It had been ages since I’d watched a show and I was glad I did, even though the music had made me come over all emotional.
As the curtain fell and the lights came on, I stood up to leave but a sight sat me straight back down again. Ben was only a few rows behind me. He was with three older couples – they’d stood up but were chatting and finishing drinks so it didn’t look like they were in a rush to leave. Not wanting to walk past, I stayed rooted to my chair, willing them to go. When it went quiet and I was certain they’d gone, I moved to the aisle and bumped into a figure. I looked up into those familiar, big brown eyes.
‘I thought it was you,’ he said, luckily, because I was unable to speak for a moment.
‘Yes, I thought I’d check out what Zac and Britney had been working on.’ I looked down, unable to make eye contact.
‘I think I owe you an apology,’ he said.
‘What for?’
‘Well, I was the one insisting you meet me in Rome and Venice, and I was the one who ended up telling you I had feelings for you, then I went all cold. I got scared.’
‘It’s fine; you were right,’ I said. ‘You’re leaving in a few days and it’s going to be horrible saying goodbye.’
‘But not seeing you isn’t going to make that any easier. It’s just going to make the last few days together, worse.’
I smiled sadly. ‘I know. I hated today.’
‘I hated today too.’ He placed his hand lightly on my upper arm. ‘I mean, I liked the jeep. Off-roading up Mt Etna was awesome, but I didn’t enjoy doing it alone. Perhaps we have been romanced by beautiful cities and brought together by two disastrous previous relationships, but would we feel any different if we were back home? Would our feelings for one another change?’
‘I don’t know, but, Ben, that isn’t the issue, remember? The issue is I’m not going back home.’
‘I know.’ He nodded. ‘But until I leave, can we spend some time together?’
‘I’d really like it if we did.’
‘Are you free now?’ he asked, entwining his finger in the strap of my dress.
‘I am, but there aren’t many places we can go to hang out.’
‘I wish I could take you back to my cabin,’ he whispered, stirring my stomach.
I wished I could go to his cabin. I could probably sneak in, but it was a risk. I bit my lip as I considered it. I only had two and a bit weeks left on my contract … If I was ever going to take a risk, now would be the time.
‘Okay,’ I replied.
‘Okay, you’re going to come to my cabin?’ He looked surprised, making me laugh a little.
‘Yes, I’ll come to your cabin, provided I can get past your cabin steward.’ I checked my watch – it was half-ten. The turn-down service was likely done by now. ‘We should be okay.’
‘Do you remember my cabin number?’
I nodded. Of course I did. It was the one room on the whole ship I’d longed to enter.
‘Okay, well I’ll go down and close the door gently, so it doesn’t shut and lock. You can just come straight in,’ he said.
‘I’ll follow you down in five minutes.’ He left and I made my way to the toilets to check my hair and make-up. I used the toilet and came out humming ‘Defying Gravity’ before stopping dead in my tracks.
‘Hi, Marion,’ I said, the smile on my face dissolving.
‘Hello, Hannah. You seem cheerful tonight,’ she said before setting her lips in a hard line.
‘Oh.’ I faked a shy smile. ‘I’ve just been to see the show. It was quite uplifting.’
She nodded, not taking her eyes off me. ‘You know, I feel like we haven’t bonded much,’ she said. ‘Perhaps we could go for a drink if you’ve no other plans.’ I racked my brains for a plausible excuse, but the entertainment team were having an after-show meeting, and Kristy and Pete would be in the crew bar anyway. I had nothing. I winced inside.
‘That would be lovely,’ I said, my voice slightly higher than usual.
‘Great, I’ll walk down with you.’ She placed an arm behind my back. As we made our way downstairs, my thoughts turned to Ben. He’d be waiting for me, wondering if I’d changed my mind. My resentment for Marion reached new heights.
When we arrived in the bar I saw Kristy and Pete having a drink. ‘Shall we join, Kristy?’ I asked Marion.
‘Okay. I’ll get us some wine.’ She headed to the bar. George wasn’t working. It was a barman I didn’t recognize.
‘Hi, you two,’ I said as I reached Kristy and Pete’s table.
‘Did you just walk in with Marion?’ Kristy hissed.
‘Yes, it’s a long story but basically, she’s joining us. I hope that’s okay.’ I sat down and Marion came over with two glasses of white wine.
‘There you go,’ she said, placing mine down in front of me. She greeted Pete and Kristy; then the atmosphere changed. Suddenly nobody had anything to talk about.
‘Did you get off the ship in Sicily?’ I asked, resorting to my spa–client conversation stock. Kristy and Pete both shook their heads, but of course I already knew they didn’t.
‘No,’ Marion said, killing the conversation before it started.
‘Me neither, I hope to see it next week though,’ I said. ‘How about Kotor? I went up on deck to see the canyon as we sailed into the bay. It was quite spectacular,’ I added, trying to keep a conversation going.
‘I got up too.’ Marion cast a glance my way, and my stomach sank. Suddenly I knew what her strange behaviour was about. She’d seen us. Or at least she’d seen enough to put two and two together. My mouth felt dry and my stomach heavy. I sipped my wine, hoping it would help.
Pete must have sensed my discomfort, because he said, ‘I got up too. I missed part of the journey in, but caught the end. Those mountains!’ which I knew was a lie because he’d been in the gym. Maybe he hoped Marion would think I was with him.
‘Some people stayed up all night to see that view,’ she said. I wanted to shout ‘just say it!’ but I didn’t. My words were stuck. ‘As it happens, on my way into the spa, I saw that guest, Ben. He still had his tux on.’ My heart started pounding hard like someone was playing the bongos in my chest. She looked straight at me ‘You looked like death that day, too, like maybe you hadn’t slept.’
‘I didn’t sleep well that night,’ I said. It wasn’t a lie. She just raised an eyebrow.
She ‘hmmed’ before finishing her wine and announcing she was going to bed.
‘Ahhhnnnd relax,’ Kristy said once she’d gone. I breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Looks like your cards have been marked.’
‘I know. Do you think she saw us?’ I asked.
‘I don’t think so. I think she’s putting two and two together. She’s definitely on to you, but if she had solid proof, she’d confront you directly. That was a warning shot,’ Kristy said, sipping her beer.
‘Good job she didn’t catch you in your night-before clothes,’ Pete added.
‘You need to be careful,’ Kristy said.
I checked my watch. It was eleven-forty. I could still head down to Ben’s cabin.
‘I will,’ I said, though our definitions of careful probably differed somewhat. ‘I’m going to bed too.’
I raced up the stairs to deck seven. It was deserted as I walked the corridor, counting down the door numbers until I reached Ben’s cabin. I swallowed hard and checked around me. There wasn’t a soul along the long narrow corridor so I placed my hand on the door handle, heart racing. It was locked. He must have gone to sleep. I considered knocking, but it might have attracted attention. Every second I stood there was a risk, so I left, my heart feeling heavier with every step.
Chapter Twenty
The next day I woke desperate to see Ben. It was his last full day on board and I had to make it count. My stomach had churned all night as I lay awake. I didn’t want him to think I’d just changed my mind. My chest ached at the thought of that time we hadn’t got to spend together.
It was a sea day, w
hich meant Ben couldn’t be far away, but I was working, which made things tricky, as did Marion’s newly gained and rather annoying suspicious eye. It was a bit like being a teenager again, sneaking around, asking Jen to cover for me. It would be quite amusing to relive that mildly exciting part of my youth if it wasn’t so frustrating.
I went down to the gym under the pretence of attending the HIIT class. Ben wasn’t there but Pete roped me into it anyway. ‘It’s my last class so you have to! Anyway, it will take your mind off everything,’ he’d said. But it didn’t. I spent the whole time wishing the class was over so I could go and find Ben, which in turn made me feel like a terrible friend.
I checked the other likely areas of the ship before going back to my cabin to shower. He wasn’t anywhere, so I assumed he’d chosen to sleep in or have a late breakfast. I relaxed, safe in the knowledge he was on board somewhere. By the time I was in the spa, I’d given up hope of finding him during the day and started planning how I’d manage to see him later that evening.
‘You have a massage booked in soon,’ Marion said as I was making a coffee. Her tone was short but I ignored it. I wasn’t in the mood to get into a discussion.
‘Okay.’ I made my way into the treatment room to set it all up, turning the music on and setting the lights for ambience. The door opened and I spun round.
‘Ben?’ My body tensed. ‘You can’t be in here. I’m expecting a client any time now,’ I said, panicking.
‘I know, your client is already here.’ I was about to shoo him away when I noticed his relaxed stance. Not in an I’m-a-guest-I-can-do-what-I-want way – he was leaning against the door frame, almost smug-looking.
‘You’re my client aren’t you?’ I said.
He nodded, smiling. ‘It’s my last full day and your massages are so good, I couldn’t leave without a final one. I booked it a few days ago.’ Around the time Marion’s suspicions arose. He started to shuffle uncomfortably. ‘After you didn’t turn up last night, I wasn’t sure whether to keep the appointment.’
‘I’ll fill you in, but first, you need to take off your clothes. Just leave your underwear on.’
‘I was hoping you’d say that.’ He grinned.
I ignored the comment. ‘Hop on the bed when you’re ready. I’ll be back in a minute.’ I left the room feeling light and relieved and walked straight into a thunderous-looking Marion.
‘He requested you,’ she said accusingly. My mouth suddenly felt dry and I prepared to answer.
‘I think it’s because he saw me the first time he came in.’ I tried my best to sound casual.
‘Possibly,’ she said, before giving me a fake smile and walking back to the reception desk. I breathed a sigh of relief and went back into the treatment room. Ben was on the bed under the blanket, just as he was the first time I met him, except this time, I felt a sense of familiarity about his body. It wasn’t just a back any more – it was Ben’s back. I grabbed the oil and walked slowly over to him, pouring some onto his tanned, smooth back. I began to press firmly into his skin, deep into the muscles.
‘Marion got to me last night,’ I said, once I was in my rhythm.
‘I assumed something like that might have happened, but I did wonder whether you’d had second thoughts,’ he said, sounding relieved.
‘Not at all – I wanted nothing more than to be with you. She dragged me to the bar, something she has never once done in the whole time I’ve been on board. I actually came up to your room at about quarter to twelve, but your door was locked.’
‘You did?’ He lifted his head sideways, and I detected a small smile on his face.
‘I did.’
‘Once I realized you weren’t coming, I closed the door. I didn’t want word to get out that I’d left it open – I can’t imagine the chaos – and a queue down that narrow corridor would be a fire hazard.’ I giggled, allowing his humour to dissolve the tension.
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.
‘I forgive you.’
I continued to massage his back, but after a few minutes, he turned over. ‘What are you doing?’ I asked, unable to read the blank expression on his face.
‘It’s my last day,’ he said heavily. My body felt leaden at the thought. I flopped onto the edge of the massage table a placed a hand on his bare chest, mindlessly tracing his scar with my fingers. He wrapped his fingers around mine and lifted my hand to his lips, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to tickle. He reached up with his other hand and stroked the side of my face. ‘I know this is going to sound rather clichéd, but can we keep in touch?’ His dark eyes fell serious.
My throat ached and I turned my face away to stare at a purple orchid in a tall white vase. Of all the time I’d been on board, I’d never even stopped to look at whether it was real or fake. Are my feelings for Ben real or fake? They certainly felt real.
‘You’re not going to make me say please, are you?’ He forced lightness into his tone but I could sense the strain behind his words.
I put on a smile. ‘No, you don’t have to say please. Of course I want to keep in touch.’ A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
A moment passed. ‘So did you want a massage?’
‘Not really.’ He smirked, so I hit out with a towel, which lightly caught him on the chest. ‘Hey, I just wanted to spend some time alone with you. That was before I knew about Marion. You have to admit it’s quite funny though. We’re right under her nose, she knows we’re in here together, and she can’t do a thing about it.’
‘It is pretty funny.’ I smiled. ‘So, about this keeping in touch, how do you want to do it?’
‘Email would be best for you, but if you’re planning on posting updates about your trip around the world on a blog or whatever, I wouldn’t mind following. I could live out my travel dreams vicariously through your experience.’
‘Come with me then.’ My tone was light but I meant it. I knew it was odd – we’d only known each other for three weeks – but it felt so right. We’d spent so much time together that it felt much longer than that. It wasn’t just a date a week and a few text messages. We’d essentially had a date almost every day for three weeks, so surely it was the equivalent of twenty-one weeks’ dating. It certainly felt that way.
He squeezed my hand and I knew what the answer would be. ‘I’d love to, I really would. Just the two of us and travelling to the most beautiful places on Earth would be a dream come true. But my job is so important to me, and I’ve still some post-cancelled-wedding fallout to deal with. It’s just a bad time.’
I looked down at my feet as they swung from the bench. ‘I know. I just wish we could spend some more time together.’
‘Me too.’ He sat up on the table so that his eyes were level with mine. ‘We have some time now.’ I looked into his brown eyes as he ran his index finger up my arm. He was close enough that I could feel the heat from his body and the warmth of his breath. I swallowed hard. Then he kissed me, hot and passionately, pulling me in to him. I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling his head towards me, wanting more. We were interrupted by a knock at the door. I jumped off the bed, immediately straightening my hair with one hand and patting down my tunic with the other whilst Ben watched in amusement.
‘It’s not funny.’ I glared at him as I walked towards the door, then I gestured to him to flip back over onto his stomach.
‘Kristy.’ I sighed with relief when I opened the door.
‘Marion told me to let you know your next client is here. It seems you’ve run slightly over,’ she said, looking past me and into the room. When she looked back at me, she gave me a wink and a discreet thumbs-up.
‘Thank you, Kristy, I’ll be just a minute.’ I closed the door.
‘Looks like your time is up, mister,’ I said, turning back to Ben.
‘Again.’ He groaned. ‘It’s impossible to spend any time with you.’
‘I know, but perhaps I’ll be on the promenade deck around sunset this evening, if you happen to be walking
by.’
He stood up and wrapped an arm around my back, pressing his almost naked and my fully uniformed bodies together, and planted a kiss on my lips. ‘I don’t want to stop doing that,’ he said.
I prised myself away and walked towards the door. ‘I’ll leave you to get dressed.’ I didn’t dare head down to reception in case Marion was there. My composure wasn’t exactly resting on solid ground. Instead, I slumped back against the wall and forced the breath from my lungs in frustration. A moment or two later, the door opened and Ben came out. ‘I’ll walk you to reception,’ I said.
When we got there, Marion greeted Ben with a wide smile, and cast me a sideward glance. ‘Oh, Mr Huxley, how was your massage?’ she said as he handed her his room key.
‘It was fantastic. I feel great now,’ he said, wiggling his shoulders about for effect.
‘That is very good to hear, sir. We’ll be sorry to see you leave tomorrow but wish you a safe onward journey home.’
‘Thank you.’ He flashed me a sheepish smile and left.
The last day of the cruise was always awash with special offers and, as such, it was busy. The saving grace was that most guests didn’t want late-night appointments because they had packing to do, which meant I finished at six p.m. I had time to take a quick shower back at the cabin, and I changed into my yellow sundress before applying a bit of make-up. I felt a mixture of nerves and excitement as I headed up to deck five for the promenade.
I hoped Marion wasn’t around. Kristy and I had staged a conversation earlier in the staff cupboard about meeting at the bar at seven p.m., making sure Marion was in earshot. She rarely went in the bar so I hoped she would be off doing whatever it was that she did without worrying about what I was up to. It wasn’t fake exactly. I would be going to the bar – it was Pete’s last night – but I’d also be seeing Ben.
I stepped outside into the warm breeze on the left side of the ship, the west, judging by the red-orange glow that was shrouding the dark water. There were quite a few people about – couples, families, and the odd jogger all admiring the phenomenon of a cruise sunset.
The Holiday Cruise Page 24