by Karlik, Mary
He walked close to Justin and bent down. “Are you okay?”
“Tired.”
“Well, I think you can be tired somewhere else—principal’s office. Go.”
He got up and shuffled out of class, his head hanging low, his eyes shimmering with tears. What happened? Ryan wished she could talk to him, somehow comfort him. But if the situation were reversed, she’d hate that. So, she turned and faced the front.
*
Mrs. Johnson leaned against the desk. “I talked to your dad.”
Shit. Here it comes. He didn’t want her sympathy. He was too tired. His emotions were too raw. All it would take was a couple of nice words and he’d cry. He couldn’t go there. He had to be strong—like Ryan.
Mrs. Johnson continued, “I’m sorry about—your mom. Your dad said you were up all night. You should go home and get some rest.”
“I can’t go home.”
“You can’t sleep through your classes.”
“Please. Don’t make me leave. I’ll be okay.” He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against the lids. The whole school would know by lunchtime, and the whole town by the end of the day.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to Mrs. Johnson’s concerned look. “Let me walk you to the nurse. Maybe a catnap will get you through the day.”
Get through the day. That’s where he was now—on autopilot—one giant struggle to get through the day. He didn’t say anything. He just stood and followed her out of the office.
He awoke to the sound of the bell. It took him a second to realize where he was. He heard hushed voices on the other side of the blue curtain that divided the two beds in the nurse’s office.
Coach Peterson’s voice carried, even though he whispered. “Any news on his mom?”
“Not that I’ve heard. I can’t imagine why Alan Hayes sent him to school. He should’ve stayed home.”
Because I can’t go home. Not yet.
Coach Peterson said, “All right if I talk to him?”
“Yes—he’s been asleep since second period. Slept right through lunch.”
He heard Coach’s heavy footsteps coming toward him and sat up. Crap, he’s going to go all nice on me. People were always super nice after a tragedy. It was so fake. Why couldn’t they just be their same asshole selves?
Coach pulled the curtain back. “Feeling better?”
Justin nodded.
“You coming to practice today?”
Justin looked up. “Yes, sir.”
Coach worked his jaw as though he were chewing on his next words. “If you want to check on things at home, I’m good with that.”
“No, sir.”
Coach gave a quick nod. “Don’t be late.” He closed the curtain and left.
The nurse caught him outside. “You’re making him practice?”
“I’m not making him. But, I’ll tell you, working out is probably the best thing for him right now. That boy is bound to have a lot of anger inside him.”
The nurse didn’t respond. Justin smiled, picturing Coach Peterson leaving the office and the nurse’s mouth hanging open in stunned silence. Leave it to Coach to understand him.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. “Hello.”
“Justin, I’ve called a dozen times.”
His heart raced at his dad’s voice. “How’s Mom?”
“Same.”
Justin stood and stretched. “What’s the big emergency, then?”
“No emergency. I wanted to let you know that I’m picking up a shift tonight.”
“Mom is fighting for her life and you’re picking up a shift?”
“It’s where I’m needed. Besides, I’ll be close.”
I need you, Dad. The words begged to be said, but he couldn’t. It wouldn’t matter anyway. “I’m staying up there tonight.” He waited for his dad to reply, but he was talking to someone in the background. He didn’t wait for him to come back to the phone before tapping End. Why bother? His dad’s life was the emergency room. Family was an afterthought.
Mrs. West, the nurse, pushed the curtain aside and handed him a bottle of water and a package of peanut-butter crackers. “Here, you can probably use this.”
“Thanks.” He twisted off the top and took a long drink. “I don’t suppose they’d give me a pass to grab something to eat.”
“No, but I have a frozen dinner in the teacher’s lounge. It’s a pasta thing. Let me zap it for you.”
“Nah. I’m good.” He looked at his phone. “Wow, I slept pretty much all day.”
The nurse sat in a chair across from the bed. “I heard you on the phone. Any news?”
“No.” He sat too, since it didn’t look like he was going anywhere.
“Justin, I need to ask some questions. I’d like for you to be as open as you can.”
She looked at him as though she was waiting for an answer, but he just half shrugged. Here it comes, probing into my home life.
“Does your dad live with you and your mom?”
“Yes.” Not that it’s any of your business.
She nodded and he could almost see her making a mental check beside the question.
“Do you fear for your safety while at home?”
He smiled at that one. “No.” Relief crossed her face and Justin shook his head. “You know the police covered all of those bases, and then some.”
An awkward smile crossed her face. “I’m obliged to make an assessment in these situations.” She sat back in the chair and cleared her throat. “One more question. Why did you come to school today? You obviously hadn’t slept. Why didn’t you stay home?”
He started to point out that she’d asked two questions, but he wanted to end this interrogation and get to class. “I didn’t want to miss school.” She looked disappointed with his answer. If she was fishing for juicy stuff to put in her assessment, she wasn’t going to get it from him. “Can I have a pass back to class?”
She stood too. “Yes. But if you’re going to football practice, I’d like to see you eat something more than crackers. If you don’t want a frozen dinner, how about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”
“Okay.”
She smiled like she’d won a big negotiation. “Hang out here. I’ll be back in a minute.”
He flopped back on the bed and checked his Facebook page from his phone. Ashley Boyd had posted, “I’m SOO sorry to hear about your mom. If there is ANYTHING I can do, you know I’m there. XOXOXO.” Beneath the post were a dozen “me too” comments. He hid the post.
His phone dinged.
Ryan: Where are you?
Justin: Nurse.
His text had barely swooshed into cyberspace when he heard someone come into the nurse’s office. His stomach growled in anticipation of food. He stood, but the person barreling down the short hall to the beds wasn’t Mrs. West.
Like ray of sunshine, a breath of fresh air, and all the other corny things he could think of, Ryan appeared with a smile on her face. Not concern or sympathy—a smile. And without hesitation or thought, he pulled her against his chest, wrapped his arms around her, and held on. She hugged him back and it felt so good. All of the horror of the past twenty-four hours dissipated like the wisps of a bad dream. He pressed his lips against her hair. She pulled away and their eyes met. He’d never wanted to kiss someone so bad in his life.
But he didn’t. Instead, he pulled her tightly against him, again luxuriating in the feel of her. He ran his hands up and down her spine.
“Justin Hayes!”
They jumped apart.
Mrs. West stood next to the blue curtain holding a paper plate with the sandwich in one hand and a bag of chips dangling from the other. “Not in my office, you don’t.”
Justin tried to speak, but all that came out was a sort of contorted, “We weren’t…” Ryan stared at the floor as though she were waiting for it to open up and swallow her. He put a protective arm across her shoulder.
“Young lady, I believe you have class to
attend.”
Ryan nodded, but her gaze never left the floor.
Justin rubbed the back of her neck with his thumb. “I’ll walk you.”
They followed Mrs. West to her desk at the end of the hall. She dropped the plate and chips on top of a sign-in ledger. Then she yanked a hall pass from a pile, signed it, and thrust it toward Justin. “You’ll need this.”
“Thank you.” He kept his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Nothing happ—”
“Class.” She picked up the plate. “Take this.”
He grabbed the sandwich off the plate and nodded. “Thanks.”
The sound of a curtain sliding across the track made him stop. He turned and Brittany Boyd smiled. “I’m feeling much better, Mrs. West. I think I can go back to class.” She looked Justin up and down. “I guess you got what you wanted too.”
*
By the end of school all anybody could talk about was Justin’s mom and Ryan and Justin in the nurse’s office. That rumor had gone from Ryan got caught kissing Justin in the nurse’s office to Ryan got caught screwing Justin in the nurse’s office.
Slut had been cleaned off her locker the day after it happened. But whoever had done it was relentless. Now, Scarface Bitch was written in pink lipstick down her locker. Ryan grabbed the books she needed, replaced the ones she didn’t, and slammed the door.
Mackenzie and Kelsey waited a few feet away. Mackenzie shook her head. “Again?”
“Yeah. What a waste of lipstick.” Ryan pulled her backpack up on her shoulders.
Kelsey said, “You need to find out who’s doing it.”
“No. I don’t. I don’t care. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people are gonna believe what they want to believe. I don’t know why they hate me. But that’s their problem, not mine.”
Kelsey faced her. “Have you heard the rumor about you and Justin?”
“What do you think? Of course I have.”
“Ryan, he’s bad news. Stay away from him.”
Anger flashed through Ryan. “Really? You’re as bad as the rest of them.” She slammed through the door to the parking lot.
Kelsey was right on her heels. “Listen to me.”
Ryan stopped and turned toward Kelsey. “No. You listen to me. You don’t know what you’re talking about. He was there for me, has been there for me, and I’m going to be there for him. He’s my friend. I’m not going to abandon him because some stupid, jealous girl wasted her lipstick on my locker.” She headed toward the truck. She expected Kelsey to yell at her, but she didn’t.
Usually Ryan sat shotgun and Mackenzie took the backseat. But today Ryan couldn’t stomach being that close to Kelsey, so she piled in the back.
Kelsey looked in the rearview mirror and put the truck in gear. “I know nothing happened. Those girls are ridiculous. It’s just…” She took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t want it to be Chicago all over again.”
“It already is.” Ryan said the words without emotion. The truth was, just thinking about those words scrawled across her locker made her chest hurt. But those feelings were for her alone. Weakness was not an option.
She sank back in the seat and stared out the window. What was wrong with her? She didn’t even want to fit in anymore. Survival would be nice. Get through school and go to college.
Mackenzie twisted in her seat. “Is it true about Justin’s mom?”
“I guess. He looked awful, but I only saw him for a few minutes.” Was it weird that she hadn’t asked about his mom? They would talk about it eventually. All she knew was that he needed her.
Mackenzie looked at her as though she carried the weight of the world in her eyes. “It’s so sad. I can’t imagine if something happened to one of you.”
Ryan gave her sister a weak smile. “Nothing is going to happen to us. Are you okay? You look like you lost your best friend.”
“People can be so horrible. It’s hard to know who your friends are.” She turned and faced the front.
Ryan leaned forward and touched Mackenzie’s shoulder. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“It’s just this whole thing…”
Kelsey said, “I heard Justin found her.”
Ryan had heard the rumor too. Supposedly, somebody’s dad was one of the cops who had answered the call.
Mackenzie cupped her face with her hands. “Can we just change the subject?”
“Okay.” Kelsey glanced at Mackenzie. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I just don’t want to hear anything else that’s sad.”
Silence filled the truck all the way to the feed store. Ryan had never seen Mackenzie so upset. Even when she was told she had to quit gymnastics, she hadn’t said a word. She’d just nodded and gone for a run. Was this town changing her too? Something was up with her little sister and she wasn’t sure she liked it. The hopelessness Ryan saw in her face worried her.
Speaking of faces, Ryan’s itched like mad. The doctor had said it would, but she was not to scratch because it could cause an infection. Why did her body tell her to if it was bad for her?
She pulled a compact mirror from her purse. The right side of her upper lip stuck out, giving her a permanent snarl. It felt lumpy. The doctor said that was scar tissue. She couldn’t imagine how he was going to be able to fix her face. The abrasions on her cheeks no longer oozed, but the circular pattern made her look as though she’d been attacked by a sander. The scabs on her forehead itched the most. She rubbed them, just enough to relieve some of the itching. But it felt so good, she couldn’t stop. She rubbed harder—across her forehead and down her cheeks. Scabs fell away.
Ah, sweet relief. And blood. Crap.
“Mackenzie, hand me a napkin out of the glove box.”
Mackenzie turned toward her as she held out the napkin. “Your face!”
Ryan dabbed at her face. Okay, it was bleeding more than she thought.
Mackenzie handed her another napkin. “What happened?”
“I scratched.” It wasn’t like she was bleeding to death or anything. But pretty much her whole face bled.
Kelsey looked at her through the rearview. “Ryan, you weren’t supposed to scratch.”
“Well, I did. Just get me to Mom.”
By the time they pulled into the feed store’s parking lot, Ryan had gone through several napkins. Most of the bleeding had stopped, but her face had blood all over it.
The mostly full parking lot sent panic through Ryan. “Pull around to the back. I’m not going to walk through the front door.” Kelsey parked close to the loading dock, and Ryan practically sprinted from the truck to the store.
Her dad was at the dock loading sacks of shavings into the back of a pickup truck. When he saw her, he stopped with a sack poised for the next toss. “Ryan, what happened?”
“I need Mom.”
He released the sack and followed her to the makeshift kitchen in the back of the store. “You sit at the table. I’ll get her.”
Mackenzie sprinted past them to the front of the store. “I’ll get her.”
Her dad wetted a paper towel and handed it to her. “Here. This should help.”
She pressed it to her face. It felt cool against her skin and relieved some of the itching.
Her mom rushed toward the kitchen table. When Ryan removed the paper towel from her face, her mom sighed. “You scratched.”
“I couldn’t help it. Is it bad?”
Her mom inspected her face. “Well, the bleeding has mostly stopped. We’d better goo you up.” She moved to the sink and washed her hands. “Why didn’t you take the antihistamine he gave you?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t mean to scratch it like that.” She tilted her face so her mom could apply the antibiotic gel the doctor had prescribed. “Did I just make it scar worse?”
“I don’t know. You did a pretty good job of pulling those scabs off.”
Ryan’s phone rang. She pulled away from her mom to answer it. It was Justin.
“Hey. I got ou
t of practice early. I’m heading over to the hospital now.”
“How’s your mom?” She turned her back on her mother.
“Still in a coma, on a ventilator.” His voice cracked and Ryan’s heart squeezed a little in her chest.
“I’m so sorry.” She cringed. Those words were so inadequate.
“I’m sorry about today. People are stupid. “
“Yeah.” She tried to think of something else to say to fill the awkward silence between them.
He sighed deeply and seconds ticked by before he spoke again. “Well, hey, I’d better go.”
She nodded as if he could see her. “If there’s anything…”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
She tapped End.
Her mom inspected her face. “Everything okay?”
“Did you hear about Justin’s mom?”
Her mom placed the cap on the tube of ointment. “Mrs. Miller told us that she took pills. How is she?”
“Bad. She’s on a ventilator. I can’t imagine what Justin is going through. I feel so helpless.”
Ryan watched emotions play across her mom’s face—anger, sympathy, frustration? “It’s so irresponsible.”
“What?”
“She has a child.” She put her hand up as if to stop Ryan from speaking. “I know she’s ill. I just don’t get how you do that when you have a kid. That’s a burden no kid should have to shoulder.”
Ryan didn’t get it either, but right now her concern was Justin. “Mom, what do I say to him?”
“All you can say is that you’re sorry it happened.”
“It sounds so insufficient.”
Her mom stood. “It does. But there is nothing else you can say.” She stuffed the tube of medicine in her purse. “Justin is dealing with issues that are way bigger than you need to be involved in.”
Ryan’s stomach tightened. “What does that mean?” She had a feeling she knew where this was going, and she didn’t like it.
“I don’t think you should get yourself too involved with this boy. He’s still grieving for his sister and now this. He already has anger issues—I just think he needs a wide berth.”