The scent was for her benefit, not his. She needed a confidence boost.
He arrived at five thirty on the dot. Nikki didn’t give him a chance to come inside. She hurried out to the car, almost tripping on the sidewalk in her haste to keep him from seeing Emma again. She would protect her baby girl at all costs.
Jake hopped out and opened the passenger door of the sinfully luxurious roadster he was driving while in New Jersey. When he helped Nikki in with a hand under her elbow, she was wrapped in the smells of soft leather and warm male.
She was glad when Jake closed the door and went around to the driver’s side, though it wasn’t much of a reprieve. The car’s interior was intimate. With every breath, she inhaled him. Not that his aftershave was overpowering. In fact, she wasn’t sure he wore any. She might only be smelling soap on his skin.
Either way, she was susceptible to his considerable appeal.
“Why did you change clothes?” she asked. He now wore a conservative dark suit, though most restaurants seldom enforced any kind of dress code these days.
He shot her a cautious grin. “Because I knew you would look nice. You always did enjoy sprucing up for an evening out.”
What could she say? He was right about the old Nicole Reardon. That teenager had owned two closets full of designer clothes. Nikki had lived in a pampered world that seemed a lifetime away.
Intentionally, she drew his attention to the night that had gone so well and ended so badly. “Things are different now. In Atlantic City I was wearing a cocktail waitress uniform when I ran in to you. Not exactly haute couture.”
He shrugged, his sideways glance filled with dark male interest. “I can’t say that I noticed. I was more interested in getting you out of whatever you were wearing.”
That shut her up. He was right. They had both been intent on one thing. The results had been spectacular.
Tonight, Jake had made reservations at an upscale seafood restaurant with white linen tablecloths and plenty of candlelight. The ambiance made Nikki the slightest bit uncomfortable. She and Jake weren’t a typical couple. And they certainly weren’t celebrating anything.
Once they were seated at a table overlooking a small manmade lake, Jake gave her his undivided attention. But his face was hard to read. “Thank you for coming. I know this was last-minute.”
“My sitter was available. It worked out.”
“Good.”
The conversation was painfully stilted. Memories of the last time they had been together swirled beneath the words. “Do you think about Atlantic City?” she asked quietly.
His jaw tightened. “Don’t be coy, Nik. Of course I do. We hadn’t seen each other in a decade, and there you were. Wearing one of those provocative outfits. Your legs were about a million miles long.”
The flash of heat in his eyes told her he remembered everything. She hadn’t been sure until right now. For her, the night had been a watershed moment, the culmination of all her girlish fantasies. But Jake was a man of the world. She had assumed their tryst was another notch on his bedpost.
“It seemed to embarrass you,” she said hesitantly. “That I was working as a waitress in a casino. You acted very odd at first.”
He nodded slowly. “I was startled. I’ll admit it. I went to Atlantic City for some fun. Just a quick flight in and out. Seeing you was a punch to the gut. The girl I used to date was wealthy and pampered. I was aware that you and your mom lost everything. But witnessing the personal cost of your father’s deceit stunned me. I didn’t know what to do with that information or how to relate to you.”
Nikki shrugged and snagged a fat boiled shrimp from the appetizer plate. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me, Jake. No one wants to be poor, but the rapid fall in my social position taught me a lot.”
“Like what?”
He seemed genuinely interested.
“Well...” She paused, thinking back. “I learned there are many very nice people in the world. And a few jerks, of course. I learned how hard a person has to work to earn five hundred dollars a week after taxes. I learned how scary it is not to have a safety net.”
His gaze darkened. “Those are some damn serious lessons.”
“Maybe. But I also learned my own resilience. I discovered that although I had been a pampered princess, it felt good to be responsible for myself... To know I was stronger than I knew.”
Their meals arrived, momentarily interrupting her self-analysis. Despite the gravity of this encounter with Jake, she spared a moment to appreciate the quality of the food. Her scallops were plump and perfectly grilled. She enjoyed every bite. Jake would probably be astounded if he knew how many nights she shared boxed macaroni and cheese with her daughter.
Over coffee and dessert, Jake pressed for more. “When I showed you that email, you were clearly shocked. No one is that good an actress. So, if you didn’t send it, who did?”
Nikki’s cheeks heated with embarrassment. “Possibly my mother.”
“Why?”
“About a year ago I lost my job. I was unemployed for almost ten weeks. Money was tight. Mom kept pressing me to ask for child support from Emma’s father. I put her off and put her off, but she wouldn’t let it go. Finally, after she had badgered me incessantly, I told her that Joshua was the father. Your brother. That he and I weren’t ever a couple, but we had been intimate for a brief period. I said he didn’t know about the baby. I thought that would be the end of it.”
“But it wasn’t.”
“Obviously not.”
“Why would you lie to her?”
“Because I didn’t want her to know the truth.”
“And that was?”
Nikki inhaled sharply. “That you are Emma’s father.”
Jake had heard the truth from his own brother. He’d had a little time to get used to the idea. But in this moment, he realized it had all seemed like a remarkable fiction until Nikki told him straight out. He felt sick and angry and everything in between.
“Damn you, Nikki. How could you not tell me I had a child?”
If he’d been expecting her to look guilty, he was way off base.
His dinner companion stared at him with cool hauteur reminiscent of the old society princess she’d been. “A little while ago you told me you still remember our night in Atlantic City. If you’ll recall, you disappeared afterward. I woke up in your hotel room alone. The only thing missing from that scenario was a stack of hundreds on the nightstand to make me feel like a hooker you hired for the evening.”
“I had a very early flight,” he muttered, guilt making him ashamed. He’d acknowledged to himself at the time that he was behaving badly, but he hadn’t known how to deal with the all-grown-up Nikki, so he had left her sleeping, her vibrant red hair spread across his pillow. The provocative image had almost been enough to make him stay and miss his flight.
But he had left her, anyway.
Nikki shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. That night was a long time ago. I’ve moved on, believe me.”
Something struck him. “We used protection,” he said, feeling suspicion creep back in. How could he trust her? Did he know her at all after fifteen years? If he was really the father, why the secrecy?
“Not every time.” She stared him down. “It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. Emma is the result of our reckless reunion. You and I were both curious, weren’t we? And blindsided by sexual attraction. A decade before that night in the casino, we had been on the verge of a physical relationship. But then your father and mine destroyed everything. I suppose Atlantic City was closure, in a way. We came full circle.”
They finished their meal in silence, the mountain of regrets and what-ifs too tall to climb. Jake was achingly aware of Nikki’s beauty, her poise, her intense femininity.
When Nikki was almost eighteen, Jake had fled Falling Brook never to return. Even th
en, he had understood what he was giving up, but his father’s actions had made staying impossible. The closest Jake had come to Falling Brook in the intervening years was a visit to Atlantic City five years ago. Running into Nikki had knocked him off balance. The long-ago feelings, the yearning and the need for her, had come roaring back to life.
He and Nikki had reminisced. When Nikki finished her shift, she went to his room at his invitation. They had showered together, tumbled into bed and screwed each other until dawn. Even now, the memories made him hard.
He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye.”
She grimaced. “You’re forgiven.” Her gaze was filled with something he couldn’t decipher. “It would have been a very awkward morning after if you had stayed,” she said.
“And then you found out you were pregnant. That must have been a shock.”
Her face flushed. She nodded slowly. “You have no idea. Telling my mother was hard. After Daddy died in the car crash, she imploded emotionally. Our roles reversed. She has helped me enormously with Emma, of course, but Mom leans on me.”
“It makes sense. She lost her whole world and way of life. Except for her daughter.” He paused, swallowing hard. “You and I didn’t do much talking that night in Atlantic City. What happened to you after you left Falling Brook? Before I met up with you again?”
“Nothing earth-shattering. I made it through four years at a state school. Got my degree. Mom and I worked multiple jobs to cover tuition and to handle our living expenses.”
He had a gut feeling there was more to the story. So he pushed.
“And after you finished school? I count at least five or six missing years until I ran into you in Atlantic City.”
“I got married.”
“Married?” He parroted the word, feeling like somebody had punched him in the belly. “Married?” So Emma did have a dad after all. Anger returned, mixed with an emotion he didn’t want to examine too closely. “I’m surprised your husband is so open-minded. Letting you go out to dinner with another man...”
His sarcasm didn’t even make her blink. Nikki Reardon was a cool customer. “The marriage didn’t last long,” she said. “Two years. He resented my privileged past. Had a chip on his shoulder about my upbringing. I realized I had said ‘I do’ because I was lonely. Our relationship was doomed from the start.”
“I’m sorry,” Jake said stiffly. He was still coping with the fact that he was jealous. Jealous of a faceless man who had slept with Nikki. Since when did Jake get jealous about any woman? He was a love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of guy.
She cocked her head. “And what about you, Jake? All I know is that you travel the world. I’m not sure how that’s a full-time occupation, but it sounds like fun.”
The note of criticism stung. “I’m lucky,” he said lightly. “I learned about day-trading early in my life. And I have a knack for it. In among my many adventures, I made a few bucks here and there. Enough to eat and hit the road whenever the mood strikes me.”
Nikki’s smile mocked his statement. “You’re wearing a limited-edition Rolex. I may not have money anymore, but I haven’t lost the ability to recognize luxury when I see it.”
“Being comfortable isn’t a crime. I like to think I’m generous with my money. I don’t maintain a huge house. So I wander. I value experiences. Learning my way around the planet has changed me and made me a better person. At least I hope so.”
The way Nikki stared at him made him itchy and uncomfortable. It was as if she could see through to his soul. When was the last time he had ever articulated so honestly what he wanted from life? Never?
“You’re fortunate,” she said slowly. “And I don’t blame you a bit. You’re still a young man. Healthy. Wealthy. Unattached. Why not enjoy what the world has to offer?”
Something about her response bothered him, but he couldn’t pinpoint his unease.
“We need to make some plans,” he said.
Nikki lowered her fork, her expression wary. “Plans?”
“Plans for integrating my life with Emma’s. I’ve missed four years. I won’t miss any more. She’s a part of me.”
Every bit of color leached from Nikki’s porcelain complexion. Now he could almost count the smattering of freckles on the bridge of her nose. “Absolutely not,” she said, her tone fierce. “I won’t have you playing at fatherhood and then walking away. Emma is happy and well-adjusted. She doesn’t need you, Jake.”
Perhaps Nikki realized her rejection was harsh. She circled back to the beginning. “You’re a good man, but you’re not father material. Emma is better off having no father than one who flits in and out whenever the wind blows.”
He ground his jaw, trying to control his temper. “You’re making a lot of assumptions about me, Nik.”
“It’s been fifteen years since you walked away from Falling Brook. From your family. From me. You’ve never been back. Not once. You juggle demons, Jake.”
He felt raw. Only someone who had known him so well would dare to diagnose his behavior. “At least I don’t keep secrets,” he muttered.
She stood abruptly and gathered her coat and clutch purse. “Take me home, please. I want to go now.”
Three
Nikki was angry. And scared. Once upon a time Jake had held her entire heart in his hands. She had adored him. They had been friends forever, and then, just as she began to grow into her feelings for him in a very adult way, their fathers had ruined everything. Jake fled, and Nikki and her mom had fled, too.
But not in the same direction.
As they walked outside, Nikki barely felt the cold. At least not on her face, hands or feet. Her chest felt frozen from the inside out. How dare he blame her? Didn’t he know how many times she had cried herself to sleep, wondering again and again if she had made the right choice for her daughter? For the absent Jake...
Jake started the car but left it in Park. He reached for her wrist, not letting go even when she jerked backward. “I don’t want to fight with you, Nikki.” He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand with a mesmerizing stroke. “The past is the past. We can’t change any of it.”
In the dimly lit interior, his face was hard to read. “But your father is back,” she said quietly. “That’s why you’re here. In New Jersey, I mean. To see him?”
Jake shrugged, his posture and expression moody. “Joshua and I are being summoned to the prison tomorrow. But to be clear, I came back because Josh asked, not for my rat bastard of a father.”
His palpable misery twisted her heart and dissolved some of her animosity. She flipped her hand over and twined her fingers with his. “I’m sorry you have to see him. But maybe it will help. For closure, I mean.”
“He won’t answer our questions. We’ll never know why he did it or what happened to the money. I can tell you that right now. My father never let us boys talk back to him...ever. He was always king. Arrogant. Proud. The worst part is, he turned his back on our mother, and for that alone, I’ll never forgive him.”
Nikki cupped his cheek with her free hand, feeling the late-day stubble. “Forever is a long time. Bitterness and anger poison your soul. I want you to be happy, Jake.”
It was true. Despite everything that had happened, Nikki didn’t want Jake Lowell to suffer. She could have found him when she turned up pregnant after their night in Atlantic City. Possibly. And told him he was a father. But he had hurt her so badly once in her life, she had been reluctant to trust him with the truth. Instinctively, she had known he could hurt her again. And she knew it now.
Jake sucked in a sharp breath. Audible. Ragged. “You’re right. It’s time to take you home.” He released her, so she was no longer touching him.
Something shimmered in the air between them. Was it sexual chemistry that refused to die? Nostalgia, grief and hormones were a dangerous combination.
Nikki cleared her throat. “Sure,” she said.
Jake put the car in motion. Traffic was only now beginning to taper off as commuters found their way home. Nikki stared out the window, searching for answers. Was she wrong to keep Jake away from his daughter?
When he parked in front of her house, she bit her lip and stayed put. “I’ll have to think about it,” she said. “You and Emma. I need time. Please.”
“Okay.” His voice was quiet. “I don’t blame you for not telling me earlier. But I know now, and we’ll start from here.”
The following morning, after a sleepless night, Nikki drove to Falling Brook. The small community where she and her mother lived was about an hour’s drive away. Her mother was with Emma at the moment. Nikki’s shift at the diner didn’t start until eight tonight, and it was a short one. She felt the tiniest bit guilty about leaving her daughter. But this errand was important.
At ten to nine, she pulled up in front of Black Crescent headquarters. The building had been a source of conflict over the years for the way its modern architecture stuck out jarringly in the midst of Falling Brook’s mostly traditional landscape.
Nevertheless, it was an impressive structure.
Nikki had dressed in the same black pantsuit from last night. But she had exchanged the sexy stiletto heels for espadrilles, and her sleeveless blouse underneath the jacket was simple white cotton.
There would be two obstacles between her and her destination. The first was a young receptionist at the front desk.
Nikki gave the barely twentysomething kid a confident smile. “I have an appointment with Mr. Lowell at nine. Is it okay if I go on up?”
The smile faltered. “His assistant will have to okay you.”
“No worries. They’re expecting me.”
It was only partly a lie. She had called Joshua to tell him she needed fifteen minutes of his time. If he wasn’t in, his assistant would surely have listened to his messages. So either way, Nikki wouldn’t be a total surprise.
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