“Shush,” he said, pulling her to him and holding her close. “It’s okay. I understand. But you have to know that I don’t think you’re defective in any way. I pretty much think you’re perfect.”
“Mitch, Mitch,” she whispered, remaining against him for a moment, feeling her hot tears mingle with the thick hairs on his chest.
“Please, Lindsay, don’t cry. I only want what you want.”
Then ask me to marry you. But he didn’t say those words, and she didn’t expect him to. Pulling back, she forced herself to look deeply into his eyes once again. “Will…will you go with me?”
“To a clinic?” His voice was as bleak as his features.
She nodded, her throat too full to speak.
“You know I will.”
She swallowed hard. “I should go now.”
“Yeah, you should.”
“I’ll make the arrangements and let you know.”
“Whatever,” he said without emotion.
Lindsay rolled to the side of the bed and reached for her robe, stood, then slipped it on. When she turned back around, Mitch had also gotten up and was stepping into his jeans.
She tried not to stare at his backside, at his muscle-hard buttocks, but she couldn’t help it. Even now, after hours of passionate lovemaking, she felt a new influx of heat at the apex of her thighs.
Suddenly he swung his head around, and their eyes met. Fire leapt into his before his entire face tightened. “You’re pushing your luck, Lindsay,” he said tersely. “I can only take so much.”
She wasn’t sure exactly what he meant, but she wasn’t going to stay and find out. It would be daylight soon. She couldn’t take a chance on getting caught fleeing from his cabin.
At the door, she swung around, then whispered, “Mitch, I’m sorry.”
Mitch regarded her through narrowed lids. “Yeah, me, too.”
He couldn’t believe it.
He slammed the shutters closed, then turned and began pacing the floor. Peter had been right, after all, a fact that he couldn’t bear to acknowledge. But he had no choice.
The evidence had been thrown in his face.
How could she? How could his own daughter humiliate and embarrass him like this? Neither one of them would get away with it. He would see to that.
But he would bide his time, and when it was right, the ax would fall. For now, he would hold on to his temper and the desire to tear that bastard limb from limb.
He needed Rawlins to oversee the south wing, now more than ever. And he was damn sure going to use him, like he’d used Lindsay. The thought of them together, coupling like animals, sickened him. To think his grandchild belonged to a man with nothing—no money, no education and, most of all, no heritage.
A nobody.
Livid. That was what he was. Livid at the injustice of it all.
Well, when it suited him, he would deal him more misery than he’d ever bargained for.
“You’re fucked, Rawlins,” Cooper muttered. “And royally, too.”
“Boss, are we calling it a day?”
“That we are, Jesse.”
“Don’t mind if I brag, but that new fence around the north pasture looks damn good.”
“Thanks to you.”
Jesse waved his dirty hand. “Not me. You’re the one who did most of the work.”
“It was a team effort.”
“You think the doc’s gonna like it?”
“What’s not to like, Jess?”
The smaller man grinned, then scratched his head. “Nothing.”
Mitch gave him a fleeting smile. “See you tomorrow at the crack of dawn.”
A short time later, Mitch was in his quarters, performing his nightly ritual of taking a shower, fixing a bite to eat and drinking a beer.
Tonight he was actually having several beers. But short of getting stinking drunk, beer would do little to temper his raging thoughts. They were driving him mad. He had considered drinking scotch straight out of the bottle to deaden his mind and his emotions. But he’d figured he would be wasting his time. Nothing short of a miracle would dissolve the painful lump lodged in his throat.
Would she decide to have an abortion?
That question had dogged him ever since she had told him she was thinking about it. He hadn’t even had time to digest the fact that his child was growing inside her. Now he was grieving over its loss.
Mitch got up with his beer in hand and walked out onto the porch. His eyes turned heavenward, where he watched the moon peek through what looked like storm clouds.
He had never thought of himself as parent material. When he and Wendy married, it had been a given there wouldn’t be any children. She hadn’t wanted any, and neither had he. Good thing, too, he thought ironically.
So why did he suddenly feel differently? Why now, of all times? He didn’t know why, only that he did. He didn’t want her to get rid of his child which surprised the hell out of him. He had thought he was immune to this kind of emotional upheaval.
Love. That word again. Was love what this turmoil was all about? Or was he just a masochist hell-bent on punishing himself for wanting her so much? But love aside, he would still marry her in a minute, if only he thought the marriage would work.
It wouldn’t. Even if Cooper had no objections, Mitch’s own inadequacies would nix that. Having chosen not to practice law, no way could he give her the kind of life she was used to, and no way would he take any favors from her old man, either.
Yet he didn’t want to be without her. He adored her laugh, respected her intelligence, admired her penchant for doing good. Most of all, he lusted after her body. But his pain went deeper than his need for her body. It cut to his soul.
I’m considering an abortion.
The enormity of those words came crashing down on him again with such force that he almost went to his knees.
He felt weary and incredibly sad. Hanging his head, he grabbed hold of the post and clung to it, his insides suddenly wracked with silent sobs.
Only after he raised his head did he realize his face was drenched with tears.
“Oh, God, Lindsay, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“No, Mary Jane, I don’t.”
“Then why don’t you give yourself more time?”
Lindsay had met her friend for a quick cup of coffee before she was to meet Mitch at the clinic. Her time was about to run out.
“I can’t handle thinking about this anymore, M.J. It’s tearing me apart on the inside. I’ve cried until I can’t cry anymore. So the sooner I get it behind me, the better it will be.”
“At least health-wise, anyway. You look like you would break under a puff of wind.”
“It’s my mental health I’m thinking about,” Lindsay said, her breathing shallow. “I can’t bear the thought of going back to that mental hospital.”
“Oh, honey, that’s not going to happen.”
“It might, if I don’t make a final decision and stick to it.”
“Does Cooper know?”
“No, and he’s not going to until after the fact.”
“Is he still pushing you to marry Peter?”
“Actually, he hasn’t said anything lately, which has me worried. It’s almost like he’s suddenly gone into denial about the baby.”
“Well,” Mary Jane said, “you can forget that. Knowing your father, he’s got something up his sleeve.”
Lindsay shivered. “Just as long as he doesn’t know that Mitch is the father.”
“I suspect Mitch can take care of himself.”
“That’s not the point,” Lindsay said in a small voice.
“How’s he taking this?”
“I don’t know. He keeps his emotions behind closed doors. He told me it was my call.”
“I’m proud of him for that. He could have caused trouble.”
“No, you’re wrong. You have to love someone to do that.”
“So have you seen him since you told him?”
&nbs
p; “No, and it’s been three days now. But I’ve been purposely avoiding him. I slipped a note under his door asking him to meet me at the clinic.”
Mary Jane cocked her head. “If he had asked you to marry him, what would you have said?”
“Yes…then probably regretted it the rest of my life.”
“You love him, don’t you?”
Lindsay sighed. “Yes, but he doesn’t love me.”
“God, Lindsay, I hate this for you.”
“I take full responsibility for my actions. You warned me that I was likely to get burned, and I did.”
“Still, I’m grieving for you. I can’t imagine going to that clinic.”
Lindsay forced herself to stand, though her heart was slamming against her rib cage. “Me, either, but I’m going.”
“Promise you’ll call me,” Mary Jane said, her eyes anxious.
“I promise.”
She didn’t know how long they had been sitting in the car, nor did she care. When she had driven into the parking lot of the clinic, Mitch had been waiting in his vehicle.
He’d gotten in beside her, then asked, “Are you okay?”
“No,” she’d said simply. “But I will be.”
“Yeah, right.”
Those were the only words that had passed between them. The silence had stretched from seconds into minutes. She sneaked a look at his profile. It looked molded out of stone—cold and remote.
Biting her lip, she turned away, but not before a whimper passed unchecked through her lips.
“Lindsay, look at me.”
She turned and caught her breath. He looked the way she felt—like he’d been gutted.
“Is this what you really want?”
Her chin quivered as her eyes locked on his. “No.”
“Then why the hell are we here?”
“Because it’s the only way.” The huge lump in her throat made her voice barely recognizable.
“It certainly isn’t.”
Suddenly and without warning, Lindsay began to sob.
“Don’t,” he pleaded, drawing her into his arms, frantically kissing the tears off her face.
She clung to him.
“Do you really want to destroy our baby?” he asked against her lips.
“No!” she cried. There. She’d finally admitted out loud what her heart had known from the beginning. No matter what, she couldn’t get rid of the baby. With that silent declaration she felt the block of ice around her heart finally melt.
“Then let’s get the hell out of here.”
“Where are we going?”
He paused. “To get married. If you’ll have me, that is.”
Lindsay pulled back and stared at him, while the very air seemed to hold its breath.
“So what’s it going to be? Me or an abortion?”
Lindsay’s heart filled to the bursting point. “You.”
Twenty-Four
Lindsay Rawlins.
She had done it. She had actually married Mitch. Even now, several days later, Lindsay still couldn’t believe that he had asked her to marry him out of the blue and that she had accepted. But she had.
Although she didn’t have a ring that she could wear, she had a marriage license, or at least Mitch did. She had been afraid to keep it here in the house for fear Dolly or one of the maids might accidentally stumble on it while cleaning.
She didn’t quite know how to react, because their union was certainly not a normal one. Since they weren’t living together, no one knew they were married. She had to adjust to the sudden change in her life before she could share it. One minute excitement coursed through her, the next fear stabbed her. As for Mitch’s feelings on the subject, they hadn’t discussed it.
Lindsay dropped her towel, then peered into the long mirror in her bathroom, wondering if there were telltale signs, if it was obvious just how drastically her life had changed in the past few months. Did her eyes reflect it? They had a somewhat dazed look to them, she thought critically. And her body, how about that?
Her mouth turned down as her gaze dipped to her tummy. It now had a slightly rounded appearance, where before it had always been flat as a board. Still, she figured it would be a while before it was a dead giveaway that she was pregnant. Because she was so thin, people might think she was simply gaining weight, which she could definitely use.
Lindsay drew in a quivering breath and walked into the bedroom, where she began dressing, only to stop halfway through the process and sit on the side of the bed. Here she was, preparing for the day as if it were any other day, only it wasn’t. Her days would never be the same again.
She was married.
Dear Lord, what had she done? For starters, she had given her baby a name. But what about herself? Until this morning, she had functioned as if she’d been drugged with something that had deadened her body and her emotions. Now the numbness was beginning to wear off and everything was coming back to life.
And she was frightened, almost as frightened as she’d been after she’d found her mother dead. When Mitch had asked her to marry him and she’d said yes, he had taken matters into his own hands. He had driven them to a city over a hundred miles away, where he obtained the license, then called a preacher acquaintance of his who agreed to perform the ceremony.
Grasping hands tightly, they had driven to a small chapel, met the minister and exchanged vows. Afterward, Mitch had taken her to dinner, though neither had eaten much.
Mitch hadn’t been as in control of himself as he would have liked her to believe. The lines in his face seemed to have deepened, and his eyes had been wary. For some unexplainable reason, that had made her feel better. If he hadn’t been somewhat disconcerted by what happened, he wouldn’t be human.
And he was human. A semblance of a smile crossed Lindsay’s lips as she thought back on the first thing he’d said to her after they had given the waitress their order.
“If you’re sorry, don’t say it.”
His unexpected words took her aback, yet she smiled. “The same goes for you.”
He relaxed then, right in front of her eyes, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He smiled, and though it was short-lived, it lasted long enough to warm her heart.
“I’m glad to see you’ve got some of your spark back.”
Her eyes clouded. “I’m not sure how long it’s going to last.”
“We’re in this together now, Lindsay,” he said, reaching for her hand and toying with it.
Her pulse instantly went off the charts. God, all this man had to do was touch her, and she melted inside. At this juncture, she didn’t know if that was good or bad. What she did know was that it was scary that someone had so much power over her.
“I still can’t grasp that we’re married,” she said at last, her tone husky.
His gaze was warm as it wandered over her face. “Well, we are, and we’re going to have a baby.”
Her lips parted. “That’s also hard to grasp.”
“You’re telling me.” He withdrew his hand and took a sip of water, though his eyes continued to hold hers.
“I couldn’t go through with it, Mitch.” She choked on the sudden lump that lodged in her throat. “I couldn’t let someone destroy my…our baby.”
He reached for her hand once again and squeezed it. “I couldn’t bear it, either. After we talked, I tried to drown my thoughts in booze, only it didn’t work.”
“So what now?” she asked, expelling a shaky breath.
“I want you, Lindsay, in every sense of the word, which means sharing more than a bed with you.”
A pulse quickened in her throat. “You mean live together?”
“I could handle that.”
“But—but we can’t.”
“Why the hell not? We’re married.”
“Daddy doesn’t know.”
Mitch’s mouth tightened. “That’s easily remedied. We’ll tell him. Together, if you’d like.”
“No.” She licked her dry
lips.
“What do you mean, ‘no’?”
“Please, Mitch, just trust me on this. Now is not the right time to tell him.”
“So what are you suggesting?”
Lindsay averted her gaze. “That we keep it between us for now.”
He leaned across the table. “What’s the point? He knows about the baby. Don’t you think he’ll be glad it’s legal?”
“He might be glad about that, but he won’t be glad I—” She aborted the remainder of her sentence when his expression turned dark and suddenly menacing.
“He won’t be glad you married me, right?”
She nodded.
“Well, that’s too fucking bad. He’ll just have to get over it.”
“Please, Mitch, let me do this my way and in my time.”
“All right, you win. For now.” He paused, and when he spoke again, his tone was hard. “After all, you only married me because you were pregnant, right?”
Her heart almost stopped beating. Dare she tell him the truth? No. Fear of rejection kept her silent. “Right.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said harshly.
“Look, I don’t want to fight with you,” she whispered, her chin beginning to quiver. “Not today, anyway.”
His features suddenly softened. “I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I don’t ever want to fight with you. I just want to make love to you.”
She flushed. “I’d settle for a kiss.”
“My, but you’re easy to please, Mrs. Rawlins,” he drawled, getting up and crossing to her side, then leaning over and giving her a hot, wet kiss.
When he pulled back, her head was spinning.
“I’m hungry.” Then he added, for her ears alone, “But not for food. Whattaya say we haul ass?”
Lindsay grabbed her purse.
Now, she realized, there was still a smile on her face when she focused on what had happened next. They had gone to a swanky hotel, checked in and made love.
She jerked her thoughts back to the present. Today, it was back to reality, to the sad fact that she was married to a man she barely knew. A virtual stranger.
It was with a heavy heart that Lindsay walked out of her room a few minutes later.
“Pregnant? Lindsay?”
“Not so loud,” Cooper said to his son in a low, clipped tone. “If I wanted everyone in the restaurant to know, I’d stand up and announce it.”
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