Didn’t he owe it to her and to himself to really make that commitment?
His mind formed a picture of Brooke, Millie and him as a family, with a little brother or sister added to the mix. His heart began to race, but not in panic. What he felt was anticipation in a way he hadn’t looked forward to the future in a long time.
Unfortunately, his mood didn’t last. There had been an explosion at one of the silver mines north of town and half a dozen men were brought in with a variety of injuries. The intensity of the work tested his stamina and his focus. He lost himself in the familiar exhilaration of crisis medicine, so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn’t give a thought to the clock.
This was his skill set, his training and where he was most comfortable. He kept working until all of the patients were stable and either discharged or admitted. Adrenaline kept him moving when his leg started to throb and his wrist ached. But his hand held up through the entire day, with none of the nerve pain he’d become accustomed to feeling.
At some point, he’d misplaced his cell phone, so he’d given the reception desk Millie’s number and asked them to call and relay a message that he’d be home later than expected.
By the time he pulled onto his street, fatigue was starting to set in. That changed when he saw the fire truck in front of the house. He parked and ran through the front door.
Brooke was the first to spot him. “Daddy, you didn’t come back,” she yelled. “You left and we needed you and you didn’t come home.”
“I’m sorry, Cookie,” he said, his hammering heart starting to slow at the realization that his daughter wasn’t hurt.
He ignored Janis’s disapproving stare and swung Brooke into his arms, hugging her tight. “I’m here now. What’s going on?”
“Fairy Poppins got dead for a few minutes. I was bleeding and it killed her.”
His heart took off once again.
“I’m okay,” Millie called from the couch. Two large EMT workers blocked her from view. “Not a big deal. Sorry for all the trouble.”
He put Brooke down and strode forward, elbowing one of the guys out of the way. The other had his hands in Millie’s hair and frowned. “Excuse me, sir. We’re working here.”
“I’m a doctor.” Jake nudged the man aside. Both EMTs were young and stepped back in deference to Jake. “Tell me what happened.”
He’d been talking to Millie, but the taller EMT recited her injuries. “She has head trauma, a skin laceration. It doesn’t look like a concussion, but that’s a possibility.”
“I don’t have a concussion,” she said, her eyes rolling.
He held up a hand, silencing the EMT. “Talk to me,” he said as he spread her hair to examine the cut on the back of her head.
“Brooke cut herself. I’m not great with blood. I fainted, but luckily the edge of the counter broke my fall.” She flashed a wan smile that he didn’t return. “That led to more blood and I passed out again.” She must have read the look on his face because she quickly added, “It was only a few minutes.”
“Thank heavens we stopped by when we did.” Janis had come to stand behind him, holding Brooke’s hand. “This poor thing was scared to death.”
Jake turned, noticing Brooke held Bunny in a death grip once again.
“You were ’posed to come back, Daddy.”
“I’m sorry,” Millie whispered.
At that moment, Olivia hurried into the house.
“What the hell,” Jake muttered.
“Sorry,” Millie said again. “I called my sister when Brooke’s grandparents showed up. You weren’t answering your phone. I wanted...someone here for me.”
His gaze crashed into hers and he thought he read the words she’d left unspoken clearly in her eyes. Because you weren’t.
Olivia came forward and Brooke ran to her. “Aunt Livvy, Millie almost got dead like Mommy.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Olivia hugged her. “Millie is just fine.”
Brooke gave a small nod. “I got a cut, too.” She tipped her chin to show off the bandage there. “I bleeded a whole lot.”
“It’s a good thing you’re so brave.” Jake watched as Olivia met Millie’s eyes. “You okay?”
“I’ll be better as soon as people stop hovering over me.” Millie’s voice sounded thin and embarrassed, as if she’d done something wrong.
Jake didn’t understand, but he hustled the two EMTs out of the house. From what he could tell, Millie didn’t need stitches and he planned to keep a very close eye on her in case she had any post-concussive symptoms.
When he came back, Millie was sitting up on the couch, Brooke tucked in at her side.
He saw Janis down the hallway, carrying his daughter’s small backpack, and walked over to meet her before she was within earshot. “I’m going to take Brooke home with me.” She glared at Jake, as if daring him to argue.
Which he was happy to do given his mood. “How is that going to help?”
“You didn’t see the look on her face, Jake. She was terrified. After everything that girl has been through, she needs stability. She needs to be taken care of by people who will put her needs first.”
“I’m here, Janis. I’m in Crimson with Brooke doing my best to make this work.”
She gave a hard shake of her head. “Not good enough. My daughter died trying to give Brooke a father. Stacy put everything in her life on hold. She dedicated herself to Brooke. She did it alone.”
“Because she never, in four years, thought to mention to me that I had a daughter. That isn’t my fault.”
“No,” the woman agreed after a moment. “But you hired a nanny.” The fact that she put air quotes around the word nanny grated on Jake’s nerves. “A nanny who passes out at the sight of blood. One you can’t take your eyes from most of the time.” Her gaze narrowed. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed. The two of you playing at whatever games you like. What kind of a role model are you for my granddaughter? That’s not how Stacy would have wanted her raised. She would have wanted her daughter to be brought up in a stable, steady home.” She took a breath and her tone softened. “I know that’s not what you had as a boy, Jake. I’ve asked around town about your family.”
“You had no right—”
“When it comes to protecting my granddaughter, I don’t give a horse’s patoot about minding my own business. That girl is my business. I believe you want what’s best for her. John and I can give her a stable home. Tonight proves she belongs with us.”
What tonight proved was that Jake’s life was more damned complicated than he’d even imagined.
“Please, let me take her.” Janis’s voice broke and he saw tears swim in her eyes.
He blew out a breath. “She can spend the night with you. That’s as much as I can promise for now.” But he knew he’d give more. He’d let Janis and John raise his daughter because it would be best for Brooke. As much as he tried, Jake didn’t believe he would ever deserve to be her full-time father. She was worth so much more than he could give her.
Emotion tightened his throat. He turned before Janis could see his heart breaking. “Cookie,” he said, coming to the couch but not meeting Millie’s intense gaze, “you’re going to spend the night with Nana and Papa. How does that sound?”
Brooke shook her head. “I want to stay here. So you don’t leave and Millie doesn’t die.”
“I’m going to be just fine, sweetie.” Millie hugged her hard. “Remember I’m taking my trip to California tomorrow. I’ll be back to tuck you in at bedtime, though.”
“Daddy needs me,” Brooke said, her innocent gaze trained on Millie.
Millie smiled gently. “Of course he does. You’ll always be there for him. Just like he will for you.”
The words gnawed at Jake’s insides as if Millie had chosen them for that very purp
ose.
She sat up straighter, lifting Brooke onto her lap. “But tonight you’re going to have fun with your grandparents. I bet they’ll even take you for doughnuts in the morning.”
“Not exactly a healthy way to start the day,” Janis mumbled from where she stood behind Jake.
Jake watched Millie’s brow rise and her lips purse.
“We can definitely have doughnuts for breakfast,” Janis amended quickly, “if that’s what you want, Brooke.”
Tipping back her head to kiss Millie’s chin, Brooke wrapped her arms awkwardly around her shoulders. “I love you, Fairy Poppins.”
“I love you, too, Brookie-Cookie.” Millie helped the girl to stand. “Have lots of fun with Nana and Papa so you can tell me all about it when I get back.”
Brooke nodded and gave Olivia, then Jake, a hug.
“I’ll bring you a doughnut, Daddy.”
As he put his arms around her, the fierce need to never let go engulfed him. He straightened and tapped one finger against her nose. “Can you guess my favorite kind?”
“The ones with chocolate icing,” Brooke said without hesitation.
“How did you know?” He glanced at Millie, who shook her head.
“Silly, Daddy. Those are my favorites, too.”
With that sugary lance to his heart, she took her grandma’s hand and skipped out the front door.
* * *
Millie dug her fingernails into the couch cushions to stop herself from bolting into Jake’s arms. He looked so stunned and alone as Brooke walked away.
Stop her! Millie wanted to shout. Don’t let her go.
It was for one night. Millie knew she was overreacting but couldn’t help but think there was more to it than that.
Jake turned, his gaze shuttered. “I’m going to get a flashlight and the first-aid kit and have another look at your head.”
“I’m fine, Jake.” She met her sister’s sympathetic gaze and was comforted when Olivia nodded in agreement. “The EMTs said I was fine.”
“They said possible concussion.”
“You know that’s not true.”
Finally his eyes met hers. “Humor me on this, Millie.” The tenderness in his tone undid her.
She gave a tiny nod. When he’d disappeared down the hall, Millie looked to Olivia. “I’m in trouble here, sis.”
“You love him,” Olivia supplied.
Millie choked back a sob. “How can I be so stupid? I’m just like my mother, falling for the guy who’s my boss. The one I can’t have.”
“Why can’t you have him?”
“Come on, Olivia. This is me. I’ve told you I don’t stick in one place, I don’t form long-lasting attachments. I will never have a man dictate my life. Not like she did.”
“Jake isn’t the type of guy who would want to run your life. The way it looks to me, you do that for him.”
“He’s also not the type of guy who settles down. And even if he did, it would be for Brooke. They need time. I don’t want to get in the way.”
“You don’t get in the way, Millie. You help bridge the distance between them.”
“I can’t take the chance if...” She stopped as Jake came back into the room.
“I should go.” Olivia stretched her arm around Millie’s shoulder and squeezed. “I’m glad you’re okay and I’m glad you called me.”
“Can I stay with you tonight?” Millie asked as Olivia stood.
She saw Jake stiffen but kept her eyes on Olivia. “Of course,” her sister answered slowly. “It probably makes sense since I’ll be taking you to Denver for your flight tomorrow morning. I’m just going to step out onto the porch and call Logan. Come on out when you’re ready.”
When she was alone with Jake, Millie blurted, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve ruined everything.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She started to stand but he blocked her, lowering himself to sit behind her. “I want to look at your head.”
“It’s nothing. I just... The blood... I feel awful that Brooke was scared.” She put her fingers to her mouth, emotion welling. “She thought I was dead.”
“It was an accident.”
“That I should have prevented. I’ve always had that reaction to blood. If I’d told you and Brooke, she would have known not to be afraid.”
“How did she cut her chin?”
His fingers massaged her skin, making some of the tension in her body fade. “She fell off her scooter out front. She was upset that you were late and...”
“Are you saying it was my fault?”
“I didn’t mean it that way. I’d set up an obstacle course in the driveway. It’s one of the things she loves playing at the preschool. She hit a patch of gravel and fell. I was fine at first, but you know how much blood there can be from even a little cut on the face. I brought her into the house to clean it up and just lost it. It was my fault, Jake. No one else’s.”
“Sometimes things happen for a reason.”
She gave a harsh laugh. “You don’t believe that.” She turned to him, his hands falling from her head. “I heard you and Janis talking.”
“She wants what’s best with Brooke.”
“So do you.”
“That’s the point. I’m not best for Brooke. I’m too into my work. Today was a perfect example. I love what I do. I worked my whole life for this career, and I thought I’d lost it. Now I have another chance.”
“Does that mean you’re going back to work for Miles of Medicine?”
His face went hard. “I told you I would try to be a father. Look at what came of my attempt.”
“Because of me,” she said on a half sob. “You promised me—”
“I never promised you anything more, Millie.”
That stilled her, even as the pain in her heart swelled so savagely she feared it might drag her under. “That’s true.” Men don’t make promises to people like us, hon. Her mother’s words echoed in her head. You need to learn to take what you can get and be happy for it.
She stood, shrugging out of Jake’s grasp. “I’m going to my sister’s house.”
“You don’t have to go. You’re safe with me. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”
Wasn’t that just the problem? She wanted him to touch her almost as much as she wanted to breathe. She could easily push aside her dreams, bury anything she might need in life like her mother had done, just to stay with him.
“I’m leaving, Jake. I’ll be in California tomorrow. When I get back, I’ll continue to nanny for you through the end of the month. But I’m staying with Olivia.”
“No. Brooke needs you here.”
“She needs you here more. Janis was right. You and I are just complicating the situation when we know this isn’t going to last.”
“How do you know we won’t last?”
“Are you staying in Crimson?”
He looked away from her. “I got a job offer from the hospital.”
Hope, damned hope, sprang forward in her heart. “Do you plan to accept it?”
He ran his finger through her hair, the unconscious gesture now so familiar and dear to her. “The agency sent a new contract. They want me to go to Africa. There’s a huge need because of the drought plaguing the region near Nairobi. I’m good at that kind of medicine. I know I can make a difference there.”
I need you to make a difference here. “What are you going to do, Jake?”
“I’m not like your father, Millie. Even if Brooke lives with her grandparents, I won’t desert her or put her aside. I’ll be a part of her life.”
But not mine.
“Do what you think is best, Jake. It’s your decision.” She made her voice even, belying the emotions that tumbled thr
ough her. “This is mine.”
Then she stood and walked away.
Chapter Fifteen
“She’s not coming back.”
“Sure she will, bro. Have a little faith.”
Jake glanced at his brother Logan, sitting on the park bench next to him. Brooke called his name and Jake waved to her. She was on the far side of the playground, taking turns on the slide with one of her preschool friends who was also at the park today. Jake caught the eye of the other girl’s mother. She waved and went back to texting on her phone.
“Are you afraid that the single-mom vultures will swoop with Millie not around to protect you?”
“I’m afraid of a lot of things.” Jake tried to make the words sound like a joke but they held the ominous ring of truth.
“Aren’t we all?”
Jake was surprised when his brother didn’t try to lighten the conversation. “Olivia’s pregnant.”
That news broke Jake out of his sour mood. “I’m so happy for you, Logan.” He slapped his brother on the back. “You two will make wonderful parents.”
“If it’s a girl we’re going to name her Elizabeth. We’ll call her Liz but I wanted to see what you thought of that?”
“I think Beth would have loved it.”
Logan nodded. “I ran into someone I know at the hospital, heard they want you to work for them full-time. We’d love for you to stay in Crimson. Josh, too. Dad has ruled our lives from the great beyond for too long.”
Jake didn’t like to think of his father involved in any part of his life. “Janis and John are talking about leaving for Atlanta the first part of November. They want to take Brooke with them. The agency needs me in Africa.”
“So that’s it. You’re leaving?”
Jake heard the disappointment in his brother’s voice.
“I want to do what’s best for Brooke.” He dropped his head back, watching the clouds roll by in the bright blue Colorado sky. “I don’t believe I’m it, Logan. I’m not cut out to raise a kid on my own.”
“If you stay here, you won’t be on your own.”
“You know what a lot of people in Crimson see when they look at me? Dad.”
Suddenly a Father Page 17