by Wendi Wilson
His lips turned white as he pressed them together. His eyes drifted shut and he took a deep breath before reopening them.
“You knocked them over with air, yes, but that is not where it ended.”
“What do you mean?”
“You really don’t remember?” he asked, his voice holding a note of desperation. I shook my head and he continued, “December, you started to float.”
“But—”
“You weren’t using your wings,” he cut in. “The air lifted you up as fireballs formed in your palms. I grabbed you before you could hurt anyone, and I’ve been trying to pull you out of the daze you were in since then. Your eyes were completely vacant.”
“You just pulled me out here, right?” I stuttered, afraid of his answer.
“It’s been ten minutes,” he mumbled, his eyes darting back and forth between mine. “You’ve been standing there staring at nothing for ten minutes like you were in some kind of trance. Ms. Jeannie ran to get Finn when it looked like you weren’t going to snap out of it.”
My breathing accelerated, my chest heaving with exertion as my brain tried to process what he was saying. My eyes started to burn, the tears quickly overflowing and running in rivulets down my cheeks.
“What is wrong with me?” I asked, fear and self-loathing quickly pushing out all other emotions.
“Nothing. December, there is nothing wrong with you. We’ll figure this out.”
But his words didn’t reach me. Panic overrode all rationale as I dropped to the floor, then curled up with my knees close to my chest.
He was wrong. There was something wrong with me.
I was a monster.
Chapter Forty-Five
12
After a short meeting in Finn’s office, I’d headed back to my room. He’d offered a handful of platitudes, telling me everything was okay, that we’d figure out what triggered my episode. That’s what the staff was calling it—an episode.
I stormed into the room and spotted Shaela pacing the floor. She turned and bum-rushed me, throwing her arms around my neck before I had a chance to react. Or dodge her embrace. I soaked in the heat of her comfort for a moment before pulling away and putting several feet between us.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I mumbled when she gave me a pointed look.
Her shoulders dropped, her whole body deflating as she shook her head at me.
“You would never hurt me, D,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest and rubbing her palms up and down her biceps.
“How can you be so sure?” I spat, my self-loathing coming out as anger. “Didn’t anyone tell you what happened?”
“Easton told me everything,” she said, her voice light and comforting.
But I refused to be comforted.
“I don’t remember it, Shaela. If Easton hadn’t been there to stop me…” I paused for a moment, letting my words sink in. “I’m dangerous.”
“D—”
“No,” I said, cutting her off with a slash of my hand, “I won’t risk it. I won’t risk you.”
“What are you saying?”
Her voice held a tremor of dread that nearly broke my resolve. Nearly.
“I think I should get my own room,” I said. “Until I can figure out how to control this…whatever it is. I can’t risk hurting you, Shaela. I won’t.”
“You would never,” she said, and her tone inferred she knew it as an indisputable fact.
I wasn’t so sure. Who knew what might happen if I fell into another one of those trances? What if I attacked her? Hell, it could even happen while we were sleeping. No.
“I’m sorry, Shaela. I love you too much to take that chance.”
I ran from the room with hot tears running down my cheeks. It pained me to push her away, but I knew it must be done. It was the right thing to do. When you love someone, you protect them, no matter the cost to yourself. Shaela taught me that.
With no idea how I’d gotten there, I found myself standing outside the door to Rowan’s office. My fingers inched toward the knob, twisting it until the door swung open. The room was dim, the curtains drawn closed against the light, and I flicked on the lights as I slipped in and closed the door behind me.
Everything was just as Rowan had left it. Papers on the desk. Straight-back chairs angled in front of it. Couch in front of the cold hearth.
I couldn’t help but see his still form sitting on that couch, my last image of him seared in my brain. My feet moved without my blessing, not stopping until I stood before the sofa. I stared at the empty spot for an eternity. I wept for my late mentor.
When exhaustion threatened to take me to my knees, I turned and slumped onto the couch. I curled into the spot where Rowan had died, hoping to feel his presence. Finn told me I would feel it if I opened myself up, but up until that point, my grief had not allowed it.
After the day I’d had, I needed to feel…something.
A shiver ran through me and, without thinking too much about it, I conjured a ball of fire and shot it into the fireplace. The flames exploded into a crackling fire, igniting the wood stacked inside without pause. I soaked in the heat with closed eyes.
“December?”
Despite being softly spoken, the word snatched me from the peaceful lull I’d fallen into. I jerked upright, twisting around to face the door. Cris stood there, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, an unsure expression on his face.
“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said, moving further into the room. “When you didn’t show up for our session, I went to your room. Shaela told me what happened.”
“If you’re going to tell me I overreacted,” I said, my hackles rising, “just don’t.”
“I wasn’t going to say that,” he said, coming to stand between me and the fire. “I think it was a wise choice.”
“You do?” I asked, barely managing not to stutter.
“I do. You are very powerful and, right now, all that power is unpredictable. I have no doubt that, eventually, you’ll master your abilities and it won’t be an issue, but right now…”
His words trailed off and I nodded. Despite being relieved he agreed with me, a shiver of foreboding ran down my spine. Unpredictable. That was a nice way of saying out of control.
Of saying someone was bound to get hurt.
In an unanticipated move, Crispin dropped to his knees in front of the sofa and wrapped his large hands around mine. My eyes widened, but other than that I didn’t move.
“I swear,” he said, his voice filled with an urgency I hadn’t heard from him before, “I will help you, December. I will work with you until you have complete control. We’ll make sure what happened today never happens again.”
“How can you promise me that?”
“Because I believe in you. And I believe in my own abilities,” he said, one corner of his mouth ticking up as he released my hands and stood.
He headed for the door, turning back just before he stepped through. He gave me a long, hard look, then shoved his hands into his pants pockets.
“I’ll talk to Finn about getting you a private room. In light of today’s events, we’ll skip our practice, but we will resume tomorrow. No excuses.”
He spun on a heel and left before I could respond, so I turned back to gaze into the fire. While I still feared the power roiling inside me, I felt a little bit better.
Somehow I knew that if anyone could help me get my unpredictable abilities under control, it was Crispin Jonas.
Chapter Forty-Six
13
My feet scuffed across the tile floor as I made my way to the dining hall. I’d been hiding in Rowan’s office all afternoon, but as dinnertime approached, I couldn’t ignore the grumbling noises coming from my stomach. I needed food.
I also needed to face the firing squad.
News of my demonic-possession-level magical blackout had travelled across the school like wildfire—I was sure of it. I could just imagine Tiana and Aubrey leading the charge, torches and pitchforks raise
d, to make the whole student body fear and revile me.
And maybe it wouldn’t be so wrong if they did. I feared me.
As I stepped into the dining hall, the chatter of many voices and screech of chairs across the tile brought me a sense of peace. Of normalcy. I inhaled deeply, letting the air out slowly as I willed my tense muscles to relax.
I just needed to act normal, and everything would be fine.
My resolve quickly flew out the window as students started to notice me. I could see them, tapping the shoulders of their comrades and pointing in my direction. I could hear them, the lively chatter dying as it was replaced with hissed whispers.
Within seconds the entire room was silent and every eye in the room was on me. I took an involuntary step back, preparing to spin on a heel and run away as fast as my feet would take me. I would go back to Rowan’s office. Skipping one meal wouldn’t kill me.
As my body started to pivot, my eyes landed on Easton. The blue glow of his aura caught my attention first, but even without the ring, I’d know he was worried. It was written in the tight press of his lips. In the icy blue depths of his eyes.
My body stopped turning, my plans for retreat washed away as his aura slowly faded from blue to a shiny gold color. I knew what it meant.
Hope.
Hope that, since I hadn’t run yet, I’d rally my courage and refuse to flee. Hope that I’d come sit with him and Shaela, who sat across the table, motioning me forward with a wave of her hand.
I steeled my spine and moved toward them, keeping my head held high and my eyes locked on Easton’s. I refused to look at the other students, knowing what I’d see on their faces. Anger. Disgust. Fear.
Easton’s aura faded to a happy yellow, a relieved smile turning up the corners of his mouth.
“Hey,” I said as I sat down next to him.
His hand slipped into mine, lacing our fingers together before resting them on his knee under the table. The comforting gesture worked, and some of the tension drained out of me. I looked over at my best friend. Her green eyes looked sad. I’d put that there, I knew.
“Shaela—”
“No,” she said, holding up a palm. “I thought about this all afternoon, and I realized you were right.”
“I was?”
I was honestly shocked and maybe just a tad disappointed that she’d come to that conclusion.
“I don’t like it,” she continued, “not one bit. I want you to be with me, in our room, where you belong. But,” she paused, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth and gnawing on it for a moment, “I can see why the fact that you blacked out and used magic you don’t remember concerns you. While I am confident that you’d never hurt me, conscious or not, your fear would destroy your progress. You can’t work hard to get control of your power if you’re constantly freaking out that you might hurt the ones you love.”
“You could always stay with me,” Easton said, his voice brimming with suggestion as he waggled his eyebrows in my direction.
And just like that, the tension was broken. I giggled as Shaela rolled her eyes, one corner of her mouth lifting in a smirk.
“I bet you’d love that,” she said, tossing a grape at his face.
I started to stand, needing food, but Easton held me back and slid his tray in front of me. It held my favorites—fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and buttered corn. There was even a square of chocolate on the side.
I smiled at him gratefully. He ordered the food with me in mind, on the off-chance that I’d show up. Easton was just thoughtful like that.
As I bit into the greasy, crispy chicken, I realized the noise level in the room had picked back up. The other students must have decided that I wasn’t going to do anything crazy-dangerous in the middle of the dining hall, and went on with their lives.
Thank God.
“Faster.”
I was back in the gym, training with my new mentor, and he wasn’t letting me slack off in the slightest.
I’d made it through the whole school day without any confrontations. Tiana and Aubrey must have decided I was too scary to mess with. Or, they were planning some big revenge scheme that took all of their evil energy to devise. Either way, it was a relief to just have a normal day.
Or at least, as normal as it gets for a half-Sylph, half-Zephyr freak who levitates and tries to kill people with fireballs while in a catatonic state.
“Faster, December.”
Cris’s order brought me back to the present. He had me spinning the air around my body, an attempt to make myself float like I did the day before. While my hair whipped around me, tangling into a million tiny knots, my feet didn’t leave the floor. Not even for a millisecond.
I let the element go and sank to the floor in exhaustion. I was sure Cris would bark at me to get up, to keep trying, but he surprised me by plopping on his butt beside me. He crossed his legs in front of him and spun to face me, motioning for me to copy his pose.
Once I was situated, he said, “Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way.”
You think? I didn’t say the words out loud, but they must have been written all over my face because Cris huffed a sigh and let his eyes drift closed before spearing me with his blue gaze. I refused to back down and held his stare, one eyebrow raised.
As I watched, something swirled across his blue irises. My head reared back and I blinked, my breath catching in my throat. When I met his eyes again, they were normal and filled with question. I stared hard, but the weird shift in his eyes didn’t happen again.
I must have imagined it.
“Tell me everything that happened yesterday before you lost control,” he said, his voice soft and even.
I replayed the events for him. Easton telling me we were going to practice hand-to-hand combat. Me letting my wings out. The negative words swirling around me. Tiana’s nasty laughter.
“What were you feeling, in that moment?” he asked.
“I was embarrassed, I guess. Self-conscious about all the eyes on my wings and whispers about their strangeness.”
“What about when you heard Tiana’s snide comment and laughter?”
“Anger,” I said, feeling the emotion seep into me once more. “I was so angry. So fed up with her constant bully tactics.”
“And what did you want to do about it?” he asked, his voice so quiet that I barely heard the words.
My back teeth clenched tightly together as I spat, “I wanted to shut her up. To knock her ugly smile off her bitch face.”
I was vaguely aware that I’d cussed in front of a teacher, but the anger welling up inside me at just the thought of Tiana Avery overrode all my good sense. She was a bad, bad person and someone needed to give her an attitude adjustment.
And that someone was me.
“December.”
Cris’s voice pulled me from my vengeful thoughts and I started to apologize for my language, but my mouth fell open in shock. I was looking down at him as I floated about three feet off the floor. As soon as the realization hit me, I dropped. Thankfully, we were on the mats and not the hard wood floor.
“What the hell?” I exclaimed, flinching as I realized I was swearing again.
“It’s your anger,” Cris said, his voice filled with excitement. “The strength of your emotion overrides your natural tendency to clamp down on your abilities. In trying to control it, you’re dampening it, but when you’re angry…”
He stared at me for a few beats, something like pride shining in his eyes before he continued.
“When you’re angry, the shackles come off and your true power flows out. And it is something to behold. You just need to harness that emotion, use it to your advantage. You’ll be unstoppable.”
The reverence in his voice made me uncomfortable. Unstoppable? Power fueled by anger and hate? What did that make me?
Somewhere, deep down inside, I knew exactly what it made me. It made me just like Queen Sebille.
It made me a Zephyr.
Chapter Forty-
Seven
14
“I think you need a break,” was the first thing Easton said when I answered his knock.
My new room was barren and lonely, just a simple bed and trunk, the naked walls a stark contrast to the room I shared with Shaela. I could feel depression sinking its talons into me as the days went by, but there was no help for it. I couldn’t risk hurting anyone, especially my best friend.
So when Easton showed up at my door, just before dinner, offering me an escape—I didn’t hesitate for a second. Slipping my hand into his, I let him lead me down the hall and up the stairs to the conservatory. A picnic blanket covered with sandwiches and fruit waited for us, and I smiled, squeezing his hand.
“I feel like it’s been forever since we spent some time alone together,” he said as we sat down on the plaid blanket.
“I know,” I replied, frowning. “It’s been a weird week.”
He didn’t respond, just picked up a sandwich filled with ham, turkey, and cheese and handed it to me. My first bite had me groaning with pleasure. It didn’t matter how long I’d been at school, I refused to take food for granted. Meat, cheese, soft bread…those were things I had never experienced before enrolling at Oberon Academy.
Among other things, I thought as I watched Easton take a bite of juicy watermelon. I’d never felt real love. Never had my heart accelerate with excitement at the mere brush of a hand. Never felt soft lips on mine.
“What are you thinking about?”
Easton’s voice snapped me out of my daydream, and the knowing smirk on his face made me blush.
“Just about how good this food is,” I said, my arched brow daring him to dispute my answer.
“Mmm-hmm,” he hummed. “Your aura was a deep shade of pink.”
“So?”
“So,” he said, scooting closer until our knees touched, “that usually indicates desire.”
“Yeah, I was desiring more of this sandwich,” I argued, taking another big bite.