by Cara Malone
“It’s okay to cry,” she said. “I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you and I’ve lost a lot more patients. You have to let it out or it’ll eat you up.”
“I just think I could have done more for him,” Krys said. “What if I worked more hours? What if I was around the clinic more often? What if I’d been less distracted and gotten to Malik’s bed sooner when he came into the ER?”
“You did nothing wrong,” Lily assured her. “Your job is to save people and you’re a total badass in the ER, but that doesn’t mean you have to be on call 24/7 for the rest of your life.”
“But what if I made that sacrifice?” Krys asked. “What could Malik have done in his life if I was able to save him, or at least buy him a few more years? He deserved more than third grade science projects and hospital stays.”
“What could you do with your life if you stopped being afraid to live it?” Darcy asked.
“We can’t save everyone,” Lily said.
“So she keeps telling me,” Krys said, nodding to Darcy. “But is it a crime to try?”
“No,” Lily said. “But you won’t be any good to anyone if you burn out trying to save terminal patients. All we could have ever given Malik was more time. We did the best we could for him.”
Krys let out a frustrated breath. Neither of them were getting it – Lily was Malik’s doctor and Darcy had seen so many of her friends die on the battlefield. How could they not get it?
“I remain a member of society with special obligations to all my fellow human beings,” Krys recited. “That’s part of the Hippocratic oath that I took when I became a doctor. I have the power to heal people and the responsibility to do so as much as possible.”
“You know what part of that stuck out to me?” Darcy asked. “I remain a member of society. Spending more time in the ER doesn’t make you a better doctor or a more valuable person. Your responsibility is to do your best for your patients, and you’re already doing that. Why do you have to be a superhero?”
“Smart woman,” Lily said. “I’d listen to her if I were you.” Then something started vibrating and she pulled her pager off her hip. She looked sympathetic and said, “That’s the hospital – duty calls.”
Krys and Darcy said goodbye and Lily jogged up the street to her car. Darcy put her arm around Krys’s shoulder and said, “There’s a pub across the street. Do you want to get a drink in Malik’s honor?”
Krys cracked a smile for the first time all day. “A drink in honor of an eight-year-old?”
“Okay, so it’s for us,” Darcy said. “Come on.”
She led Krys into a small pub that wasn’t very crowded in the early afternoon. They got a couple of beers from the bar, then went outside to a small patio area behind the building and sat down. They were the only two people on the patio and Krys was pensive as she sipped her beer.
After a while, she turned to Darcy and said, “I’m sorry I keep harping on about Malik, and my presence in the hospital. I really like you – I don’t want you to think I’m avoiding you or anything – but I just feel so guilty every time I’m away from the hospital. Can I tell you why?”
“Please,” Darcy said, putting down her beer and giving Krys her full attention.
“You asked me why I have to be a superhero,” Krys said. The words didn’t come out easily because they were something she’d been holding in for a long time, but Darcy waited patiently for them. “Being a doctor is a privilege and a gift, and it also comes with a lot of responsibility. I learned that on my first day as a resident. Did you know my very first patient died?”
“No,” Darcy said. “What happened?”
“His name was Andrew Olsen and he was only twenty years old, perfectly healthy until someone blew through an intersection and smashed into the driver’s side of his car,” Krys said. “He had God on his side, though, because he made it out alive. There was a big piece of windshield glass sticking out of his chest when the paramedics arrived. The glass had penetrated his ribs, but it was actually keeping him from bleeding out.”
She took another sip from her beer, reliving the moment she first saw him.
“So they brought him to the ER along with the other driver and I was the first person at the ambulance,” she said. “Andrew was unconscious but his vitals were fine. I got him x-rayed and put him in a bed, and then the other driver started crashing. I was waiting on Andrew’s x-rays so I left him alone to help the other driver. We stabilized him and I went to check on the x-rays, and that’s when Andrew’s monitors started going crazy.”
“What happened?” Darcy asked.
“He must have woken up and seen the piece of glass in his chest,” Krys said. “It’s a common gut reaction to pull something like that out, and he had no way of knowing it was keeping him alive. The glass left a deep laceration in his lung and he developed a tension pneumothorax. It was severe and we couldn’t bring him back. He died.”
Darcy got up and came around the table to put her arm around Krys. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“I absolutely can,” Krys said. “I shouldn’t have left him alone. I should have called a nurse over to watch him, but I didn’t. A twenty-year-old kid with his whole life ahead of him died because he woke up in the hospital, alone and scared, and did something impulsive that I should have prevented.”
“Did you learn from the experience?” Darcy asked.
“Of course I did,” Krys said.
“And I know you went on from that moment to become an incredible trauma doctor,” Darcy said. “I know you couldn’t save Andrew, or Malik, but you are saving lives every day and helping countless people. I just want you to take care of yourself, too, because if you burn out you’ll be no good to anyone.”
“Thank you,” Krys said. She gave Darcy a kiss, then admitted, “It’s a weight off my chest to say all that out loud. I’ve never told anyone outside of the hospital and I’ve been carrying that guilt around for a long time.”
“That’s a lot to carry,” Darcy said. “I’m glad you told me.” She sat back down and Krys took a long swig of her beer, then Darcy added, “I like you a lot, Krys. I’m even beginning to fall in love with you. I hope you can make room in your heart for me along with all those patients you care about so much. It would be an honor.”
“I like you a lot, too,” Krys said as a lump formed in the back of her throat. She swatted at Darcy and said, “You’re going to make me cry again.”
“That’s not my intention,” Darcy said. Then she smiled and changed the subject. “So, are you nervous about meeting my dad and brother this weekend?”
Krys smiled and said, “I’m not nervous. Are you?”
“No,” Darcy said. “I’m sure they’re going to love you, and I hope you’ll love them, too. Did I tell you my brother’s making me meet my mom for coffee next week?”
“No,” Krys said, knitting her brow. “How did that happen?”
“Well, he’s not making me,” Darcy said. “But I’m really nervous about it.”
“I’m glad you’re working on your relationship with your mom,” Krys said. “I don’t know what I’d do without mine. Even though I don’t get to see her often, I still need to talk to her regularly.”
20
Darcy
On Sunday night, Darcy eagerly awaited Krys’s arrival at her house. She’d offered to pick Krys up, but she was coming from the hospital and wanted to go home and change first so she insisted on driving herself.
While she waited, Darcy helped her dad with the meal. He was grilling hamburgers in the back yard, so Darcy went into the kitchen and prepared a salad to go with them. Harvey sat at her feet, hoping for some scraps to fall over the edge of the counter, his tail smacking against her leg to remind Darcy that he was there.
“Do you want a carrot, Harvey?” she asked when her leg was beginning to get sore. He cocked his head to the side, confused at the orange stick she was offering him, and she laughed and said, “I didn’t think so. You’re bark
ing up the wrong tree today, buddy – the meat’s outside.”
Daniel came over half an hour before dinner and put a six pack of beer in the fridge just as Darcy was finishing her salad preparations. She grabbed one of the beers and the two of them went out back to keep their dad company.
“So, we get to meet the girlfriend,” Danny teased. “Are you nervous?”
“For her, maybe,” Darcy shot back.
“We’ll be on our best behavior,” her brother said, holding his hand up like a Boy Scout. “Are you going to bring her to meet Mom, too?”
Darcy nearly choked on her beer at the idea. Her coffee date with her mother was approaching much faster than Darcy was comfortable with, and the notion of bringing Krys along too – frankly, it was terrifying. “God, no.”
“I was joking,” Danny said. “Sheesh, have a heart attack, why don’t you?”
“I just might,” Darcy said.
She glanced at her father, who was keeping his eye on the grill. She’d told him about her upcoming reunion, but she’d done it in a text message while he was waiting to take off from an airport in Pennsylvania and they hadn’t really talked about it. She’d never gotten over feeling awkward mentioning Mom in front of Dad after their divorce, and if she ever actually spoke to her mother, she’d probably feel the same around her.
Luckily, the sound of tires crunching on gravel saved her as she heard someone pulling into the driveway.
“That’ll be Krys,” she said. “I better go meet her.”
Darcy cut back through the house and met Krys at the door. Her mouth fell open in the same exaggerated way that it had when she saw Krys before Megan and Alex’s wedding. She was wearing a lavender tea dress that fanned out from her hips and accentuated her curves in a way Darcy quite enjoyed. A thin lace choker circled her neck and she wore her hair down for the first time that Darcy could remember – not counting, of course, when it was wild and free after they’d made love.
“Is it too much?” Krys asked as soon as she noticed Darcy’s reaction. She frowned as she noticed Darcy’s clothes, a much more casual pair of jeans and a V-neck tee. “Crap, it’s too much.”
“I don’t know if I can admit you to the party,” Darcy said, taking joy in teasing Krys. She slid her hands around her waist and pressed her against the doorframe. “It’s not that you’re overdressed – I just don’t know if I have the willpower to do anything other than drag you to the bedroom and peel that dress off of you.”
“I have a pair of scrubs in my trunk,” Krys said, sounding genuinely worried.
Darcy kissed her, then let her off the hook. “You look absolutely beautiful and I think you’re perfect the way you are.”
She reached inside the door and grabbed a single white camellia that she’d picked from her neighbor’s garden earlier in the afternoon. She tucked its short stem behind Krys’s ear and then led her through the house to meet her family. Harvey met them in the kitchen, looking happy to see Krys again, and then Darcy took her hand and they went out to the back yard.
“Dad, Danny, this is Krys,” she said, a huge, involuntary smile coming to her lips. “Krys, this is my family.”
“George Cosgrove,” Darcy’s dad said, introducing himself as he set down his grilling spatula and shook Krys’s hand. “Nice to meet the woman my daughter has been spending so much time with.”
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Krys said. “Thank you for having me at your family dinner.”
“The more, the merrier,” Danny said. He shook her hand, then asked, “You want a beer?”
“Sure,” Krys said.
Darcy’s dad finished cooking the burgers and all four of them chatted for a while, exchanging all the usual getting to know you pleasantries, and Darcy was happy with how it was all going. Krys seemed at ease with her family and they were all getting along well.
When they went inside to eat at the dining room table, Darcy grabbed the salad from the kitchen and let her gaze linger on the counter where she had first made love to Krys. Then she rejoined the group and said, “Everyone, I have an announcement.”
“What’s going on, sweetie?” her dad asked, stymied in his attempt to reach for a burger from the tray in the center of the table. He looked a little worried, as did Krys, so Darcy decided to make it quick and simple.
“I got the results of my chest x-ray and bloodwork,” she said. “I’m TB-free. The skin test was ambiguous, but I do not have the bacteria in my system.”
Krys flew around the table so fast that she took Darcy by surprise and knocked her off-balance as she threw her arms around her. She kissed Darcy right in front of her dad and brother, so overcome with relief that she forgot her surroundings.
“Thank god,” she said, kissing Darcy a few more times on the cheek and neck and making her laugh with the unexpected show of emotion. Darcy wrapped her arms around Krys and enjoyed the feeling – there were no walls between them in that moment.
When they sat down again, Darcy’s dad and brother expressed their relief as well, and then Darcy said, “I’m cleared for work again, and I’ve been thinking about the future. My leg’s about as good as it’s going to get and I have pretty good mobility. I think I want to be a paramedic.”
“I think you’d be great at that,” Krys said. “I can put you in touch with Alex if you want – she might be able to help you get an interview at the company where she works.”
“That would be great,” Darcy said. “I kind of want to hear about her Hawaiian honeymoon, anyway. Maybe the four of us could go on a double date.”
“I’d like that,” Krys said.
Then they turned their attention back to Darcy’s dad and brother, which Darcy realized may have been a poor strategic decision as soon as her dad launched into the embarrassing childhood stories he’d prepared about Darcy for Krys’s benefit.
At the end of the night, Krys practically dragged Darcy out to her car. “You’re coming home with me tonight, right?”
“Do you want me to?” Darcy asked, playing hard to get even though Krys knew she’d gotten her a long time ago.
“More than anything,” Krys said.
They’d said their goodbyes to Daniel and helped Darcy’s dad clean up the kitchen, and all of it was absolutely torturous because Darcy could think of little else besides sliding her hand under the hem of Krys’s lavender dress. Finally, the night was over and Darcy was all too eager to go to the privacy of Krys’s apartment.
The only problem was that it was so far away – a fifteen-minute car ride she wasn’t sure she’d survive.
“Did you like my family?” she asked as they pulled out of the driveway, her dad waving to them from the front door.
“Yeah,” Krys said. “They were really nice, and you’re clearly your father’s daughter.”
“So you want to stick around for the long haul?” Darcy asked, putting her hand on top of Krys’s thigh. It was warm, even through the fabric, and soft. It sent a shiver of increasing desire through Darcy - she’d been thinking about this moment since Krys arrived for dinner. “Now that I don’t have TB and you know I’m not going to die on you?”
“I didn’t think you were going to die on me,” Krys objected, her breath hitching in the most arousing way as Darcy inched the hem of her skirt up her thigh.
“Yes, you did,” Darcy said. “Or if not that, then leave you in some other way.”
“You still could,” Krys said softly, focusing hard on the road ahead even though it was nothing more than a quiet residential street. Darcy parted Krys’s thighs and slid her fingers over the soft, wet mound between her legs.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said. “Pull over.”
“What? Why?” Krys asked.
“Because I want to make love to you and I can’t do it while you’re driving,” she said. She gestured to an open parking space on the curb and said, “Right there.”
“I don’t want to get caught,” Krys said, but she pulled into the spot.
“Th
ere’s no street light here and the people who live in that house are elderly – they’re probably already asleep,” Darcy said. She reached over and turned the key in the ignition, the headlights fading out. “Do you trust me?”
She wasn’t asking simply about her knowledge of the neighborhood and her reassurances that they wouldn’t get caught, and her heart was pounding in her chest. She wanted Krys more than she’d ever wanted anything – in body and in spirit.
Take down the last few bricks in your wall. Please.
She couldn’t help herself – before Krys had the chance to answer, Darcy hooked her finger around the edge of Krys’s panties and slid through the wetness waiting for her there.
“Yes,” Krys breathed. “I trust you.”
Darcy leaned over the center console and slid her tongue into Krys’s mouth, her entire body erupting with desire. Krys parted her thighs a little wider for Darcy and she continued to finger her. She was so wet, she must have been thinking about this for just as long as Darcy had been.
“Get in the back seat,” Darcy growled as she pinned Krys’s lower lip between her teeth. Then she sat back and enjoyed the view of Krys’s dress brushing against the backs of her thighs as she squeezed between the seats.
She followed Krys, laying her down on the back seat and settling between her legs. The front seats of the little Honda provided them just enough privacy to feel confident and Darcy ran her tongue along the curve of Krys’s neck. She moaned, the sound filling the car and echoing in Darcy’s ears, then reached between them and started fumbling with the button on Darcy’s jeans.
Darcy lifted her hips and gave Krys room to unzip her fly, putting one foot down on the floor to steady herself as she ran her hand over Krys’s breast.
“I want you so bad,” Krys moaned beneath her touch. She yanked Darcy’s pants down around her hips and slid her palm between Darcy’s legs.
“You have me,” Darcy said.