The Girl of My Dreams

by Durjoy Datta

  They heard the announcements again. Shreyasi smiled at Daman while the speakers blared behind her. ‘The next station is New Delhi. The next station is New Delhi. Please mind the gap.

  Please mind the gap.’

  ‘What’s your point?’ asked Avni.

  ‘Oh, you’re back? Has Daman ever told you how ugly you look?’ commented Shreyasi. ‘My point is that I faked your signatures and took out another insurance of the car. You can have the insurance money if you want.’

  Avni shifted restlessly in her seat.

  ‘What would you have me do for it?’ asked Daman.

  Shreyasi grinned. ‘You need to break up with the whore sitting next to you. Does that sound simple?’

  ‘No.’

  Avni held Daman’s hand under the table. Shreyasi didn’t fail to make a note of it. She said, ‘It would be nice if you don’t hold hands in front of me.’

  ‘He won’t do it. He won’t break up with me,’ said Avni.

  ‘I don’t see any other option,’ said Shreyasi looking daggers at her.

  ‘What he does or doesn’t is none of your business,’ snapped Avni.

  ‘I wasn’t talking to you,’ said Shreyasi. ‘So Daman, let me sweeten the deal. What if your deal with Jayanti suddenly becomes far more promising than it is right now? An earlier release? More

  money? More creative control? What if I dealt with Karthik? What if he’s no more your problem?’

  ‘How would you do that?’ grumbled Daman.

  ‘Leave that to me. But would you like that? I can make it happen. You should know that I can do it, and so does your useless and pathetic ex-girlfriend, Avni. After all, creepy, terrible, psychotic people can do a lot of damage, can’t we, Avni?’ She winked. ‘So what is your decision? Your car, your money, your book, your future or this piece of inadequate shit you call a girlfriend?’

  Before Shreyasi could say anything more, Avni cut the call.

  ‘Why did you do that?’ grumbled Daman.

  ‘We don’t need her.’

  ‘But—’

  Avni picked her bag up and left, hot tears in her eyes.

  33

  Daman waited for Jayanti Raghunath in the conference room of the Bookhound Publishers office.

  He had emptied three cups of tea in the past half an hour. In his dream last night, Jayanti had walked in, smiled brightly, and told him about how a big guy in the UK office read his books and wanted to take Daman international. His happiness had drowned in the morning sunlight.

  He looked at his watch again. Avni hadn’t reached yet and neither had she taken his calls.

  Daman lost it when she finally took his call. ‘Where the hell are you? You can’t abandon me now!’

  She told him she will be there in fifteen minutes. ‘Is that the metro I can hear behind you? Why didn’t you drive, or take a cab?’ She panted on the phone and said something about surge pricing.

  He cut the call.

  Between that day and now, Shreyasi had repeated her offer about a dozen times, often picking times to call him when Avni was around. ‘Your career in return for a break-up. Are you sure she’s worth it?’ she’d said again and again.

  Avni had started spending more time with him, staying over at his apartment on most nights. She had a toothbrush in the washroom and two sets of clothes hanging in the cupboard. She behaved like a limp horse that was scared it will be put down. But Daman had no intentions to break up with her. He spent a lot of time consoling her when he found her whimpering in the middle of the night. ‘I wish I could make it all go away, I wish I could do something for you,’ she would tell him repeatedly while sobbing into his chest. ‘Let me help you,’ she had said and pressed him to take post-dated cheques covering the entire insurance amount. He had refused, of course.

  ‘I’m not a landlord,’ he had argued. He felt sorry for how she thought it was her fault. He duly told her it was not her fault every time she brought it up. Which is not to say he hadn’t himself stayed up nights thinking about how different things could be if he bowed down to Shreyasi’s wishes.

  He felt a need to pee. He got up and strode into the washroom. By the time he got back to the conference room, Jayanti was sitting there with another woman whom she introduced as the head of the legal department.

  ‘I’m glad you are signing with us. Your book may release later than you wanted it to but I promise we will do everything to make it a massive success,’ said Jayanti.

  She then asked Daman to clear all his doubts about the contract with the woman from the legal department. They shook hands and Jayanti and the other woman left Daman to leaf through the contract. Clearly, there was no conversation to be had about monies or timelines. The contract was standard. There were no hidden clauses. Just a simple ten pager and Daman went through it twice in the next hour. Every time he thought he was ready, he would start reading it again, try to find a fault but come up short. He didn’t want to sign it before Avni went through it. He leant back into his chair.

  He looked outside and noticed a little commotion. Jayanti and a couple of other editors were talking animatedly, covering their faces, shaking their heads, and soon they all huddled into

  Bookhound Publishers’ CEO’s office. Whatever they were discussing was relayed around the office. Groups of two and three stood talking and their faces had the different variations of same expression of shock he had seen on Jayanti. Jayanti and the other two editors didn’t come out until twenty minutes later. Their faces were sullen, as if all the happiness had been drained out of them, drop by drop. A little later, the woman from the legal department dropped in to see how Daman was doing with the contract.

  ‘I want to take this home and then review it. I don’t want to make any mistake,’ said Daman.

  The woman nodded. ‘Okay, I will just inform Jayanti about it.’ She was about to leave when

  Daman called out.

  ‘What happened out there?’

  ‘One of our authors was in an accident. I don’t know if you have heard of him. Karthik Iyer?’

  ‘What happened to him?’

  ‘He tripped down a flight of stairs.’

  ‘Shit!’ said Daman, imagining him lying dead and twisted in a heap. ‘Is he okay?’

  ‘He will live. But there’s severe spinal injury and his legs are broken in multiple places. The doctors are saying he might not leave the hospital for the next few months,’ said the woman, ruefully.

  Daman nodded.

  ‘I will just call Jayanti,’ said the woman and left.

  Daman wondered if he should visit him in the hospital. Despite the hatred he harboured for him, he felt sorry for him.

  ‘Should I come in?’ asked Jayanti. She strode in before he could answer. ‘The contract is pretty straightforward. Why not sign it now?’

  Daman could sense Jayanti wasn’t her usual confident self. Her voice shook and she fidgeted with the pen in her hand. She had aged years in an hour. No matter how much of a bitch she might be, they had worked together for years. Even created magic together, at least in terms of sales.

  ‘I’m not sure—’

  ‘You’re testing my patience. You have had weeks to think about this and to go to rival publishers. This contract is important. For you and for us. There’s nothing to not understand. Just sign the damned thing. Do you understand?’ Jayanti slapped the table with the last word. Something clicked in Daman. She’s desperate. She had never said the contract was important for them before today.

  ‘I can’t, Jayanti. I might make some people to go through the contract as well. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.’

  Jayanti threw her hands up in exasperation. This was the most unprofessional Jayanti had ever been. She had taken Karthik’s news pretty hard. And just like that, he knew why. Her best author was rendered useless for a few months. He wouldn’t turn in the two novels he had promised and had signed up for. That meant an opening in her publishing calendar.

  Daman said, ‘This cont
ract undermines my talent and it doesn’t pay me enough.’

  ‘What the hell—’

  ‘Karthik will be in the hospital for a few months, will he not? Which means there’s only a slim chance of him finishing a book this year. That leaves you with no other major releases,’ said

  Daman.

  ‘So?’

  Daman continued, his voice low and assertive, ‘So with Karthik being out of action for the next few months, my book suddenly becomes a little more important, doesn’t it? This means you’re going to pay me more and shift the release date.’ Daman smiled.

  ‘There’s no way—’

  ‘I’m sure you will find a way,’ said Daman and slid the contract back to Jayanti. He got up and walked towards the door. ‘The contract is important to you, as you said.’

  Jayanti was still sitting in her chair, fuming. ‘I can’t believe you’re using a fellow author’s misfortune as a springboard for your contract.’

  Daman smiled. ‘And weren’t you fucking me over because of him? I do feel sorry for him but

  I’m thankful as well. Maybe I will go visit him in the hospital and tell him that. Please send over the new contract and I will be happy to reconsider.’

  ‘No,’ said Jayanti. Daman turned to face Jayanti. She got up and took a few steps towards him.

  When she had come close enough for Daman to feel her breath on his face, she repeated, ‘No.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re okay with that?’

  Jayanti snarled. ‘Yes, I’m okay with that. But what I’m not okay is with my pets growling back at me.’

  ‘I’m not—’

  ‘You’re Daman. You’re a fucking mongrel, that’s what you are. Someone I picked up from the streets! Who do you think would even know your name if it weren’t for me? So fuck you, fuck your books, and fuck your contract. Walk out of here with your tail between your legs like the dog you are. You thought you would steamroll over me? Use my author’s condition against me?’

  ‘Jayanti—’

  ‘What were you thinking in that stupid little head of yours? You’re a writer but I didn’t think you were into fantasy. When did you think you had become that important to me? To this office? And this publishing company?’ She snapped her fingers and grinned. ‘I can make another one of you in a month. You should have never quit your job. Because now not only will you never get published here but I will call every one of my editor friends and tell them about your little stunt. Let’s see who publishes you then, Daman. Your writing career is over as you know it.’

  34

  I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have done it. Why did I do it? Shut up. It’s done. It’s for the best. You can’t think about it now. It’s done. Avni’s conversation with herself was cut short rudely by the driver when the auto stopped in front of the coffee shop Daman had asked her to come to when she was on her way to the Bookhound office. He must have signed the deal, she figured.

  ‘Seventy-eight rupees,’ said the driver.

  She paid the driver and wiped clean the smudged kajal with her handkerchief. Her hands were shaking. It was only a few minutes ago that the tears had stopped and they threatened to come back every time she thought about what she had done. What I did was horrible, but I did it for you, I’m not the inadequate, useless girlfriend.

  ‘What happened?’ she asked, when she saw Daman’s bloodshot, furious eyes. ‘Did you sign the contract?’

  Daman shook his head. ‘Everything’s finished. I fucked up. I destroyed everything.’ He added after a pause, sighing, ‘Do you know Karthik could have died this morning and I fucking tried using it?’

  Yes. I was there. I saw Karthik tumble. I heard his bones crunch. ‘What are you talking about?’ asked Avni, feigning innocence. It was only to help you. ‘I don’t know what came over me but I did it for you,’ she wanted to say.

  He went on to tell her the long and short of it. The news of Karthik’s accident, the desperation in

  Jayanti’s voice and his deplorable decision to take her on.

  ‘The more I think about it the more wrong I think I was,’ said Daman. ‘I was using Karthik’s accident.’ He massaged his temples with his fingers. ‘It seemed the right thing to do at the moment.

  But now it seems so . . . evil. How could I stoop so fucking low?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Avni. No. No. It can’t be. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. You weren’t supposed to threaten Jayanti. Why did you?

  ‘Where were you?’ asked Daman.

  ‘The metro was stuck.’

  ‘It’s done,’ he said, stirring his coffee. ‘My writing career is finished. She said it in so many words.’

  Avni’s stomach churned. The words hit her like a physical blow in her guts. I’m so sorry. I did my best. I thought I will make things all right. Avni said, ‘Maybe she was just scaring you. It could be possible that she doesn’t have the kind of influence over other publishers as she’s making you believe.’

  ‘But they would know of my situation. How much do you think they would pay me when they know how desperate I am?’ he asked. Avni didn’t have an answer. ‘That’s what I thought.’

  They sat in silence.

  A few minutes later, Avni said, ‘I have three fixed deposits and one recurring one. Also, I’m meeting the recruiter from Barclays again. Things are looking positive. We can tide you over.’ She reached out and held his hand.

  Daman retracted his hand and leant back into his chair. He muttered, ‘I know you will always be there, Avni. But I can’t just sit here and do nothing, right? God. Why the hell did I have to take that chance? I should have just signed the contract and walked out. Why did Karthik choose today of all the days to fall to his death?’

  ‘He’s not dead,’ said Avni sharply.

  ‘But he could have been,’ said a voice. Daman and Avni both looked up to find Shreyasi smiling at them. ‘Thanks to your ex-girlfriend he could’ve been in a morgue, not a hospital.’

  ‘Shreyasi?’

  ‘Hi, baby,’ Shreyasi said and ran her fingers over Daman’s face as he flinched. ‘Is this seat taken? May I join you guys?’

  She pulled the chair and sat down before any of them could answer. She kept her handbag on the table. She continued, ‘I apologize for intruding. We should do this more often. The three of us having a coffee rather than one of us girls just spying from a distance.’ She threw an accusing look at Avni.

  The waiter approached the table. ‘Give us ten minutes,’ she said. The waiter walked away.

  ‘So I heard what happened with you and Jayanti, baby,’ Shreyasi addressed Daman, ‘but I didn’t hear Avni’s part in the entire story. I don’t particularly relish unfinished stories. That’s why I never found the taste for short stories. There’s way too much subtext and suspense at the end of it all. But we don’t want any of that between us, do we? So do you wish to share your part in this story,

  Avni? Or should I tell him?’

  She knows, thought Avni. She knows what I did.

  ‘What are you doing here, Shreyasi?’ grumbled Daman. ‘You need to leave. It’s all your fault.’

  ‘My fault? That’s a bit of a stretch, baby. You’re the one who went all ballistic on Jayanti today.

  I was the one trying to help you, remember? You didn’t listen and look where it has taken you, shona.’

  ‘You should go,’ said Daman.

  ‘I will but I really want to know where Avni was this morning.’ Shreyasi looked at Avni. ‘Will you tell him or should I?’

  She knows.

  ‘What is this? What’s she talking about?’

  Avni felt the world spin around her. She knows.

  ‘Avni? Don’t stare at me like that! Look at him and tell him what you did? He’s waiting and so am I,’ said Shreyasi. ‘Let’s hurry up and end this facade of a relationship between the two of you.’

  ‘I . . .’

  ‘What?’ he asked.

  ‘Tell him, Avni. Where were you this morning?�
��

  Avni wringed her clammy hands. ‘Metro station.’

  ‘Yes, now we are getting there. What were you doing at the metro station? Who was you with?’

  ‘Did you cheat on me?’ questioned Daman.

  Tears started to streak down Avni’s face. She shook her head. ‘No.’

  ‘Oh, baby. Be more inventive. Cheating? For that she would have to find someone who likes her.

  And as I told you before, she’s a bit dull.’ Shreyasi reached out and held Avni’s trembling hands.

  She said, ‘Stop crying and tell him what you did, Avni. He’s so eager to hear. He looks tortured.’

  ‘I pushed him,’ Avni whispered between the soft sobs.

  ‘What? He couldn’t hear you. Say that again?’ urged Shreyasi.

  ‘I pushed Karthik,’ said Avni and buried her face in her palms.

  Daman gasped.

  ‘Oh, c’mon. You nearly killed a man and you’re crying. I expected better of you,’ said Shreyasi.

  She passed a tissue to Avni. Shreyasi looked at an aghast Daman and explained, ‘She followed

  Karthik to a metro station and pushed him down the stairs. It was crowded and no one saw her.’

  ‘No one but you,’ mumbled Daman.

  ‘Right, no one but me,’ Shreyasi admitted.

  Daman looked at Avni. ‘Avni? Why would you do that? What could possibly—’

  ‘I just . . . I just . . . wanted to help,’ whimpered Avni. ‘I thought . . .’

  Daman held his head in his palms. ‘He has spinal injury, Avni. Do you understand what that means? How could you do that? Did you really . . .’

  ‘Because of her!’ shrieked Avni and pointed at Shreyasi.

  Shreyasi grinned. ‘Well, I think both of you need to iron out your issues.’ Then she caught

  Daman’s gaze and said, ‘I will suggest you break up with this girl, baby. She called me terrible, creepy and psychotic, did she not? But what’s she now? Also, she did cheat on you.’