by Alana Davis
The humor vanished from Leon’s face. He looked at me coolly, as if I had slapped him in the face. I laughed out viciously in a grunt and shook my head at him.
“You’re pathetic. Have a wonderful, lonely life,” I said. I turned and walked out of his office. Leon made no sound as I opened the door and walked out.
I drove much slower on the way home. I felt no satisfaction from my meeting with Leon. Everything had gone so poorly that I felt completely dejected. I pulled into a fast food joint and ordered a double cheeseburger and fries. Extra large Coke, not that diet stuff. I drank the Coke greedily and ate the cheeseburger in a few bites in the parking lot while I tried to force back tears.
Leon Christensen had been his old self, offensive and crude. It had struck a nerve when he actually referenced our sex from the previous night. It was something about the way he made it perverse that had riled me so much because it hadn’t been like that. Our sex had been tender, emotional, and special. The dead meat in my mouth tasted like processed garbage as I swallowed the truth about the previous night.
At the office, April was gone. I sat down at my desk, thankful to be alone. I sat there in silence for a long while, trying not to think about the ramifications of my meeting with Leon. What would this mean for me professionally?
I had never acted so rashly. Even if a client had offended me or acted improperly, I would never have lashed out in the past. I would have simply charged the client for time spent on his file and then closed his file, no recourse allowed. With the offending client gone, I would maintain my professionalism while dealing with the problem.
Now I had attacked a client personally after I spent a night having sex with him at my own apartment. It was a huge mess. If this leaked out, it would be incredibly damaging to my career and my reputation. Would any woman use my service if she suspected that I was sleeping with the male clients? What woman would want a suitor who was sleeping with the matchmaker like she was some sort of prostitute.
Those rumors would fly as well. I would be accused of being a high-class escort. The women I matched up might be construed as a front or even whores themselves. It wouldn’t be the first time that an escort service masked itself as a matchmaking agency. Hell, that’s even how they marketed themselves in the classifieds!
I fell into despair over my imagined demise. If Leon used some of his influence and wealth to start a smear campaign against me, I was finished. Even if he didn’t, if any of this leaked to anybody that I slept with a client, it would still be damaging. Guys would sign up for my service with the intent of trying to sleep with me. Sure, I could charge them for meetings that never led anywhere, but rumors were powerful things. And with the internet, rumors became tangible things that lingered in message boards and websites.
I wanted a drink. I needed to wash away the anxiety of the day with a very stiff drink. When I looked around my office, I knew that I had no liquor there and there was no way I was going to sit alone in a bar drowning away my sorrows. I was still full from the nasty fast food that sat like a lump in my stomach, so even a restaurant was out of the question.
My stomach turned over and I felt nauseated. Whether from stress or fast food, I didn’t know. It didn’t really matter. If I vomited now, I would probably feel better. Instead, I got up and made myself a cup of tea.
I looked around the office. April’s computer was dark, turned off for the day. Her chair was neatly tucked in against the desk and everything on the desk neat and organized. I studied every single inch the office, praying that no matter what happened, this would not be threatened. It was then that I realized I would miss April if she were gone. The next time I saw her, I was going to make sure she began calling me by my first name.
The look on Leon’s face when I lashed out at him filled my head. I had felt so justified at the time in attacking him. When he recoiled at my verbal lashing, it had even felt good. Yet now I felt nothing even close to good. I had attacked him with a low blow. It was unfair of me to use his darkest secret to attack him with, despite his piggish outbursts at me.
I had overreacted. This was perfectly clear to me. What if I had misconstrued Leon’s banter as trying to be offensive when it was simply flirtatious? Leon was accustomed to a very different sexual lifestyle than I was. What if being crude and offensive like that was part of the Dom-sub relationship?
I did not want to be any man’s sub, including Leon Christensen. Even if it was normal behavior within the circles he ran in, Leon was no fool. He knew that I was not into those sexual proclivities and that I had little reference for what the norms were. Even if he was trying to acclimate me to them and see if I responded to being a sub, it had seemed hard-edged and abrasive.
My words hung in my mind like a noose. I had been cruel. I had been foolish. Now, I would have to be humble. I was not going to pursue a sexual relationship with Leon Christensen, I promised myself this, but I did need to mend our professional relationship. I needed a clean break.
I walked back into my office brusquely. Rather than drive right over to his office and confess that I was wrong, I would sleep on it. My intuition screamed out against this, but I knew I needed to cool down and process everything. Every fiber in my being wanted me to go over there immediately and control the damage before Leon did anything rash.
I considered this. Would Leon do anything to hurt my professional career immediately? It was possible, but I had to trust that he wouldn’t. If he wanted vengeance, even an apology tomorrow might not quell that desire. There was nothing left to do but wait until tomorrow.
I pulled out a pad and paper. I began to write all of my feelings about what had happened. Soon, I was staring at a substantial apology. The computer hummed on as I brought up the word processor. Then I began to type the second draft.
Leon,
This is my sincere apology. I am sorry for my outburst in your office.
It is true that I came there to provide you with a match. Despite our night together, I am still compelled to do my job as best as I can. I believe we can both behave as professional adults and move past a simple night that we both enjoyed. It was a wonderful night that I do not regret.
I reread the line about not regretting the night with Leon. I was unsure as to whether it was even true or not, but as I thought about it more and more, I wasn’t ashamed that we had sex nor did I regret it. I continued on:
I do regret my behavior at your office. But please understand that what you were saying upset me. I should not have responded in such an angry fashion, but I lost control of my emotions. If I could go back, I would have explained to you how what you were saying was making me very uncomfortable.
My words were harsh and cruel. They were without base and I meant them only in the sense that I wanted them to hurt you. None of the things that I said have any truth to them. It was shameful of me to use your past pain to try to hurt you presently.
I understand if you refuse to work with me further, but I at least want to leave on a positive note. If we can move past this unpleasantness, I will still work on your case for you, free of charge. That is how I will show you that I am truly sorry.
I considered how to sign it, before finally deciding on a lame:
Sincerely,
Julie Facet
I reread the letter and printed it out. Then I deleted it from my computer. I was never going to give Leon the letter, but it helped me organize my thoughts. These were the words that I would paraphrase for him. With them all laid out before me, it made the daunting task of walking back up to Leon and apologizing to him seem smaller.
I left the office and decided to go to the gym to relieve some more tension. The prospect of fixing the mess that I had created was actually filling me with excitement now. In the morning, all would be made right again.
Chapter 13
I woke up early. I stretched, still sore from the gym. The shower felt wonderful against my skin and I spent an extra few minutes just soaking up the hot water and enjoying myself. I dra
nk only one cup of coffee and ate a light breakfast of oatmeal and fruit.
Instead of driving to work, I drove right to Leon’s office. This time, I called him on his cellphone. It went to voicemail and I left him a brief message.
“Leon, this is Julie. I’d like to talk and apologize for yesterday. I’m near your office, so call me and maybe we can meet up,” I said. My voice was steady, but not harsh. It sounded exactly as I had practiced in the event that he didn’t pick up.
I didn’t speed towards Leon’s office. Instead, I took my time and tried to kill some of that time while waiting for him to call me back. As I approached, I began to worry that he wouldn’t call me back.
I contemplated what to do. If he didn’t call me back by the time I reached his office, I would simply go into the organic coffee shop that was a few buildings down. I would drink expensive coffee and go over some of my work. I had brought my laptop, so I knew that I could at least continue to work.
When I drove by his office building, I saw that Leon’s car was outside. The lights were on in the building so I pulled in. Maybe Leon hadn’t heard his cellphone. It was even possible he was in a meeting. I parked next to his car and got out, surveying my surroundings. The sun cast down warmth from above the tree line in the distance and I closed my eyes, basking in the light.
I turned to the office building, feeling excited and anxious about our next meeting. I was going to apologize to Leon and fix everything that had gone so wrong. I couldn’t undo the sex that we had, but now I had accepted that I could not undo it. Maybe, after today, it wouldn’t even matter. While I knew that we would never have sex again, it was still a wonderful memory for me.
I walked into the building. There was no one in sight. I walked around, nervous now that I was somehow trespassing or invading private property. It was a relatively small building, but there had always been a security guard by a little desk before the elevator. Shrugging for no one to see, I called the elevator down to me and boarded.
Minutes seemed to pass before the elevator reached me. Sweat formed on my brow and I patted it off gently, taking care not to mess up my makeup. I looked around, positive that someone was going to emerge from somewhere and demand to know what I was doing. No one came. The elevator doors opened before me and I boarded.
I pressed the button for Leon’s floor. The doors inched close and soft music played in the background. A piano was playing some classical piece that I recognized, but couldn’t actually name even if my life depended on it. I had taken a musical appreciation class in college and barely got a B minus. And that B minus had only come after a teary confession to the teacher that I just didn’t understand music. It had greatly hurt my ego to have to grovel like that, but it had given me a bump that had kept my GPA relatively high.
The elevator doors opened. I breathed in deeply before walking out of the elevator. I reread the note that I had written on the computer the previous day as if I were studying for a test. I realized that I was actually about to be tested. There was no way Leon was simply going to give me a free pass. I steadied myself and prepared for his rude comments.
A soft noise was coming from his office. I stopped dead in my tracks, alarm striking my heart. Adrenaline dumped in my veins. Leon was in his office and I could hear some sort of noise that sounded like crying. When I looked around, I saw that his secretary had not arrived yet. It dawned on me then just how early I had arrived at his office.
Had it been possible that Leon had come in this early, only to start weeping in his office? A flicker of hope ran through me that maybe he regretted all of the things he said to me. Maybe his despair over having offended me had grown so great that tears had broke over the dam of his emotional block.
Then another thought struck fear into my heart. It was possible that Leon was crying over what I had said to him the previous day. Was it possible that he had even stayed in his office the entire night, possibly crying, maybe washing his sorrows down with alcohol? I shuddered at the thought, not yet ready to confront that guilt that would come along with that realization.
I inched closer to his office, the sounds of gentle moaning growing louder. His door was closed, and for a moment I considered turning and leaving. If I walked into his office, it was possible that I was going to make things worse by violating his privacy. I even worried that we might connect again the way we had on the anniversary of Kevin’s death. If that happened, it would throw another wrench in my entire plan.
I turned the door handle slowly and opened the door. My heart sank in my chest and I froze at what I saw. The first thought that struck at me was that I shouldn’t have come here. If only I hadn’t walked into his office. I could have simply turned around and gone home. I could have never seen Leon Christensen again and wrote him off as a bad lesson learned.
Leon stared at me. His eyes were as cold as ice. The sapphire eyes that had once burned with warmth as I let him inside me now burned with frostbite. Sweat was pouring off of him as he moved back and forth. There was no smile or hint of humor on his face. I stared into his eyes and it was like a knife cutting through me.
He was completely naked, save for a tie that was still on his neck. He stood up straight, his hands extended before him. A woman was bent over, her sideways profile facing me. Another tie was wrapped around her neck and Leon was pulling on it as he thrust into her, over and over again with growing intensity as he stared at me. Her legs wavered as he pushed against her. The moans that I had mistaken for tears were coming from her, her mouth open and reaching towards the sky.
She turned and saw me. A look of shock spread over her face before Leon pulled the tie tighter, still thrusting in and out of her. It was Andrea Locke, naked and tied before him. My eyes grew wide as I recognized her and she recognized me.
“Leon, I,” Andrea began. Leon pulled the tie even tighter, cutting off her words. She moaned loudly, unable to stop herself.
“Quiet now,” Leon said sternly.
I was frozen in place. Leon, still holding the tie that bound her, freed one hand and turned Andrea ever so slightly so that I could see him moving in and out of her. My eyes defied me and when I looked, Leon Christensen’s cock was deep inside of Andrea Locke’s ass. He slid out and she moaned in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Leon was fucking Andrea anally. I raised a hand to my open mouth.
“Would you like to join us?” Leon said. His eyes were leveled at me, filled with biting cold. No words would come in response. There was no remorse in his eyes or even the slightest amount of compassion.
I wanted to cry out in rage and hurt. Shock was raining down on me as I watched Leon thrust himself against her, his hips making smacking sounds against her sweat-covered body. Leon turned away from me and looked back down at himself penetrating Andrea. A loud moan grew inside of his throat and he quickened his movements.
“Feel free to stay and watch,” Leon said, his voice straining. He was about come and his voice would not remain steady. “We don’t mind.”
Tears burned in my eyes. Leon looked at me one final time and then his eyes shut. He looked up and all of his muscles began to tense. Turning to run, I heard Leon cry out in triumph as he orgasmed.
I ran, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Chapter 14
The world blurred around me. My lungs burned as I ran past the elevator and darted for the stairs. I had to keep moving. I knew that if I just kept moving in that moment, maybe the horror of what I had seen wouldn’t wash over me like a tidal wave of pain. I jumped down the stairs in twos and threes, pulling on the handrail as I did so. The only sound I could hear was the frantic panting of my breathing.
Leon, inside of her, pushing, coming, crying out in pleasure, moaning, grunting, looking at me, laughing, smiling, eyes cold and without feeling. This was Leon Christensen. The woman from the file bent over before him, bending over to him and his will, letting him inside of her, painfully, aggressively, submissively, filled with him and pleasure, filled with his want, his lust.
Outside, the sun had barely moved since I had last looked at it rising in the horizon. Yet that had felt like years ago. Could it really only have been five minutes? I raised my hand to shield my eyes from the blistering sun and gasped for air, now realizing just how out of breath I was. My eyes burned with tears as I scanned the parking lot for my car, which wasn’t hard since the parking lot was empty except for my car and Leon’s.