Aidan was watching her face, trying to figure out where her head was. When she looked up at him, her dark eyes bright and lovely, he released his own breath.
“OK?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah.” He heard the surprise in her voice. “I am, actually.”
“Good job, darlin’.”
Her smile was pure happiness. “I – I can’t believe it. It worked.”
“Yeah.” He ran his large hands over her back slowly, not wanting her to feel crowded, but still needing to touch her. “It did.”
“Do you think that…” She hesitated, took the plunge. “That we may be able to sleep with your arms around me tonight?”
Aidan leaned back, needing to see her eyes while they were having this conversation. Until this point, they’d been in the same bed, but they’d slept with space between them. He was on his side, she was on hers, and Aidan had considered it huge progress when she’d started falling asleep holding his hand the month before. The thought of her wrapped up in his arms all night was so damn tempting to make reality – and it may be a huge mistake, one that might derail much of what they’d fought to achieve.
“I don’t know,” he said slowly. “We can try.”
She heard his worry, and she tipped her head back to fully take him in. Aidan had always made her think of the sun, with his shaggy blond hair, and golden eyes, and hot-as-hell Texan drawl, and he was as brilliant and beautiful as a mountain sunrise. Over the past few months, his warmth and light had pulled her out of more cold and black places than she cared to remember, and she knew that he’d been a beacon shining steadily all during a long, dark time in her life.
Gabi wanted that time to end now, though. She was done with being afraid of Aidan’s touch, done with being afraid, full-stop. She wanted her goddamn life back, and she wanted to start living it on her own terms again.
And right now, that meant being with Aidan. In his arms and against his body, all night.
“It’ll be OK,” she said. “I want this, Aidan. I want it badly.”
“Me too, babe. But I don’t want to rush in to anything.”
She managed a tiny smile. “It’s been four months, honey. We’re hardly rushing anything, huh?”
“It ain’t about number of months, Gabi.” He shook his head, and stroked her dark hair. “It’s about an internal time clock that only you can see and hear. It’s about your time table, and what you feel comfortable with. That kind of thing’s not marked in weeks or months, or even years… it’s all about what you can handle, and what you feel ready for.”
She was silent for a few seconds. “I feel ready to sleep with your arms around me.”
He nodded. “Lights on?”
“Yes. And the music on, too.”
“OK, then. We’ll try.”
Gabi stood up and he followed. He took her hand, and led her to the bedroom, giving her time to change her mind if she wanted to.
She didn’t change her mind, though. They slept with Aidan’s large arms around Gabi’s curves, and they woke up in the morning still curled up together. And the best part? Gabi had no bad dreams. No, she slept deeply and sweetly, and woke up surrounded by warmth, and light, and love.
Surrounded by Aidan.
Chapter Seven
One week later
Curtis laid in to the punching bag at the gym viciously, looking for some outlet for all his too-fucking-big feelings. Worry, anger, frustration, despair.
Unrequited love.
The sun rose outside, the frost on the ground sparkling a brilliant gold and pink in the freezing mountain air. It was beautiful, he supposed, but he had no real appreciation for it. All he saw everywhere he looked was cold… and that cold stretched out ahead of him for years. Forever.
He’d heard from Gabi and Jax that Tessa was out of the clinic now, that she’d been home for over a week. Nobody had seen her yet, but Gabi and Jax had both spoken to her on the phone, and they said she sounded good. They said that she sounded like herself again.
Curtis hoped like hell that she’d be back at Curves soon, though he didn’t have the first damn idea how she’d need him to act around her. He imagined that she’d want him to pretend that that conversation had never happened, and even though it broke his heart to think of it, he’d do it. He’d do it, if that’s what she needed from him. Fuck, he’d do anything she asked. He just wanted her to ask something of him – he’d do anything for the chance to give her something that she needed.
“Curtis?”
Stunned, he spun around to face the speaker. When he saw Tessa standing there, all pink and gold and warm in the sunrise, he thought his heart would stop.
So. Damn. Beautiful.
“Tessa.” He wiped his face with his taped hands, suddenly very aware that he was sweating like crazy. He was also shirtless. “What are you doing here?”
She walked a bit closer. Holy God, look at the man. She’d always known that Curtis was a big guy, that his muscles were clearly defined through his tight t-shirts… but nothing had prepared her for the reality facing her now. In the flesh, and half-naked, and gorgeous.
His muscles were larger than she’d imagined, his body more primal, his tattoos pitch black. His chest and abs were solid steel covered with dark-blond hair and ink. He was nothing but raw power, and she saw now just how much he held himself back in day-to-day life, how tight of a lid he kept on his real, true strength. Curtis’ body was fierce and ferocious, and the fact that he’d touched her gently with this body was nothing but a mystery. And a miracle.
“It’s – I’m…” She swallowed. “Is this a bad time?”
“No.”
She paused at his terse reply, wondered if this was a big mistake. Well, maybe it was, but she still had to ask. Whatever he said, she’d cope with it.
“I – I went to Curves last night.” She bit her lip. “I talked to everyone there, and explained and apologized. Jax gave me some more time off.”
Curtis nodded.
“I hoped you’d be there,” she said hesitantly. “But Luke said you had the night off, and he told me to try here before seven a.m. He said you like to be here when you’re all alone.”
Curtis regarded her. “Yeah.”
“And I just – I wanted to….” She faltered. “I –”
He stared at her, saw her distress. The shock of having her appear out of nowhere was slowly wearing off, and now he could take her in properly.
The first thing he really noticed was that she looked good. Not back to her usual sass and spark, but definitely better. More rested and brighter. The ugly black circles under her eyes were gone, her hair looked thicker and shinier. He eyed her body in her baggy clothes and hoped she’d put on a few pounds. It looked like she had, but she was still way too goddamn thin.
So yeah, she looked better, but she also looked scared and that made his whole massive frame clench up. Was she scared of him? He was covered in scars, and his body was intimidating and unrefined, especially when he was punching the hell out of something. He wondered if she’d stood there and watched him let loose on the bag.
“What?” He kept his voice low. “Tessa, what?”
“I –” She took a deep breath, and set her coat down on a pile of mats. “I came to apologize to you. For how I spoke to you, and the things I said. For punishing you for helping me.” She looked down at her feet. “You and Gabi were the only ones who really saw how much trouble I was in, and you did something definitive about it, knowing how angry I’d be.”
He waited, silent.
“I’m sorry.” She gazed up at him now. “I’m sorry I was so awful to you… I’m sorry I said that I hated you. I never did.”
“No?” Sweet relief moved through him.
“No.” She hesitated. “And I – I wanted to ask you something.”
“Go ahead.”
&nbs
p; “Did you mean what you said to me? At the hospital?” Tessa flushed. “About how you felt about me?”
Curtis tilted his head at her. “I’m not taking back one thing that I said. I meant every single word of it.”
“You did? You still do?”
“Yeah.”
“You – you love me?”
“Yeah. I love you. ”
“Curtis…” His name came out as a sob, and in two steps, he closed the distance between them. He stopped in front of her, not at all sure what he should do, what he could do. Would she let him touch her? God knows, he wanted to.
Tessa stared up at him, longing for him to hold her, to touch her, just once. Her body had never, ever forgotten what it was like to be pressed close to Curtis Manning and here he was, all that muscle and strength just inches away. So near and yet so far, and all Tessa wanted was to fall in to him.
“Why are you upset?” He raised his hand to stroke her golden hair, saw the dirty tape wrapped around his knuckles, dropped it again. He glanced down at his chest – covered in sweat and scars and tattoos – and knew there was no way he’d be able to hold her against it. Tessa was clean and sweet, and she had no business being anywhere near Curtis at all, but most especially when he was like this.
“Because,” she whispered. “I’m scared.”
“Of me?” he gritted out. “You scared of being close to me, Tessa?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m scared of not being close to you… of having pushed you away. Of – of losing you.” She took a shuddering breath. “I’m scared that I did lose you.”
He stared at her, stunned and almost afraid to believe his own ears. Was she actually saying that she wanted to be close to him? That she – that she wanted him?
Slowly, terrified that he was going to screw this all up, he reached out again, kept going this time. He brushed the very ends of his fingertips on her face, traced the curve of her cheekbone, praying hard that she didn’t flinch or move away. When she stayed right there, so fucking warm and soft under his rough touch, he damn near fell to his knees in front of her.
Tessa stood very still, barely breathing, as he curled up his fingers and skimmed the front of his hand down her neck, coming to rest against her pulse point. She knew her heart was beating a million miles a minute, and she was sure he felt it.
“Does that feel like you pushed me away?” he asked softly. “Like you lost me?”
She felt tears starting. Curtis saw them and his eyes flashed fire.
“Don’t do that.” Without moving his hand off her neck, he brushed her tears away with his thumb, his touch so incredibly light. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered again. “Please don’t hate me.”
“Oh, God,” he said, finally giving in to what he’d wanted to do for so long. “Tessa…”
He moved his hand to the back of her neck, and pulled her to his mouth. Their first kiss was so soft, so gentle, it brought more tears to Tessa’s eyes. The kiss had passion and desire, to be sure, but its tenderness took her by surprise. She hadn’t expected tenderness from this hard, tough body, then she realized that she should have. When had Curtis ever been anything but gentle with her?
She pressed herself against him fully, and that was when he increased the pressure, just a tiny bit. His lips moved slowly over hers, his tongue running over the sweet curves and ridges. He was exploring her, getting to know her, and he was letting her do the same with him. When she lifted her trembling hands and set them on his naked chest, he groaned deep in his throat and pulled away. She made a small sound of protest, and he cupped her face in his hands.
“Does any of that feel like I hate you, baby?” He held her eyes, so damn intense and connected to her. “Like you have anything to feel sorry about?”
Since her throat wasn’t actually working, she shook her head. His kiss had been gentle and slow, but it had scorched Tessa’s whole body and taken her voice at the same time.
“Come here.” Curtis wrapped his arms around her now, and she almost collapsed in to his embrace, from sheer relief. “Just come here.”
Tessa stood in the circle of his strong arms, wondering if anything in her life had ever felt better than this. She shut her eyes, and just let herself feel Curtis all around her. He overwhelmed every one of her senses, and Tessa suddenly suspected that when it came to this man, she was just a few shorts breaths away from falling so deeply in love with him, she’d never get to her feet again. She didn’t care, though. She just didn’t want him to let go.
Curtis ran his hands up and down her back, comparing Tessa’s body now with the body that he’d held on the sofa at Curves that night. What he discovered disturbed him: she was so fucking thin, her shoulder blades poked out, and her curves had straightened out. She felt way smaller, too… more delicate, somehow. Like he could break her if he wasn’t careful.
She sensed his touch grow hesitant, and Tessa pulled away a bit. “What is it?”
He looked down at her, torn between telling her the truth and glossing things over. But lies and evasion never did anyone any good, in his experience, and no damn way he was starting things between them with holding back.
“This ain’t your body, baby.” Slowly, he ran his hand over her angular hip, remembering by touch how generous and rounded it had been. “This ain’t you.”
She was quiet, and he was worried that he’d upset her. But when she spoke, her words broke his heart.
“And who am I, Curtis?”
He froze at the pain in her voice. “You don’t know?”
“No. I don’t have a clue who I am anymore.” She bit her lip, hesitated. He waited to see what she’d say next. “That’s why I… I’m finding it hard to believe that you love me.”
“What?” He was shocked. “Why?”
“Because how can you love me if you don’t know me?”
“Wait up.” He shook his head at her. “You think I don’t know you?”
Tessa looked away from his ferocious glare.
“Hey.” His voice was a low, dangerous growl. “Look at me, Tessa. I mean right now.”
She forced her eyes up. God, he looked pissed off, and suddenly she was sure that she’d messed this all up with him. Well, that was normal, right? She was a first-class fuck-up, and she knew that damn good and well.
“I know you. I know the person that you really are – the one that you were before you lost those sweet, true parts of yourself. Before you lost all the best and brightest and most beautiful things about you.”
Tessa stared up at him. In all the time that she’d known Curtis, he’d never strung more than a dozen words together. Not until the hospital, when he’d opened up his mouth and shown an emotional and almost poetic side of himself. Not soft or mushy, though: even at his most eloquent, the man was uncompromising and unflinching.
“I know that you used to put two scoops of sugar in your coffee, and that you hid red licorice in your purse.” Curtis held the back of her neck loosely, his thumb stroking the side of her throat. “I know that you bought little gifts for the other girls, and hid them around the staffroom for them to find when they were having a shitty day at work. I know you baked cakes and cookies, and took ‘em to the battered woman’s shelter close to your apartment, and you’d stay there sometimes and play with the kids.”
Tessa started. “How’d you –”
“I know that you never talked about your parents at all, but you loved to hear about other people’s families. I know that you ordered in Thai food when your dickhead ex was away at one of his bullshit banking conferences. You loved chicken with green curry sauce and glass noodles, and you hid all the evidence before the asshole got home. You liked silver, not gold, and your favorite color was purple and you’d wear it almost every day. You used to sparkle, baby, just fucking burst with life and color inside and out. But la
tely? Lately you’ve been flat and gray. So goddamn sorrowful, and it’s ripped my heart out.”
“Curtis,” she said, disbelieving and touched. “How do you know all of this?”
“The staff at Curves talk, baby, and I don’t. I listen. I watch.”
She gave a small laugh. “Yeah. That’s true. You aren’t known for being all that chatty.”
“But I want to talk with you, OK? I want to know every single thing about you, and – fair is fair – I want you to know about me. All the things I don’t tell anyone, I want to tell you.”
“You – you do?” Her green eyes were so clear as they studied him. “Even about your… how you grew up? Your childhood?”
“Yeah. Even that.” Curtis paused. “You know it was bad, right?”
“It had to have been,” Tessa said quietly, stroking the largest scar on his chest. “What kid never got a birthday cake?”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Me.”
Tessa’s heart clenched up tight for him. The thought that this huge, powerful man could have been so badly hurt when he was young and vulnerable made her ache.
“So.” Curtis cocked his head at her. “You want to go somewhere and talk, baby?”
She nodded.
“OK.” Curtis looked down at himself. “Gimme fifteen minutes to get cleaned up.”
She grinned at him now, and he rejoiced to see that sassy, sunny expression on her face again after so damn long. “I kind of like you like this.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Mmmm-hmmm.” Tessa reached out and rested her palm flat on his incredible chest, loving his strong, steady heartbeat. “Actually, I really like you like this. You should run around with no shirt on all the time, in my humble opinion.”
His eyes flared as her fingers traced the curves of his muscles. “I really like when you touch me.”
“Me too.”
Secret Curves (Dangerous Curves Book 5) Page 7