Back in the boat, I was full of exhilaration. ‘That was amazing,’ I said, practically shaking with adrenaline.
‘See,’ said Pete. ‘I bring the fun.’ He grinned. Britney and Kristy agreed and as I caught snippets of ‘did you sees’, my mind drifted off to Mexico, and how I could have gone diving back then but didn’t because Daniel didn’t want to. Ha, fuck Daniel, I thought, shaking my head.
***
I was excited about the Atlantic crossing, or the ‘repositioning cruise’ as it was called. The ship wasn’t full, and having no port stops meant my free time was spent resting and practising my Italian. Once I’d read the phrase book several times and annoyed my friends with poorly pronounced Italian phrases and replies, I’d enrolled in an online course and spent hours in the crew internet café speaking Italian to a computer.
The weather wasn’t great during most of the crossing and on one particular day it was horrendous. Sitting up on the deck in the cold, wet, and windy weather made me think of home. I decided to Skype Jen and was relieved when she answered.
‘Hannah,’ she shrieked. ‘I haven’t heard from you in ages!’ Seeing her face light up filled me with homely warmth.
‘I know, I’m sorry. Things have been quite hectic.’
‘Well it’s nice to see you now.’ She smiled, relaxing back into her chair. ‘Tell me what you’ve been up to.’
‘Well, I went scuba diving,’ I gushed.
She gasped. ‘You? Is that even safe for someone who’s always feared the rowing boats in Knaresborough?’ she said with a look of genuine concern.
‘Well, I survived.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘And I don’t fear those boats; they’re just very rickety-looking. I also went to a traditional Haitian home for food at a friend’s house, and it was such a wonderful atmosphere. Now we’re heading to Europe, currently somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic.’ There was a map on the TV monitor that would have told me exactly where but I’d not looked at it since the previous day.
‘Wow, it all sounds like a dream come true,’ she said. ‘And how about … him?’ Do you still think about him?’ she asked tentatively. It took me a second to realize she meant Daniel.
‘No,’ I scoffed. Obviously, I had thought about him, but only how much my life was changing for the better without him. She looked taken aback, so I tried to explain. ‘Do you know what I’ve come to realize, Jen? I’d been living underneath Daniel’s wing since I was a teenager. Wherever he went, I went; whatever he wanted to do, I wanted to do. I let him lead my life, and now I’m in charge and it feels … liberating.’
‘Well good for you,’ she said, before proceeding to fill me in on all the latest village gossip – Cherry had dyed someone’s skin orange and it had made the Tinbury press – but I was only half-listening. My own words were still circling in my head, and I realized how true they were. For the first time in my life, I was free.
Chapter Nine
‘Hannah!’ Kristy squealed as she bounced into the treatment room I was setting up. ‘You’ll never guess what!’
‘What?’ I asked wearily. It had been a long day. After crossing the Atlantic, the ship had docked at Gibraltar as we headed into the Mediterranean Sea, but we had spent the whole day in the spa, so I didn’t get chance to go up the Rock to see the monkeys, or buy duty-free perfume, so I was a little naffed off. I did; however have a great view of the Rock when I’d ventured outside for a tiny break.
‘Once this group of passengers have disembarked in Palma, we’re spending the night in port for essential maintenance work.’ She looked like she might burst. I was puzzled.
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning no passengers on board to look after, meaning a day off, meaning free time ashore for a whole twenty-four hours.’ She spun around clapping her hands. Free time ashore did sound good. ‘It doesn’t happen often so we have to make the most of it,’ she added.
‘That will be nice. I feel like I’ve only stopped to sleep and eat today.’ I sat down, slipped off my shoes, and rubbed my aching feet. ‘So what do you have in mind? The beach? A nice tapas bar for dinner?’ I asked hopefully.
‘The beach, yes, but no nice tapas bars, lady. We’re going to Magaluf! Britney, Zack, and Pete are all in too.’
‘I think perhaps I’m a bit old for Magaluf. I might sit this one out.’
‘Have you even been?’
I let out a small laugh. ‘No, I haven’t. I never actually did the whole “clubbing holiday” thing. To be honest, I didn’t really do much clubbing! I settled down young.’
‘Well now’s your chance to let your hair down before it turns grey!’
‘I really don’t think I’d fit in. I’ve seen those TV shows about what happens in party resorts and it’s not me. You guys can go and enjoy yourselves though.’
‘Not a chance we’re leaving you behind – you’re coming and we’re going to have fun!’ She waltzed back through to reception.
Magaluf. I gulped.
***
‘What do you think?’ I felt ridiculous, squeezed into an orange bodycon dress, not just because of my age, but because I’d never worn anything like it before. I only tried it on because I’d lost so much weight doing daily HIIT classes and following a clean-eating regime (which was Britney’s latest fad and one that would’ve been impossible to follow had I not been too busy to think about food). And because Kristy made me choose something out of her wardrobe. It was, unbelievably, the frumpiest garment in there.
‘I think you need these,’ she said, holding up a pair of gold cork wedges.
‘Not a chance. I’ll break my neck in those stilts.’
‘You’ll be fine, and besides, there’s an excellent hospital in Palma,’ she said, giggling. I slipped them on to humour her.
When I turned to face her she gasped, clasping her hand to her mouth. ‘Han, you look stunning.’ Kristy didn’t do small, discreet gestures. I turned to look in the mirror and was pleasantly surprised. My hair had grown a little and sat in a wavy ‘lob’ that framed my face. My tan set off the colour of the dress perfectly, and the wedges made my legs look longer and slimmer than they were. I could’ve probably passed for a good ten years or so younger in the right lighting, which was just as well since Kristy and Britney already were. ‘Now come on, let’s slap some make-up on you,’ she said, waving a make-up brush at me.
It was hot for May, and the humidity hit me as we stepped ashore. The warm air filling my lungs had a calming effect, like when you step off the aeroplane and know that you’re finally on holiday. There was already a minibus waiting for us at the end of the gangplank, and we jumped in for the twenty-minute ride towards the Punta Ballena strip.
As I stepped out of the taxi, the thumping bass from a nearby bar shook my body. The air was filled with chanting, screaming, and cheers. There was a girl slumped by a post to my left, surrounded by her own vomit. Three friends stood around her, trying to coax her up. ‘Oh man,’ Pete said shaking his head. ‘This is worse than Vegas.’
‘Come on.’ Kristy grabbed my arm, oblivious to the shocking sights. It was worse than I’d imagined. When my college friends arranged their first trip abroad, I’d already met Daniel. We’d rented a beautiful French gîte with his parents that year. Never in a million years had I expected I’d be doing Magaluf in my mid-thirties. I allowed myself to be dragged into a bar. ‘It’s old music in here, Han, you’ll like it,’ Kristy said seriously.
We stepped in and were blasted by the sound of ‘21 Seconds’ by So Solid Crew. A feeling of nostalgia washed over me, and I started to relax a little, as we pushed past people to find a space to stand. ‘I’ll get us some drinks,’ Pete said before heading to the bar with Zac following him.
I looked around. Most people looked three sheets to the wind, or high, or worse. Most of the girls had barely any clothes on. I thought I’d been risqué at their age when I’d bought a pleather skirt for my friend’s birthday night out, but clubbing fashion seemed to have changed. In fact, it seemed
that most of my underwear would pass as acceptable outerwear. I felt quite modestly dressed after all. Pete returned a few minutes later with a tray of brown drinks.
‘What are these?’ I asked when he handed me mine. It smelt like cough syrup.
‘It’s a Jäger-bomb. You drink it quickly, like this … See?’ He gulped his down and placed his empty glass on a table nearby. ‘Now I can dance without having to hold a glass.’ I followed suit – it didn’t taste as bad as expected.
Soon we were dancing to dance and R&B music from the late Nineties and early Noughties. I remembered the music from the common room and the few clubs I had actually been to when I was younger. It was strange to think the rest of them would have only been children then. Still, the now ‘retro music’ didn’t stop Britney giving her all, grinding against Pete. I laughed and shook my head.
After a few more Jäger-bombs I started to feel like I could loosen up and fit in. I allowed myself to feel twenty again, throwing my arms up in the air on the dance floor. At one point I was brought to life by the sound of ‘Insomnia’ playing and yelled, ‘I love this,’ in the general direction of the others who just stared at me blankly.
A guy started dancing in front of me, flailing his arms around so much he reminded me of an octopus. I chuckled and he moved in closer. ‘Hi, I’m Matt,’ he said, taking my hand and spinning me around. ‘You’re beautiful. What’s your name?’ he shouted over the music. It had been a long time since anyone had called me beautiful. If my cheeks weren’t already pink from the warm, clammy air, I’d have blushed.
‘I’m Hannah,’ I replied, smiling. He was tanned and his tight, white T-shirt showed off his impressive muscular arms. His eyes were dark like his hair. He was very good-looking and had a sleeve tattoo down his left arm, which to my surprise, I actually found quite sexy.
‘Hi, Hannah, can I buy you a drink?’ he asked. I hesitated, looking over to the others, who practically shooed me away.
‘Okay,’ I said, suddenly feeling a little nervous. He took my hand and led me over to the bar where he ordered two vodka, lime, and sodas.
‘Where’re you staying?’ he asked.
‘Oh, I’m not on holiday here; I work on a cruise ship. I’m just here for the night.’
‘That’s a shame. I was looking forward to getting to know you.’ I was a little taken aback by his forwardness, but he seemed nice, not like most of the jeering slime-balls I’d noticed on the strip so far.
‘Sorry,’ was all I managed. I’d always been crap at flirting.
‘How old are you?’ I wasn’t immediately sure of how to answer that. I was enjoying feeling twenty again, and I didn’t particularly want to ruin that.
‘How old do you think I am?’ I teased.
He thought for a moment. ‘Twenty-six?’
‘Close enough,’ I lied. It wasn’t like I’d ever see him again.
‘Cool, I like an older woman.’ Jeez, how young is he? Well, he certainly was in luck. ‘I’m twenty-four. I’m on holiday with the lads, but they’ve all disappeared. C’mon, dance with me.’ He led me back over to where Kristy was laughing and dancing with some guy. The music didn’t really allow for conversation so we danced, Matt throwing in the odd silly move, which made me laugh.
Over the course of a few songs, he edged closer, taking my hands in his and leaving me unsure of what to do. Close soon became a grind, and his firm body pressed against me. I could feel his hot breath on my neck as I glanced over at Britney dancing up and down against Pete and performing what I only knew to be called a ‘slut drop’ thanks to Kristy.
Channelling my inner Britney, I went with it and danced up against his warm body, moving my hips to the beat. When I came up, our eyes locked, and he kissed my lips softly. It was nice to feel attractive and wanted again, so slowly I opened my mouth. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me close. I was getting into it when we were pounced upon by several rowdy blokes chanting: ‘Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt.’
He pulled away looking sheepish. ‘My friends.’ He gestured to three equally tanned carbon copies.
‘Mate, bros before …’ The taller one broke off, choosing to point at me rather than finish the sentence, which I supposed was a compliment. He threw a thick arm around Matt. ‘It’s club time, come on.’ Matt turned to me and placed a hand on his chest in mock heartbreak.
‘Hannah, it’s been a pleasure.’ He bowed and blew me a kiss.
‘Have fun.’ I waved him off, laughing, just as Kristy and Zac came back over.
‘He was hot,’ Kristy said, wiggling her eyebrows.
‘I know. Do you think I should have taken his number?’ I asked.
‘God, no! It’s Magaluf, not First Dates. What happens in Maga, stays in Maga. He probably has a girlfriend at home anyway.’ It was an innocent, flippant remark but it sent a jolt through me. Was that how easy it had been for Daniel to cheat on me? Was it just a case of ‘what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her’ throughout the whole time he spent cheating on me before finally deciding he didn’t want to be with me anyway? I stormed to the bar and ordered another Jäger-bomb.
The next morning I woke up to blackness and the hairy warmth of a body squashed up next to me. I froze, as memories of the night began to zap me. There had been drinks, lots of those Jäger-bombs to be precise, then there was dancing and grinding. I’d pole danced.
The memory came in vividly. Britney had been lap dancing, really well, and I’d shouted, ‘You haven’t seen anything yet.’ Then I got up and … Oh, I winced at the thought. Waiters. A team of waiters had joined us in a club and there was more grinding. It was almost painful to think about. There was a really good-looking one, a Mexican guy called Javier who I’d seen in the crew bar before and he’d been showing me some Latino dancing. And we’d kissed.
I gasped, clasping my hand to my mouth to hold the noise. We’d laughed and I’d rested my head on his shoulder in the taxi home. I could barely remember getting back on the ship but I do remember him asking me if I wanted to go back to his cabin and I’d said something really cheesy like ‘would I ever, handsome’ in an effort to sound seductive. I clenched my fists tightly in an effort to expel the embarrassment and took a deep breath. Hopefully, he wouldn’t remember that part.
I had to get out of there. Feeling my body to see what I had on, I was thankful to discover I was wearing a T-shirt of some sort. As my eyes adjusted I could make out the familiar exit light above the door, so I knew the direction I was heading in. The body next to me stirred. From the light above the door, I could tell I was on the bottom bunk so I slipped out carefully, hoping Javier had gone back to sleep.
Crouching on all fours, I crawled around, fumbling for my clothes. I grabbed my shoe and stood up, but an almighty thump threw me back down. White spots floated around in the darkness, and then the lights came on.
‘What are you doing?’ My eyes struggled to focus on the person in front of me but his thick accent and caramel colouring stood out. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked, looking at me from beneath his furrowed brow. I rubbed my pounding head.
‘Yes, I think so. Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you – your desk is in a different place to mine.’ He held out a hand to pull me up, and my eyes met his. He was even gorgeous when he’d just woken up, his black hair messily stuck up in different directions around his tanned face. I felt heat rise in my cheeks as more of the evening came back to me.
My bra lay on the floor behind him, still fastened. He couldn’t undo it and I couldn’t either so I’d yanked it over my head and tossed it. Who was I? His eyes followed my gaze to the discarded lingerie and came back to me. ‘Good night eh?’ He grinned broadly and not knowing what the social etiquette was, I gave a thumbs-up. The embarrassment.
Awkwardly, I stood up to go to the bathroom, tugging down on the T-shirt to cover my last shred of modesty. Once inside I slumped onto the closed toilet and let my head fall into my hands before I started to panic. What if I was pregnant? What if I’d caught something? It’s a
ll you read about in magazines these days – how STDs are everywhere.
My brow started to sweat and I sat bolt upright in panic. My eyes darted around the room eventually falling on the small plastic bin in the corner. I practically dived in. I sighed with relief when I found it, the shiny silver foil square and the tell-tale toilet tissue parcel. At least I wouldn’t be impregnated with a child or carrying a disease – though little Javier babies would be incredibly cute. Safe in the knowledge I wasn’t completely reckless, I changed into my own clothes, leaving Javier’s T-shirt folded neatly over the towel rail, and went back out into the cabin.
‘Your T-shirt is in there.’ I pointed my thumb at the bathroom door behind me. ‘I’m going to go now,’ I continued awkwardly, walking towards the door.
When I stepped out into the corridor, I allowed the door to slam shut behind me before letting myself to sink against it in relief. ‘Good morning.’ A voice startled me to the left and my eyes followed, instinctively dropping to the person slouched on the floor beside me. ‘Can I go in now? You do know waiters don’t get much sleep as it is don’t you?’ It was Javier’s roommate. My entire stomach curled up in embarrassment at the thought of shoving him out of the door to his own cabin.
I wrinkled my brow and nodded. ‘Sorry.’ I mouthed before walking briskly down the corridor with my head down.
‘And what time do you call this?’ Kristy joked when I walked into our cabin.
‘Don’t even go there. I can’t even remember what happened,’ I said, flopping face down onto her bunk.
She started laughing. ‘What do you mean you can’t remember?’
‘I mean, I don’t want to remember,’ I said into the pillow whilst Kristy continued laughing.
‘Britney and Pete went home at around one, and you, Zac, and I ran into a group of waiters from the ship. We went to a club and you were showing everyone how you could … now let me get this right … party like a twenty-year-old.’ She smirked.
The Holiday Cruise Page 11