He chuckled. “You have no idea.”
“Oh, I do. I grew up in Ft. Lauderdale, so I’m no stranger to the craziness of South Florida.”
“I didn’t know that,” he said, moving closer to me. “What was that like?”
I spent the next thirty minutes talking and, I suppose, flirting with Dustin. He was nice and fun, and although I didn’t really feel any sparks, he made for good company. When one of his friends approached us, he introduced me. His friend said they were heading somewhere else, and Dustin asked if I wanted go to with them.
“No thanks. I’m good staying here with my friends,” I told him.
“Oh, I just figured since Jase is here that you wouldn’t want to stay.”
It was the first time he’d brought up Jase since we’d been talking, and I felt the color drain from my face as I fought the urge to look around. Jase was there? I had no idea.
“No, I’m – I’m good,” I said, smiling as good naturedly as possible. “Jase and I are friends. It’s fine.”
Dustin narrowed his eyes at me. “Logan, I’m not the paparazzi. You can be honest with me. I know what he did to you, and I wouldn’t blame you if you hated the guy.”
I smiled again. “I don’t hate him.”
Yeah, I kind of do, but I also still love him. Dammit!
“But you hate what he did, don’t you?”
I bit my lip. “Yeah, I do.”
He leaned closer to me. “Would it sway your decision to come with us if I told you Chloe was here too?”
My eyes got wide at that comment, and I started to look around. I didn’t care who saw me. I didn’t see Chloe anywhere, so I turned back to Ellie.
“Chloe is here?” I hissed.
She looked at me sheepishly. “Yeah, she got here about twenty minutes ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?!”
She gestured to Dustin. “You were engrossed in a conversation. I didn’t think it was important.”
“Is she here with Jase?”
Ellie looked at me in alarm. “Jase is here?”
“Apparently!” I said, throwing my arms up. The club suddenly felt very crowded.
“Uh, I’m going to go see if E wants to go,” Garrett said then, a look of concern crossing his face.
I knew what he was thinking. Ethan had a few drinks in him, and if he saw Jase, it wouldn’t be good. Hell, if I saw Jase, it wouldn’t be good.
I looked out at the dance floor then in search of Ethan and the blonde when my eyes locked with Jase’s. He glanced to my left to where Dustin was sitting very close to me, and his eyes narrowed, and when he looked back at me, the pain on his face was evident. He turned away and disappeared into the crowd before I could even register how seeing him made me feel. I saw him leave soon after that, relieved that I wouldn’t have to encounter him in person.
“Lo, I’m going to go outside,” Ellie said then, holding up her phone. “I need to take this call.”
“Yeah, sure,” I said, waving her off. I just needed to say goodbye to Dustin, and then I was going to head to the bathroom. I needed a minute to get my shit together. The combination of the alcohol I’d consumed, the impact of seeing Jase, and the remix of the Alex Clare song pounding overhead was starting to make me feel dizzy.
“So you’re sure you won’t come with us?” Dustin asked, and I shook my head.
“No, I’m good, but thanks,” I said, as pleasantly as possible, trying not to let go the floodgate of emotions that had barraged me as soon as I’d locked eyes on my ex-boyfriend.
“Alright, well, here’s my number,” he said, handing me a small torn-off piece of a napkin. “Call me if you want to get together.”
I nodded, as I stuffed his number in my clutch. Then I went through the motions of kissing him on the cheek and saying goodbye. When I was alone, I fought my way through the club to the bathroom and locked myself inside one of the stalls, thankful for the full doors that muffled the sound. The music playing in the club was still able to be heard, but on a much lower register, so I didn’t think anyone heard me start to cry.
I was grateful to let out the emotions I’d tried so hard to bottle up. It had been three weeks since Jase had broken up with me. I knew I shouldn’t be over him, but I didn’t want to still be crying over him. But shit, if the look on his face didn’t break me into pieces. He looked as miserable as I felt. Nora had been right.
But it was his fault. The whole thing was his fault. He’d gotten drunk and hooked up with Chloe. He’d cheated on me, whether intentionally or not, he’d still cheated. And I hated him for ruining something so great. I hated him for making me feel like shit and for crying in the middle of a club when I should have been dancing and enjoying myself. I hated that I was locked in a bathroom stall, hiding and wishing I could teleport myself back to my dorm room.
Henley would be out, so I’d have the place to myself, which was a rare occurrence. But I needed to be alone. I was falling apart. And the fact that Ethan wanted me to fall into his arms made it that much worse. I was trying not to let his feelings affect me, but they were so obvious now that I knew about them. I knew he was just hooking up with that girl because he was trying to show me he could, but I knew if I offered him what he wanted, he’d drop her in a heartbeat. And that wasn’t fair.
Why couldn’t I like him? He was gorgeous and sweet and funny, and he adored me and loved me. But it was just like when I hooked up with Garrett last August. It was like kissing my brother. I’d known the two of them since I was a kid. They were my family. I loved them like brothers. I’d never had romantic interest in either of them. I knew that, even without making out with Ethan.
And even if I couldn’t move on with Ethan, why was I so hesitant to move on with someone else. Dustin was cute, and he was interested. But I couldn’t muster the energy to do more than talk and flirt with him. And the worst part was, I actually felt guilty that his number was in my bag. My small clutch felt like it weighed fifty pounds, as the understanding of how much my life had changed in three short weeks hit me square in the face.
Jase and I were over. We’d broken up. He’d cheated on me, and I think the reality of that and the magnitude of it finally sunk in as I sat on the lid of a toilet in a club, feeling so empty and alone and angry all at the same time.
We were never getting back together – like ever. Okay, quoting Taylor Swift was just wrong, but in that moment, that was all I could think of. We weren’t ever getting back together. He’d never again hold me in his arms. I’d never again wake up in his bed or smell him on his sheets or hear him tell me he loved me. My heart ached so much at the thought of how much I’d lost.
I missed him. I missed him so much. I just missed him.
I let myself cry for a few more minutes, before I decided I just needed to leave. Everyone else could stay. They didn’t need to leave on my account, but I had to go. I needed to be alone.
I left the stall and stopped by the mirror to see how bad I looked. It was dark in the club, so it was feasible that no one would notice my puffy eyes as I walked out, but I didn’t want to take a chance. I took a few moments to fix my make-up and fan my face to make my eyes less red.
“Guys are assholes,” someone said, as they came up behind me.
I looked in the mirror to see the girl Ethan had been dancing with approaching me. She’d just come out of one of the stalls.
I smiled good naturedly at her, even though I wasn’t in the mood to bond.
“You’re Ethan’s friend, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I am.”
“I’m Ali,” she said, as she reapplied her lip gloss and caught my gaze in the mirror. “He’s a good guy.”
“He’s a great guy,” I said.
Then she turned to me. “But you’re not into him?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not.”
She smiled. “Good news for me.”
Then she winked at me before turning to leave the bathroom but was stopped by her two friends coming in that moment. Th
ey were giggling and gushing over Hunter and TJ, so she talked to them through the stalls as they used the bathroom.
I slipped out of the restroom, leaving them to their light-hearted gossip, wishing my life was that simple. I ran into Ethan who was waiting in the hallway. He smiled at me, shooting me his trademark ‘Ethan Lewis panty-dropping smile’ that never worked on me, and I started to stop and talk to him, but then switched directions when I noticed Chloe ten feet away.
“Lo?” Ethan asked in confusion as I barreled past him. Then he saw where I was headed. “Oh, shit!”
As soon as I was in shoving distance, I stuck my arms out in front of me, and I pushed Chloe as hard as I could in the back.
“You bitch!” I screamed over the Fall Out Boy song that was playing in a rapid, blinding beat overhead.
“What the fuck?” Chloe screamed, as she fell forward into the guy she was flirting with.
She spun around to look at me, and as soon as she did, I punched her in the face, so glad my dad had taught me years ago how to defend myself. I knew his intentions had been for me to ward off potential muggers and rapists, but his lessons were serving me well in beating the crap out of the girl who’d stolen my boyfriend and my happiness along with him.
Chloe was grasping her cheek in her hand, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a bouncer coming toward us, so I knew I only had seconds before I was tossed out.
“That was for sleeping with my boyfriend, you callous bitch, and that,” I said, as I slapped her across the cheek she wasn’t covering, “was just because you’re a heartless, fucking cunt!”
Her jaw dropped open in shock, and she started to lunge for me as Ethan’s arms wrapped around me from behind and pulled me back, causing Chloe to lose her balance and fall forward on her stilettoes and land on the floor of the club. I laughed maniacally as the bouncer final got to us.
I turned to him. “I’m leaving,” I hissed, as Ethan dragged me backward. Then I looked back at Chloe who was getting to her feet, her face red in embarrassment. “Whore!”
“Enough!” Ethan growled, squeezing his arms tighter around me. “She’s not worth it.”
“She’s a fucking bitch!” I screamed.
“She. Is. Not. Worth. It,” Ethan said, enunciating each word as we very publically left the club.
I had no idea where Garrett and Ellie and TJ and Hunter were, but I didn’t care. I was spinning in a wave of unconscious crazy that had overtaken me the minute I’d seen Chloe standing there looking all beautiful and smug and flirty like she hadn’t destroyed something so wonderful by being a selfish whore. I saw red, and I couldn’t stop myself.
As soon as we were outside, Ethan threw me into a cab and barked his address at the driver. I was vaguely aware that our picture had been taken as we left the club, but I couldn’t be bothered with that. So what if the world knew I was upset that I’d been cheated on? Who wouldn’t be? I had every right to mourn my break up and be miserable and deal with it however the fuck I wanted!
I sat back against the seat and crossed my arms in front of my chest defiantly. Screw them. Screw them all.
Ethan turned to me. “Logan, you punched her,” he said in disbelief.
“Yeah, I did,” I spat, venom coursing through my veins. “She deserved it.”
“But you punched her. You flat out hit her.”
I turned to him. “Yes, Ethan I did. I hit her, because she slept with Jase, and I’m not over it, and I’m not over him, and I hate her. So, yes, I hit her, because it felt good. Because I haven’t had a moment of internal peace in weeks, and I miss him, and I’m miserable, and tonight I saw him, and it just reminded me of everything I lost, that she took from me, so yes, I hit her as hard as I could, because I wanted her to feel even a sliver of the pain I’m feeling, that she inflicted on me when she was a selfish bitch who went after something that wasn’t hers.”
I was out of breath by the time I finished my diatribe and collapsed against the backseat in a huff.
“Um, okay then. I guess it was justified,” Ethan said idly, and I wondered if he wasn’t sure how to handle what I’d just thrown at him. Then he changed the subject. “Hey, there’s your billboard.”
I looked up to see the shot of me, Nora and Cody high above Sunset. I’d forgotten it was going up that day.
“Yeah.”
It didn’t even look like me.
“You guys look hot as hell.”
The finished product actually looked pretty amazing – more amazing than I could have predicted, and I’d seen the stills at work after the shoot. At that angle we were so life-size. I wondered idly if Jase had seen the billboard on his drive home and what he thought. Did he think I looked sexy? Would he even recognize me with all that make-up and the fake tan?
I closed my eyes then, wanting to ward off the thoughts invading my head. All I could think of was Jase’s face across the club. I looked to my right and saw the Hollywood sign and remembered all too clearly what the view of it from Jase’s back deck looked like. Had we still been together, I would have gone home with him, and we probably would have sat out on his deck talking before we went to bed together.
I squeezed my eyes even tighter, not sure how to process all that I was feeling. So many emotions were coursing through me in that moment along with the slowly fading adrenaline rush I’d felt when I’d nailed Chloe square in the face. I felt crazy and out of control and literally exhausted all at the same time.
Ethan didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride home, and when we got back to his place, I went upstairs, changed into a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt and went out to the couch he had on the porch off of his bedroom.
“You’re sleeping outside?” he asked in disbelief.
“Yes,” I said so firmly that he didn’t say anything else.
He just tossed me a blanket, turned off the light and left me alone on the porch where I laid down on the couch where Jase had kissed me for the first time and looked up at the stars, wondering when I would start to feel a little less raw, a little less broken. I just wanted the pain to go away.
No, in truth, I wanted Jase back. But how could I even entertain that after what he’d done? He felt remorse that much I knew, but did it even matter? My dad had given my mom a second chance after she’d cheated, and she’d just done it again.
If I gave Jase a second chance, and I couldn’t believe I was even considering that idea, could I ever trust him? Would our relationship consist of me freaking out every time I saw him look at another girl or panicking that the worst would happen when he had to go away on location and we were separated for months at a time?
I couldn’t live that way. I couldn’t be afraid that I’d turn around and get hurt again. I loved him and I missed him, but I wouldn’t put myself through that torture again. Getting over him was the only option I had.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Logan
“You hit Chloe? For real?” Henley asked when I was getting ready for school on Monday.
I’d hung out at Ethan’s, surfing, being lazy, and avoiding the outside world all day on Sunday, and when I’d gotten home that night, Henley hadn’t been there, so this was the first time we were talking.
“I hit her,” I confirmed, as I shoved my favorite hat over my head and looked down at my bruised knuckles.
I was playing incognito since the story of my encounter with Chloe had hit the Internet early Sunday morning. I really didn’t want to go to class, but I also didn’t want to be one of those people who hid from the media. I’d done what I’d done, and now I had to deal with it, but if I could avoid questions and stares by blending in with the crowd, it would make my day a whole hell of a lot easier.
I wasn’t sure what had come over me in that moment. I just remembered seeing red and then Chloe was there, and suddenly I was in her face, swinging. And the media was having a field day with it. Thankfully there were no pictures of the actual incident, but there were plenty of eyewitness accounts, and those witnesses
were more than happy to share their insight in exchange for fifteen minutes of fame. There were also a few shots of Chloe shopping at the farmer’s market on Sunday morning, sporting a black eye that accompanied pictures of Ethan and me leaving the club. I looked like hell.
“Oh, man, I bet that felt incredible,” Henley mused in her deep southern accent.
“Yeah, it sort of did,” I said, because for a split second it had. But it still didn’t erase what she’d done.
“I didn’t know you were so bad-ass, Logan,” she said then, and I turned away to grab my backpack. I was going to be late for class if I didn’t hurry.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” I mumbled, not really wanting to glamourize the whole incident. It definitely wasn’t the smartest move I’d ever made.
I was out the door before Henley could say anything else, head down, walking briskly, hoping anyone I ran into wouldn’t say anything. I felt eyes on me all the way to class, but no one stopped me.
Throughout my two classes that morning, I was more focused than I ever had been before in my life, taking notes and looking only at the professor. When I sat down in Calc 2, since it was a smaller class, I heard whispers from those around me, and when the professor dismissed the class, I got up in a hurry, but I wasn’t fast enough.
I heard a girl near me whispering to her friend. “Yeah, she really hit her, like punched her.”
“Wow,” the girl said. “That’s a little crazy if you ask me.”
At that, I reeled around to face her and put on a fake smile. “Hi, I’m Logan. We haven’t met, but it seems you know me.”
The girl sneered at me. “I guess. I mean, I’ve heard about you, and I’ve seen your picture in Celebrity Weekly a bunch of times.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, knowing exactly what she was alluding to. “You can’t believe everything you read, trust me.”
“I can if the information is true,” she said, and I wished I would have just kept walking. “Did you really hit Chloe St. James?”
“Yes,” I said, because it wasn’t like I could deny it. Too many people had seen me haul off and punch her.
Gravity Happens (Forcing Gravity) Page 25