by Wahida Clark
“You first, Soléy. Let’s go,” he said as he unlocked the cage I was sitting in.
“Where am I going? I thought the bathroom in the back was broken.”
“It is. But since you wanna keep whining, I got a solution.” I walked toward the back, handcuffed and shackled. There was no door, only a curtain. I moved the curtain and there was a white bucket. “What the fuck?”
“Hurry up, you got one minute!” he said.
“Can you undo my cuffs?”
“Nope.” How the hell was I supposed to use the bathroom over a bucket while chained up? I did my best. No way to wash my hands or anything else. This was hell. When I got back to my seat, the young lady was shaking her head.
“I’m sorry,” she mouthed. I looked down. The seat was wet. She pissed. This ride couldn’t get any worse. I didn’t have a choice but to sit down next to her.
I could only imagine what a slave must have felt like being shackled like an animal. When the cuffs were removed I felt like I weighed less. They were heavy and seemed to have weighed down my soul.
After they processed me, I went back into the holding cell, waiting to be transferred up to my unit. An officer came over to me. “Before you leave, you need to take that weave out of your head.” Her tag read, Officer Hayts.
“I don’t have a weave in.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. All you chicks come in here talking the same shit. Don’t make me have to cut it out,” she said, making two of her fingers mimic scissors.
Is this bitch crazy? “I’m telling you right now. Don’t touch my head. This is all my hair.” My hair cascaded down my back. It’s always been long. What? Black chicks couldn’t have long hair? What was the big deal? Haters! The story of my life. I ran my fingers through my hair and parted it down the middle with my finger. She watched and frowned up her face. I just laughed.
Upon entering the unit, I was told to report to D-Dorm. Another girl walked in with me. She’s a beautiful girl with a warm and comforting face. I wasn’t the only one to notice. I could see one of the male officers staring at her body and taking in her physique. She was just processed too and placed in D-Dorm as well.
“What’s your name?”
“Jackie Gaines. You?”
“Sun-Solé.”
“Hey, Sun-Solé, good to meet you.” She shook my hand. “Have you ever been locked up before, Sun-Solé?”
“No. This is my first offense.”
“Me too. I’m nervous.”
“Don’t be nervous. Look,” I said, pointing. “You see that male officer over there checking you out?” Jackie and I both looked in his direction. To our surprise he didn’t turn away or try to hide it. He just kept looking as if we were up in the club or something, and he was about to come over and holler.
“Wow, he’s bold!” Jackie said. We both laughed.
“Is something funny, ladies?” he said, approaching us.
“Oh, I didn’t know we weren’t allowed to laugh,” I said.
“Did I say you could talk?”
“Umm . . . didn’t you just ask me if something was funny?” I reminded him. He was about to say something, but thought better of it. I had him, and he knew it. He turned his attention from me to Jackie.
“Come with me, Ms. Gaines.”
“Where?”
“It’s a direct order. Don’t question me.” She looked at me, and I shrugged. It was only her and me in D-Dorm at this time. He pulled her over to the side and talked in a hushed tone. But there was no conversation I could not hear if it was within earshot. He spoke different to her than he’d spoken just a few moments ago.
“Are you pregnant? That’s what your file says,” he said softly.
“Umm, yes. About six weeks.” Jackie put her head down. He touched the small of her back.
“Well, if you need anything, just ask for me. My name is Lieutenant Longwood.” He left.
“Girl, I didn’t know you were pregnant. Congratulations.”
“Thank you!” she said. Then she began to cry.
“Oh no, honey. You okay?”
“It’s just that I never imagined having a baby in prison. In prison? This is just too much. The judge refused to let me surrender after I had the baby. It’s just fucked up,” she said, still crying. I hugged her. Our moment was interrupted as the ladies started coming back into the D-Dorm. One girl came over to me and introduced herself.
“Hey, what’s up, y’all? My name is Eshe. I’m filling in for my friend Beedie. She basically gets new people settled in, but she had to go to the doctor. She’ll be back soon.” Eshe seemed cool. She was a tall, brown-skinned girl with a big warm smile. I shook her hand and so did Jackie.
“Where is 14 Upper? That’s my bed assignment,” Sun-Solé said. Eshe pointed. “And what about 6 Upper? That’s Jackie’s.” Eshe pointed to another top bunk.
“But she’s pregnant. I don’t think she should be on a top bunk.”
“Oh. Damn. They know better than to assign you to a top bunk. I’ll take you to the officer to get it changed. In the meantime, they’re about to serve lunch, so let me show you where we eat.”
“I don’t feel too good, Eshe. I think I’ll lie down,” Jackie said.
“Okay, cool. You can lie on my bed in the meantime. I’m on a bottom bunk.” Eshe spread out a sheet and told Jackie to lie on it. That was nice of her. We left Jackie on the bunk and proceeded to the dining hall. We sat at a table with three other chicks. The food was all right. Chicken and rice. The chicken was in big chunks, lightly seasoned with white rice and veggies.
“Not too bad,” I said as I ate.
“You can have some of my commissary until next week, if you need it. Just pay me back when you can,” Eshe offered.
“I should be straight, but thanks,” I said. Our conversation was interrupted when the door popped.
“That’s probably Beedie coming back. I don’t think there are any more new commits today.” All the ladies watched the door, and the cafeteria got quiet. Then an older white woman rounded the corner.
“Yeah, it’s just Beedie,” Eshe said as she continued to eat, and everybody started eating and talking again.
Everybody but me. I rose to my feet and dropped my fork.
“What’s wrong?” Eshe asked.
“Who is that again?” I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to gain some composure.
“Beedie. Her name is Beedie.”
“What’s her real name?”
“Actually, funny you ask that. She never wears an ID card, and the guards call her Beedie as well. But she recently told me her name. It’s Brenda Doom. Why?”
My heart fluttered. Coudn’t be! I immediately jumped over the table and ran like a stallion in a race. I could hear the faint echo of Eshe’s voice telling me to stop. But I was on a mission. This bitch. The real Judge Brenda Doom was right here. And all I could see was red. The Feds fucked up putting us in the same prison. She didn’t know what hit her when my fist collided with her face. She fell backward and hit the floor. Blood immediately poured from her nose.
“Oh shit! Somebody fuckin’ up the nice old white lady!” one of the girls shouted. I climbed on top of her and smashed my fist into her body repeatedly.
“Help! Help!” she screamed. “Somebody!” They knew that I was too mad for this to be about nothing, so everyone minded their own business. Nobody pulled me off of her, and I didn’t plan on stopping either!
Chapter 18
Eshe
* * *
“Yo, chill!” I screamed. I did the best I could to pull this new chick Sun-Solé off Beedie. Damn, Beedie got dat ass waxed. The guards finally ran in and attempted to separate them. Sun-Solé was still screaming, and guards poured into the unit like a can of spilled beans. They were every damn place. “Everybody report to your bunks now!” one of the female officers said.
“You crooked-ass old bitch. Every time I see you I’ma beat dat ass. Every time! You hear me?” Sun-Solé hollered as they pulled her o
ff Beedie. Just as they were almost completely separated, Sun-Solé kicked her leg up and caught Beedie in the head. She fell unconscious instantly.
“Oh shit!” one of the guards said. Some charges were definitely going to filed. Hopefully not homicide, because the lady looked dead. I hope she didn’t kill the old lady. Lieutenant Longwood burst through the doors.
“Everybody shut the hell up!” he said, sounding like a drill sergeant. “Bring Williamson to me.” She was cuffed and being held by two officers. They had to drag her away because she was in such a rage. The tips of her toes scraped the floor as they pulled her toward the lieutenant. She went into the office with him while medical came and got Beedie. Or should I say, the judge.
“That was crazy. I would have never thought Beedie was a judge,” Milla said, standing next to my bed.
“I know, right? I guess you just never know who the hell is up in here.”
“I wish I could get my hands on my judge,” Nay-Nay added. She was a heavyset, light-skinned girl with freckles. She slept in the bunk beside me. Cool chick from what I could see.
“I think most people feel that way,” I said.
“No, you ladies speak for yourselves,” Nay-Nay’s bunkie added. “You break the law, you pay the price. The judge is only doing their job,” Keira Marx stated. She was a stuck-up Spanish girl who had long, curly hair that fell below her waist.
“Wait a minute, Kiera . . . aren’t you here for something you didn’t do?” Milla asked.
“I mean, well, yeah, but—”
“White folks always side with other whites, even when they’ve been wronged. We can learn a lot from that. Maybe if we stuck together like them, we wouldn’t go through half the shit we go through,” I said. One thing they would learn about me real quick was that I kept it real all the time, and I didn’t sugarcoat shit. Kiera looked to be about thirty. They say she was a medical biller, and her boss was scamming Medicaid. The entire company went down after her boss blamed everything on the employees. There was no justice in her case; yet, she was defending the judge and the system. I just didn’t get it. Nobody as much as inquired about Sun-Solé. She was new and didn’t have any friends yet. But I couldn’t get her off my mind. I knew she was probably upset about being in the hole, but at the same time, it must’ve felt nice to get some hits off on a judge. One who did you dirty, at that. I pulled out a piece of paper and decided to write her a note:
Keep your head up, girl. I think you’re a strong chick. I went to
your locker and got your stuff. Some of the ladies acted like
they were going to take your things, so I hid it in my property.
Hold your head up.
Milla told me to send the note on second shift with the guard. They say he’s cool, and he’ll pass it on his way home. When he came in, I told him to please get it to her. He nodded and went about his business.
The next morning, I stood on the line for breakfast. To my surprise, the food was decent. Eggs and bagels with cream cheese.
“Jackson 054, Jackson 054, you have a visit!” the guard yelled. Jackson, a short, stocky girl with wild-looking hair jumped up from her bed and started running toward Milla’s and my table.
“Yo, new girl.”
“Her name is Eshe, and what do you want? Don’t you need to get ready for your visit?”
“You know what I need. I need some chocolate. You got a Snickers?”
“Girl, why do you always ask for a Snickers right before your visit?”
“I got one. Somebody gave it to me yesterday. Come on,” I said to Jackson. Maybe chocolate calmed her nerves before a visit. We walked over to my locker so I could give her the Snickers. When I turned to hand it to her, she had her pants and panties down.
“Girl, what the fuck?” I said. She snatched the Snickers from me and set it in a cup of hot water. She took it out after a few seconds and started smearing the melted chocolate in her panties. The peanuts made it look clumpy. It was disgusting, and I wanted to vomit.
She looked around, and then began to whisper, “As soon as they take us to the back to strip us out, I’ll be quick to pull my panties down. The female guard will start gagging. The guards won’t search me if they think I’m the shitty girl. Then I can bring in whatever I want.” She continued to smear the chocolate in her drawers, and then pulled them back up. Disgusting. She smiled and ran toward the door to have her visit. These people were crazy as hell.
I walked back to the table where Milla was sitting and picked up my tray. “You’re not going to eat?” she asked.
“No appetite. Not anymore. Not after what I just saw.” I didn’t even want to talk about the shit I just witnessed. An hour later, Jackson 054 returned from her visit. She went straight to the bathroom. She was back and not in the hole, so obviously, her little scandal worked. When she came out of the bathroom she washed her hands, and then walked straight to me.
“Good looking earlier,” she said. “I got you these for your help.” She tried to hand me a pair of cubic zirconia earrings.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said, looking at those earrings. I didn’t know where the hell she’d stashed them to get them back up in here, but I definitely was not interested in possibly putting something that was up her ass, or any place else, into my ears. No, thank you!
“You sure you don’t want them?”
“I’m sure. But that was thoughtful. You’re bolder than me. I’m just trying to do my time and go home.”
“I feel you. But I gotta do what I gotta do. I don’t have nobody outside to take care of me. I take care of myself. They only pay us five dollars and a quarter a month. Who can live off of that? Whether you’re in prison or not, that’s some bullshit. I hustle, having my people bring shit up here that the ladies need and I get paid for it. So if you ever need anything, Eshe, you let me know, and I got you. Just make sure it’s nothing bigger than a soda can.” Then she winked.
A soda can? I hoped to God this bitch wasn’t sticking nothing up her ass or va-jay-jay the size of a soda can. I didn’t even wanna know, honestly.
I wondered what my brothers were up to and how they were holding up in prison. I knew that men’s prisons were much, much worse than female prisons. I thought about them a lot. I also knew that this wasn’t over. We still had to be sentenced on this bogus murder charge. A murder we did not commit. Something had to give. I didn’t have any more money. The Feds took it all in a forfeiture. I had too much pride to ask my family for anything. I was a multimillionaire, and I planned to keep that status, even if it was only in my mind. I had to find a way to survive in here, and I would make a way, one way or another.
Chapter 19
Milla
* * *
Milla,
Baby, I am so sorry this happened. There is so much I need to tell you that I didn’t have a chance to. I know you probably hate me right now. But I want you to know that I love you, and we are going to get through this. I’m going to put some bread on your books this week. It should hold you down for a minute. I hope you can forgive me, baby. I love you so much.
I know you don’t know yet, but I just got sentenced to life for a drug conspiracy. Don’t worry, I’m a man. I can handle it. Just hold your head up and know that I truly love you.
Love
King-G
I read the letter over and over again. I didn’t know what to think about all of this. This couldn’t be possible. A life sentence? For drugs? A conspiracy at that! My heart fluttered at the thought of KG telling me how much he loves me. But the reality of the situation is foul. I wish I could call the post office and take my mail back. I just went off on him complaining about getting a twelve-piece for him. But now that time seemed like nothing compared to what he got. I didn’t understand how such a sentence was even legal. No murder. No bodily harm. No rape. Just a drug conspiracy. This just wasn’t right.
A tear fell from my eye. Followed by another one. Then a whole team of them claimed territory on my face. My life wil
l never be the same. I couldn’t even provide for myself right now. Just a few months ago, I was making more money than the average person ever dreamed of, and now, every dime I ever made was being scrutinized and criticized like I was some brazen criminal. To make matters worse, I didn’t even know his money was “supposedly” drug money. And even if it had been, my bank, my employer, was down with it. They were money hungry and used me to make a way for it to happen. Yet, I was the only one in trouble. The whole thing just didn’t sit right with me.
I saw the chick Eshe walking in my direction, so I slid the letter under my pillow and wiped my eyes.
“You all right?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just life, you know. Knowing that I am going to be doing all this time ain’t easy.”
“Tell me about it. I know the feeling. I got over ten years. And I’m still facing more time because I have a case still pending. The system ain’t right. It’s unfair.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, girl.” The unit door popped, interrupting our conversation. Everybody looked up to see who was coming in. It was the chick Sun-Solé. How did she get out of the hole so fast? She spotted Eshe and me sitting on my bunk and walked straight to us, still wearing orange.
“How did you get out?” I asked.
“Technicalities. I threatened to sue them for putting me and the bitch on the same unit. We have a separtees, and the prison carelessly ignored it. So, technically, it wasn’t my fault. They’re at fault. They let me out of there real quick once they realized that I knew what I was talking about. My husband is locked up, so I know the game.”
“That’s good. But try not to fight anybody else,” I added.
“Right!” Eshe agreed. She waved us off, as if there was no guarantee that wouldn’t happen again if the right bitch came along.
“So let me tell you what happened while I was there. You know the girl Jackie Gaines, the one who’s pregnant?”