by Cara Malone
Ah, she was just trying to help – she probably thought it would keep Lily’s mind off her appointment, or maybe in Chloe’s romance-addled brain, she actually thought it was feasible for a woman to conceive a child and find a new romantic partner on the same day.
If I am pregnant, that is, Lily thought, and it made her blood run cold. She immediately pushed the doubt out of her head.
Whatever the outcome of today’s appointment, she’d have an answer soon and either way, there was no room in her life for a hot obstetrician on sabbatical from Washington. That was assuming Mercedes was even a lesbian…
Lily arrived at the fertility clinic, grateful not to be alone with her thoughts anymore. The place had come highly recommended by several of the doctors in Lakeside’s obstetrics department, and the fact that it was within walking distance of the hospital was simply icing on the cake.
Lily was five minutes early to her appointment and a compassionate medical assistant led her to a treatment room rather than making her wait when she saw how nervous Lily was.
“How have you been feeling these past two weeks?” the girl asked as she worked her way through a few routine tasks – taking her temperature, blood pressure and history. There was no bloodwork because Lily had already done that at the end of last week and now she was here to learn the results.
“Fine,” she said. “Hungrier than usual, maybe?”
She’d been working with kids and babies for the last ten years and she knew that ten days post-implantation was too soon to start looking for pregnancy symptoms. All the same, she’d been hyper-vigilant about what her body was telling her for the last two weeks.
Did she really just want green olives on her pizza last week, or was that a food craving? She never ordered olives.
“That’s good,” the medical assistant said. “Better to be hungry than nauseated.”
Unless that means I’m not pregnant, Lily thought, and the apprehension must have been written on her face because the woman smiled warmly and said she’d send the doctor in right away.
She left and Lily shifted uncomfortably on the examination table. She’d sat down on it so the medical assistant could take her blood pressure, the paper crunching beneath her, and then she’d been forced to stay there because the only other seat in the room was the doctor’s stool.
Lily hated being on this side of the doctor-patient interaction. She’d had enough of that when she was a kid – she’d been burned in a campfire accident when she was eight and spent more time lying in a hospital bed than she ever wanted to. Now, she tapped her foot impatiently and checked the time. It was just 3:30 and she’d have the rest of the afternoon to celebrate – or drown her sorrows, depending on how the appointment went.
She put her hand on her stomach and closed her eyes. It was a motion she’d made at least a hundred times in the last two weeks, hoping to somehow feel or intuit a new life inside of her.
Of course, she felt nothing because it was way too soon – there was nothing to feel yet, and maybe there was nothing at all.
She’d chosen the sperm donor from a large database – agonized over every detail, from genetic strengths to health history, and from IQ to ancestry. Even though the biological father would never meet her child, Lily felt comforted knowing that there was no history of cancer in his family, he’d been an all-star track and field athlete in college, and that he’d gone on to earn his master’s degree.
It was a good pedigree – the best in the database – and Lily let out a sudden giggle as it overtook her. What a strange world we live in, she thought. Where you can order your offspring to your ideal specifications.
It would have been easier if she had a partner – someone to help her take care of the baby, and also to tell her to stop being so nitpicky because she’d found at least a dozen suitable sperm donors in that database before she finally made up her mind.
Lily had spent several years quietly debating the merits of having a baby on her own. She’d done her fair share of dating in college and medical school, gone on countless first dates and had a few short-lived relationships. But everyone left her sooner or later, and once she finally gave up hope of finding a partner, she was nearing forty and the time to start a family of her own was rapidly drawing to a close.
The past year had been a parade of doctor’s visits, fertility medicines, treatments and dashed hopes. She’d had two failed implantations and if this one didn’t take, she’d have to start the whole process from scratch – new eggs, older eggs, and probably even a new donor.
You could take your shot with Mercedes, though, a voice in her head whispered and Lily frowned. Where the hell had that come from?
Chloe, of course. Why’d she have to try to play matchmaker today?
Lily laughed out loud just as there was a rap on the door and it swung open.
She cut herself off, but not before her doctor gave her a wry smile and asked, “Did I do something funny?”
“No, Dr. Nichols,” Lily said as the older woman, with pretty silver hair tied neatly back in a braid, closed the door and shook Lily’s hand. “Sorry.”
“What’s so funny then, if you don’t mind me asking?” the doctor asked. “I never mind a good laugh.”
I was just wondering what the odds were of meeting someone on the same day I find out whether I’m going to be a mom, she thought. Not that it was worth pursuing – she already knew Mercedes was a temporary presence in her life.
“I was thinking about the hazards of being both a physician and a patient,” she lied. “I’ve been trying to guess and diagnose my symptoms all week.”
“Well, would you like to put the guesswork to an end?” Dr. Nichols asked as she rolled the stool closer and sat down.
Lily’s heart skipped a beat.
Everything else fell away – all her scrambled emotions and half-formed what ifs. She was about to find out if her life had changed forever. A nervous laugh escaped her lips and she said, “I don’t know if I’m ready.”
Dr. Nichols smiled warmly. She probably heard that a dozen times each week and she responded in just the right way. She took Lily’s hand and squeezed it, then said, “This is what we’ve been working for, and it paid off this time. Lily, you’re pregnant.”
Relief broke over Lily like a wave and suddenly, tears were falling down her cheeks. Dr. Nichols let go of her hand and got up to grab a box of tissues for her. Lily took a couple and dabbed at her cheeks, then laughed again and said, “I’m sorry. Can I blame this on the pregnancy hormones?”
“I’d rather blame it on happiness,” Dr. Nichols said. “Congratulations.”
Lily hopped off the examination table and threw her arms around her doctor. “Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me.”
When she released her, Dr. Nichols was smiling. She said, “I think I have some idea. Now, don’t just rush out of here to scream it from the rooftops. We have a few more things to talk about first.”
“Okay,” Lily said, no longer caring about the torn paper on the examination table or the state of Lakeside’s burn center or the way Mercedes’ dark chestnut eyes stirred emotion in her belly.
She took out her phone to rapidly enter notes as Dr. Nichols explained the next steps. They involved a couple more weeks of bloodwork and an ultrasound at the clinic, and it was a good thing Lily was writing it all down because she was so ecstatic there was no chance she’d remember it all on her own.
This news was more than two decades in the making. All Lily ever wanted was two things: to help kids who went through burn injuries like her own, and to have a family. Today was the culmination of all her hard work – and Dr. Nichols’ as well.
“Do you have a regular obstetrician lined up yet?”
“No,” Lily said. “It felt like superstition to do that before I knew the treatment was successful. I’ll find someone at Lakeside, I’m sure.”
Mercedes’ name popped into her head again, and she had to suppress the urge to let out another laugh. That
would be the absolute last thing on earth that she wanted, to have a beautiful woman like Mercedes between her legs and thinking of her merely as a patient. It was the least sexy thing Lily could think of, but then again, that might not be too bad of a thought to cling to.
“If you need a referral, just let me know,” Dr. Nichols said.
Lily did her best to absorb everything else she said, and when the appointment was over, she shook Dr. Nichols’ hand again and rushed outside. She didn’t even wait to get back to her car in the hospital’s parking garage – she stood right there and dialed her brother, Conrad, to tell him the news.
She called him first not because he was the person she was most eager to tell, but because he’d always been the most subdued member of her family. Her brother, Jace, would want to leave work and start the party right away, and her mother would probably run directly to the store and go on a maternity and baby clothes-buying spree. Her dad might not even pick up the phone – he was a busy man and it was just after four o’clock in the afternoon.
Conrad would keep their conversation short and sweet.
“Hey,” she said when he answered. “I have news. Can you rally the troops for dinner tonight?”
“Yeah,” Conrad said. “At Mom and Dad’s house?”
“That’d be great,” Lily said.
“Is it baby news?”
“It is,” Lily said, a smile stretching widely across her face.
“That’s great, little sis,” Conrad said, guessing by the tone of her voice that it was good news. “Six o’clock?”
“Perfect – I’ll see you soon,” Lily said, then they hung up. Easy peasy.
She called Chloe next – Chloe would want to hear every last detail, but that was okay. Lily had a couple of hours to kill before dinner and she welcomed Chloe’s bubbly enthusiasm right now.
“Are we celebrating or cursing the world?” Chloe asked before Lily could even squeeze in a hello.
“We’re celebrating!” Lily said, then had to yank the phone away from her ear as Chloe let out a squeal of excitement. Lily laughed, and when Chloe calmed down, she asked, “Can you gather the girls for a quick breakfast at the café tomorrow before work? I want to tell everyone at once.”
Lily had gotten to know the other girls from Chloe’s medical school class throughout their rotations, and thanks to Chloe’s sticky, enthusiastic personality, she’d become part of the group, too. It had only taken one quick exchange to cement that initially hesitant friendship. Lily had been hanging up her white coat at the end of the day during Chloe’s pediatrics rotation when she asked, “What are you doing this weekend, Dr. Thomas?”
Lily had to admit the answer was nothing – she spent a lot of time with her family on her days off, but her brother’s kids were getting older and they didn’t always have time for her. Lily barely had time to rattle off the name of the latest TV show she’d been binge-watching when Chloe invited her to eat with her friends. Lily tried to decline the offer, but she already knew how stubborn Chloe was when she wanted something, and when she stopped objecting, the rest was history.
“I’ll try,” Chloe said now. “That’s a tall order on short notice – with seven people all in the healthcare field, it’s a bit like herding cats.”
That was true – among their circle of friends, there were five doctors, a paramedic and a former Army combat medic. All of them seemed to operate on a frequency that didn’t allow them to sit still for long, and in the rare instances in which they were all in one place, they took bets on whose pager would go off first.
It was usually Krys – no matter how many times Lily told her to slow down before she burned out, Krys just kept flying around the emergency department - her domain at Lakeside.
“They’re going to want to hear this news,” Lily said. Then she remembered her earlier annoyance and said, “Oh, and by the way, thanks a lot for putting that earworm about Dr. Stone into my head. I did not want to think of her that way.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Chloe said innocently. “I could tell from the look in your eyes that you were already thinking unprofessional thoughts about her before I got to you.”
“I was not,” Lily objected. “Anyway, thanks for getting the girls together. I’ll see you in the morning – don’t forget to check Dustin’s fluid output – he’s in bed number-”
“Four, I know,” Chloe said. “I’ve been a resident for a year and I promise, I’ve got the department under control in your absence.”
“Thank you,” Lily said.
They hung up and she headed for the hospital parking garage. The summer air felt good on the way to the clinic, but it felt a thousand times more refreshing and hopeful now. And Lily was pleased to find that the flash of conflicting emotions she’d felt about Mercedes in the moment before she got her bloodwork results had faded completely.
It was completely irrational to think that there could be chemistry between them after a five-minute interaction – it was nothing more than hormones. Lily put her hand on her belly as she walked, impatient for it to begin to swell.
At dinner that night, Lily shared the news with her family – her parents, her two older brothers and their wives, and her nephews – Conrad’s kids. Telling everyone made the news feel real and the moment Lily got the words out – I’m pregnant – Jace sprang up from his seat at the dinner table and threw his arms around Lily in one of his famous bear hugs.
Lily hugged him back, exaggerating the degree of her crush injury as she croaked, “No more bear hugs for nine months. Regular hugs only.”
Jace laughed and let her go, saying, “I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter at this stage. What are you, a week into your pregnancy?”
“Almost two,” Lily corrected.
“I’m so happy for you, baby,” her mother said, pushing Jace unceremoniously out of the way so she could have her turn smothering Lily with affection. “I’m going to be a grandma again!”
Jace grumbled, dusting off the front of his shirt and pretending to be offended as he asked, “What am I, chopped liver?”
“And what about us?” Tyler, Lily’s nephew, asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He was the first grandchild – by about ten minutes - and he’d be turning eighteen in just a few months, along with his twin brother, Theo.
“No, but you and Theo will make excellent babysitter material,” Lily teased him.
“I’m still holding out hope for these two, also,” Lily’s mom said, hooking a thumb at Jace as he sat down again beside his wife. “It’s not too late.”
“We’re more due for a mid-life crisis than a baby,” Jace said.
Once the joking subsided, everyone took turns hugging and congratulating Lily in earnest. When her dad wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, it nearly brought tears to Lily’s eyes. When he whispered, “I’m proud of you, baby,” those threatening tears did spill down her cheeks for the second time that afternoon.
Damn pregnancy hormones…
Lily’s family knew how much she wanted a child, and they’d been so supportive during the whole fertility process. Jace had even offered to parade his male friends in front of Lily like a sperm donor conveyor belt before she explained that the database would be a more efficient option.
She swiped the happy tears from her cheeks and everyone sat back down. Her dad started passing food around the table, and her mom began the baby planning, right on cue. “Let’s see, it’s June now so you’ll be due in early March. That means we’ll need to get you lots of cold weather clothes for the baby, and you’ll need a whole new maternity wardrobe. We’ll also need all the usual baby accessories – crib, changing table, stroller-”
“Mom,” Lily laughed, cutting her off. “We’ve got a lot of time to worry about all of that. Besides, I figured I could borrow some of that stuff from Conrad and Tara. Tyler and Theo aren’t going to need their baby toys and clothes any time soon.”
“Oh, please,” Conrad said with a laugh. “Take that stuff
off our hands – I’ve been trying to get rid of it for years.”
“It’s sentimental,” Tara said, playfully punching Conrad’s arm. “But you’re welcome to it, Lily – whatever you need.”
“You don’t want a bunch of hand-me-downs, do you?” Lily’s mom asked. “What if it’s a girl?”
“She won’t care what color her clothes are,” Lily said. “It’s silly to buy new stuff when babies grow so fast and the twins’ old things will be just fine.”
Her mom frowned. “Okay, but you have to let me buy you some cute maternity clothes. We’ll go shopping next week.”
Lily agreed, then shot an amused look at her brothers. They all quietly finished their dinner while they waited for the matriarch to run out of steam – it was something they’d been doing for a long time. When Lily’s mom got an idea in her head, there was no stopping her – especially when there were grandchildren involved.
3
Mercedes
Mercedes was sitting in a private booth at the back of her favorite Chicago restaurant. It had been years since her last visit, and she was attempting to savor a snifter of aged bourbon. Instead, she was tapping impatiently on the side of the glass.
She was there to meet her sister for dinner and Jewel was nearly twenty minutes late. Mercedes could have stayed at the hospital if she’d known her sister was going to get tied up at the daycare where she worked. She was just finishing her first week at Lakeside and there was still so much to do. Almost nothing ran the way it did in Seattle and Mercedes was drowning in both new hire and new patient paperwork.
She could be paring that down right now. Lakeside kept its records differently from Seattle Reserve and Mercedes was still trying to get the hang of the new system. She also wasn’t used to spending so much of her workday with patients outside of her clinical trial.
I miss my lab, she pouted to herself as she raised the glass to her lips again. And I miss my house.
The place where she was staying in Evanston was filled with boxes that she’d shipped from Seattle, piled on top of furniture provided by the leasing company. There was no place for anything and everything was most certainly not in its place, and that bothered Mercedes more than she wanted to admit.