by Gail Sattler
❧
Todd returned to his station. He tried to be happy but couldn’t. He still felt guilty knowing she had avoided going into the lunchroom the previous week because of him. It gave him some relief to know she had progressed to sitting voluntarily in the same room with him. But Todd wanted more.
He wanted to sit at the same table with her and start fresh. He wanted her to like the new, slightly improved Todd Sanders.
It had been over a year since he’d left the old Todd behind. At the time, he’d had a serious heart-to-heart talk with Craig, and in that one day, his life changed forever. Craig had always been a steadying influence, especially throughout the years leading up to his parents’ divorce. While growing up, he spent more time at Craig’s house than his own. There he’d seen the way a normal family lived, compared to the constant fighting, bickering, and even violence he was used to.
Craig had taken him to his church’s youth group meetings a number of times and talked to him often about the love of Jesus, but Todd had always shrugged it off, not feeling very lovable. Then one day, when he was talking to Craig, years after he’d become an adult and stopped going to youth group, something inside him snapped. He thought he’d been handling things just fine, but suddenly, everything came spilling out. He surrendered control of his life to Jesus, and in finding Jesus he found himself.
It was time to move forward and correct some past mistakes, and Shannon was one of them. Not just one—Shannon was the most important.
He watched from a distance until Shannon was settled in the lunchroom with her lunch spread in front of her so she couldn’t move then to another table without looking odd to her friends. Todd sucked in a deep breath and gathered his courage. He cleared his throat, marched to her table, and sat in the empty chair beside her.
“Hi, Shannon. Mind if I join you?”
She nearly choked on her food, but he pretended not to notice.
He wanted to slide his chair closer to hers, but everyone else at the table, all women, was staring. He gave them his best smile, then winked at the youngest, whom he recognized as the file clerk. She giggled, making him wish a certain someone else would be as enthusiastic about his presence.
“Yes, Todd? Did you forget to turn in some of the drivers’ time cards?”
He pretended to shiver at her cold response, knowing she would pick up his meaning from past experience, but none of the other women would.
She had the grace to blush.
He plunked his lunch tote on the tabletop and proceeded to empty the contents. The women stared as he pulled out the individual containers one at a time, moving aside their own lunches to make room on the table.
“You’re going to eat all that? Well, some things never change.”
Todd patted his flat stomach and grinned. “I’m a growing boy. But I’ll make a sacrifice for you. I’ll share.” He picked up the chocolate bar, which he knew was her favorite kind, waved it in front of her, then held it out to her, inviting her to take it from his hand.
She shook her head. “I’m on a diet. Thanks anyway.”
His eyes narrowed. While Shannon had never been thin, she certainly wasn’t fat. If he had learned one thing over the years, it was never to make comments about a woman’s weight, except to ask if they’d lost some. He’d bought the chocolate bar especially for her as a peace offering, but apparently, she wasn’t going to make it easy for him, not that he deserved easy. “Take it. If you feel you need to work it off we can go jogging, or I’ll challenge you to a game of tennis after work. I promise I’ll let you win.”
She rolled her eyes, then took a sip of her tea, some herbal blend he absolutely hated but couldn’t recall the name. He knew the box was green. And a box of it just happened to be in his cupboard, in case he could ever convince her to set foot in his door.
“I don’t think so.”
The young clerk piped up. “I’ll go jogging or play tennis with you after work, Todd.”
Todd cleared his throat. He didn’t really want to do either. After work, he wanted only to go home, sit back on the couch, and put his feet up, especially if he could get Shannon to relax with him. He’d even make her a cup of that horrid tea.
He turned and smiled at the girl, wishing he could remember her name. “Sorry. I was just kidding. I’m going straight home after work.”
Todd thought it best to be quiet as he ate his sandwich, then the carrots, the muffin, and the apple, while the ladies around him nibbled at their salads. They sipped their coffee and tea, and Todd chugged down a pint of chocolate milk.
When lunchtime was over, the others gathered their belongings, and Todd tossed his empty containers into his lunch tote.
The sound of Shannon’s voice beside him almost made him miss his last shot before he snapped the lid shut.
“Honestly, Todd—I don’t know where you put all that food.”
He grinned and patted his stomach again. “I told you I’m a growing boy.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s for sure.”
Without another word, she returned to her desk.
Todd lowered his chin so no one could see him smiling. She spoke to him without his initiating it. He was making progress.
❧
It had taken two weeks, and his only improvement was that when he smiled or said hello she would smile back.
Two long weeks. Todd didn’t want to calculate how long it would take to get a warm response. What he wanted most was for her to see he’d changed. He wanted to ask her out. He wanted to share his joys and his sorrows with her, and for her to do the same. He wanted to be close enough to pray with her. Not the general prayer and praise items he heard at the large Bible study he attended weekly. He wanted to know the things near her heart. And when they had nothing to say, he wanted to be able to enjoy a companionable silence, to be comfortable together without the need for words.
He wanted to touch her without her cringing, thinking he was going to tickle or jab her. He wanted to hold her the way a man holds a woman, to hold her tight and bury his face in her hair and tell her he loved her and hear she loved him, too.
He wanted to win her confidence and earn her trust, something he hadn’t done before.
He needed advice.
Usually, he asked Craig for help, especially lately. This time, however, he deemed it wise not to talk to Craig about how to get close to his sister. Todd valued his life.
He went home and prayed for an answer.
Three
“Good morning, Shannon.”
“Good morning, Todd.”
To Shannon’s surprise, Todd didn’t stop to linger as they crossed paths on the way to their desks. He merely smiled and continued on his way into the dispatch office, coffee mug in hand. Shannon couldn’t decide if she was disappointed or not. It was the start of the third week of being in close proximity for eight hours a day, and so far, to the untrained eye, all had appeared normal. Todd had not brought up past experiences, nor had he been overly familiar with her in front of the rest of the staff. He treated her exactly the same as everyone else. And she didn’t know what to make of it.
Shannon rested her mug of hot tea on the corner of her desk as she sat down, then opened the drawer to get her pencil. Instead of the pencil, she found a roll of white paper tied with a bright red ribbon. What looked like a chocolate kiss wrapped in foil was knotted to the ribbon. Shannon glanced from side to side, and when she was certain no one was looking, she untied the ribbon and read the note.
Dearest Shannon,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Chocolate is sweet,
And so are you.
Your Secret Admirer
Shannon reread the note then dropped it, along with the ribbon and the candy, back into the drawer. She slammed the drawer shut.
Dearest Shannon? Secret Admirer?
She couldn’t imagine who would do such a thing. Whoever the joker was, Shannon didn’t consider it very funny. Her fi
rst suspect was Todd, but this wasn’t his style. There was no obvious punch line. Anonymous frogs were his style, not sweet little personal notes presented with candy. Besides she had just walked in with him. Todd received great satisfaction from watching the recipients of his little jokes, but he had stepped right past her, straight into the dispatch area, just as he had every other day in the past two weeks.
As discreetly as she could, without moving her head, Shannon once more studied the office. Still no one was watching, so she slowly opened the drawer and delicately picked off the foil wrapping.
It looked like chocolate.
She picked it up.
It felt like chocolate. It smelled like chocolate. She cautiously bit the tip off. It even tasted like chocolate. In fact she recognized the chocolate. This was not from the bulk bin at the grocery store. This was from her favorite specialty shop. At first, she thought it had to be from someone who knew her fairly well, but then decided it was just a coincidence. Lots of people loved this particular brand; that was how the store stayed in business.
All day, not a soul acted any differently toward her, nor did anyone exhibit any suspicious behavior. By the end of the day, Shannon managed to shrug it off, chalking it up to one of life’s little mysteries.
❧
Tuesday morning, after relaxing with an early cup of tea in the lunchroom with a few of the other women, Shannon headed for her desk. She sat down, set her mug on the corner of the desk as she had every other morning; but when she reached to open her drawer, she hesitated.
Shannon bit back a smile. Yesterday was an isolated incident. She just hadn’t figured out the person or the punch line.
Shannon opened the drawer and caught her breath. Another note lay in her pencil tray. White paper tied with a red ribbon, chocolate kiss attached. Before she touched it, not bothering to be discreet, she spun around in her chair and blatantly studied everyone in the office. Fewer people were in the office than yesterday this early, and all of them were women. Faye lifted her head, made eye contact, then returned to her work.
Shannon concentrated on the little white piece of paper. Quickly, she pulled the ribbon off, left the chocolate kiss in the tray, and unrolled the paper.
Dearest Shannon,
A chocolate kiss
Makes me think of you.
I hope that now
This will remind you of me, too.
Your Secret Admirer
Shannon’s heart raced as she scrunched the paper in her hand and glanced around the room. The words “Dearest Shannon” echoed in her head as sharply as if she’d heard them out loud. She contemplated the possibility of another woman named Shannon being hidden somewhere in the building. Whoever the man was, his sentiments were romantic, even if his pentameter wasn’t quite right.
“Hey, Shan-nooze. Did you see the hockey game on TV last night? The Leafs won.” Todd approached from the lunchroom, holding his coffee mug.
Shannon fumbled with the note, shoved it back in the pencil tray, and slammed the drawer shut. Here was one man who knew better than to call her sweet. Over the years, one of the few activities she had managed to participate in with her brother and his friends, Todd included, was to play hockey with them. She was the best forward among them, and she never let them forget it.
“Yes, it was a good game,” she mumbled.
The same as the day before, Todd didn’t stop to chat. Once again, he simply disappeared through the doorway into the dispatch office. The man was going to drive her crazy.
Last night, she’d had a long talk with Craig. She didn’t know how it happened, but a major portion of their conversation centered around Todd.
Craig had been accompanying Todd to the Bible study she used to attend when she lived at home. Shannon wanted to hear more, but Craig didn’t tell her anything she hadn’t heard before. Craig said Todd took his faith seriously and was now living a good Christian life, which meant both in and out of church.
She tried to prod Craig for information on what Todd thought of the two of them working together, but Craig didn’t know. He said Todd deliberately avoided that topic.
Shannon found it difficult to focus on her work. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched everyone around her, testing their reactions as she purposely mentioned her favorite brand of chocolate kisses in every conversation. No one acted any different than any other day.
She tried to limit the possibilities of who the note writer could be; but when she counted the single male members of the office staff, the dispatch office, the foremen, warehousemen, and drivers, the list seemed endless. She didn’t think most of them even knew her name; they only knew her as the payroll clerk. But all it took was one.
By the time she went home for the evening, she was still no closer to a solution.
❧
Wednesday morning, Shannon deliberately arrived at work early. She didn’t linger in the lunchroom. She didn’t take time to make a cup of tea.
Shannon hustled to her desk and opened the drawer.
Another white paper lay rolled up in her pencil tray, again tied with a red ribbon and accompanied by a chocolate kiss. Her hands shook as she tugged the ribbon open.
Dearest Shannon,
Your happy smile
Shines every day.
You are more special
Than words can say.
Your Secret Admirer
Shannon nearly choked. She wasn’t special. She was ordinary. Very ordinary. Nor could she figure out who in the world would think she was special, except her parents, who didn’t count in this instance.
She tried to determine who had access to her desk, and the answer was everyone.
Apparently, some detective work was in order. The first and most logical step would be to ask, without giving away details, if other office staff had seen anyone lingering around her desk. It would take only two seconds, though, to open her drawer, slip something in and close it. A person wouldn’t have to slow down very much when walking past. Employees dropped time cards and medical forms on her desk all the time. Some even opened her drawer freely to borrow her pens if she wasn’t there and they needed to leave her a note.
She decided not to ask questions of the men, in case she asked the person who had actually left the note. Most of all she didn’t want people talking. She only wanted to find out who was doing this.
Footsteps sounded behind her. Todd, with his usual morning coffee in hand, was on his way to the dispatch office.
“Todd, may I ask you something?”
He shuffled the mug from one hand to the other. “Ouch, ouch! I can’t stop now. I overfilled my coffee, and it’s spilling on my fingers. Maybe later.”
Muttering under his breath and leaving a trail of coffee dribbles on the floor, Todd disappeared through the dispatch office doorway.
For a moment, Shannon had considered that Todd could be on her list of suspects, but she now mentally crossed him off. He could have saved his fingers from further harm by resting the coffee mug on her desk and talking to her for a minute or two before resuming his journey. But he didn’t. He’d kept right on going, not even looking at her as he balanced his too-full coffee mug.
Oddly, his actions gave Shannon a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach. She wondered if he had intended to give her a taste of her own medicine by virtually ignoring her. He’d done exactly to her what she’d been doing to him since they had begun working together. Intentional or not, it gave her a stab of guilt, now knowing what it felt like to be passed by.
Shannon continued to stare at the doorway long after Todd disappeared from sight. He hadn’t deserved to be treated the way she’d been treating him. Since they had been working together, he had been friendly and courteous. No one who saw them together would know of their shaky past relationship. For once, he was acting mature, which made her wonder if perhaps Craig could be right. Perhaps Todd had changed.
Shannon blinked hard a couple of times and shifted her gaze to a blank spot on th
e wall. What was she thinking? Just as in the past, no matter how much she hoped and prayed he would change, Todd was still Todd.
The warehouse supervisor thunked a pile of time cards on the corner of her desk, interrupting her mental meanderings. Shannon returned her thoughts to her job.
The whole day, she didn’t venture far from her desk. Whenever she did leave, she watched it out of the corner of her eye. To her dismay, no one came within touching distance of it when she was nearby, except to drop off more time cards or mail. Short of video surveillance, she didn’t know what else to do.
Not wanting to waste any more time, she gave up trying and buried herself in the stacks of papers and time cards.
❧
Shannon flipped the page on her desk calendar. Today was Thursday. She didn’t want to know what was inside her drawer. But before she could begin her work she had to get her pencil. She couldn’t sit and stare at the closed drawer all day.
Taking in a deep breath for courage, Shannon yanked the drawer open. Sure enough, another note awaited her. With trembling fingers, she pulled open the ribbon.
Dearest Shannon,
You’re sweet, you’re kind,
You’re very smart.
Just by being you,
You’ve won my heart.
Your Secret Admirer
A sick feeling rolled through Shannon’s stomach. Whoever this Secret Admirer was, she worried in earnest that he was serious. What scared her more than anything was that she had no idea who he might be.
She needed help. Except she didn’t know whom to ask. She had already figured out she couldn’t ask any of the men. Nor did she want to ask the women in her immediate vicinity. She was too embarrassed to tell anyone what was happening and too afraid they would start to gossip.
The only person she could trust was good ol’ Todd. Being a man, Todd might overhear talk amongst the other men. If she was lucky, Mr. Secret Admirer might let a few things slip—if someone knew what to listen for.
The key would be Todd. Once she told him what was going on, she knew he’d keep her secret. Shannon could weasel almost any information out of Craig. But she’d never stood a chance with Todd, which was probably one of the reasons he was so successful at his many escapades.