by Glynis Astie
Sensing my uncertainty, my mother added, “A baby is certainly a little more of an ask than a new purse.”
At precisely that moment, Luc came bounding into the kitchen with Louis hot on his heels. “Good morning, Mommy and Gramma!”
I jumped up to greet him, inadvertently tripping over my own feet and hitting my stomach on the back of the chair.
“Ouch! Son of a—” I bit down on my tongue to prevent the stream of profanity I was thinking from reaching Luc’s ears.
“Be careful, Mommy!”
I rubbed the tender spot on my stomach, wincing when I found the source of the pain. “I was just so excited to see you.” Not entirely untrue, as I was always happy to see him, but in this instance I was driven to my feet by his close proximity to the word, “baby.”
He reached for me with a big smile. “I’m excited to see you too. You’re my favorite Mommy in the whole world.”
I grinned at him as I knelt down to give him a hug. “You’re my favorite boy in the whole world.” I cringed slightly, wondering if I would have to amend my statement in the next few months. It would be incredibly bad form to play favorites. I distinctly remember telling my mother as a child that this behavior was strictly forbidden. (This may have been in response to her not giving me a new stereo when she had given one to Kate, but hey, it was worth a shot.)
Never one to be left out, Louis asked, “Who’s your favorite Daddy, Minou?”
“Duh,” Luc drawled and reached one arm out to Louis.
After a lengthy family hug, I squeaked, “Mommy’s knees are about to give out, boys.”
Luc gave me a final squeeze. “Oh, Mommy, just one more thing.”
I stayed where I was and looked at him expectantly.
“I forgot to do something. Would you stand up, please?”
After I had complied with his request, he put his arms around my waist and addressed my stomach. “Baby? Are you alright in there?”
What?!
Louis, my mother and I stared at Luc with our jaws on the floor, none of us able to form a coherent question, statement or anything containing actual words.
Luc addressed me with earnest eyes. “I heard you and Gramma say something about a baby, so I thought you got our birthday wish.”
When I was able to find my voice, I remarked, “It doesn’t quite work that way, my darling.” Bad form, Sydney! Did you see the sincerity in his face?
“How does it work, Mommy?” Those innocent blue eyes bored into my very soul, no doubt as payback for my thoughtless comment.
“It’s, um, complicated, Luc. I—”
Louis scooped Luc up in his arms. “The birthday fairy is different from the tooth fairy, Luc.”
Luc regarded his father with great interest.
“The tooth fairy leaves something the next morning, when she finds a tooth under your pillow, right?”
Luc nodded solemnly.
“Well,” Louis continued, “the birthday fairy takes a little longer to deliver on her promise. She wants to make sure you really deserve something before she gives it to you. Especially something as special as a baby.”
Luc leveled his gaze at me. “You better be on your best behavior, Mommy. This is really important to all of us.”
“I promise to do my best.” I crossed my heart for good measure.
“Good.” Luc smiled with satisfaction, before turning to his father. “You have to do your part too, you know, Daddy. You have to help Mommy be very, very good. It’s your job as her husband to help her get the job done!”
Louis and I started to choke from suppressing our laughter. Our son was more of a comedian than he would ever know.
“Luc,” my mother urged, doing her best to hide her own giggles, “let’s go in the other room and discuss your Halloween costume. Your parents have, um, important matters to take care of.”
And with that, we were left to drag our minds through the gutter in peace.
Halloween had finally arrived. After twelve full days of detailed discussions and painstaking planning, the Durand family was ready to embark on a truly spooky adventure—and not just of the festive variety.
“Look, Gramma! I’m gonna be a Storm Pooper!”
Luc ran down the hall, stark naked, waving his costume around like a white polyester lasso.
Unable to speak, I sank to the floor in hysterics. Mom was right. Luc made everyone laugh until their stomachs hurt. Whether or not it came from me, what an amazing gift to bestow on the world!
My mom beamed. “You’re going to be the best Storm Trooper ever, Luc! Although, it will definitely help people identify you as such if actually you put on your costume.”
“And prevent us from being arrested,” Louis quipped.
Luc glanced quizzically at his father before asking, “Will you help me get dressed, Gramma?”
“Wild horses couldn’t stop me!”
“Don’t worry, Gramma! We don’t need any horses to help. We can do it ourselves.”
I watched Luc take my mother’s hand and scurry off to his room to begin Halloween preparations.
Louis came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “How are you, mon coeur?”
My response was instantaneous. “Perfect.” I turned around and kissed him tenderly on the lips.
Though my current state of bliss was in no small part due to our soon-to-be-expanding family, the majority of my mood had to do with my mom. The past couple of weeks had been heaven. Luc had spent every single possible second with his beloved grandmother doing everything from apple picking to laser tag. On the few occasions he was not able to be with her—we had to allow his cousins a modicum of alone time with her at some point—he spoke about her nonstop. She had completely bewitched him and I couldn’t have been more thrilled. I had forgotten how nice it was to spend this much time with her.
Louis smiled at me. “Are you going to tell Maya about our new adventure?”
“Well—”
The notes of our novelty Halloween doorbell began to play. I never knew how to break news to Maya—she was a wild card when it came to emotions of any kind. And now that she was pregnant, she was even more unpredictable.
“She’s here.” I started toward the door. “I’ll do a quick mood assessment before making any decisions.”
“Ding dong, the witch is dead!” Louis sang.
“Bluey!” I gasped. “She might hear you.”
He rolled his eyes and disappeared into the kitchen, presumably to delve into the candy bowl once more. It was a good thing I always bought extra candy and hid it somewhere safe, otherwise our trick-or-treaters would be left high and dry. Louis’ sugar addiction was beginning to rival my own—which was both scary and impressive.
As I reached for the door, I realized Louis’ Wizard of Oz reference would probably seem cruel to the outside observer. But when your best friend starts out as a bitch on wheels, pregnancy hormones have a tendency to take her to a place where only the ruthless survive. Just sayin’.
I opened the door to find Maya dressed in black from head to toe. Without thinking I said, “Are you in mourning?”
“Yes!” she cried. “I’m mourning the demise of my beautiful body.”
Dear God. Here we go again.
“Maya,” I soothed, carefully pulling her into the house. “We’ve talked about this before. The weight gain is only temporary.”
“But—”
Luc chose this moment to tear in and yell, “Surrender to the Dark Side!”
Maya clutched her chest in terror and fell backwards. Luckily I caught her just as she was about to hit the ground.
“Inside voice, please Mr. Storm Trooper!” I called to Luc before helping Maya to her feet. “I’m sorry for his outburst. He’s really excited for trick-or-treating. Are you okay?”
“Syd,” she whispered.
“Yes, sweetie?”
Her eyes as big as saucers, she murmured, “I almost peed in my pants.”
I couldn’t help b
ut laugh. “Be grateful you still had the control, my friend. Things will be much different after the baby is born.”
That might have been too much information, but it was too late now.
Maya turned a sickly shade of green. “I think I need to sit down.”
“Good idea.”
I settled her on the couch before running to the kitchen to get her some water. After a few sips (and countless adjustments to the pillows behind her back), she returned to her normal color.
“Better?” I asked.
“Much,” she replied. “So, may I ask you a question?”
This should be interesting. I hoped our discussion didn’t become pornographic this time.
“Sure, Maya. What’s on your mind?”
“Why does everything have to hurt, Syd?” she demanded. “My back, my feet, my boobs, my legs, just freakin’ everything!”
“Your body is making adjustments for the baby, Maya.” I smoothed her hair back. “Sometimes it takes a toll. You just need to take better care of yourself, which means eating well, resting and controlling your anger.”
“Growing a baby is hard work, Syd.” She grimaced. “Little parasite.”
“Nice.”
“I never claimed to be.”
She had me there.
“Will you be upset if I pass on the trick-or-treating?” Maya sighed deeply. “My feet are killing me.” She kicked off her shoes and began rubbing her feet. At the end of her sixth month, she still had the luxury of reaching them.
“Not at all.” In fact, I would be pretty excited to leave Whiny McWhinerpants at home.
“I thought I heard you, Maya!” my mom exclaimed. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ve been better.” Maya looked up, giving my mother her best sad eyes. “I think I’m going to stay here while you guys gather your weight in candy.”
It was pretty clear Maya was struggling, but her ability to milk a situation for all it was worth was well known, so we always took her moaning with a grain of salt.
“What a great idea! You’ll be able to rest and give candy out to the kids, so Louis can come along with us. You know, help shoulder the candy load and all.”
Maya looked like she was about to protest the amount of sitting and standing in her immediate future, when my mom followed up with, “Especially once Sam and Stephan get here.”
Her mouth firmly shut, Maya simply nodded her assent. She would gladly pass out the candy rather than deal with my niece and nephew’s rather “handsy” regard for her.
“Now, Maya, to truly play your role, you’ll need this.” My mother pulled a witch’s hat out of thin air and popped it on Maya’s head. Maya then gave my mother her patented look of death and produced the eeriest guttural laugh I had ever heard.
“That’s the spirit, Maya.” Mom patted her on the back and handed her a large bucket of candy. “Don’t forget to smile for the kids!”
Louis entered the room, took in the scene before him and nearly knocked himself over with the force of his laughter.
“I love you too, Louis,” Maya sneered.
Her attempt at an insult only made Louis laugh harder.
At the sound of his father’s raucous laughter, Luc came running into the room. “Mommy? What’s wrong with Daddy?”
I battled for control over the guffaws threatening to spill out of my mouth. “Your Auntie Maya said something funny.”
“She does that a lot.” Luc gave me a knowing look. “She should tell jokes for a living instead of telling people what to buy. She’d make tons of her own money instead of just spending Uncle Devon’s!”
The battle was clearly lost.
My mom and I collapsed against each other, positively howling with laughter. This sent Louis into a whole new spiral of hysterics, which caused Luc to start a chucklefest of his own. Maya regarded the four of us with such disdain, it was a miracle we didn’t disintegrate on the spot.
A fresh scowl on her face, Maya spat, “You’re the craziest family I’ve ever met.”
I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Chapter Five
Luc talked about “the best Halloween ever!” for at least two weeks after my mom left. He recounted every costume he saw, every morsel of candy he ate, basically every moment he experienced to the point where we almost didn’t need the photographs to remind us of his magical night. This was indeed a holiday for the record books.
Now that we had finished with the great confection celebration, we were free to talk turkey. Kate was currently in the throes of her annual Thanksgiving planning process—something she dragged me into against my will every damn year. (Like I had a say in anything anyway!) With just one week to go, she had driven both of us to the edge of madness. Her penchant for last minute menu switches was working my last nerve.
I hung up the phone after our latest strategy session and sighed deeply.
“What did she want to change this time, mon coeur?”
Rather than elevate my blood pressure for the third time in the last hour, I grumbled, “You don’t want to know.”
In truth, Kate had decided to remove mashed potatoes as a side dish, which I promptly remedied by telling her I would make them. No one needed to see Luc’s crocodile tears from the absence of “smashed taters.” (Nor Louis’ for that matter.) I wasn’t about to tell him the Durand men’s favorite dish had been threatened. He might never look at Kate the same way again.
“How does your dad feel about being on a cruise ship for Turkey Day?”
“He’ll be surrounded by more buffets than he’ll know what to do with. How do you think he feels about it?”
Louis wrinkled his nose. “But the food can’t be as good as your mom’s.”
“I beg to differ, Bluey. Apparently this cruise boasts not one, but two, chefs from five-star gourmet restaurants.” Not that my dad needed such refinement. Kosher hot dogs and fried potatoes were enough to keep him smiling.
He frowned. “Still, a cruise to Alaska? It’s a pretty extravagant gift for her birthday.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Dad knows how to celebrate his wife’s birthday with style. A woman doesn’t turn sixty-seven every day!”
I silently praised myself for not taking a deeper dig at him for birthday let downs of the past. Old Sydney (pre-Luc) could be quite passive aggressive. New Sydney (post-Luc) had her shit together. Mostly…
“True,” he conceded, “but wouldn’t it have made more sense to save such an elaborate trip for her seventieth birthday?”
I shrugged. “She really wanted to go this year. Besides, with Mom and Dad out the way, we were finally able to convince Charlie and Zoe to bring Ginny out for a major holiday.”
“Point taken.” Louis seemed both delighted and terrified at the prospect of having the “gaggle of gigglers,” as he referred to them, together for a long weekend—especially since the amount of sugar available to them would be fairly exorbitant. (leftover Halloween candy + holiday desserts x overly indulgent parents = trouble)
“Don’t worry,” I soothed, “no one is going to leave you alone with all four kids at the same time, Louis. You do realize there will be seven other adults available to lend a hand, right? Well, six adults and Maya.” I paused, debating making my next statement. “You know, it might be a good idea for you to get the practice.”
Louis rushed over to me. “Are you—”
I grabbed his hands. “Pregnant?”
He nodded, staring deeply into my eyes.
“I can’t tell you for sure, because the test won’t register an accurate result for another couple of days, but I think I am. I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel pregnant.”
Louis’ face lit up. Though he had only recently come on board with the idea of expanding our family, once he had, he was ready to move full speed ahead.
I rested my head on his chest, imagining the possibilities. “We’ll know the answer in time for Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Do you want to tell your family this ear
ly?”
I peered up at him. “Have you just met me? I don’t exactly have the best track record with keeping secrets. Especially one of this magnitude.”
“Agreed.” Louis chuckled. “But…you’re a little older now, don’t you think it would be smarter to wait this time?”
Oh no he didn’t.
My lips had just formed the “wh” of my intended, “What the fuck?” when he gently rested his finger on them.
“Let me rephrase that.” He cleared his throat loudly. “What a wonderful idea to share such exciting news—should we have it to share—with your family in person!”
I studied his face, trying to assess his seriousness.
“I have seen the error of my ways, Syd.”
Still not convinced, I continued to stare at him.
Louis adopted his best surfer dude accent. “Dude, you’re, like, totally freakin’ me out.”
The fusion of his elegant French accent with such an exaggerated parody was too much for me to bear. I burst into peals of laughter, whilst choking out, “Don’t. Ever. Do. That. Again.”
He pulled me over to the couch and into his lap. “I promise I will only save it for special occasions.”
“Aces.” I grinned. “So, there’s something I want to ask you.”
“What’s on your mind, mon coeur?”
“If it turns out I am pregnant…I know we’ll have to tell your parents over the phone, but would you mind if we waited until our trip to New York for Christmas to tell my parents?”
Louis gazed at me in confusion. “Didn’t you just tell me you wouldn’t be able to keep the secret from your family?”
Sometimes I forgot that my creative logic required an explanation for my husband. I guess a part of me would always remain a mystery to him.
“I won’t be able to contain my secret in person.” I gestured to my face. “My expressions always give me away.”
“So what you’re telling me is, you can keep the secret from your parents as long as you don’t have to look them in the eyes.”
“Precisely.”
“Riiiight.” He twirled his finger around by his temple, intimating my deduction was senseless.