“You had a lot of responsibility for your brothers and sister,” she said softly.
“Someone had to,” he answered, not meeting her gaze. “I could have done better.”
When he started to pull his hand away from hers, she tightened her grip.
“Josh and Logan love you,” she told him. “They don’t hold you responsible for the fact that you all had a crummy family life. You were just a kid, too.”
“I was the oldest.”
“But still a boy. You helped out the best you could. Children aren’t supposed to raise each other.” She gave a gentle tug on his hand and smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m sure you read Lord of the Flies in school. You know leaving kids in charge doesn’t work.”
To her relief, he let out a small chuckle. “Well, we weren’t quite stranded on a deserted island, but I appreciate your point.”
He lifted their hands, turned them over and placed a soft kiss on the inside of her wrist. “You make me smile, Millie. Thank you.” His touch left shivers across her skin. Millie felt herself leaning closer to him. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and trailed one finger along her jaw. “I want to kiss you again,” he whispered.
Desire pooled low in her belly at his words. Let’s get on with it, her body practically screamed. But she shook her head. “Not here. Brooke and the others could come back at any moment.”
Jake let out a breath. “Maybe not here,” he agreed, “but just know that I want to kiss you.” He flashed her a rakish grin. “A lot.”
The way his voice went a little hoarse on those last words made her whole body tingle. She had half a mind to pull him out of the chair and hide behind one of the nearby booths for a chance to make out like teenagers. Before the thought had fully formed in her head, Brooke came running back to the table.
“I brought funnel cake,” she squealed, thrusting a wax-paper package toward them.
Millie dropped Jake’s hand and wiped a bit of powdered sugar from the girl’s cheek. “I can’t wait.”
She glanced up at Jake, and he gave her a small wink. She realized her words could refer to more than just the carnival dessert and felt a blush creep into her cheeks.
She was way in over her head here and took a big bite of funnel cake, trying to tamp down her feelings as she swallowed the sweet, doughy dessert. Millie wasn’t worried about getting a stomachache, but her heart was another matter.
Chapter Ten
Jake woke in the middle of the night later that week, drenched in sweat, his heart pounding. Another nightmare. He rubbed his hands over his eyes and sat up on the edge of the bed until he could get his breathing under control.
The doctor had given him sleeping pills, but he hated taking them, afraid he’d miss something if Brooke needed him. But all his attempts to grit his way through the nights were failing miserably.
The dreams didn’t come every night, but when they did he was a prisoner to them, reliving the last few minutes of Stacy’s life, the deafening roar of the building’s foundation giving way and the mad tremble of the ground under his feet.
He heard a sound from outside his bedroom and noticed a faint light shining under the closed door. He’d woken Brooke once before yelling out in his sleep and hoped his daughter was still tucked away in her bed. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her. His leg protested at the speed with which he made it across the hall. But instead of Brooke asleep, he found Millie holding her close as the two slowly swayed around the room, Millie singing softly in her beautiful voice.
Her eyes widened slightly as he came into the room, darting down then up his body before remaining glued to his face. Jake realized he was wearing only boxers and started to turn to put on a shirt.
Brooke lifted her head at that moment. “Daddy,” she said, her voice still drowsy with sleep, “you had a baddy dream.”
“I did, sweetie.” He walked toward her when she reached for him. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Millie was singing me back to sleep.” He went to lift Brooke out of Millie’s arms, but his daughter latched her arm around his neck and pulled him close. “She can sing for you, too.”
Their three heads were close together now and it was almost impossible to keep from touching Millie as Brooke remained in her arms. He could feel Millie’s warmth, smell the flowery scent of her shampoo. His nanny looked impossibly beautiful and sweet in the soft glow of Brooke’s night-light.
She’d come home earlier, her eyes gleaming with happiness, from another dinner out with friends. She’d been almost buzzing with excitement, as if actually having fun with a group of girlfriends made her happy in a way she hadn’t felt before. He liked her like that, he’d realized, and had told himself that he was going to put more fun back into both of their lives.
“Your daddy will put you to bed again,” Millie said, extracting herself from the embrace. Jake saw her chest rise and fall and wondered if her heart was beating at the same annoyingly frantic pace as his.
“I need to go potty first.” Brooke squirmed in his arms.
She headed toward the bathroom in the hall, leaving Jake and Millie alone in the room. The intimacy of the moment crashed through him. He shouldn’t be aware of this woman the way he was. He shouldn’t want her like he did but couldn’t seem to stop himself.
“Doesn’t right now prove this isn’t going to work?” He ran his hands through his hair.
“What are you talking about?” Her voice sounded hoarse and she took a step back. She wore another pair of cotton pajama pants and a thin tank top.
“She woke up because of my nightmare.”
Millie gave a gentle nod. “She wanted to go to you, but I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea.”
“Because I might lash out in my sleep?”
“I know you wouldn’t hurt her.”
“You don’t know that. Hell, I don’t know that. My daughter can’t even sleep through the night because I wake her up with my yelling.”
“Things take time to settle, Jake.”
“What if they don’t? What if I can’t settle?” He broke off, hating the tremble in his voice. That was his biggest fear, that he couldn’t do this. That he’d fail. He didn’t want to fail Brooke, but for all the things he was getting right, did it really matter? What if he was truly like his father, unable to do the right thing when it counted?
Millie came forward now, her eyes intent on his. He expected her to walk past him, but she slid her arms around his neck. Her fingers threaded through his hair as she pulled his head down to hers. But she didn’t kiss him. Her lips touched his ear, grazing the soft skin there.
“Breathe, Jake,” she whispered. “Take a deep breath.”
He did. His hands wound around her waist, pulling her against him, and he buried his face in her softness, taking in her scent. In and out until his breathing calmed.
Still she held him, nothing more. And he let her. It had been so long since he’d derived comfort from someone in this way, his knees went weak with it. He’d stood on his own, by himself, for as long as he could remember. But now this tiny pixie of a woman drove away his late-night demons with the light that radiated from her core. How did she know that this was exactly what he needed, when he didn’t even realize it himself?
“I believe in you,” she said softly after a moment. “I believe you can make this right.”
His chest constricted at those words. He was used to proving himself. He’d made a career of working medical miracles in remote jungles and war-torn villages. But she gave him the gift of her faith without asking him to do a thing to earn it except stay. Try.
How could he deny her?
She broke away as Brooke returned to the room. His skin burned from where she’d been pressed against him and he felt the loss of her touch like a physical blow.
As Brooke placed her hand in his, Millie left without another word.
* * *
Things were quiet in the house the next morning when Millie got out of bed. She took an extra long shower to try to make herself feel normal, thanks to that 2:00 a.m. interlude, which had left her dizzy with emotions.
But as much as she wanted Jake Travers, he needed her to keep her focus. He would make a wonderful father if he could only get past his doubts. That was where she came in, not for anything else.
She tiptoed down the hall to Brooke’s bedroom, since the girl got up at the same time each day. Today was the first morning of preschool and she didn’t want Brooke to feel rushed. Millie’s hand shot to her mouth to cover her sharp intake of breath at the scene in front of her.
Apparently, Jake had remained in his daughter’s bedroom last night. He was asleep on one side of the bed, most of his body near the edge as Brooke lay with her feet pushed into his side, diagonal on the bed. The girl had all the covers tucked around her, leaving Jake ever so visible.
Millie took in the slivered scar on his shoulder along with his lean, rangy muscles. He shifted and she jumped back, not wanting to be caught staring at him this way.
She made her way back to the kitchen thinking that if he had stayed all night with Brooke, maybe some of her confidence in his parenting abilities had rubbed off on him. She used to love to sneak into bed with her mother and feel not so alone in the world. Her mom had encouraged it and they’d spent many Saturday mornings curled up in bed watching cartoons. But when her father visited, there had been a strict no-access policy to her mother’s bedroom. It had never seemed fair to Millie that she be the one to be cast off so easily when it was her father who made her mother cry when he left.
By the time she’d toasted bagels and cut up fruit for breakfast, Jake and Brooke were sliding into chairs at the kitchen table.
“Morning, you two sleepyheads.” She put plates down in front of each of them.
“Hi, Millie,” Brooke said cheerfully. “After you left, Daddy tucked me in.” She giggled. “Then he fell asleep in my bed. And then I took all the covers and pushed him off the side.”
“Twice,” Jake clarified. To her relief—and disappointment—Jake had put on a T-shirt so his impressive body was covered.
Brooke scrambled off her chair. “I forgot Bunny. He’s still sleeping.” She ran back toward her bedroom.
“Thank you for last night.” Jake gave her a slow smile. “I know it’s above and beyond what you signed up for with this job.”
“No worries,” she said quickly. She still had trouble making eye contact with him as her mind kept drifting back to the image of him on the edge of the bed, his features gentled in sleep. His hair was still bed tousled and his cheeks held a shadow of stubble that appealed to her way too much.
“I get the brace off my ankle today,” he said, unaware of the effect he was having on her. “You won’t have to cart me around anymore.”
“I don’t mind.” She turned to the sink, trying to get a grip on her rioting hormones before she made a fool of herself.
Apparently he took her short answers as anger over the previous night. “Millie, I’m sorry about last night. You made a huge difference to me and I—”
The end of his sentence was cut short when the doorbell rang.
“Nana and Papa are here,” Brooke sang out as she barreled down the hall and around the corner, Bunny tucked under her arm.
“That can’t be.” Millie checked the clock on the oven. “It’s barely eight o’clock. They were going to take her out for ice cream after preschool today but...”
Janis Smith bustled into the kitchen. “Hope you don’t mind,” she said as she took in Jake at the table with Millie standing before him. “We wanted to see Brooke off to her first day of school.” Her lips pursed into a thin line. “It seems like you’re getting a late start, Jake. Stacy was always an early bird and made sure Brooke was dressed and ready to go with time to spare.”
“There’s plenty of time,” Millie said between her teeth.
She saw John Smith shoot Jake an apologetic look.
“Daddy’s tired because I pushed him off the bed.” Brooke grinned as she climbed back into her seat and took a bite of banana.
“Why weren’t you sleeping in your own bed?” Janis’s tone was light but laced with disapproval.
“Daddy was in my bed,” Brooke told her.
Millie thought the woman would faint dead away.
Before she could respond, Brooke continued, “He has bad dreams about Mommy dying and wakes up at night. But she’s in heaven, so it’s okay. And I helped him feel better. Even when I took all the covers.” She spoke around a big bite of bagel.
No one said a word and Millie figured they were all as speechless as she was. Janis Smith had gone still as stone. Tears shimmered in the older woman’s eyes.
“I’m going to get dressed,” Brooke said as she finished the rest of her bagel. “Millie, will you braid my hair?”
“Of course, Cookie.” She picked up Brooke’s plate from the table. “Your nana can help you pick out an outfit. Then I’ll come back to do your hair.”
She placed a hand on Janis’s arm. “Would you help her, please?”
The touch seemed to shake the woman out of her shock. “I’d love to. Let’s go, Brooke.”
“I’m sorry,” Jake said to John as Janis and Brooke left the room. “I know it upsets Janis to talk about Stacy.”
John shook his head, wiping at the corner of one eye. “This is hard on all of us, son. I left the camera in the car. I’ll just go get it now.”
When he was gone, Jake stood from the table. “I let their only daughter die.”
“Jake,” Millie whispered, “it wasn’t your fault. You know that. They know that.”
He only shook his head. “I’m going to shower. We’re walking her to preschool, right?”
Millie nodded. “Unless you think it’s too much on your leg.”
“I can do it, Millie.”
She forced a bright smile on her face. “I never doubted you.”
Chapter Eleven
Millie might have faith in him, but Jake had enough doubts swirling around his mind for both of them. He couldn’t believe how hard it was to leave Brooke at the preschool.
Not for her, of course. His social-butterfly daughter had marched into the preschool as if it was her long-lost home. He felt a huge knot clamp down on his stomach. Janis was audibly sniffing next to him.
“It’s sometimes more difficult for the parents,” Laura Wilkes said from the doorway where she watched the children gather on the rug.
“And grandparents,” Janis said with a loud snuffle. John had chosen to wait outside, smart man.
Millie, who was also starting her first day as a teacher’s aide, was sitting in a rocking chair near one side of the brightly colored rug. She leaned forward to speak to one of the boys, gently patting his head as he gazed up at her and sidled closer. Jake could understand the boy’s desire to get closer to Millie. Jake had the same reaction. Something about her very presence soothed him. Now he’d have the whole morning to himself, not a prospect he found appealing.
“Do I just leave them—I mean her—here?”
Laura smiled. “That’s the idea. She’ll be fine, Dr. Travers.” She leaned closer. “They both will.”
Another family came into the front hall of the preschool at that point, and Jake backed away, tugging Janis with him. He adjusted his sunglasses as they walked into the morning sun.
“She’s a wonderful little girl,” Janis said.
“Yes, she is.”
“Just l
ike her mother.”
“Come along, Janis.” John held out a hand. “We’ll see her in a few hours.” He looked at Jake. “Are you walking back to the house?”
“You two go on. My brother’s working on a house a few blocks from here, so I’m going to head there. He’s giving me a ride to the hospital this morning.”
“We could do that,” John offered even as Janis stiffened.
“It’s fine. Thanks.”
Jake stood in front of the preschool for several more minutes. A few parents walked in and out as he watched. All of the children going in seemed happy to be there, which was a good indication that Brooke would love it, as well. He knew his daughter was adaptable to almost any situation. Look at how quickly she’d bonded with him, after all. He heard the murmur of young voices and then laughter spilled out from the classroom.
He had no idea it would be so difficult to be away from Brooke like this. Now he had a better understanding of how she’d felt when he’d gone to his physical-therapy appointments. He felt something at his feet and looked down to see an enormous cat winding its way through his legs.
“You get left behind, too, sweetheart?” He bent and scratched the cat behind the ears, rewarded by the sound of loud purring. “I’ve got nothing to offer you. Go on, then.” The cat patently ignored him, much like both Millie and Brooke when he argued for televised sports during their nightly allotment of screen time. She continued to nuzzle him, especially enjoying the edge of his orthopedic boot. He let the quiet purr and the softness of her fur relax him until he felt able to leave the front yard of the preschool building.
Walking along the quiet streets of Crimson made him think about growing up in this town and how much he’d wanted to escape. For years Jake couldn’t separate emotions about his childhood from the way he felt about Crimson. They seemed tied inexorably together. Now he realized the town hadn’t been responsible for his miserable family life. The fact that both of his brothers could be so happy here was proof of that.
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