by Marcus Sloss
“You’re a talking fool Talkin,” I said chuckling at my pun.
“Yes you certainly have an intellect of two, it is Tuxpin. I saw your video feeds. You have been told that three times now. Here is my offer. Those machines you landed on, yes those under your butt. Move away from them.” I did as the little asshole asked. “Phew, you did not destroy them. I can digitally escape to nirvana and go to stage seven if I reach that. Either way, I will not need all the money I acquired in this universe. Make a deal with me via contract. You love contracts. I send you money you let me live on in those boxes.”
My mind turned over the rationale here. Was I amenable to letting the little weasel escape? I could use the money… Or was I being outfoxed?
“I honor my contracts, how will I know you are sending everything you have?”
“You won’t but it will serve me no purpose in there. The virtual world inside there is going to be hard for me and make life a challenge again. No more living below crispy planets with monkeys on the surface. Do we have a deal?”
I accepted his contract. Moments later my bank account pinged. We were down to two million D-coins. It jumped to two billion. Damn… That little robot was a pro.
“You have been busy. That is a lot of D-coins.”
“Thanks. Betting algorithms, password scams, fractional speed trading, and more. It took me a very, very long time to amass that wealth. Thank you for helping me escape.” Tuxpin raised a hand for me to haul him up.
I aimed the laser at his face and squeezed. I sliced him down the center. I then destroyed all his equipment. For the first time in my life, I broke a contract and did not honor my word. I checked my account to validate the funds were still there.
Mila requested a chat. “Mack where the fuck… sorry I try to not swear. Where did two billion D-coins come from? Are you crawling in a tunnel? Is that Tuxpin cut in half? I see it now… No… You crossed him. I am so proud of you!” She screamed into my ear as I shuffled up the incline in the small tunnel.
“Bexso distributed the video to everyone seconds ago. Be prepared to be bombarded with requests for that money. Mack trust me. Send it to the ministry of war right now. Authorize me to do it right now Mack. MACK NOW!”
I authorized it. The account dipped back from two billion plus to a whopping two million. And it was gone. “Everything okay?”
“It is now. We were about to be boarded and seized. That amount of money is easy to extort and everyone here is in unrestricted combat gear. You have no idea how close that was. I will see you topside.”
I shimmied the last part of the tunnel and tossed the remains of Tuxpin onto the dirt floor as I stood. I expected to see Bexso excited to see me and maybe earn a hug but she cowered at the back of the cavern. A dozen lancer males stood to my left, ten one eyed rock men stood in the center, and seven dragumi males on my right. None looked happy at my arrival. Actually, they scowled in downright hostility.
“Hello, gents! Got the little bugger for you. Was a real asshole. Here you go.” I nudged the body with my foot, letting it tumble forward.
The biggest lancer of the bunch stepped forward and over the dead metallic body. He approached me so calmly with anger on his face. When he got close I went to shake his paw. I realized in slow motion what was happening. He tore his claws across my guts spilling my intestines.
I screamed in pain and collapsed to my knees trying to stuff my guts back in. A one eyed rockman smashed the lancer to the side. Everyone froze weapons at the ready. Everyone besides me. I fell on my side, my mites unable to cope with the damage. Everything had its limits. The pain was fading and the darkness closing.
“You dumb ridiculous lancer, you have just permed yourself!” Bexso shouted as she rushed to cradle me as I fought my mortal wound.
The lancer looked offended to have been spoken to. “I am General Nurando and will kill as many stage three glory stealing beast as I want. I represent the fighting tenth division and this monkey stole our bounty. At least now it goes back to the ministry.”
“You lancers wonder why you lose so many wars and struggle to breed. Look behind his left ear you daft fool.” There was unbridled rage escaping Bexso at this point. I wondered if she was choosing nicer words in order to not join me in death.
I was feeling a nap coming on. Yes, a nap sounded lovely. I yawned and closed my eyes. Bexso gently stroked my hair and sung softly to me. It was so peaceful until my ear was clawed off. I cried out in pain and opened my eyes. Fresh receptors sending messages of damage to my brain.
“No, it cannot be. There are nearly a trillion humans. How could he be the one I killed? How could I know? They all look the same.” General Nurando realized he had killed a champion marked by his Emperor. He pleaded with his fellow lancers until one frowned with unforgiving eyes.
A round exploded out of the back of his head and his body crumpled beside mine. “Thank you Bexso, you were the real hero here. The last Valkyrie to survive the push into the lair of Trumpkin. Sad!”
“Tuxpin you silly human, now listen to my sweet song and sleep,” Bexso sung a gentle melody lured me back into my nap and I died.
CHAPTER 19
A tube snaked out of my gut, past my teeth, and out my lips. I smacked my jaw in annoyance. My eye went from a blur to a slight focus, and finally, I could see again. There was not a webbed hand luni in front of me. The Emperor’s doctor was monitoring my vitals. Iddy smiled when our eyes met.
“Easier go around this time. Since you know about mites, and this is not our first body utilizing them on - we inserted them while you were waiting for your mind transfer. I must admit, not in a million years would I have imagined reviving the same third stage species on the flagship twice. You are a remarkable specimen in an unremarkable species. It was a pleasure bringing you to life. I don’t normally say that but this time I mean it. You screwed that little vile Tuxpin. It was a thing of beauty. Extorted him, killed him, and gave the money away.
“So well done you had eight species demanding the honor of reviving you. That is why you have missed three days. If you think killing a few opponents made news. This topped that for sure. You donated more money than any species ever before to the ministry of war. As a southern saying from your capital goes. They are tickled pink. I think it translates to overly joyful. Or maybe it is a sexual thing. Never know with you perverse humans and your disgusting porn. He is ready your eminence.” The doctor gave a slight bow as the brothers entered. Iddy grinned and vacated the room.
It was not hard to tell which one was kind gentle Chi, and which was angry agitated Khi. The brothers were not as jovial as last time I saw them.
“We did not wager on you. Two times you have…” Khi started.
“Surpassed our expectations and won us tens of millions of D-coins. We frown on our own failure.” Chi finished.
“I want you both to know, I appreciate you having faith in me. It means a lot. Also, I am glad the luni were not the ones waking me up.” I told the duo.
“Ha! Those fish tried and I said food does not make demands.” Khi jabbed Chi in a brotherly display that was followed by laughter.
“Onto a serious matter, General Nurando has caused great offense. What is to be his punishment?” Chi asked.
“I do not want a lifelong enemy, nor do I feel his life should end. Battle rage flowed through everyone and I have been replaced. Demotion and shitty detail. Not too bad though. I want him humbled not resentful.” I said.
“We were hoping for something less drastic. Like an apology. He is a…” Khi said.
“Very talented General of ours and we would be very pleased if you did this for us.” Chi finished.
“Very well. No demotion. You set his next tour as you wish, and a public apology that is sincere. I am sure you give me this recommendation with your divine wisdom.” I replied and knew I said the right thing. Both brothers grinned in happiness.
“Your bounty has been paid out. We were wondering if we could entice you…” Khi beg
an.
“To spend some of those D-coins with us. We could use the infusion into our economy. You will need more clones, and the BarbHook is small. Maybe a carrier or dreadnaught for a flagship. If those are too much we have many cruisers and battleships.” Chi finished.
I gulped in surprise. “Yes to clones, no to a carrier, and by the creator sell me a dreadnaught. If you can have your assistant send my assistant a list of what is available and at a fair price I would be more than happy to spend some D-coins with my allies the lancers.”
“This is most excellent new. Tonight there will be an Onatics feast in your honor. Many species will be trying to pry your coins their way. On my honor…
“On my honor for our slight today and your gracious acceptance, we will ensure you get the best deal. Thank you for your time Champion Mack Raul.”
They both promptly exited talking to themselves. Whatever was said was silenced but I did not mind. A blue arrow illuminated and I followed it for the Griffin. Who names a ship the BarbHook? I trooped down the hallway proudly. To say I was excited to get a new behemoth of a ship was an understatement. There were so many things I could do with a tool of that much destruction.
I pondered on what they would look like when I remembered I had other unfinished business. Namely a crown prince to kill and a mystery to figure out. Why was Narshak starving and where did the actual rations go? I summoned a bot from the floor and ordered a green apple slushy and a strawberry milkshake. Someone had been thinking of me on the order menu.
Long sips were drawn from the sweet fruit to the sour apple. It was a party in my mouth and flavor was invited. I was so happy I started to strut my way down the halls. I slowed but kept the good vibes flowing. It was a hunch that it was an extreme honor to walk down the flagship. What constituted artwork on this level may never be understood by me and mine? Plus I bet Starla, and Astrid would love the details and forgive the extra time I took. A half hour of gazing at paintings, sculptures, poems I couldn’t read, the art I didn’t understand, and finally, they ended in a blank hallway. I checked my display while I sipped a second helping of yumminess.
My tour was complete when I got to shuttle bay doors. The blue line stretched to a circular entry precisely as it had before. I was scanned and the cover shot open. Deep down I expected my wives, maybe Mila, but not the man who stood before me.
Emperor Linus rolled his eyes at me being naked. He waved me forward past the airlock and into the changing room. A new spacesuit was tossed my way. I slid it on, did a functions check, and it sealed around my body.
“Your ship is very impressive Mack, my daughter is pleading with me to get you to hurry. Something about docking fees and wanting to fly.” Linus said.
Linus was a hundred and seventy centimeters, a full head shorter than me. He was dashingly handsome, and if anyone said being good lucking was bad in politics well, they were wrong. Brown eyes and hair with a welcoming smile. This was not some foe I was set to spar with. He was on my ship and being cordial as well as polite. A few reasons for this tinkered in my head like a ball rolling down a hill.
“Lorie take us out. Dock us wherever we need to be for tonight’s ball.” I said knowing she was listening. The ship gave the tiniest of shudders and we were free. I paced with Linus and tried to figure out the best place to have a chat with him. The amphitheater made the most sense and I spun up the request and blue lines populated. When I turned he followed. We walked in silence.
Once we were in the room and the door sealed we took seats. “So, how can I help you, my Emperor?” I asked.
The charming diplomat looked at me sternly. “I arrested Crown Prince Phillip. One of the hardest things I had to ever swallow doing. He knew he was wrong. My son is also a grown man and must pay for his sins. That Mila lancer is a real smart one. It took her a while but she figured it all out. She called in the cavalry to cleanse Narshak. She even figured out that Tuxpin was the mastermind behind the cyborgs and robots. I am afraid the treachery did not stop there. She traced the lack of food to my minister of agriculture for developing planets. A Danacious… been loyal to me for decades.” You could see the sadness at the dual betrayals in his eyes.
“His second wife bore him a daughter and she demanded show quality ponies. I won’t bore you with the details but I will say they are extremely expensive. Too expensive for a government official to own a farm of them. The Onatics have tasked me with something. Us lowly humans finally given a purpose and I knew I had to come to you for help. We need to remove the scourge that Danacious was selling the excess food to. A small band of human pirates. I am here for that and more but let me hear your thoughts on this first.”
I slapped two hands to my knees causing the man to jolt. “I knew something was wrong, what happened to Danacious?”
The wall display came to life to show a man dangling from a rope. He was fat and old. Unless it was at a very unflattering angle, extremely dead.
“Hung, public square. Ponies sold, the E-bits sent to people of Narshak which is doing much better already. If you hadn’t noticed it received a lot of attention. A mini economy sprung up overnight to recover lost equipment and such. I sent extra food. The pirates, can you handle them?”
Images from the surface of Narshak rotated on the amphitheater display. They showed countless ships scurrying across the planet. It had boomed the economy. The orbit showed the planet was now in line to maintain a twenty one celcius temperature.
“If you give me some time to get situated, sure. Taking down pirates sounds like a lot of fun. I would love to help. I can probably spool up quicker than your military can but not instantly. Month longest. I am going to buy a new fancy ship that will be a mini-city. I will need a lot of personnel. Then I will need quality troops to run through the training I design and the Empire should follow. And when I say I design. I hired a dagumi to help. It will probably be her, and I want an instructor Zumm from the Britannia. That means at least three hundred recruits come here to train instead of one of your training ships. No criminal fodder. I will give you a budget when I am ready. Have your people execute it. I may even hire some mercenaries from outside to help and observe their tactics.”
Ship designs scrolled across the screen and both of us watched them. I had some hard decisions to make.
“Should I fear you Mack? My advisors said to never trust you and I was a fool coming here to parley with you. Everything in my soul told me otherwise. Most of those advisors always council against any risk.” He paused his ramblings.
“Fear me, probably not. Unless you take a drastic turn that hurts humanity, the top job is yours. I got other things I want to focus on. Not to mention you’re making some correct changes, I would like to see more drastic things done. I do understand Earth was not built overnight. Maybe add me as an occasional advisor… Well, Mila really. She is the brains here. Besides your job sucks. You are hounded all the time and limited by rules.” I then erupted in laughter. “Plus I would have to see mother more and we fight often. No thanks.”
An image of my mom flickered on the big projector.
“So I die of old age, some fifty to sixty years from now. An aged Emperor guiding humanity to reach stage four with your help. I run my Empire, you help run the economy I can live with that. How about this deal Mack? I retire when the time is right, either your say so or mine and you help me transition into a quiet retired life in a new body with a new identity. With two of my wives, please? I really do love the two. We can cover it… actually, you are too noble. When it is time we will die and be reborn on your word.”
Two older women who radiated that genebabies beauty populated the screen. It was a fair ask and I knew a solid proposal. The photo transition into a flyby of the Lunish surface.
“You know what. See that place there. The three of you go there tonight,” I paused to hire a shuttle to get the Emperor to Lunish. “I hired a shuttle that will pick you up in an hour right here in Earth’s orbit. All three of you get mindmelds now so I don’t
forget. When the time is right you will die and start new there. In exchange, you work with me and I work with you. In tandem to get our species’ expansion on the right track. That would be me spending three hundred and sixty thousand D-coins for us to be friends. Let that settle in.”
He gasped. “We could only guess at the costs before. I would have expected a fraction of that. Why so expensive?”
The cloning facility and a few shots of its insides were rendered. I let out a sad laugh. Sad because I hated how expensive being reborn was.
“To milk the population of course. If it was cheap who would make money. Also, the ministry of war controls most of it. There are probably twelve taxes on various levels. If anyone knows how taxes are piled on, it is you.” I snickered and he chuckled.
“The ball tonight is being hosted here in Earth’s orbit. The dragumi launched a massive orbital the size of the moon into our space two days ago. It simply blinked into existence. Which brings me to my next question. Thoughts on Lorie?” I wondered if this was the politician asking or the father. Probably both.
Lorie stood on the screen hands on her hips, proudly wearing her flightsuit with a large smirk on her face. The woman radiated confidence and beauty even from a still photo. Before I was able to answer he commented.
“Those were some of my fondest memories of my life. Her mother and I lusted for each so much that my first wife demanded I stopped seeing her. I never knew she had a daughter until an alert told me some algorithm had picked up a DNA test that Lorie ran. One of the few times I never got a no freezing or utilizing my sperm form signed. I admit I am a busy man with many children, but I always found the time to peek in on her success and few failures. A smidge of friendly advice, from one man in over his head to another. Lorie is a great girl. Hold onto her. I naturally shifted her to be your pilot. I figured she would like you. Not much to dislike. You are almost as charming as me… Almost.” He said with his arms crossed.