I knew she was referring to Jase, and I loved how she’d segued oh so discreetly to him, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk about him – especially with his sister.
“Have you talked to him?” I asked, my mouth having a mind of its own. Apparently it wanted to talk about Jase.
She nodded. “Yeah, he came over for dinner last night. He looked like shit. He’s so torn up over what happened.”
I nodded slowly, not sure what to say to that. He’d looked awful two days earlier when I’d seen him, so I wasn’t surprised he hadn’t bounced back to a better mood. But what caught me off-guard was that it sounded like Nora was siding with him which kind of surprised me.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked, wondering if she expected me to just turn the other cheek. “She was in his bed, Nora.”
She nodded. “I know, I reamed his ass for a good twenty minutes last week when he told me the full story of what happened. Then we talked.” She sighed and looked like she was taking a moment to decide how much to tell me about their conversation. “Logan, he’s – shit, I don’t know – he’s just broken. He knows what a huge fuck-up he was, but I don’t think he knows what to do about it.”
I shook my head. “There’s nothing he can do about it. You can’t un-sleep with someone. It’s done.”
Nora was suddenly watching me like she wanted me to tell her I was going to change my mind and make everything better. And I realized I did hold all the cards. I could make the decision to forgive Jase for his indiscretion and take him back, but I wouldn’t do that. I couldn’t. My mom had cheated on my dad, and he took her back, and then she’d just gone and done it again. I wouldn’t be that naïve.
“I can’t, Nora. I can’t do it.”
“But you love him, right?” she asked, a pained look crossing her face, and I felt tears prick the backs of my eyes.
I bit my lip and nodded a few times, fighting them. I wouldn’t cry in public.
She shook her head. “Lo, that isn’t like my brother. Seriously. He’s a good guy, and he is so head-over-heels in love with you. He wouldn’t do something like that.”
“But he did,” I reasoned, my voice cracking, so I took a few deep breaths.
“You don’t know that,” she said, attempting to poke holes in my theory.
I sighed. “Nora, I was there. I saw Chloe naked in his bed, and he couldn’t tell me that nothing happened. My guess is he got wasted at the cast party and did something he regretted. Do I think he wanted to sleep with her? No. But he did, and I get that he regrets it and he’s sorry, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t be with someone who’s been unfaithful to me.”
“I know,” she said, resigned to the fact that I wasn’t going to change my mind.
“Did he ask you to talk to me?” I asked then, wondering if he tried to take advantage of my relationship with his sister to do some reconnaissance and see if he had a chance with me.
“No,” she said quickly. “No, he wouldn’t ask that, although I knew he wanted me to talk to you. I just feel bad for him, Lo. He’s in really bad shape.”
I shook my head. “I get that. I do, and the last thing I want is for him to be hurting – or for me to be hurting for that matter – but what’s done is done. What would you do if you were in my position, and the guy you loved slept with another woman, and he was sorry about it and regretted it, but it still happened?”
She sighed. “I’d never take him back.”
“See.”
She nodded. “I get it, but I at least had to try. You’re the best thing that’s happened to my brother in years, and he was so lucky to have you. I’m so pissed at him for screwing it up, but I love him, so I’ll continue to be there for him.”
It wasn’t like I could get upset with her for that. I’d do the same thing if our roles were reversed and Ethan had cheated on her. He was the closest thing I had to a brother, and no matter what, I’d always be there for him. No matter how stupid of a decision he made. And even if he was in love with me, which I really hoped he wasn’t, since that would just put a huge wrench in my life, and it was probably the last thing I needed, I’d never leave him alone when he was spiraling.
“Nora, I hate that he’s upset, but he made his bed, and he’ll have to lie in it until he figures out a way to get past this. I have to move on with my life too.”
“Are you going to move on with Ethan?” she asked then, and I could tell by her expression that she hadn’t wanted to ask me that, but she felt like she had to know.
“What? No. Hell no! He’s just a friend. I love him, but I have no feelings for him.”
She let out a breath she was holding. “Okay good, because I’m not over him, and I really couldn’t stand it if he was dating a friend of mine.”
I shook my head vehemently. “No, that won’t be happening. Trust me.”
She smiled, and I realized it was the first time she’d done so since we’d sat down. “Thank you,” she said softly, and I saw just how Nora, who was usually tough as nails, was made incredibly vulnerable by a boy – just like I had been.
And it secured in my mind that guys sucked.
“Okay, so let’s talk about this meeting we have on Friday,” she said, thankfully changing the subject since it seemed like we both needed to not think about how wronged we’d been and how bad it hurt. “I heard Christof is the photographer for the shoot next week which is good, but he’ll have his creepy assistant with him. So I think the question is, how are we going to avoid Daniel?”
I laughed, because I knew she wanted me to, but it didn’t feel natural. Daniel was creepy. He stared at us in a stalker kind of way for too long and with almost leering eyes. I didn’t like him. But even as I listened to Nora recount a story from a shoot she’d been at a few months before we’d met, and how Daniel had asked her out, my mind was on Jase where it almost always was these days. I just couldn’t shake him.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ethan
Logan stormed into my house late on Wednesday. I was on the couch watching the Dodgers game, and she stepped in front of the TV wearing a hoodie and shorts that showed off her toned legs, and found myself thinking extremely inappropriate thoughts about her walking over to me and straddling my lap. I’d been biding my time since the break-up, wondering when it would be appropriate for me to make a move. I figured I had at least a month before I could even entertain that thought.
And I especially couldn’t entertain it when she looked as pissed off as she did with her hands on her hips, her nostrils flared and her eyes on fire.
I muted the TV and looked up at her as she continued to stare at me and breathe hard through her nose.
“You okay, Lo?” I asked, and her eyes just widened.
“No, I don’t think I am,” she spat.
“Okay. Do you want to sit?” I asked, patting the space next to me.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Are you in love with me, Ethan?” she asked, and I froze.
“Uh,” I said, not sure what else I could say. She was not supposed to ask me that.
She just glared harder. “Did you break up with Nora because you thought you had a chance with me since Jase and I are over?”
“No,” I said quickly, but I was only half telling the truth.
I’d ended things with Nora because of her brother, because I’d likely pound him into the ground if I ever saw him again, and being with her meant I would probably see him. But the benefit of not having a girlfriend when Logan was finally single was that I’d be there when she realized she wanted to be with me. It was twisted, and I was a bastard, but I couldn’t help the way my mind worked. I wanted to be with her.
“I don’t believe you,” she seethed. “Nora said you have feelings for me. Do you?”
I hesitated before I said, “Yes.” Then I watched all the anger fall away from her face as she looked at me in disbelief.
“Seriously?” she asked, and it seemed like she wanted to cry. Why did she want to cry?
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Fuck,” I muttered.
When I opened my eyes, I saw that she was in fact crying, and that broke me. I hated to see her cry, and whenever she did, she usually fell into my arms. She always told me I brought her comfort when she was feeling like shit. Now she was just standing awkwardly in front of me, not sure what to do, because I was suddenly the cause of her tears.
“Come here,” I said, shaking my head, as I opened my arms wide. She looked at me hesitantly for a few seconds. “I’m not going to bite, Logan. Just come here.”
Her gaze suddenly shifted to the front hall where I could hear the door open and shut.
“Logan?” Garrett called out in concern when he appeared in the living room. “What’s wrong?”
Logan looked up at him, and her face crumpled. He dropped the shopping bags he was carrying on the floor with a thud and pulled her into his arms where she sobbed against his chest, and he stroked her back, making me want to kick his ass. Bastard.
He suddenly looked up at me over her head and tried to ask me with his eyes what had happened. I just shook my head and stormed past him, heading out to my car. I needed to get away. I knew it was childish of me to do that, but I wasn’t in the mood to sit around and watch my brother comfort the girl who suddenly felt awkward being in the same room as me.
Fuck.
She’d never felt awkward around me before. What the hell was I supposed to do if she cut me out because of how I felt? Logan had been in my life since I was a kid. I didn’t know how to exist without her. Shit, that was the reason why I’d reneged what I’d said after telling her I loved her. She’d shied away from me then, and I couldn’t handle it. Now she knew I’d been lying to her all these months, and she wasn’t happy.
I slammed my car door behind me and squealed out of the driveway, not sure where I was heading. My car was fast, and I felt like gunning it, but I’d gotten three speeding tickets in the past year, and I couldn’t handle any more points on my license. My dad was about ready to cut me off and make me pay my own car insurance if I got any more tickets. Hell, he about made me sign up for driving school, but I’d talked him out of the idea. Unfortunately, if I got another ticket, I’d have no choice but to go.
I drove around aimlessly for close to an hour before I figured I needed to pick a destination, because I didn’t feel like going home. For some reason, I chose my parents’ house. I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to go there, but it was where I headed. Maybe I just needed to talk to my mom, let her help me make sense of everything and figure out what to do. She’d known Logan as long as I had. Maybe she could help me figure out how not to lose her.
I had to drive by Logan’s mom’s house, and when I saw her little sister Skylar sitting on the curb outside the gate, kissing a boy, I slowed down, my protective instincts taking over. Skylar was thirteen, and I didn’t know who this kid was, but he looked shady.
“Hey Sky,” I said, rolling down my window, as she flew out of the guy’s grasp.
“Ethan!” she yelped, her face turning about nine shades of red.
The guy looked confused as he stared at Skylar who was suddenly smiling at me in a goofy sort of way. Then his eyes narrowed, as he turned to size me up, as if he thought of me as competition. Yeah right. Skylar might have had a crush on me for years, but she was just a kid. Poor insecure guy.
“Hey man. I’m Ethan Lewis. I grew up next door,” I said, sticking out my hand to shake his. He shook it hesitantly.
“I’m Grayson,” he said, revealing a mouthful of braces. Okay, maybe he wasn’t so shady.
“Nice to meet you, Grayson,” I told him. “Are you Skylar’s boyfriend?”
“E-than,” Skylar groaned, so I winked at her, and she turned even redder.
Grayson cleared his throat. “Um, uh, I guess.”
“That’s cool, man. How long have you been seeing each other?”
“Just a week. We’re not really serious,” Skylar said, stepping toward my car, as she suddenly regained her confidence and batted her eyelashes a few times. Grayson glared at her. “What are you doing home, Ethan?”
She tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder as she waited for me to answer.
“I’m going to see my mom,” I told her.
“Why?” she asked, leaning her hip against my car in what I think was mean to be a seductive way. Where the hell had she learned that?
Logan and I were going to have a little talk about this encounter. It was one thing for Sky to be embarrassed around me, but she was downright flirting, not to mention the fact that she’d been making out with a boy. Logan was going to be pissed – that is if I ever got to tell her about what I’d witnessed. Maybe she’d never speak to me again.
God dammit. I was a fucking idiot.
“Girl trouble,” I suddenly blurted, forgetting who I was talking to.
“Really?”
Skylar’s eyes brightened. That was not a good thing.
I shrugged. “Yup. The girl I like isn’t thrilled that I like her,” I said, not sure why I was seeking therapeutic love advice from a child.
“Well, she’s an idiot then,” Skylar said, shaking her head.
I sighed. “No, she’s not.”
I felt the need to defend Logan, because it was me who was the idiot. I never should have told her I liked her. Why had I felt compelled to do that? Why had it seemed like a good idea?
“I should go,” I said then, afraid of what else might come out of my mouth.
“Oh,” Skylar said, her head dropping and her shoulders slumping.
I felt bad for her. Then I got a brilliant idea.
“Hey, Sky,” I said then, and she looked up at me from under her lashes. Where did she learn that? I swear, this girl was going to be trouble when she got to sixteen, if she wasn’t already.
“Yeah?” she asked hopefully.
“How about you, me and Logan go to dinner on Friday night?”
Her face brightened. “Really?”
I shrugged. “Totally. We’ll even let you pick the place.”
She smiled widely. “I’d love to,” she said, as if accepting a date.
Please don’t think it’s a date. Please don’t think it’s a date.
Her boyfriend looked pissed.
“Cool,” I said, for both of their benefits. “It’ll be fun for all of us to hang out as friends.” I emphasized the word friends so there wasn’t any confusion. Then I shifted out of neutral. “See you Friday, Sky.”
I drove away before she could respond, but in my rearview mirror I could see Grayson say something to her before he stalked off. Skylar tried to look indifferent, and she wasn’t doing a great job of it. But at least the kid was gone. I didn’t have to worry about them picking up where they left off.
When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, I picked my phone up off of my seat, not at all surprised that Logan hadn’t called me. I sent her a quick text.
Dinner Friday. Your sister was making out with a boy in front of your mom’s house. We need to have a talk with her.
I sent it knowing it would get Logan’s attention. It was conniving, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. I needed to get her to talk to me. She had to know that I wasn’t going to act on my feelings for her. I’d been harboring them for close to six months, and I hadn’t acted on them. If she didn’t want me, I wasn’t going to push the issue, but I also wasn’t going to lose her.
It was a brutally painful few minutes before she responded.
What?!
I smiled with relief and started type a response. Don’t worry. I scared him off. She’s fine.
Thank you. I’m calling her now.
Anytime, I fired back, hoping to keep the conversation going, but she didn’t respond. I finally sent her another text after a few minutes. Lo?
I’m here, she responded.
I’m sorry.
I know.
Are you mad at me? I held my breath as I waited for her response.
A little �
�� because you lied to me. But I’m more confused than anything.
That’s understandable. Can I call you?
Not today. Can you give me some time?
I felt my stomach constrict as I read her words.
Can we meet before dinner on Friday and talk?
Sure, she replied, and I knew if I could just make it through the next two days, we’d be okay.
And a sick and twisted part of me truly hoped that now that she knew how I felt, she might decide she felt the same way. I was hopeless.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Logan
Ethan liked me. What the hell was I supposed to do with that?
We hadn’t spoken in two days which was so unlike us, but I was on my way to meet him to talk before we picked up my sister for dinner. He’d texted me earlier and asked me to meet him at a park near where our parents lived, a place where we used to play when we were kids, so I was headed there.
And I had no clue what I was walking in to. Did he expect me to reciprocate his feelings? Would he try to kiss me? What did this mean for our friendship?
When I parked, I could see him sitting on one of the swings, gently moving back and forth, his Converse sneakers dragging in the dirt, and his blond hair covering his face as he looked down at the ground. He looked up when he saw me approaching, and his face instantly brightened, even though I wasn’t sure it was voluntary.
I could see now so clearly how he felt, and I knew I’d been ignoring the signs for a while. He always lit up when I came into a room, and I’d convinced myself it was just because he was happy to see me. I didn’t want to acknowledge he had feelings for me, because I was honestly afraid to know how deep they ran.
I wordlessly took the seat next to him and started moving back and forth in the swing. It was just like when we were kids, and the idea of sitting still on a swing seemed strange, so I moved. Ethan’s gaze swung away from me, and he looked out at the horizon.
“Thanks for meeting me,” he said in a measured tone.
“You’re welcome.”
Geez, we sounded so formal. That just wasn’t like us.
Gravity Happens (Forcing Gravity) Page 23