"Mmm.” After giving him a kiss on his temple, she sat back on her heels and looked at him solemnly. “I want to share something with you."
Noting the shadows in her eyes, he grew silent.
Reaching out, she twirled a strand of his brown hair around her finger. “I loved a man once, a long time ago. He was killed."
"I'm sorry.” Reaching out, he caught her hand and laced their fingers together. “How long ago?"
"Ten years ago."
"You were fifteen?"
"Yes. But I knew I loved him. He loved me. We were even making plans. Just before he left on his last trip, we went to the river and made...” Biting her bottom lip, she glanced up at him uncertainly.
"And made love?” he guessed.
"Does that make you angry?"
"Not at all. If you love someone, intimacy comes so easily.” He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “And he is in your past, though still very much a part of you. I'm fortunate in that I have your heart now."
Tera smiled at him.
"So how did he die?” Illam asked quietly.
"He was killed by pirates raiding his ship. His body was found amongst the others. Even the captain's wife was dead. His daughter was missing."
Grimacing, Illam sent up a silent prayer for the daughter, who was probably long dead by now. If she was lucky.
"This is the man who makes you cry in your sleep?"
"I actually hadn't dreamed of him for a long time until I met you again."
"It's my fault?” He raised his brows inquiringly.
"I think my attraction to you stirred up old feelings.” She looked soberly at him. “I never really said goodbye to him, Illam. I think I need to now."
Reaching out with a fingertip, he pushed a heavy fall of brunette hair back over her shoulder. “Do you feel guilty about our happiness?"
"No. I'm happier than I ever thought I would be.” She hesitated. “In fact, you're the first man I've slept with since he died."
Illam's jaw dropped.
"I know, I know. You thought I was fooling around with the Daamens, but they're like brothers to me."
"You could have told me earlier."
"Earlier, I wanted to tweak your tail and see you get mad.” Her eyes twinkled, the shadows fading away beneath their combined love and closeness, their simple joy in each other's company. “It amused me."
Trying to keep his face severe, but failing dismally, he shook his head. “Bad female."
"Going to administer punishment?” She leaned forward. And gasped as her still tender abdomen protested being pressed against the sofa.
"I think we'll put that off for another day,” Illam told her sternly. “No diddling until you're all better."
"I'm fine!"
"No. I tell you what. While you're still getting over those bruises and tender spots, how about we go and you say your proper goodbyes to ... him?” Regardless of being able to understand Tera, he still couldn't quite say ‘your other lover’ without wanting to instinctively growl.
Quiet for a moment, she was lost deep in thought. Finally she focused on him. “Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. If you don't feel you've said a proper goodbye, then you need to do it. Maybe the dreams will stop."
"I haven't woken up crying for the last week."
"But here.” He laid his hand on her breast in a sincere, tender gesture. That same tenderness filled him. “In your heart. You need to say goodbye."
"You're a good man, Illam."
His grin was cocky. “Lucky you."
"Are you sure you don't want to do a little diddling—"
"You're killing me, female."
* * * *
The sun was warm, shining down upon the marble headstones. In the tree tops the day flyers chirped and chattered busily. The scent of plants and flowers drifted to her on the breeze. In the distance she heard laughter.
The graveyard was well tended, and peaceful. Flowering vines covered the simple, white, marble-poled fence.
The grave she looked for was at the end of a row of fifteen crystal headstones. Silently she looked at the headstone, the gold engraving on it stating the name of the occupier, and year of his birth and death.
He'd only been eighteen years old. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Tall and brawny, he'd had a sharp wit and a love of life. She'd loved him, and in this life, she'd lost him.
Reaching out, she placed a bouquet of rare, fragrant night blossoms and a single red rose atop the grave, and then lightly traced his name on the headstone. “I guess it's time to really say goodbye, Breton. I missed you so much, mourned you for so long, and kept you tucked away safely in a corner of my heart. I guess I never really let you go.” Taking a deep breath, she smelled the scent of the flowers. “We never got to have our chance at life together. But that chance is there for me again. I hope you understand."
Warmth swirled around her and she felt comforted, and had the strangest sensation she wasn't alone. A glance around showed someone approaching the graveyard, but they were too far away to have brought the feeling on.
The warmth stayed with her, and suddenly she had an inkling of who it might be. “Breton?"
Silence greeted her, but she didn't feel foolish for wondering if his spirit was there with her. If she closed her eyes she could almost feel him standing beside her. So she followed her instincts and closed her eyes, and she spoke the words she hoped he would hear, if it was really him there beside her.
"I love you, Breton, that will never change. But life goes on. Another man loves me, a good man ... well, he can be a real fur-ball at times..."
There was a quiver in the air, a breath of a chuckle.
"You'd like him, and I love him so much. Breton, it's time for me to say goodbye, time for me to finally let you go. You understand, don't you? I'll never stop loving you, but you're in a special place in my heart. I'll never forget you."
The warmth drifted around her, and with her eyes closed it almost felt as though a brawny pair of arms were cradling her. Giving herself up to the sensation, she raised her head. Something damp brushed her cheek, the slightest of touches that almost wasn't there. But she knew it wasn't imagined, and she smiled.
Voices sounded and the warmth drifted away. Opening her eyes, Tera looked over her shoulder and saw Sabra, one of the Daamen wenches, talking into a communicator that was attached to her jacket. She had one hand at her ear, indicating that she was listening to someone.
As one of the Intergalactic Peace Council Security, it was anyone's guess who Sabra was talking to. It could even be members of her ex-pack, the bounty hunters that she'd been one of just a couple of years ago.
Tera knew Sabra was coming to the graveyard, knew it by the way Sabra looked over at her even as she spoke into the communicator.
Turning back to the crystal headstone, she spoke softly. “I know we'll meet again, Breton. One day. I'm sure you and Illam can compare notes. Or maybe not."
Again that ghostly chuckle, a tremble in the breeze, neither really there nor imagined.
The breeze suddenly swept up into the trees, and a smattering of petals showered down upon her and the graves.
"I take that as you're okay with all this.” Totally convinced that Breton was there, Tera smiled.
Another smattering of petals.
"Nice,” Sabra observed as she came up to stand beside Tera.
Tera might have resented the intrusion, but she felt a closeness with Sabra, a kindredship of sharing loss.
"Have some time off?” Tera queried.
"Have to spend some time with the Lord and Master, you know. Let him think he's still in charge."
"I can't see Cam bossing you around."
Sabra's cobalt blue eyes sparkled with secret amusement. “We take turns. I boss him and when I allow it, he bosses me."
"Ah, you have him trained."
"Aye, but don't tell him that."
They laughed together
The breeze played around them
, and they stood looking down at the graves.
Tera noticed how Sabra gazed at the grave next to Breton's. “You were very young when Vetna died."
"He died trying to save me.” Sabra took a deep breath and titled her head back. “The last of them died trying to save me, including your Breton."
"They would have died at the hands of Rark and his pirates anyway. Their death was merciful compared to what it could have been.” Tera laid a hand on Sabra's shoulder. “You weren't so fortunate."
Sabra stared at the headstone. “It made me what I am today.” She shrugged. “I'm not ashamed of who I am. Cam loves me anyway, the bounty hunters are my family. I have my other family here.” She gestured toward the Daamen settlement. “They accept me."
"As they should. What happened to you at the hands of the pirates was not your choice.” Tera shook her head. “Children are so vulnerable."
"It's a time I don't dwell on. Sometimes it crosses my mind but then I look at everything I have, my family, my man, and I know how lucky I am.” Sabra gave a dry laugh. “I even have a job I love. Several years ago no one could have convinced me that I would actually be working for the Intergalactic Peace Ship!"
"You like your job because no one really knows what you do."
"I'm Security.” Sabra grinned. “What more is there to know?"
"But now and again you come back here. To visit the graves."
"Aye.” Sabra reached out and traced Vetna's name in the crystal headstone. “I never knew he loved me, that he had hopes for us when I grew up. Cam told me."
"Vetna was your friend."
"Aye, he was.” Sabra gave a small shrug. “He still is. He has a little spot right in here.” She touched her heart. “They all do, all my friends who died that day.” She looked at the next two graves where her parents lay. “And my mother and father."
"Was it hard to say goodbye?"
"I didn't really say goodbye until Cam made me come up here.” Sabra smiled. “It was the best thing I ever did. Saying goodbye doesn't mean forever."
"No, it doesn't."
They stood there for a few more minutes in silence before turning and leaving the cemetery.
Tera hadn't gone far from the cemetery gates when she felt the urge to turn around and look back. Doing so, she curiously looked towards the headstones she'd just left behind, and her eyes widened.
Very dimly, beside Breton's headstone, was that a shimmering outline of the brawny young Daamen trader? Very faint, almost discernable to the eye, he lifted his hand and waved. Then there was nothing.
"Are you all right?” Sabra glanced back towards the cemetery.
"I'm fine.” More than fine.
Quietly Tera tucked Breton's memory in that little secret part of her heart, cherishing it. He was her past, and she had the present to look forward to now.
* * * *
Sitting in the shade of the ramp to the big trading ship, Illam watched Tera approach. He searched her face for signs of tears, but instead, she smiled brightly at him. When she drew closer, he rose to meet her.
Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her close. “All right, makit?"
"Never better.” She gave him a slow, lingering kiss that just about made his toes curl inside his boots. Releasing his lips, she smiled up at him. “I've said goodbye, and everything is fine. Perfect."
There were no shadows in her pale, crystal-blue eyes. Nothing shone in their brilliant depths but love. For him.
"So we can go forward now."
"There was never any doubt about going forward with you, Illam."
"I never doubted that, either. I know you can't resist my charm and good looks."
"Mmm.” She traced her hand down the front of his open shirt and slipped her finger into the front of his pants. “It took us a few weeks to get here on the Daamen trading ship."
"And there was no diddling, even when your bruises were healed and all your tender spots recovered."
"That's because you were worried the traders would hear you yowling and throw open the door expecting to see you being ravished and needing rescuing."
"It's a little hard to diddle around when your mate is so loud during sex.” He grabbed her wandering finger. “But you're all better now. And we can find some place private."
"Oh, my, yes."
"All better, and ready to go on a wild ride."
"You're so romantic.” She nibbled his chin, unable to stop the giggle escaping her.
"I can't promise romance, makit, but I can promise that I'll make you yowl yet."
"My screams don't excite you?"
Delcat! Her screams and moans always made him harder and wilder with desire. “I'll just have to keep diddling you until you yowl like a Felys."
"I don't know that I'll ever learn how to do that."
"Then I guess we're in for a lifetime of wild diddling."
Laughing, she locked her arms around his waist and looked up at him.
Smoothing back a stray lock of her hair, he said softly, “I love you, Tera."
"I hope you'll continue to do so when I tell you what I propose."
He arched one brow.
"The Daamens have a minister, see.” She grinned wickedly. “We talked about eloping. This is the perfect place to get married. A minister, some good friends as witnesses, and a cottage out by the river—far enough away that no one will hear you yowl."
"Is that right?” It was the best idea he'd heard. And that included the minister part. “So you've finally decided to save my reputation and wed me?"
"If you still want me to.” Tera melted against him, her tongue flicking out to rasp across his pectoral.
That shivering heat shot through him again, making his knees almost weak. Thank Delcat he'd had some foresight.
"So what do you say, Illam, my hot little fur-ball—"
"Hey!” he growled, but laughter rumbled behind his words.
"Oops. Punishment.” Her eyes sparkled wickedly. “Want me to save your reputation, you fallen feral?"
"I think you'll have to.” He laid his hand on her bottom. “How about we go find somewhere quiet for a few minutes first?"
A sultry peek was flashed at him from beneath lowered lashes. “Only a few minutes?"
"Hard and fast, remember?"
"It's been awhile.” Her fingers raked lightly down his spine. “You'll have to give me a quickie lesson. Oddly enough, I don't remember a quickie taking you only a few minutes!"
Arching in pleasure, Illam almost forgot his plans. A purr burst from him, and he closed his eyes in ecstasy, tipping his head back.
Catching the end of his long braid, Tera gave it a teasing tug. “Don't go anywhere without me, lover."
"Not likely!” Maneuvering her so that she was at his side, he slung his arm across her shoulders. “Come to a private domain, little healer, and I'll let you fix my itch."
Laughing together, he led her towards a modest dwelling with flowers growing abundantly at the door. He knocked twice, waited a few seconds, then opened the door and walked inside.
"So whose house is this?” Tera looked around with interest.
It was neat and tidy, but with atmosphere of being lived in and having a lot of laughter.
"The minister's,” he announced.
Her brows rose. “You want to see the minister now? I thought...” Lowering her voice she whispered, “I thought we were going for a quickie first."
"You said a quickie. I said a quiet place.” He chucked her under the chin. “There's no way I'm waiting any longer. We both want to wed, why not now?"
Her eyes softened. “Why not indeed?"
The Daamen minister entered the hallway, his eyes twinkling with approval and good humor. “The lass is agreeable then?"
"Most definitely,” Tera laughed. “I've got the lytiger by the tail, and I'm not letting go!"
"And we're here to ensure all is done legally,” Simon said, striding out behind the minister with Shamon and Sabra following.
Illam smiled to see Tera's surprise, then her delight. She threw herself into Simon's arms, and he hugged her, his booming laugh echoing through the corridor.
"Did you really think we'd miss the chance of seeing you settled down all proper and legal?” Shamon ruffled her hair. “'Tis our duty to see that you save poor Illam's reputation."
"Oh yes, he's so hard done by.” Laughter sparkled in Tera's eyes.
"I'm here to ensure nothing happens to disrupt the peace,” Sabra said. “Let's get this on the go, people."
"Typical little organizer,” Shamon teased.
"Treat me with respect, or I'm telling Cam."
"Ooohh, I'm so scared."
About to send him a rude gesture, she spotted the minister eyeing her from the corner of his eye, and had to stop in the act.
Shamon smirked.
"You'll keep,” she threatened.
And then another couple moved into the room, an older Daamen with his arm around his wife.
Tera's eyes widened in delight. “Lara and Gronan!"
"Tera.” Lara enfolded her in a close hug and when she released her, her eyes were damp. “We wouldn't miss the chance to see you happily wed."
A lump formed in Tera's throat as she looked up at Gronan. “I don't know quite what you say. I'm glad you're here, but ... Breton..."
"Breton is not in this life anymore, Tera.” Gronan laid his hand gently on her shoulder. “Our son would want you to be happy. We're here for him as well as you."
She hugged them both tightly. “You were once going to be my in-laws, but even now, you'll always be like my second set of parents."
"And you'll always be our daughter,” Gronan said gruffly, and Lara nodded tearfully.
There wasn't a dry eye in the room.
The minister cleared his throat. “If we're ready?"
"Absolutely,” Illam said, and gazed at Tera, unashamed of the love he knew was openly showing in his eyes.
The ceremony was short, simple and moving, and the love so open between Illam and Tera, that Sabra caught Shamon wiping his eyes. She smirked at him, and he couldn't even say anything because he was a little choked up.
Illam, for the first time in his life, was a little choked up, too.
* * * *
The stone cottage was a simple, three-roomed structure not far from a lazily swirling river. A carpet of green grass and wildflowers was spread out on all sides, with tall, shady trees behind the cottage. A perfect love nest for a couple wanting to be alone.
Love's Beguiling Healer Page 46