I nodded in agreement and tensed when he pulled his shirt over his head. His body was damned beautiful in the candlelight. His arms and shoulders were more defined than his chest, but he was mostly muscle. And my heart ached to see all his scars. The ones on his upper arms and torso looked like bullet wounds. I sat up on my knees to take hold of him, to kiss those scars and caress them with my tongue. I wanted to erase the pain that he had felt and the memories that came with them.
Adam’s chest vibrated as he moaned and ran his hands through my hair and down my back. I used my hands to free him of his jeans and underpants. It was a struggle pulling them over his erection, and I glanced at it long enough to notice it had grown just like him.
He shook the clothes off his feet and lifted me into his arms as he lay on his back and pulled me on top of him. For a moment, I felt self-conscious. He pulled my chest against his lips again to tease and suck and drive me more than a little mad.
I reached for his hard length with one hand and stole his mouth with mine. I wanted to drown in him and make him as wild as I felt for him. And I pushed aside the niggling warning at the back of my mind, the familiar voice begging me to run away, telling me I was making the same mistakes all over again.
Adam must have noticed, because the next moment, he lifted me and pressed my back into the mattress and lowered himself until his tongue was doing delightful things below my waist. I squirmed to get away at first. I’d never let men touch me like that down there. Something about it had always been too personal for me. Adam ignored my pleas, and soon, I was begging him not to stop. Soon, I was clamping my thighs against his head and crying out his name.
When I opened my eyes after, he was already hovering over me with a smile on his face. I struggled to catch my breath and slapped him on the chest. “Don’t look so smug.”
“It has been a while for me. Don’t worry. I’ll get better with practice.” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he dipped his head to lave kisses on my stomach. I tucked my chin to watch him work his way back up to my breasts.
I sighed. “I take it back. You’re doing just fine.”
He reached down to drag on a condom and position himself between my legs. He braced his arms on either side of my head. “You sure about this?”
I pulled his head down to kiss his chin, his jaw, and the scar that had carved its way into his scalp. When I pulled back, his eyes were heavy-lidded with lust. “I want you, Adam King,” I said.
He pushed into me then, filled me to the hilt until there was no space left between us. I gasped as he stretched my walls, lost in the sensation. He smiled faintly as he began to move over me, at first slowly, then faster… harder. I rose and twisted my hips to meet him just as eagerly, savoring in the pound of flesh, in the way he kissed my neck and sighed against my ear. I felt electric, a never-ending blur of sharp sensations that somehow connected with him. I grabbed at him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and held him against me as he moved harder and still faster.
For the first time since our first time, I wasn’t having sex to scratch an itch or forget myself. I made love with the only boy I’d allowed myself to love.
I dug my fingers in his back as the first wave of pleasure hit me, twisted, and shot through me until my toes curled, until I saw lights behind my closed lids. I could feel his heat fill up inside me and his muscles clench with mine seconds after.
For a long while, I held him to me, my legs wrapped around his waist, so he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes.
In my dreams, I never ran off to St. Petersburg, never chased my mother’s ghost across Europe. Instead, I slept in that single bed with Adam King the rest of the night. I was there to kiss him awake and, over the following weeks, help nurse him to health. When he needed to go to doctor’s appointments and therapy, I was there to drive him, to support his every step. Eventually, I jogged with him. After the year it took him to fully recover, we joined the local community college together. I studied literature, and Adam laid the groundwork for the agricultural degree he would eventually attain. Nothing and no one separated us through those five years, and at our graduation, he offered me a ring.
Our first home was with his mother and sister, which I sort of loved and sort of hated. But I loved Adam enough to make it work. The farm slowly came back to life and began turning a profit within the year we graduated. We had our first child sometime later. I watched the sunlight shine over Adam’s smiling face the first time he held our baby boy. There were no clouds in his eyes, no scars to mar his chest or his face. There had been some dark days, but with our firstborn’s arrival, all our silly arguments seemed petty and were long forgotten in our happiness.
I shivered as Adam’s hands grazed over my skin and reached between my legs to lightly caress. I moaned and blinked until I could make out a dim outline of his face beside mine. I frowned in confusion. Where was the baby?
“Adam…” I started to ask him when I caught sight of the scar crossing his forehead, tracing a line down his face, and I stiffened.
His smile faded. “What is it, Dani?” His fingers stilled, and he pulled my waist until it was flush against him.
I bit my lip and tried to look away. It was just a dream. “Nothing, it… it’s not a big deal.”
He cupped my head and ran his thumb along my jawline. “What is it?”
“That dream… it was so real, and I just thought at first…” I blinked, and my vision slightly blurred. I couldn’t tell him. “Why can’t life be that nice? Why do we have to screw things up?”
Adam kissed first one eyelid then the other. “Life can be nice if we let it, I think.”
“I wish I wasn’t so messed up,” I said. “I wish I knew how to be happy.”
Adam ran his hand down my spine and up again, eliciting shivers and comfort. “I’m no expert, but I think having you here with me like this is the happiest I’ve ever been. I think you make me happy, Zvezda Danica Pavlova.”
I held his face in my hands and kissed him, touched him with all my regret for our past and what I felt for him in that perfect dream. His words had filled me with foolish hope, and the dream made me believe in it.
He gripped the sheets when I took his hard length into my mouth and brought him to his limit. I loved the look in his eyes when I shifted and lowered myself over him, the tenderness and need in his eyes. I pressed my hands to his chest as I found a sure rhythm, and there was weight and meaning in every look, every caress.
We fell asleep together, and my final thought was how I wanted this more than anything, every day, for the rest of our lives. I wasn’t the kind of woman who deserved a man like this. I ruined men, broke their hearts. I couldn’t stay in one spot for longer than a couple of weeks, let alone a lifetime. But in Adam King’s arms, with the dream of what our lives should have been still fresh, I could see it and believe in it.
For the first time, I understood why my gypsy mother let my father fall in love with and marry her. Because sometimes good men fell for women like us, and we were daring enough to pretend we deserved them. Love was funny like that.
17
Follow You Down
I woke up and stretched my arms and legs to push out the ache, moaned when my hips popped, and sighed as I opened my eyes to the world. I blinked. The ceiling fan was painted black instead of white. I turned my head and gripped the sheets in a moment of panic.
What bed did you roll into this time, Pavlova?
“Morning,” Adam said against my ear, and I shivered. The voice was deeper and rougher than I recalled from those bittersweet memories, but it was still the boy I had fallen in love with.
I twisted my head to face him and smiled. “Hey, kid,” I said.
Adam scowled as he ran a hand through my curls and brushed them back. “I always hated it when you called me kid.”
I walked my fingers down the line separating his abdominal muscles. “Well, it’s not my fault you skipped a grade.”
Adam’s eyebrow rose. “Maybe you were
jealous because I was younger and smarter than you.”
I slapped his chest. “Shut up,” I said, but I didn’t hide my smile.
Adam caught my hand in his. “You know I hated that nickname because I didn’t want you seeing me as a kid.”
“I figured as much.”
“You know you haven’t called me kid since junior year.”
“It was harder to call you kid when you were taller and bigger-chested than I was.” I gasped when he reached a hand between us to tickle my ribs.
“Want to say that again?”
“Jeez, Adam, I was talking about my tiny tits, not your man boobs!”
He paused and cupped my breasts in his hands in a quick study. “I think these grew.”
I reached down to grab hold of his half-hard length. “I think this grew too.”
“I’ve missed you, Morning Star,” he said with a smile before covering my mouth with his.
Adam made me the breakfast of champions after our morning round of bedroom aerobics. He insisted on donning shorts and an undershirt, the latter of which I attempted to remove several times. Adam didn’t like walking around half naked and claimed I should wear more than panties and one of his T-shirts. But that didn’t stop him from checking me out and running his hands over my ass at every opportunity.
I didn’t mind so much. Adam did mind when I attempted to leave an hour later, though.
“Why don’t you stick around the shop today? You know the guys won’t mind.” He tightened his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck.
I fought back the shivers and the urge to give in an inch. “The kids will get home from school soon. I need to be there for them and for Peter, just in case.”
He sighed and rested his forehead against my shoulder blade. “Would you laugh if I told you I’m a little scared to let you leave this apartment?”
I laughed and turned in his arms to face him. The heels on my boots gave me enough height so my eyes were in line with his chin. “What’s the matter, King? Afraid I’m going to hop oceans again?”
His lips pressed into a thin, hard line. “Do that, and I’ll chase you this time, Pavlova.”
“All the way to Petersburg?”
“As far as I have to go to find you,” he replied before kissing me.
Having Adam King in my life again used to terrify me. If I were honest, I might have even admitted the concept still bothered me. But with the stress of keeping the kids’ spirits up and a smile on my face for Peter, having Adam made things better. For instance, only Adam could make Sasha’s eyes light up in fascination as he explained basic auto mechanics over supper. Only Adam could make Anya don a tutu and perform in the living room like she had before. And the only place I felt safe was wrapped in his arms after a long day.
He spent every night of the following week with me. I was careful not to stay over at his place because I wanted to be there when the kids woke up each morning. Adam didn’t complain and even made breakfast for the family. Turned out he still liked to experiment in the kitchen, and fortunately, half his experiments weren’t half bad.
During the day, I took care of correspondence between the University of St. Petersburg and the college in Fayetteville. Adam worked extra hours at the garage to give Leach time to manage things in the office. I spent a couple of mornings with the guys, answering phones and helping with the desk work. The bonus was it gave me the chance to tell Peter what was happening in the garage while he was laid up. I tried not to notice the fact that my brother seemed to deteriorate rather than improve.
Every night, Adam King held me in his arms and made slow love to me. It wasn’t easy keeping quiet with the kids across the hall from us, but we managed to keep our pleasures to a lower decibel.
A week of all this, and I could almost forget the fact that things were not fine, that they were not normal. Yet we became good at pretending, at hoping things were going to get better.
Hailey King caught me off guard a week after I left with Adam for the Brewers’ party. So far, she and Mrs. King hadn’t teased us mercilessly like I had expected them to. Maybe they were just as scared as Adam that I would run the other direction if they said too much.
Hailey was waiting in the kitchen when I tiptoed downstairs to gather up a midnight snack, post sex, no less. I froze when I found her sitting at the kitchen table. Pushing aside the fact that I had been shagging her brother not five minutes ago, I waltzed past her to make the sandwich I’d come for.
“Hey,” I offered.
Hailey didn’t immediately answer.
Odd…
I snuck a glance at her between trips to the fridge and countertop. Hailey kept her head hung low over the mug of tea between her hands. I laid out supplies and tried not to be too obvious with my next question.
“You okay?”
She lifted her head then, revealing a pair of red-rimmed eyes. The look on her face struck me in the chest like a freight train. I couldn’t breathe at first.
“What is it? Is Peter…” I swallowed, unable to get the words out.
Hailey blinked, frowned, and shook her head. “No, no, it’s not that.” She took a long drag of her tea, and I tried to calm my rattled nerves.
“Good.” Another pause. “How is Peter tonight?”
Hailey’s lip turned up in a half smile. The expression reminded me so much of Adam, it was disconcerting on her face.
“He’s a little nervous about tomorrow’s appointment.”
The weight in my chest settled low in my abdomen, and I forgot about my sandwich. I felt as if I might lose anything I tried to eat, knowing what my brother was about to go through tomorrow. “Maybe they won’t have to be so aggressive with the chemo.” The hope sounded stupid to my ears.
This isn’t a fairy tale, Danica.
Hailey nodded and then said the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. “I just proposed to Peter.”
“What!” I choked. “Shit,” I hissed and held my hand over my loud mouth. “Sorry,” I added.
Hailey laughed. “I know it’s crazy. Peter thinks so too.” A strange look passed over her face, knitted her eyebrows together. “You know, I always knew you were going to break Adam’s heart one day.”
“Ditto.”
“It was pretty obvious to me he loved you more than you loved him. It used to piss me off so bad—the way he followed you around, ran to you the second you called. He was too young to lose his head like that, especially over a girl like you.”
I gripped the edge of the counter and tried to accept what she’d said. I knew I deserved it. I knew part of me hated her because she knew I wasn’t good enough for him too.
“Now I understand you better, Pavlova. I think maybe you did love him, maybe more than he realizes. I also think you should know Adam wasn’t the same after you left, much as I hate to admit it. He’s always needed you, the same way I need Peter. That’s why I’m asking you to be my maid of honor.”
It was my turn to laugh then. “Are you serious? You that low on friends?”
Hailey rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a bitch about it; just say yes.”
“Of course I will. I mean, when is the wedding?” I didn’t state the obvious ugly truth that lingered over all of us. Fact was, the sooner the wedding took place, the better.
“October thirty-first,” Hailey replied.
“A week…” I mused and shook my head as I tried to wrap my brain around it. “What did he say when you proposed to him?”
Hailey grinned. “He said no, but I’m not giving up. We Kings are a stubborn family.”
I glared at the ceiling, above which her little brother was currently snoring away in my bedroom. “You got that right.”
Hailey stayed in the kitchen to make another cup of tea, and I used the stolen moment to sneak into Peter’s room. The bathroom light was still on. Thankfully, my brother wasn’t passed out beside the toilet this time. He was in bed, passed out from the look of things. I sank onto the mattress next t
o him and took his hand in mine. Part of me wanted to crawl in bed with him then, like I used to when I was little and had a nightmare. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right tomorrow.
Because we weren’t guaranteed tomorrow anymore, I leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.
“Hey, baby girl,” he said.
I pulled away and smiled at him. “Hey, yourself.”
He smiled back, but his eyes cut to the room instead of focusing on me.
“She’s in the kitchen,” I offered.
Peter raised an eyebrow at me. “Did she… say anything to you?”
“I don’t know, maybe something about a wedding and some shit.” I grinned at the horror on his face. I squeezed his hand. “I heard you said no.”
He groaned, and for the first time, I saw despair fill his eyes, saw the anguish he tried to hide from the rest of us. “It wouldn’t be fair to Hailey. I won’t do that to her, Dani. I can’t.” He squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard.
“You know you’re acting like a selfish bastard, Petey?”
His eyes flared open. “Selfish? That’s exactly what I’m trying not to be!”
“Well, too bad, because you already sound like it.”
“What the hell can I offer her? A month? A year? And then what? What’s left for her after I’m gone?”
“Damn you for talking like that, Petey! Are you planning to just lie down and die, then?”
“I’m going through treatment, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, but you better get your head out of your ass. Just because you want to give up doesn’t mean we will. You talk about how unfair it is to Hailey, but clearly, she doesn’t see it that way. Maybe she wants to be with you, wants to be a mom to your kids. Sure, you don’t know how long you have together, but this might give her something to hold on to when you’re—if you don’t—you know.” I tucked my chin and hid behind my tangled hair.
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