I leaned farther back. Matt’s hands took the weight of my head. His fingers slid into place, pressing gently on the top part of my neck.
I held my breath. I couldn’t help it.
“Am I doing this right?” he whispered.
Dr. Indigo tucked her hands underneath my head. Her touch was swift and professional. “Yes,” she said, removing herself. “Press a little harder, but don’t strain. Ally, close your eyes and try to relax. You’re stiff.”
Of course I’m stiff, lady. My almost ex-husband is cradling my freaking head.
“Okay,” was all I said. I closed my eyes and tried to soften my tense muscles. Matt continued pressing.
I attempted to clear my mind, but then wondered if that was necessary. “Should I be thinking about anything in particular?”
“Let the thoughts flow, but don’t judge them,” Dr. Indigo said, her voice low and hypnotic. “Consider each thought as an object to observe, as impartially as possible. Accept the thought and push it to the side. Do not assign it too much importance. It exists, and you acknowledge it. Then move on.”
Easier said than done. I closed my eyes again. My thoughts drifted from Matt to Micki and the bridal shop, to Radha and Bernie, to Sandy in his zombie uniform. What would he do after Halloween was over? Would he miss it?
I thought about my mom, and how much she would like everyone in Willow Falls. I thought about Cassie Flores and her crazy Doberman. I thought about Heather and her online mystery date. I thought about sweet Kylie trying to calm the dog.
I thought about how good Matt’s touch felt. The pressure spot pulsed against his fingers, pushing a sense of calm through my veins, my blood, emanating from my skin, pulling my eyelids down farther, easing me into a deeper state of relaxation . . .
“Mom!” Kylie was gently shaking my shoulder.
I wrenched my eyes open to find Matt, Kylie, and Dr. Indigo staring down at me, amused expressions on their faces.
“You were talking in your sleep!” Kylie said.
Panic seized at my gut. What had I said?
Matt smiled faintly. “You told me to have a scooch.”
Embarrassment flooded my face. I sat up quickly, pretending to rub the sleep from my eyes. “Oh.” Matt and I had spent nearly every Saturday night stretched out as best we could on our crappy old couch. He was so tall I was always pushing my backside into his midsection to claim some space. “Have a scooch” was my warning that I was about to claim some real estate.
“How do you feel?” Dr. Indigo said. “Take a moment to scan your body.”
I let the embarrassment recede. Starting at the top of my head, I just . . . felt. And observed. And then took note.
“Well?” Dr. Indigo said softly.
“I honestly feel lighter. Like I could float to the ceiling. I had a little bit of a tension headache when I came in. It’s not entirely gone, but it feels . . . muzzled.”
“That’s good,” Dr. Indigo said, and I felt like the struggling student who’d finally pleased the teacher.
Matt cleared his throat. “What if you’re alone? Can you, um, do this to yourself?”
Dr. Indigo patted him on the shoulder. She liked Matt better than me. Maybe because he was initially so resistant. “You could,” she said, “but like most things, it just isn’t as effective without a partner.”
We both squirmed at that one.
“You can find a trusted friend at school who could help you find the pressure point, Kylie,” Dr. Indigo continued. “So, now that you’re relaxed, are you ready for your first challenge?”
Matt and I glanced at each other, panicked.
“Right now?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m fully prepared in case she has a reaction.”
Matt and I nodded, though I was pretty sure we were both contemplating grabbing Kylie and running out the door. “Okay,” we both whispered.
She took Kylie’s hand. “Do you like ice cream or yogurt? They’re both dairy-free, but still good. I’ve got vanilla and chocolate.”
What?
“This isn’t a trick question,” Kylie asked. “Is it?”
“I have to mix the peanut flour with something. You’ll be doing this every night with your mom or dad,” Dr. Indigo said. “Today, though, you’ll eat it with me.”
Kylie smiled. “If I pick chocolate, that means I’ll actually get to eat peanut butter and chocolate. Seriously?”
Dr. Indigo smiled. “Peanut flour and chocolate. It might not taste very good to you because your body doesn’t want you to have it. It might even taste disgusting. You might hate ice cream when the year is up! Are you willing to take that chance?”
“Oh, I’m willing,” Kylie said. “Ice cream every day? Sign me up!”
While Matt and I held hands and prayed to whatever gods would have us, Kylie scarfed a bowl of ice cream mixed with the equivalent of one thousandth of a peanut. This tiny amount could change Kylie’s life . . . or land her in the ER.
Kylie finished her ice cream, and then promptly vomited into the bucket Dr. Indigo had wisely placed at her feet.
Matt and I sprang to our feet.
“This is a normal response,” Dr. Indigo said, placing a hand on the back of Kylie’s neck. “Are you feeling like you can’t breathe, Kylie?”
“I’m okay,” she said weakly.
We helped her clean up and then stared at her, waiting for hives to form, for her throat to start closing, for her lips to turn blue. Her cheeks grew ruddy, and she complained about a stomachache, but no other symptoms surfaced.
I realized I was holding my breath for most of that time. Matt looked peaked. Kylie sat on the chair, swinging her legs, so innocent and kid-like I could cry. I actually think I did start to choke up, but then my baby said, “Can we stop at the Halloween shop on the way home? I think I want to be a zombie.”
She was talking normally. She looked like . . . Kylie. Not a swollen, suffering version of her. Every muscle in my body unclenched in relief.
“If Dr. Indigo says we don’t have to go straight home, then yes.”
Kylie wiggled in her seat. “Awesome! I want blood makeup and those fake teeth that Sandy has, and . . .”
She went on, detailing her dream costume. I stopped hearing her words, my brain too occupied by the one thought that stole my own breath—Kylie was okay.
Dr. Indigo brought us into another room, one set up with a television, board games, and a bookshelf filled with titles. We had two hours to kill.
“Don’t turn the TV on,” Matt said to Kylie. He slid a board game out from the pile. “Monopoly? It’ll take at least two hours.”
Kylie scrunched her nose. “I don’t know that game.”
Matt opened the box and pressed the game board flat. “Do you like money?”
“Everyone likes money.”
“Then you’ll like this game.”
“I wish we had that much money,” I said.
Matt played banker, distributing funds. Kylie fanned hers out, a huge grin on her face. “Even if it is fake,” she said, “a girl can dream!”
And just then, in that moment, I saw Kylie’s future, and it didn’t rely on dreams at all—it was reality. And it was good.
Dr. Indigo cleared us to go home, as long as Kylie didn’t exercise for a few hours. We needed to keep her heart rate from elevating, because it could prompt a reaction. And we had to watch her closely throughout the evening for any kind of weirdness. I figured I’d watch her all night, staring at her sleeping form like that creepy vampire from Twilight. Dr. Indigo assured me that after the six-hour mark, we should be in the clear.
Matt insisted on hanging out with Kylie until then, so I brought us all back to my mom’s house. We found her hunched over Kylie’s light fixture on the workbench in the garage. She’d painted it a light lavender.
“This is ready,” Mom said, mostly to Matt. “We should get to spackling and priming that room.”
Kylie stuck her head out from between two bags of Hallowe
en stuff. “I got my Halloween costume, Grandma!” She ran straight to my mom and grabbed her around the midsection. “And I ate one thousandth of a peanut!”
“Are you a squirrel yet?” Mom joked. “Can you eat a pound of peanut brittle?”
Kylie laughed. “Someday! I passed the first challenge!”
“We think,” I said, feeling like a party pooper. “We’ve got a few more hours to go. But it does look good.”
“Because it will be good,” Mom said. She took Kylie’s hand. “Want to go inside and see how this lamp looks in your room? It’ll take some imagination.”
“Yes!”
Matt didn’t follow them inside. “My heart almost stopped when she puked up that ice cream. I almost tackled Dr. Indigo while she was mixing it up. I still don’t like putting our daughter’s life in the hands of someone we barely know.”
“I trust her,” I said. “Or I never would have done it.”
“I wasn’t—” Matt made a sound of frustration. “I wasn’t judging your decision. I’m past that.”
“Lucky me.”
“Ally.”
It annoyed me that he used my name as a warning. It wasn’t his, it was mine. “What?”
“Today’s visit was $360. I couldn’t stop thinking about that on the drive home. I don’t know how we’re going to continue this. As much as I want to, it doesn’t do Kylie any good if we’re bankrupt.”
“I’m figuring out a way. I took on a second job.”
“Where? Another salon?”
“No, at a bridal shop.”
“Seriously? That doesn’t sound like something you’d be interested in.”
A battle raged inside me. Should I tell him? “It belongs to my biological aunt. The one I found on the DNA test.”
“Oh, Ally. And you still haven’t told Sophie?”
“Not yet. I did tell Kylie.”
“Even worse. This really isn’t fair. Your mom deserves to know.”
In my ongoing fantasy, my mom takes a drive with me to Willow Falls, meets Micki, and decides we should all be one happy family. I didn’t know how I was going to make that happen, or if I even could. Would it be possible for my mother to see how a relationship with my biological aunt could benefit all our lives? I wasn’t sure.
“I’ll ease her into the idea. It might not be such a big deal.”
“You’re kidding yourself,” Matt said. “Sophie will think it’s a very big deal. Didn’t you think this through?”
Anger spiked hot inside me. “It sounds like you’re the one who is going to do the watching instead of the doing. At least I’m being proactive. It may not bring in enough, but it’s a start. What are you doing?”
Matt’s cheeks flamed. “I’m working very hard at my job. Next summer, I can teach classes.”
“Next summer? We can’t wait that long.”
“I deserve to have a life. I’m not going to apologize for that. I’ll do everything I can for Kylie, but for me that includes making decisions that affect the long term, not just the near future.”
I let his anger dissipate into the crisp fall air before dropping my bomb. “Fine. We can sell the house.”
“We can,” he said, though his tone said the opposite. “It needs work if we’re going to make enough on the sale to make a difference.”
“I thought you wanted to.”
“I do want to sell, but I don’t want to get taken. If we sell as is, that’s what’s going to happen.”
“My mom could help us out.”
“She’s already offered. I’m grateful for it, but I don’t think either of you understand how long it’s going to take on a limited budget.”
The sound of Kylie giggling floated from inside the house. We took it in for a moment, that glorious sound.
“Do you think you’ve changed since we broke up?” I asked after a moment.
“We didn’t break up,” Matt said. “We separated.”
“And how is that different?”
“Because we both still think there’s a possibility it could be different,” he said before heading outside. “Which is much worse.”
CHAPTER 14
District 168 Parents: Discussion Topic
Vera Pastorelli: Is everyone ready for the big debate? This Sunday at 7:00 p.m. in the school auditorium, Cassie Flores, Sawyer McMurphy, and Ally Ackerman will discuss issues of vital importance to District 168. Following the moderator’s questions, the floor will open to parents—please bring a list of your concerns!
Bree Nguyen: I have extra Cassie Flores T-shirts, for those who haven’t purchased one yet. Go, Team Cassie!
Cole Flounders: I have an itemized list of questions pertaining to busing, curriculum issues, nutritional challenges related to the school lunch program, early college prep for highly motivated middle schoolers, mandatory meditation time at the start of every class, security cameras for the entire block, not just outside the school, and alternatives to physical education for those who find it oppressive. If the moderator position is still open, I’d like to be considered.
Vera Pastorelli: We’ve got it covered, Cole.
Sawyer McMurphy: I’m truly humbled. Best of luck to my fellow candidates.
Ally Anderson: It’s Anderson.
Bree Nguyen: What is?
Ally Anderson: My name.
“Aren’t you supposed to picture everyone naked?” Radha said as we began my first hair and makeup consult. It was Bernie. I figured I had to start somewhere.
“I never understood that,” Bernie said. “That technique is supposed to put you in the right frame of mind for giving a speech? Most people look completely ridiculous naked. Moles, wrinkles, hairy bits. It’s distracting, and it’s dangerous for you to get distracted, especially during a debate.”
The staff of The Not-So-Blushing-Bride had taken it upon themselves to help me prep for the school board debate. I was more than willing to let them—the thought of it sent my body into such a panic, even Dr. Indigo wouldn’t be able to find enough pressure points to help me.
“Did you study?” Radha asked. “I mean, did you think about the questions they might ask you, and then practice the answer?”
Radha was a smart girl, and it filled me with sadness to know her potential had been buried under heartache before she started living with Micki and Sandeep. I’d asked her to be my assistant, and she’d jumped at the chance—Kylie was spending the day with Matt and my mom, HGTV-ifying her room.
“Sort of,” I answered. “I’m not sure which questions I’m going to be asked. I just thought about the issues that are important to Kylie.”
Radha frowned. “But what about stuff important to the other kids? I mean, I love Kylie, but not everyone is living her same life, right?”
“Narrow focus.” Bernie sniffed. “Always a bad idea to limit oneself.”
I thought about that for a moment. Had Kylie’s illness put me in a tunnel? I was so consumed with fighting for her rights that there was definitely a possibility I’d shut out everything else. “You’re both right. I need to think about all the kids’ needs and think about how I would address them. At least the bigger issues.”
“Bullying,” Radha said. “There also might be some kids who don’t get enough to eat at home. What is that called?”
“Food insecurity,” I said, trying to keep the sadness from my voice. Radha seemed too familiar with the concept. “What else?”
“Rigor,” Bernie added. “These kids spend too much time talking about their feelings when they should be diagramming sentences and learning their multiplication tables. Does anyone memorize anymore?”
“What do you think phones are for?” Radha said. “Why would we stuff our heads with stuff we could just google?”
Bernie rolled her eyes.
“Stop that,” I admonished her. “I’m going to mess up your eyeliner.”
“What about after school?” Radha asked. “Does everyone have a safe place to go if they can’t go home?”
“That’s a great question,” I said. “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.”
Radha hugged herself, pleased with her contribution. “Can we come to the debate? Like, is it open to everybody?”
I didn’t know if it would make me more or less nervous to have friends there, but the hopeful look on Radha’s sweet face convinced me that having a cheering section might not be a bad thing. I mean, Cassie had Bree, and maybe even Matt. Sawyer had . . . every other woman. Who did I have? “It’s open to the public, and you’re public. So, yes.”
She jumped up and down. “I’m going to ask my mom, but I’m sure it’ll be okay.”
“That girl is going to be disappointed,” Bernie said after Radha was out of earshot.
“Oh, I don’t know. Micki and Sandeep seem like the types who like debates.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Bernie said, gazing at me with disdain. “Micki and Sandeep are old. State agencies are judgmental.”
I picked up a brush and started gently combing Bernie’s soft hair. “Anyone who spends more than five minutes with the three of them knows they’re a family. I’m optimistic.”
Bernie responded by closing her eyes and leaning her head to the side, like a cat. I wondered how long it had been since she’d been touched by another human being. “Is Reggie back from London?”
“What?” She opened her eyes, bewildered. “I almost fell asleep. Sorry.”
“That means I’m doing my job. Do you mind if I trim you up a bit?”
“Not too short,” she said. “Reggie likes a true pixie, not a buzz cut.”
I smiled to myself. “I’ll be careful.”
I cleaned up Bernie’s cut, which had gotten shaggy, careful to leave longer pieces up front to call attention to her elegant, patrician features. Radha and Aunt Micki joined us, watching silently as I brushed foundation on Bernie’s face. She didn’t need much. I finished the look with the lipstick Radha picked out.
“Wow,” Radha said with a giggle. “Bernie, you look amazing! Reggie is going to freak the freak out!”
The Other Family Page 16