to have the company.’
‘Is Jake in?’ David asked.
‘Er, no, you just missed him. He had to pop over to Hope Springs,’ Emily said.
‘Oh, maybe I’ll head down there and see if I can catch up. I’ll come and collect you in a few hours. You’ll probably be ready for a lie-down by then.’
‘Thanks darling,’ Barbara said, and hugged her husband.
‘Have fun,’ David called with a wave as he got back into the vehicle.
‘Here, this is a treat for later. Just bung it into the fridge,’ Barbara said, handing Emily a brown paper bag.
‘Okay, thanks,’ Emily said.
‘Isn’t this nice? Just like old times,’ Barbara said, as she linked arms with Emily and they walked up the path to the house.
To Emily, it was nothing like old times. Part of her wished she’d put Barbara off in favour of the doctor. Once upon a time they could just be together without either of them making any effort, but it certainly didn’t feel like that today. When she’d visited the other day there was no pretence that things were normal. Now it all just felt awkward.
Inside, the dogs had a quick reunion and then settled onto their mats while Emily put the kettle on. Emily only remembered then that she hadn’t removed Sasha’s bedding – they’d been so busy with the cottage. While she explained the progress over the past two weeks, Barbara was alternately excited and subdued.
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