Even though he had gone an entire decade without seeing her, he could have used the encounter in Atlantic City to build something new, something more than his vagabond existence offered him. But he hadn’t had the guts to try again.
His own lazy, selfish choices had brought him to this point.
Jake had run away fifteen years ago. He had wanted to be left alone, and he had succeeded in his quest. As he wandered the globe, he’d kept his friendships and his sexual relationships on a shallow plane. Expedient. Disposable. Forgettable.
The one woman he had never been able to forget was Nikki Reardon.
Now it was too late.
He stood up abruptly, nearly tumbling the chair. “I need to go,” he said. “I’ll call you later.”
Nikki stood, too, seeming hurt or relieved or maybe both. “Okay.”
“Joshua is getting married soon. I’ll need a plus-one.”
She gave him a loaded look. “Is that an invitation?”
“You know it is,” he said, feeling more irritated by the minute.
Nikki shook her head slowly. “Charming. You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted. I’ll think about it.”
“What’s to think about? Who else would I take?”
Nikki poked her finger in the center of his chest. “You need to learn some manners, Jake Lowell. I don’t know what kind of women you’ve been hanging around with, but I’m not some floozy you can pick up and put down when the mood strikes you.”
“Floozy?” He laughed out loud despite his uncertain temper. “This is the twenty-first century, Ms. Reardon. Women aren’t judged for their romantic entanglements anymore. Haven’t you heard?”
She poked him a second time, eyes flashing. “You know what I mean. You’re the absolute definition of a man who keeps a woman in every port. Just because you and I share a history doesn’t mean I’m going to let you push me around. Are we clear?”
They were toe-to-toe now. He could feel her breath on his skin, hear the uneven hitch in her angry words. “Poke me one more time, Nik. I dare you.”
Her chest heaved as she sucked in a breath and exhaled. “I’m not scared of you.” One feminine finger prodded his sternum.
“Well, you should be, you frustrating woman.” He groaned the words and snatched her up in his arms, backing her into the refrigerator. “Because you make me insane.”
Six
Nikki was a rule follower, a straight arrow.
Even as she recognized that Jake was neither of those things, she was drawn to him inescapably.
He hitched her legs around his waist and buried his face in the curve of her neck. “You smell good, Nik.”
As he nibbled the sensitive skin below her ear, she shuddered. “You like the scent of tomato sauce?”
“On you I do.” He caught her earlobe between his teeth. “Tell me to go home.” He begged her with as much sincerity as she had ever heard from him.
She smoothed his hair. “You told me you don’t have a home.”
“You know what I mean.”
He let her slide to her feet, but where their bodies were pressed together, she could feel the hard length of him. Her memories of Atlantic City undermined her good sense. “I’ve dreamed of you holding me like this, Jake.”
“I did more than hold you five years ago,” he said huskily.
She unbuttoned two buttons of his shirt and slipped her hand inside to test the warm contours of his chest. “Yes, you did. I was there, remember?”
Sexual tension pulsed between them.
Jake shifted his feet. “At the risk of jumping the gun, are there any condoms in this house?”
“What do you think?” She kissed his chin and tasted his lips, loving the way he shuddered at her touch. “Don’t you have one or two?”
“Not on me.”
His disgruntled response might have been funny if Nikki wasn’t so wound up. Being a single mom for the past four years had been a monastic existence. Life was hard. Busy and good, but hard. Not much time for a woman to indulge her sexual needs. And now here was Jake—sexy, gorgeous, every inch the man of her dreams.
She wanted badly to undress him and explore his taut, hard body. But if she wasn’t going to have sex with him, there were rules to follow. Fair play. Self-denial.
Though it took remarkable willpower on her part, she moved away. “Would you like some coffee?” she asked, trying to pretend as if everything was normal.
Her kitchen looked the same as always, despite Jake’s presence. Pine cabinets. Faded Formica countertops. Beige walls. This little house was dated and homely, but the community was friendly, and crime was low. Nikki’s neighbors were Black and white and Hispanic. Young and old.
The man with the laser gaze stared at her, his jaw rigid. “Coffee? That’s your answer?”
“I don’t want to fight with you, Jake.”
“And you don’t want to have sex with me.”
She shook her head slowly. “Not like this.” She dealt with the coffeepot and turned it on. When she faced him again, he was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over his broad chest, a dark scowl doing nothing to diminish his sexual pull. “Have you bought a return airline ticket?” she asked. No point in pretending.
“I have an open-ended one. Because the judge has fast-tracked the trial, I want to catch the opening arguments. Apparently, my father is planning to make a statement. Given the nature of the case, the judge is also allowing wronged parties to face the man who stole from them. Perhaps even let them speak.”
“Poor Vernon.”
Jake raised an eyebrow. “You have more charity than I do. My father deserves public condemnation. In fact, that’s the tip of the iceberg. He should be—”
Nikki held up her hand, halting the flow of angry words. “Stop.” She poured a cup of coffee and handed it to him. “Bitterness will destroy you. Mom and I spent the first several years of our exile constantly in the midst of grief and emotional upheaval. It was only when we decided to forgive my father that we were finally able to move on.”
“I’ve moved on,” he said, his tone defensive.
“You moved away,” Nikki said. “Ran away. By your own admission. It’s not the same thing. I know you’re in Falling Brook for a brief time, but why don’t you use these weeks to find closure with your dad? Actually, closure with the whole dismal experience?”
He stared down at his coffee, his expression moody. “Can we take this outside? I need some air. It’s not all that cold.”
“Sure.” She grabbed a coat and the baby monitor. Jake retrieved his jacket from the living room.
“A baby monitor?” he said. “Still?”
“It gives me peace of mind.”
“I can understand that.”
They settled on the porch, skipping the swing in favor of sitting on the top step. Nikki didn’t bother with the light. Because the stoop was narrow, she and Jake were hip-to-hip. She wanted badly to lean her head on his shoulder and dream of a future that included everything she wanted.
But that was futile. She sipped her coffee in silence. They weren’t the only people taking advantage of the unexpectedly mild evening. Older kids still played up and down the street.
Without warning, Jake put a hand on her knee, making her jump.
“Why don’t you and Emma come to Switzerland with me when this is all over?” he said. “For a visit,” he clarified, as if wanting to make sure she understood. “The mountains are magnificent, and I think Emma would like it.”
“What’s in Switzerland?” Nikki kept the question light and casual, though her guts were in a knot.
“I own a small house there. I have a great housekeeper who handles things when I travel.”
When I travel. There it was. The truth of Jake Lowell.
Nikki clenched the handle of her cup. “I have a job
,” she said evenly. “And other responsibilities.”
“Emma’s not in regular school yet. Besides, with the money from Black Crescent, you could quit the diner, right? I’ll cover all the Europe expenses.”
She sucked in a breath. “Being poor is not as bad as you think it is, Jake. But even if I decide to take the money from Black Crescent, it’s a long time until January. Besides, I think Emma is a little young for a trip like that. I appreciate the offer.”
They were both being so damn polite. As if roiling currents of emotion and discord didn’t threaten the foundation beneath their feet.
Jake stood abruptly and set his empty coffee cup on the porch railing. “When can I swing by tomorrow?”
Nikki stood, too. The night was cloudy. She couldn’t read his expression. “Tomorrow is not good. I work a double shift. Maybe you could come to a movie with Emma and me late Friday afternoon.”
“Joshua’s bachelor party is Friday night.”
“The wedding’s so soon?” The prospect of seeing people from her old life sent anxiety coursing through her veins.
“The actual ceremony is a week from Saturday. You never answered me. Will you be my date?”
She saw a challenge in his eyes, a dare. She weighed the prospect of attending a romantic wedding with Jake against her very real concerns. “I will,” she said. “But I’ll be nervous about seeing Falling Brook folks.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. We’ll face them together.”
“Okay.” It might be the only carefree time she had with Jake. An evening that would have to sustain her for the long, lonely years to come. “Good night,” she muttered. Jake was too tempting. Too everything.
He cupped her neck in his big, warm hands and pulled her head to his. “I’ll dream about you, Nik.”
This kiss was lazy and slow. As if he had all the time in the world.
She put her hands on his shoulders to steady herself when her knees went weak. He tasted like coffee and dreams. Her dreams. All the ones that shattered when Black Crescent imploded, and Jake left her.
For long seconds, she let herself kiss him back. It was exhilarating. Toe curling. She felt like a princess at the end of a fairy tale. A very hot, flustered, needy princess. Only this particular prince was never going to stick around for the happily-ever-after.
When she realized she was running her fingers through his hair, she made herself step back. Take a breath. Reach for reason. “I should go in,” she said. “I have a few mommy jobs to accomplish before I head to bed.”
“I’ll pay child support,” he said gruffly. “Even if we decide not to tell her.”
Nikki’s temper flared, but she held her tongue. He was trying to do the right thing. “I don’t need your money, Jake. Emma and I are fine. A child is a huge responsibility, but money is the least of it.”
“You’re saying you want emotional support?”
Is that what she was saying? She honestly didn’t know. Having Jake around as a part-time dad would be awkward and painful. Maybe it would be better if he simply went away. She was convinced he still saw her as a version of her teenage self. He didn’t understand or want to admit how much she had changed. “I only meant that it’s eighteen years of hard work.”
“Longer for some families whose kids never move out.”
“I suppose so. Either way, I need you to know that you’re off the hook. Your life doesn’t accommodate fatherhood. Let’s think about it. Maybe we can come up with a solution that suits us both.”
“And Emma.”
“Of course.”
He moved toward the sidewalk. When a streetlight illuminated his features, she saw that Jake looked tired, sad. Maybe even uncertain. She had never seen him so vulnerable. Her heart squeezed. “You’re good with her,” Nikki said. “Truly, you are. She’s lucky to have your brains and your fearlessness.”
“You’re wrong about one thing, Nik.”
“Oh?”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked at one of the small rocks Emma loved to collect. “I’m not fearless at all right now. Falling Brook. My father. My brothers. You. I feel like I’m stumbling around in a fog. I’m not even sure if I should have come back.”
This time, her heart hurt when it pinched. “I’m glad you came, Jake. Really glad.”
Jake always slept with the drapes open in a hotel room. In big cities, he liked seeing the array of colored lights on decked-out skyscrapers. Here in Falling Brook, the lights were fewer and less impressive, but they still lit the night with a comforting glow.
He was lying on his back with his hands behind his head. It was three in the morning. He’d barely slept. A few days ago, when he was flying across the ocean, he’d worried about reuniting with his twin. But the thing with Joshua had gone well.
The two brothers had fallen into their old relationship without drama.
Jake still had to face his mother and Oliver. Those reunions weren’t something to dread, not really. The harder encounter had been finding out that he and Nikki had created a child, a daughter.
Suddenly, unable to be still a moment longer, he rolled out of bed, threw on some clothes and went down to the twenty-four-hour fitness center. On the treadmill, he set a punishing pace. If he ran hard enough and long enough, maybe he could outrun the demons at his heels.
At last, exhaustion claimed him. Back in his room, he showered and tumbled into bed, comatose almost instantly. When the alarm went off at eight, he opened his eyes and groaned. Insomnia had rarely been a problem in his adult life, except for the occasional bout of jet lag. Clearly, being back in Falling Brook was bad for his health.
He sat up on the side of the bed and reached for his phone. If peace and closure were his aims, he needed to work his list. Oliver was Jake’s next priority. After thinking for a moment, he sent a text asking if his younger sibling could meet him at the Drayhill Quarry at ten thirty. It was a spot where the three Lowell brothers had often hiked and played around.
On one memorable hot summer day, they had even taken a dip despite the warning signs posted everywhere. Their mother had found out and grounded them for a month. After that, they still returned now and again to the abandoned quarry, but not to swim.
What appealed most was the isolation. At the quarry, they were free to be on their own. No parents breathing down their necks. No teachers demanding excellence.
But that was a long time ago.
Jake dragged his attention back to the present. While he was brushing his teeth, the text ding came through. Oliver would be there.
Jake was nervous. Once upon a time, the three brothers had been tight. But Jake had let his father’s actions drive him away. He’d lost Nikki, his brothers, everything. Now a chance for reconciliation beckoned. Jake knew he didn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness—least of all, his baby brother’s.
After a few sprinkles of rain overnight, the mild weather had continued today. A weak sun shone down, making the morning slightly more cheerful. The drive out to the quarry was familiar but different. The old rutted road was worse now. Jake’s fancy rental car took a beating. He parked by the gated fence and waited.
Soon, Oliver showed up in a late-model sedan. When the other man climbed out, Jake felt a wave of emotion he rarely allowed himself to acknowledge. This was his sibling, the man who was part of him. His blood and kin.
The two men embraced without speaking. Jake’s eyes were damp when he pulled back. “Good to see you, Ol.”
Oliver’s brilliant blue eyes twinkled with happiness. “Took you long enough to contact me. I started to think you hadn’t really come home at all.”
“Sorry about that. I had to deal with some urgent business first.”
“Yeah. Joshua told me. You have a baby. Right?”
“Well, Emma is four. But yes.”
“Must have been quite a shock.” O
liver’s eyes held empathy.
Again, Jake’s throat was tight. “On a scale of one to ten, I’d say a fifty. I don’t know what I’m going to do about it.”
“Joshua told me Nikki Reardon is the mother?”
Jake nodded. “I assume you remember her?”
Oliver snorted. “Are you kidding me? Of course I remember Nikki. You panted after her for years. It was painfully obvious that you were a one-woman kind of guy.”
“Well, I screwed that up, too. I abandoned her just like I abandoned my brothers. I’m sorry, Oliver. Sorry for what happened to you.”
“I doubt you could have done anything. Josh tried to reach me. Mom did, too. But I was so damn angry. The anger ate me alive.”
“Will you tell me what happened? If you want to,” Jake said quickly. “I only had snippets from Josh.”
“Sure,” Oliver said. “But do you mind if we walk out to the falcon? I need to stretch my legs.”
They climbed the fence and set off, striding along the makeshift trail that wound around the quarry. The underbrush was heavy. At times they had to scale fallen trees. After three quarters of a mile, they reached their destination. The falcon was an enormous boulder, shaped vaguely like Han Solo’s famous spaceship. The broad, flat surface was perfect for hanging out, drinking beer or simply enjoying the summer sun.
Today, the November water below wasn’t blue. It was murky and threatening. No temptation at all to chance a swim.
They sat down and got comfortable.
Oliver pitched a pebble into the quarry, his expression pensive. “I headed out for Harvard just a few weeks after you left. I was glad to leave Falling Brook, even though my tuition was only paid up for a year. I was furious with Dad. That anger moved with me, fueling the usual freshman-year screwing around. But I couldn’t let it go, even though those feelings were poisoning me. Drugs and alcohol dulled the pain.”
Jake’s stomach twisted with guilt. He was silent for a moment. Stunned. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
Oliver shrugged. “I needed to sort myself out. Things are good for me now, and I’ve been sober for years. I’m finally happy. But our father still has a lot to answer for.”
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