“You know what? Relay the message to Mason for me that I’m sorry, okay? It looks like there’s nothing left to talk about here.” He moved his foot, no longer preventing the door from swinging shut. Katie didn’t shut it, though. She couldn’t seem to move. Something was happening, some shift in the tension between them. After a moment, Katie recognized it as finality.
“I’ve made mistakes, Katie. Ones I can’t fix, ones I wish I could take back. But, this right here...” He motioned back and forth between the two of them. “This didn’t have to be one of them. You have a good day, now.”
Katie watched him turn and disappear into his truck. As the door slammed and the engine roared to life, she stood there, the door still wide open. Her gaze followed the truck as it sped out the laneway, gravel dust clouding up in its wake.
She’d finally gotten her way, exactly what she wanted. Chad had left. The sad part was that she questioned whether she truly knew what she wanted now or not because, to be honest, she didn’t feel good about it at all.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAD
Spending the first night in the cab of his truck by the ravine had been bad enough after getting used to the rugged comfort of the futon in the barn’s office. Chad barely slept anyway, reclined back in the driver’s seat as he stared aimlessly out into the blackened sky. His thoughts drifted just as the clouds did, floating across his mind in one direction but essentially going nowhere in particular.
However, the following night was worse as he’d had the time to think through every possible angle of his current situation. In the end, only one clear thing remained.
He’d lost Katie.
Chad banged the palms of his hands against the steering wheel. He’d have been a fool to believe that his lie would never come out. The urgency had slowly been building within him each day, and he’d known he was running on borrowed time. He knew he would have to tell her sooner or later, but the notion that such a stupid, seemingly insignificant lie would turn into the imminent downward spiral of the life he’d had for the last few weeks was something he had never fathomed. For that reason, there was only one question that still bounced around in his exhausted, muddled brain.
Why hadn’t he just told her?
The answer came to him clearly. He’d maintained the façade purely for his own benefit, because he liked just being Chad Kirkwood again.
The last ten years he’d spent in Nashville with Liz, being Chad Ashton, had transformed him into someone else completely. He still remembered when Liz had emphasized to him the importance of using a stage name. She’d unceremoniously described his birth name as too backwoods. Recollecting the memory now still caused Chad’s blood to heat up. He should’ve known better than to let her talk him into it, but he’d relented. Liz never referred to him by his real name again.
With Katie, though, he had been able to just be himself, the man who grew up helping his grandfather on his farm, knew a thing or two about hard work, and enjoyed the quiet life that only secluded rurality could provide. No pretenses, no hidden motives, and no never-ending business dealings that his Nashville life had turned into. It was just Katie, Mason, and himself working every day toward a common goal, relishing contently in their efforts each evening on the front porch steps over a glass of iced tea and easy conversation. Chad squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, willing the surfacing flood of grief to subside. A pang of guilt and undeniable loss speared his chest as he contemplated the idea that those moments with Katie were now only in the past.
This can’t be it, he pleaded silently. I just need ten minutes to explain.
The sooner Katie realized that this wasn’t all some setup from the beginning, that he’d never do such a thing to her, the sooner they would be able to mend the pieces of whatever relationship remained between them.
The idea of her being at that farm alone, doing all that work herself while tides of betrayal and sadness rushed through her—it was almost debilitating to Chad. Guilt crushed him. Not just from his lies, but also from the result that had left Katie without him, without someone to help her. They’d become a team. At least, he’d thought so.
He squeezed his hands hard against the steering wheel again, his knuckles turning white in frustration at not knowing what to do. There had to be something. Or...
Someone.
Chad despised the idea that sparked in his mind, hated every aspect of it, but after a few minutes of mulling it over, he knew it might very well be the only chance he had left to make things right with Katie. If nothing else, even if it didn’t work, he would know that he’d left no stone unturned and utilized every possible path to make damn sure Katie knew what she truly meant to him.
For no other reason, he knew he had to try.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
KATIE
The sun remained hidden behind the gray puffs of cloud that dappled the sky. Not once did it make an appearance, yet Katie still found herself gazing up into the overcast gloominess in hopes of catching even the tiniest glimpse of it.
How suiting, she frowned, trying to convince herself that perhaps she would be in a better mood if the sun would join her as she worked away. Instead, she was left with only her loneliness and festering thoughts to keep her company while she struggled to get hay into the barn and feed into the pens. It was something Chad would’ve done while she was tending to the chicken coops and cleaning out the horse stalls. And as each moment passed by without his help, without his companionship, Katie sank deeper and deeper into a gloomy discontent that made even the cloudiest skies look cheerful by comparison.
She was plagued relentlessly by the question of how she could have been so wrong about him. Was she really so desperate—so naïve—that she’d let someone else hurt her the way she was hurting right now? After all she’d been through with Jay, had she learned nothing about keeping a safe distance from things that seemed too good to be true? Chad had shown up weeks ago and done all the right things, said all the right things to make Katie want him there. Now, not only did she want him there with her, but Mason did, too.
“Is Chad coming home today?” her son had asked at breakfast that morning, his eyes wide as he peered toward the screen door expecting him to meander in, coffee cup in hand, as he’d done on so many mornings before.
“No, Mase. For today, it’s just me. Better get your stuff together or you’ll be late for school, buddy.” Katie hadn’t even been able to look at him. Her first inclination had been to clarify immediately that this was not Chad Kirkwood’s—or Ashton’s, or whatever his name was—home. The urge to scream it from the rooftop reverberated through her. However, she reined in her anger and plastered a smile on her face instead. None of this was Mason’s fault, and the last thing he needed was to be parked in the middle of another relationship catastrophe.
Now, though, being faced with the entire situation and having no distractions other than the physical labor that caused thin beads of sweat to trickle sporadically down her temples, Katie had no choice but to admit that Mason was only a part of this ordeal because she’d allowed him to be. She’d made him vulnerable, let him get too close. The same way she had gotten too close.
But Katie had wanted Chad. If she was really, truly, deep down honest with herself, she’d wanted things to work out with him. Perhaps it hadn’t exactly been love at first sight, or head over heels, but there was no denying that a switch had flipped that night in front of the bonfire. If she closed her eyes now, she could still conjure up the way he’d looked with the flames dancing in the reflection of his pale blue eyes as he’d stared into her, watching her...
He’d known it, too; that something had changed between them then. Maybe he’d even known she would give in and kiss him. Katie shook her head, dismissing the thoughts she needed so badly to forget. There was no way he could have known, yet they’d become so in tune with each other over the preceding weeks, she just wasn’t sure anymore. Asking questions without speaking, sharing inside jokes with only the fli
cker of a grin. How had he come to know her that well, but not realize that eventually she would figure out his motives? How could he be so damn cruel...
You don’t want to fight for us. There’s a difference.
His words still pierced through her core, stinging more fiercely with each flash of Chad’s defeated features as he’d spoken them.
Katie swallowed the lump that rose in her throat, pushing her barely-controlled emotions back down into the pit of her stomach. For the millionth time since he’d uttered those words, another question chipped away at Katie’s entire being.
What if Chad was telling the truth? What if he didn’t seek her out to get Liz and Jay’s attention in some misguided way? What if all he’d done was lie about his career so he could just step away from it all? The idea that Katie had turned him away when, in fact, he might not have been quite so devious and underhanded as she’d initially been led to believe caused bile to rise in her throat again.
“Damn it!” she cursed, tossing the last forkful of hay into the feeder. She leaned the pitchfork against the wall and brushed her hands on her jeans. Seeing as Cash was still keeping close by her, she knew without looking at her watch that there were still a few hours to go before Mason trudged off the school bus. She glanced at it, anyway. Sure enough, she still had roughly a bit more than two hours before she had to be back to meet him at the end of the laneway. There was still so much to do before the sun sank behind the trees.
But it would have to wait.
The only way she would ever truly know what happened would be to ask. And due to her angry demand for him to leave the other day, Katie had no idea where to find Chad now. However, it was time to find out the truth about everything, and she knew exactly where to go to get the other side of the story.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAD
There was no denying it. He didn’t want to see either one of them. Their lies, deceit, and embellishments were the real reason his own mistake looked like such a travesty. He’d rather go back to Katie’s doorstep and grovel on his hands and knees, begging her, pleading with every ounce of dignity he had left for her to just give him one more chance to make it up to her and explain it all. Unfortunately, they were beyond that now.
Instead, Chad had dialed the phone number he knew by heart, pushing each digit slowly into the disposable cell phone he’d barely used since he purchased it. Liz had seemed genuinely surprised to hear from him, and he detected the momentary hesitation in her voice before giving him the address and directions to Jay’s apartment. Good, he thought, you should be a little unsettled by everything that’s gone on as well.
“Are you just coming here to start a fight?” she’d drawled out. The twang in her voice made him roll his eyes. It was fake, brought on by her immense desire to fit into every nook and cranny of Nashville’s elite world. But, it was still fake.
“I’m coming there for answers, Liz. Things I should’ve asked a long time ago.”
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not really you I want to talk to. I’ll be there shortly.” He’d hung up abruptly after that. According to Liz, it always had to be about—well, Liz. He wondered idly how she would react once she realized that it wasn’t himself he was seeking answers for. He was going to fight for Katie, even if she wouldn’t do the same in return.
You may not be willing to fight for me, Katie, he thought. But I’ll damn well fight for you.
***
He was hesitant while he stood in the elevator alone, waiting for it to reach the third floor that the apartment was on. Lightning strikes of worry and uneasiness flashed through him, and Chad couldn’t avoid wondering whether he was doing the right thing by being there. The tightness in his chest signaled to his brain that too many things could go wrong. Get in and get out, he chanted silently. He just needed Jay to explain to him his side of the story, what exactly he made Katie believe, and then he could get the hell out of there and go find her. She’d listen to him this time if she knew he’d made the effort to confront Jay and Liz. Then, he would be able to make things right.
The muted ding of the elevator bell announced his arrival just as the doors glided open before him. The landing was almost identical to the one he’d walked through on the ground floor, with floor-to-ceiling windows and simple decor in hues of pale pinks and drab beiges. It was all a little too feminine and artsy for him, but the curious looks that some of the other folks in the hallways and lobbies gave him told him that he didn’t quite fit in with the décor, either, so perhaps the fish-out-of-water sensation was mutual.
Jay’s name was embossed just above the apartment number on the door in extravagant gold calligraphy. Chad swallowed hard, peering behind him to compare it to the other door across the hall. Sure enough, Jay’s name had obviously been redone recently, meaning he’d probably had Katie’s name removed from it. The thought made him clench his fists; that Jay believed he could just erase Katie from his life like that. Damn it, she deserved better than this jerk!
A second later, though, it occurred to him that Jay had refrained from including Liz’s name with his, and a smug satisfaction washed over him. Once a cheater, always a cheater; isn’t that what they say? Chad wondered how long it would be before Jay hurt Liz the way he’d hurt Katie, and his fists flexed tighter. After one cleansing breath in, and letting it out slowly, he knocked on the door.
He heard the click of her heeled boots on the ceramic tile before she opened it. Liz greeted him with a smile, looking happier to see him than he thought she should. His initial reaction was to make some obscene comment about her being the only one happy right now, but he held it in. Nothing would be solved if he couldn’t keep his own pain and anger in check.
“You came. Please, come in.” She swung the door back, and Chad couldn’t ignore that she stood back in a stance that begged for him to notice her—her curves in the tight pencil dress she wore, the way her hair was so meticulously styled and falling loosely around her shoulders, and the way her arm was placed on her hip as though she were on show for the world to see.
A frustrated sigh passed Chad’s lips, but not for want or desire. He felt sorry that she felt she needed to parade around with no hair out of place, always with her insecurities and feelings tucked safely behind her mask of false confidence.
“I just need to talk to Jay.” He strode past her, catching glimpses into the different rooms of the open concept apartment—the very clean, not so lived-in apartment—but saw no sign of the man he’d come to speak to. “Where is he?”
“He’s not here, Chad.” Her eyes blinked numerous times, and he wondered then if she was counting down in her head till the moment she thought he would explode in anger.
“So, I’ll ask again. Where is he?” He burrowed his hands into his pockets, hiding the tightly balled fists he unsuccessfully tried to unclench.
“I asked him to leave for a little while.”
His eyes widened. “What? Liz, I told you on the phone—”
“I know what you said,” she interjected. “I wanted to talk to you myself first.”
A muscle in Chad’s jaw flexed. She thought this was all some kind of game. “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”
“I find that hard to believe, seeing as you’ve obviously already talked with Katie. I’m sure that went well.”
The way she stared at him, the amusement in her eyes, the hint of a smirk at the corner of her mouth—it all made a wave of anger spark within him. “What the hell did you tell her, Liz? It sure as hell wasn’t the truth, whatever it was.” He took a tentative step toward her and watched as she flinched, taking a small step backward as well. Good, at least she was a little worried about the situation. They both knew he’d never hurt her, but he felt more in control knowing that she recognized his seething anger for what it was.
“Nothing, actually.” She held her hands up in surrender. “A few suggestions whispered in her ear and she was quite will
ing to believe you were a heartbroken man out for revenge. It was Katie’s idea, actually, not ours.”
Chad’s lips pulled back in a snarl. “You and that son of a—”
“Why exactly are you here, Chad?”
The question gave him the moment he needed to rein his rage back in. “That’s none of your goddamn business.”
“We both know this isn’t your hometown, Chad. So why take off from Nashville and come here, to my hometown?”
“My family is only a few hours from here.” He meant it as a stated fact, but it came out defensive and harsh.
“And we both know you haven’t gone back to see them since you came back, either.” Liz crossed her arms, waiting for further explanation.
“You don’t know—”
“Chad! I do know, you seem to be forgetting that! I know you better than you know yourself. We both spent our teenage years counting down the days until we could sing our way out of this pit of small-town quicksand! Now, tell me why—”
“You want to know why, Liz? Why?” Chad spat out, his voice meeting hers in volume. “Because it was the last damn thing I had left of you!”
Silence ensued, engulfing the room in tension and wide eyes. Chad was sure his heartbeat could be heard across the room, and he struggled to breathe. He hadn’t meant to blurt out his confession to Liz. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing he’d hung on to his last thread of her like that.
“I’m sorry, Chad.” Her voice was weak, breaking through the silence awkwardly. “About everything.”
“Don’t be. I’ve barely been in town, anyway. And it led me to Katie.”
Liz winced, but recovered just as fast. “Like I said before, a lot of good that did you.”
Chad tilted his head slightly, his own wicked smile crossing his face. “Which part bothers you more? That I might have actually found someone who complements me better than you did, or that the someone I found has ties to Jonathan so you’d never truly be rid of me like you thought?”
My Kind Of Country: The Complete Series Page 12