Enough

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  Cooper grins widely at me. “Come on, Ev…” he sings, nudging me. “Deep down inside you have to admit you wouldn’t mind having Nick’s hands all over you again, right?”

  I drop my head, embarrassed. “Cooper, shut the fuck up,” Nick demands.

  “Fine. Let’s go.” I lift my dress and am the first out of the car. I slip off my shoes and hold them in my hands. After they get over the shock of my sudden commitment to the idea, Nick climbs out followed by Gwen and Coop.

  “How are we doing this?” I ask as I hold my shoes up in question. The next thing I know, Nick bends at the waist and easily lifts me into his arms. I shriek as he quickly props me to get the right grip and I throw my arm around his neck.

  He smiles my smile and sighs. “You have nothing to worry about. I could carry three of you.”

  Coop lifts Gwen as she tries to remove her shoes and she laughs. “All right, women, and by women, I’m including you too, Nick. Are you ready?”

  “Ummm… excuse me,” the driver interrupts. “Should I assume you’re not waiting?”

  Coop points at him under Gwen’s legs. “If I didn’t have my hands full with this gorgeous woman, I’d kick your ass for not having a spare.”

  Nick rolls his eyes. “We’re going to the hotel. Please call my cell when you’re ready to pick us up.”

  “Yes, Mr. Rowen.”

  I kiss Nick’s cheek and his eyes lift in surprise. “For luck. Kick his ass.”

  “He ain’t kickin’ nothin’, sweetheart,” Coop adds as they line up.

  “This is utterly stupid.” Gwen laughs with a shake of her head as Coop counts them down and they’re off.

  My body is being jiggled in places I never thought imaginable, and before I know it Nick throws me over his shoulder to run past Cooper. I scream, and as Cooper takes notice, he does the same to Gwen to catch up.

  “Put me down!” I half scream, half laugh.

  “For fuck’s sake, Coop, this isn’t funny,” Gwen yells, upside down.

  I can feel my boob about to pop out of my bra at any second, so I start pounding on Nick’s ass from behind. “Nick! I’m going to fall out of my dress! You need to stop!”

  He pants his response as he runs. “If you think your hands on my ass or the fact that I may see your tits is going to make me stop, you’re very mistaken!”

  I can hear Cooper laugh as Gwen reaches down and simply grabs his ass before she plays it like a drum.

  “Oh yeah,” he pants. “You’re turning me on, sweetheart. Play your heart out.” He lifts his hand to her ass to squeeze it and she shrieks.

  He’s mildly distracted, and Nick charges ahead. I can see the lights of the hotel from upside down, and I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous I feel. Cooper bursts forward and Nick slows to a jog, giving him a startling lead. He stops and pants before he lifts me back into a standing position.

  I grab for my chest immediately and manage to prevent anything from slipping out farther than it has already. He smiles brightly, holding on to me until I regain my balance.

  I smack him in the arm with my shoes. I’m a little angry, but not really. He laughs. “You’re an idiot!” I shout playfully as I continue to adjust myself.

  “I might be,” he says as he closes the space between us and lifts his hand to the back of my neck, angling my head toward his face. My breath hitches. He’s still wet, and now I am too. But he’s close, and I can see his breath in the cold air of night.

  “Why did you stop? Too much?” I ask with concern.

  “I stopped because I wanted a moment alone with you. And because I intended to pay for the rooms all along.”

  I smile shyly at him as I pull my wrap around my shoulders.

  “I should get you inside to warm you up.”

  “Oh, and you think I’m going to let you warm me after that stunt?” I ask.

  “You won’t?” He seems surprised and disheartened.

  I huff out a large sigh and roll my eyes.

  “Let me warm you, Ever?” he asks as he presses his chest to mine.

  “You’re wet and sweaty. No!”

  He grins and leans in closer, pressing his lips to my ear. “Please?”

  “No…” I whisper, hating that he knows he’s affecting me.

  He curves slightly and licks his lips before he presses them into mine. I moan at the feel of him, and even though I’m damp and chilled, I feel instantly warm from his kiss. “Please?” he whispers once more, and I drop my shoes and wrap my arms around his neck, throwing my body completely into his. He has his answer.

  NICK AND I walk arm-in-arm through the entrance to the hotel. It’s no longer raining, but it’s cold, and I’m thankful to be warm when we step inside. Cooper and Gwen are nowhere to be found. I pull out my cell to text her as Nick arranges for a room.

  Everly: Where are you?

  Gwen: Room 504. Are you cool with this setup? Because if you’re not, I’ll be right there.

  I glance up and regard Nick as he reaches into his back pocket for his wallet and produces a credit card. I watch as his tux jacket lifts off his ass, and I take a deep breath at the sight of muscular thighs, leading to perfect, round hardness.

  Everly: It’s all good.

  I call the house and Gram answers on the second ring. I know I woke her.

  “Ev, is everything okay?”

  “Hi, Gram. I’m sorry for calling so late, but the limo got a flat. Everyone’s fine, but we can’t get anyone out to fix it for a few hours. I may not be home until morning.”

  “No worries, songbird. You just enjoy your night. I have nowhere else I need to be. Take your time.”

  “Love you, Gram. Bye.”

  “Love you too.”

  Nick turns to me and holds out his hand just as I finish placing my phone back in my purse. I reach for him and he pulls me inward. “Do you want your own room?” he whispers.

  I bite my tongue in my cheek. “Do you want me to have my own room?”

  He smirks and shakes his head no.

  The desk clerk waits, tapping his fingers on the counter.

  I curve around Nick. “Just one room, please.”

  Nick smiles as the man hands him his key card. He holds my hand as we walk down the hall to the elevator and up to our floor. He’s quiet, and I wonder what will happen once we’re alone inside. As we walk down the hall together, I list off questions in my mind: Does he want me? Do I want him? Will we have sex? Should I undress? Will he make a move? Maybe he won’t touch me. Are we sleeping here? What am I doing?

  He holds the key to the door and it clicks. He pushes it open and flips on a light. There are two queens, and I’m suddenly disappointed. I stand with my back to him and stare at the two beds. It’s then that I realize just how much I want another chance with him. He’s the same man I fell for at first glance all those years ago. The man I never gave myself fully to the first time, and the man who, for some unknown reason, walked back into my life and my heart as if he’s always been a part of it.

  “I didn’t want you to think…” He pauses as he gestures toward the beds.

  I angle toward him. “That was very considerate of you.”

  He raises his lips slightly as he turns to the desk and removes his wallet, keys, and cell phone. Things are going so well I find myself searching for a problem. I eye his cell phone and wonder just how many girls’ phone numbers are inside. My stomach starts to twist, and I hate that I instantly feel jealous of every other girl he’s ever looked at or touched.

  “What’s going on?” he asks as he reaches for me. “You have that slant in your eyes that makes me think you’re about to bolt.”

  “Why do you assume you know me so well?” I ask, irritated that he’s able to read my inner thoughts. I recognize my need to think the worst, but my head won’t allow me to push it aside. What’s wrong with me?

  He begins to remove his wet tux jacket, and I notice splotches of water on his shirt. “I don’t assume anything with you. You always surp
rise me. I do try to prepare myself though. Right now I’m thinking I need to stand in front of the door, and I’m not sure why.”

  “I’m fine,” I assure him, although inside I’m filled with doubt.

  “So if I go into the bathroom for a minute, I can rest assured that you’ll still be here when I come out?”

  I sigh. “I’m not leaving. Where exactly would I go?”

  “Good point.” He nods then watches me carefully until he’s behind the closed bathroom door.

  My eyes dart to his phone again as I bend my wrist to cover my hand with my palm. I know deep down I’m probably making something out of nothing. But he’s too perfect. There has to be something he’s hiding. I take a step toward his phone and wonder how many girls text him daily. Then I wonder if he’s seeing anyone besides me. I wonder if he has pictures on his phone of any women, and then I wonder if any of them are in compromising positions. My brain cycles through negative thoughts. I reach my hand out and turn his cell slightly before pulling it back to my mouth. I press the home screen button and a standard phone image appears. I start to pace as I stare at it and wonder if I should just look.

  How do I know he’s not playing games with me? Maybe he secretly just wants to get back at me for hurting him all those years ago. I feel myself start to panic when he steps out of the bathroom. His tie is hanging loosely around his open shirt. He’s wiping his hair with a towel, but he stops immediately when he sees my expression.

  “What?” he asks knowingly.

  “Nothing,” I say as I place my fingers to my mouth. I almost bite my nail but think better of it and fall into the desk chair and sit on my hands. My eyes linger a little too long on his phone and he takes notice.

  “Did something happen with my cell?”

  “Why?” I question. “Are you waiting for a call from another woman?”

  “No…” He smirks. “Do you think I am?”

  “I don’t know, are you?”

  He tosses the towel onto the bed and crouches down in front of me. “Oh, to know what goes on in that complicated head of yours.”

  “You want to know? Okay… right now I’m thinking, Why did he do all this? Why am I here?”

  He sighs loudly and his head drops to his chest. “Are we back to this again?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “What’s really going on? Just tell me the truth. Are you worried I’m about to push you into sleeping with me, because that’s not the case, I promise you.” The solid conviction in his tone makes me feel like he’s trying to tell me he doesn’t want me.

  I huff. “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it, Nick. I’m sure having to stay with me throws off all your ‘other’ plans.” I make the quote marks with my fingers in the air.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” he commands. He seems confused, but it’s probably just an act.

  “How many other women have you done your magic night out on? Am I just one of many?”

  His hands lift in question and his brows crease to tell me he thinks I’m ridiculous.

  “This must really work on the girls. I bet they fall for it hook, line, and sinker.”

  He sighs and shoves his hands into his pockets. “So you think I’ve done this before?”

  “Haven’t you? I mean look at you! Why exactly are you single again, Nick? And why exactly am I here with you?”

  His hands both simultaneously plow through his hair. He seems frustrated. He takes a deep breath and sits on the bed across from me. “First of all,” he begins calmly. “I’ve never done anything like this before in my life. Second of all, if you want to know if I’m seeing anyone else besides you, then the answer is absolutely not. Thirdly, there is a definitive reason why I’m single, but I’m not sure you’re ready to hear it.”

  I swallow hard and start to feel as dumb as I probably sound. I don’t know why I can go from perfectly happy to full of doubt and fear so easily, and I hate myself for it. He’s holding something back from me, and it’s probably because he thinks I’ll run when I hear it. I gaze into his eyes and see myself reflected in them. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I don’t know why I do this. Especially with you. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you, yet it’s all I do. It’s just… you’re too perfect.”

  His brows furrow and he smiles while shaking his head. “I’m so not, babe.”

  “I look at you and see your perfectly rock-hard body with your sculpted chin and your muscular arms and your tight ass. You’re smart, successful, fun, and funny. You have so much life inside you and so much to give. It makes me wonder why in the hell you’re with me.”

  He reaches across the space between us and takes my hand in his. “All this,” he says as he motions to his body. “On the outside? It just masks the imperfections on the inside. Do you think I don’t feel insecure at times? Do you think I don’t look at you and wonder why you’re here with me? You wonder why I’m with you? It’s simple, Ever. You’re so fucking strong, fierce, and beautiful. You have a fire inside that propels you through circumstances that would make any less of a woman crumble and fall apart. Yet somehow you stand through it and come out stronger. You don’t accept what life gives you until it gives you what you really want. I’ve always admired that about you.”

  “You have?” My chest begins to ache. How can he see so much in me?

  “You have no idea how many times I almost gave up on college when we were together. For a while there I was really struggling. But you never doubted me, not once, and you made me feel I could do anything as long as I had you by my side. Then you questioned my feelings and like that—” he snaps his fingers “—you were gone. I almost fell apart. But I didn’t because you gave me a glimpse into what I needed in my life.”

  “I did?”

  “God, Ever.” His head falls back. “You really had no idea just how much I loved you, did you?”

  I stand and move to the side of the bed next to him. I lift my hand to his stubbled cheek and he closes his eyes.

  “You want to know why I never got married?” His eyes flutter open and he gazes at me as if he’s about to tell me the best-kept secret of his life.

  I nod and feel my body tense for a possible blow.

  “Because all these years, I’ve been subconsciously trying to fill a space in my heart. And as many times as I tried—and believe me, I tried—no one was ever you. That place has always belonged to you, and it always will.”

  I freeze. I replay his words in my head and try to decide if I heard them correctly.

  “Do you know why I accepted my first job with Macer, Martin and Fisher? Because I knew their corporate office was in the town where you lived. I thought if fate wanted us together that somehow, someway, it would happen. When I moved here three years ago, I thought it was because I was meant to be with you. I looked for you everywhere I went, and when I didn’t just run into you, I Googled you. When I saw you were married?” He stands and starts to pace with his hands on his head. “It almost destroyed me. The thought of you with another man… and happy with another man, hurt like a motherfucker. But all I wanted was for you to have what you needed, and I came to the conclusion that it would never be me.”

  I shake my head and leap toward him. I want him to know that it is him. That I made a mistake and that I want him more than I want my next breath, but I can’t seem to find the words.

  “Last week, my office asked me to move to Atlanta for a year to head up a new firm.”

  I gasp. “No!” I manage. I can’t lose him. I have to find a way to tell him.

  “I told them I couldn’t go. I said no.” His eyes strain to focus on mine, and I wonder if he can see the relief I feel at his words.

  “I told them I wouldn’t leave because my life was here and I wasn’t going to let her slip away from me again.”

  I ponder his words and they melt my frozen heart. “You’re really not going?” I question in a panic. “You’ll stay?”

  He pulls my body into his, and I tre
mble in his arms. There’s so much I need to say to him. He lifts my fallen head by my chin and his eyes blaze.

  “I never stopped loving you, Ever. And now that I’ve had the chance to be near you again and can feel that empty space being filled up with everything that is you… I know, now more than ever, that I always will.”

  His words are magical. For the first time in my life, I’m sure of someone besides myself. I’m sure that Nick Rowen was and still is the love of my life. The space between us is too much, and I grab his shirt in my hands and pull his lips to mine.

  It’s forceful and passionate. My kiss is filled with all the things I so desperately need and want to say to him. His hands grasp the side of my head as our mouths mold together. I need him to know just how much he means to me. As he kisses me, I’m reminded of how much I want him. How much I’ve always wanted him.

  I reach down and pull his shirt from his waist. He moans into my mouth as his tongue slides against mine. I push his shirt off his broad shoulders, and he yanks his t-shirt from his pants and over his head so my hands can rest on his bare chest. I move my hands over him, touching his chest then his abs. My hands can’t move fast enough, and I want more of him. I need him.

  My hands drop to his waist, and as he continues to kiss me fervently, I unfasten his belt and unzip his pants. He groans into me as his hands grab my hips and push my body into his.

  “Do you know how badly I want you? How much I need you?” he asks.

  “I want you too, Nick. I can’t wait another day or even another minute. I need to know how it feels to have you inside me. I’ve always wondered what it would have been like to make love to you. I don’t want to wonder anymore. I want to know.”

  His hand cups my ass and jerks me forward into him as if there is still a space between us where our skin needs to be pressed more completely together. “Are you sure? Because I would wait for you. I’d wait forever.”

  I pluck my lips from his and stare into his panting, wanting eyes. To know that someone wants you as much as you want them is the most amazing feeling in the world. “You’ve waited fifteen years. I think we’ve both waited long enough.”