A security official from the port met us, and saw that I went through passport control. And then I was alone at the Marittima basin as the port workers scurried about, loading food and unloading cases. I made my way to the embarkation lounge, as there would be seating there and I needed somewhere to think.
Slumping into a chair, I stared into space as confusion, anger, sadness, and shock set in. I knew I’d broken the rules, I couldn’t stop myself but seriously, it wasn’t like I’d led a guest astray and ruined their holiday. After almost nine months of service, with just two weeks left too. I had no idea what I was going to do for two weeks. I could go home. I physically shook my head. That wasn’t happening.
Eager holidaymakers started to trickle in, excited to be embarking on a one-week cruise to remember. Some of them had probably already booked spa treatments and would have been my clients. Some kind of row had broken out at one of the desks. I’d paid little attention to the din until I heard, ‘Just put a call through to the spa,’ shouted loudly by an English female.
The person on reception simply said, ‘I cannot do that unless you are a guest.’
I shook my head wondering why someone would want to contact the spa if they weren’t a guest. Unless it was my replacement. I didn’t even bother to look round.
‘Hannah?’
Chapter Twenty-Two
‘Jen?’ A cocktail of emotion swept over me and my hands started to shake. ‘Oh, Jen.’ My voice quivered.
‘Oh, come here you daft sod.’ She dashed over and wrapped me in a hug. The familiar smell of Jo Malone perfume enveloped me, making me think of home. I burst into tears. ‘Hey, hey, what’s all this?’ she said gently before glancing towards my suitcase. She furrowed her brow.
‘I …’ A few sobs escaped before I could finish.
Jen stroked my back. ‘Just breathe.’
‘Sit down.’ I gestured to the chair beside me. Whilst she made herself comfortable, I took out a tissue and blew my nose.
Jen fixed her sympathetic eyes on me. ‘You didn’t quit did you?’ she asked, obviously sensing that my words weren’t coming.
I shook my head and drew a deep breath to steady my voice. ‘I got fired.’
‘Ahh.’ She nodded slowly, like she wasn’t surprised. ‘Did it have something to do with that Ben guy?’
‘Yes.’ My voice came out small and weak. ‘Anyway, what on Earth are you doing here?’ In all the confusion, I’d not even asked.
‘I told you I had a surprise. Ta-dah.’ She presented herself lamely.
‘I was expecting a parcel! My hands are still shaking with shock,’ I said, and Jen laughed.
‘I tried to book on the cruise that leaves today but it was full. But I knew the ship was in Venice for two days and thought I’d fly out and surprise you anyway. ‘You do know what day it is today don’t you?’ She raised her eyebrows expectantly. I shook my head. I was at a loss.
‘Saturday?’
‘It’s the anniversary of Daniel leaving you!’ I stared for a moment, unable to believe I hadn’t thought about it. I’d been so wrapped up in Ben leaving that I hadn’t given Daniel a second thought. Not that I would have anyway.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked when I didn’t respond.
I wasn’t okay. Ben had just left and I’d gotten the sack, but I couldn’t care less about Daniel. The fact this had all happened on the same day was a coincidence. ‘Is that why you came?’ I asked eventually.
Jen cocked her head to the side. ‘Partly, but I wanted to see you before your big adventure, and then there’s this …’ She pulled an envelope out of her bag. ‘It’s your decree absolute.’
‘Oh.’ I looked down at the envelope feeling no emotion towards it whatsoever.
‘I’ve had it a while but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it all.’
‘To be honest, I don’t care. I care more that Ben has left and that I’ve just been frog-marched off the ship without saying goodbye to my friends.’
‘Oh, Hannah.’ She gave a sympathetic smile. ‘There must be a way to contact them? Though I wouldn’t bother with that miserable old bag at customer relations. She wouldn’t even let me ring the spa to let you know I was here.’
I smiled. It was good to have Jen by my side, like she always was when things were at their utmost worst. Though this time, it was more for her homely companionship than her mothering nature. ‘It’s okay, I’ll just text Kristy.’ I waved my phone at her.
‘Okay, smart-arse. Let’s get to my hotel. You can stay with me for the next two nights whilst we figure this mess out.’
A little while later, we were sat dangling our legs in the pool at the Hilton hotel on Giudecca Island, sipping cosmopolitans.
‘I can’t believe you got the sack, you total bad-ass.’ Jen laughed, sipping her cosmo.
I laughed too. It was one to tick off my bucket list, which up until the last December was largely unchecked.
‘You did do me out of a day on the ship though – I’m not sure I can forgive you for that.’
‘Sorry, but the real prize is sat right here!’ I grinned.
‘Hmmm. I suppose! Who needs amazing food, world-class entertainment, great service, and a spa day anyway?’ She took a sip of her cosmo and looked out towards Venice.
After I’d started to come to terms with all the drama of the morning, my mind worked its way back to Ben. I had a strange sense of panic when I thought of him, like my head knew he’d gone, but my heart couldn’t accept it and rebelled by conjuring up a storm of butterflies and nausea, which it then battered around with its rapid beat. The emotion must have translated into a readable expression on my face.
‘You’re not okay about Ben leaving are you?’
I shook my head, clamping my lips together to stop them quivering. ‘He was … different. Easy to be with.’ It was pointless. I couldn’t convey the magnitude of emotion I’d felt, that I was sure he’d felt too, in just a few sentences. Jen stretched her leg through the water and rubbed my foot with her big toe, making me laugh. ‘Is that your attempt at sympathy?’
‘I don’t know what to say, other than you’re stronger now. The change I can see in you is huge. You even look stronger.’ She grabbed at my bicep. Maybe those HIIT classes had paid off, I thought. ‘Whatever you’re feeling will pass.’ She was right of course. I just didn’t want it to pass.
‘I still can’t believe you’re here,’ I said, moving away from the subject of Ben.
‘I know, me neither. It was hardly fair that you got all the fun though, was it?’ She nudged me playfully. ‘Graham is in China and so Sheila suggested I visit you instead of “flouncing around the village”. I think she quite fancied it too but couldn’t just shut the salon. She sends her regards.’ The thought of the village made me feel claustrophobic.
‘Well, I’m glad you’re here … Now I’m over the shock, of course.’
***
As beautiful as Venice was, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to venture through those narrow streets and over the pretty bridges with the turquoise canals running underneath, without Ben. Perhaps it would taint my memory or diminish the tingly feeling I still got when I thought about it. When I reached the lobby, Jen was already waiting, looking out to the glistening inky water where the water shuttle was due to arrive.
Once on board, I sat in silence in a strange moment of déjà vu. The emptiness in my stomach reminded me that this time there’d be no romantic encounter. No Ben. I felt nauseous.
Jen gasped. ‘Oh my God, look.’ She was pointing at the outskirts of the city, lit up and mirrored onto the inky water. The boat bobbed about a little once it docked. Sitting by the window, I could see the spot where Ben had kissed me just a week earlier. I could still feel the warmth of his hand stroking my face.
‘Come on.’ Jen hit my arm, breaking my thoughts. We left the boat and wandered the square, the arcade, and the tiny streets. Jen dragged me to the Rialto Bridge, but it had lost much of the magic it held last week. Every now a
nd then, I acknowledged a gasp with a nod, and took a few pictures of Jen with typically Venetian backdrops. But my heart wasn’t in Venice. I couldn’t let it be.
‘Okay, so I’ve seen the sights.’ She linked her arm through mine. ‘Now it’s time to get you a drink.’ There was a caffe-bar a little further down the narrow street, which we were hoping would take us back to St Mark’s Square, and she pulled me in there.
She didn’t mess about and ordered us a bottle of Prosecco. ‘This is on me, as a thank you for allowing me to drag you around Venice – I can see you’re not feeling it.’
‘I’m sorry, Jen. Last week, I was here with Ben. We had our first kiss on a gondola and then again under the moonlight in St Mark’s Square. I miss him.’
Jen reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. ‘I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to spend some time with my little sister who I haven’t seen in nearly nine months. I got a bit excited about being in Venice. I’m sorry.’ When the Prosecco arrived Jen filled both the glasses to the brim, ignoring bubbly etiquette.
I took a delicious sip and it hit the spot right away. After a few more sips, the warmth started to flow through my body, and I felt up to talking about Ben. I filled Jen in on everything that happened, from the moment he walked into the spa, right up until he hugged me goodbye at the dock. She leaned forward on her hands and listened, topping up our glasses when they needed it.
‘You could always come back to England and get in touch with him,’ she said tentatively. I narrowed my eyes. Using Ben as an excuse to get me home was a low blow.
I drew a breath to steady my voice. ‘Jen, I’m not coming home. I’m not that insular village dweller I was last year. I can’t and I won’t go back to that small life until I’ve seen something much bigger.’
She looked taken aback, but covered it with a fake, nervous laugh. ‘I didn’t mean … I just thought, since you obviously have strong feelings for Ben that maybe you should do something about it.’ Her eyebrows drooped. ‘I’m not selfish enough to drag you home just because I miss you.’
I wasn’t convinced. ‘Jen, I’ve made this decision for me. I’m not changing my plans – plans that I’d made before I met Ben by the way – for something that might be.’ I took an angry gulp of Prosecco. ‘Look at this place.’ I gestured to Venice. ‘Look at it. Rome, Nice, Kotor, the ship for Christ’s sake – they’re all beautiful, romantic places. It isn’t real life. I can’t imagine running home to a nine-till-five job, and a four-bed detached house – even if Ben is with me, will it be the same? I’m under no illusions it will, Jen.’
‘Why didn’t you ask him to go travelling with you?’ she said calmly, brushing aside my frustrated tone.
My shoulders sagged. ‘I did. It’s bad timing – he’s still some cancelled-wedding issues to resolve, moving to do, and things like that plus he has a great job. Though he did say he would have loved to.’
‘Bad timing? Lack of effort, if you ask me.’
‘Nobody did,’ I snapped, before softening my tone. ‘Look, Jen, I know you’re trying to help, but we did talk about our options and we’re going to keep in touch. Who knows, perhaps we’ll meet up when I get back.’
‘In a year?’ There was scepticism in her tone.
‘Well I don’t know, but you don’t have to try and fix this.’ I forced half a smile onto my face and asked her to fill me in on the village gossip, much to her delight.
Apparently some of my old customers found out what Cherry did and started to boycott her salon, opting to drive twenty minutes to the next village instead. A small sense of satisfaction came over me. We finished our drinks and Jen threw just enough money to cover our bill onto the plate and I raised an eyebrow to suggest leaving more. Jen just shrugged and we made our way back to the hotel.
Once we arrived in the room, I threw my bag on the desk on the way into the bathroom, the contents spilling out everywhere.
‘Jen, can you please just shove that stuff back in my bag? All that Prosecco has taken its toll.’ When I came out of the bathroom, Jen had tidied everything away and was looking at the photographs I’d had on my wall on the ship.
‘Is that …?’ She held up the one of me and Ben.
I nodded. ‘It was taken in Kotor, by another passenger. We had no idea they’d taken it until she presented us with one each on the last day of the cruise.’
‘He’s gorgeous.’ She studied the picture more closely. ‘Now your pining makes sense. Look at how he’s looking at you – ooh it’s giving me chills.’
‘Er, that’s probably the air conditioning. I’ll turn it down,’ I said, shaking my head, but Jen wasn’t listening. She was still staring at the picture. After a few more moments she gave it back to me and started to make a coffee, leaving me relieved when she didn’t start on about going home again.
‘So, can we see Venice by day tomorrow?’ she said as she stirred the cups.
‘If they’ll let you back in. You’re a crappy tipper,’ I teased.
‘I’m from Yorkshire,’ she protested. ‘We’re careful with money.’
After our coffees, Jen left went for a shower, and I slumped into my office chair, relaxing each muscle in my body. What a day. Noticing my laptop, I couldn’t help but wonder if Ben got home okay. I booted it up and waited eagerly while it came on.
Dear Ben,
I paused, no idea of what to write.
I miss you so much already I just had to email.
You’ll never guess what happened after you left.
I thought about trying something less serious:
Don’t you think we were a bit like Jack and Rose at the front of the ship, the night we stayed up?
Or perhaps that might’ve sounded too serious. In the end I settled for something a normal bunny-loving-not-boiling person would write:
I hope you had a safe flight home, and that the weather in Cheshire isn’t too bad.
Hannah
xx
I hit send, leaving out the part about getting sacked because I didn’t want him to feel guilty the second he’d got home.
First thing the next morning, I opened my laptop, eager to see if Ben had replied. I’d told Jen to head off in to Venice for the morning whilst I looked into my finances and planned my next two weeks. Excitement flickered across my chest when I saw the email from B. Huxley sitting in my inbox. It was a few seconds before I was composed enough to read it.
Hi Hannah,
It was a long day, courtesy of an airport strike, but eventually I did get home. I must admit, it was odd coming back to this mess of a life. As soon as I landed, my parents picked me up and ferried me back to their house and haven’t left me alone since. I feel like a moody teen all over again.
They don’t even have Wi-Fi, would you believe, so I’ve come to the local pub to catch up on emails.
I was glad to receive yours.
Life is dull without a Hannah in it.
Ben
xxxx
I sat back in my chair. Life is dull without a Hannah in it. I mulled over the last statement, wondering if he felt as empty as I did. Clicking reply, I tapped my fingers at the keys, not actually hard enough to type but it helped me to think. Eventually, I keyed out a reply:
Hi Ben,
Sorry to hear about your delay and I hope things start to get a little easier soon.
My sister arrived today – it was a welcome surprise. She dragged me in to Venice.
Venice is a little dull without a Ben in it.
Hannah
xxxxx
My eyes caught sight of a picture on the wall above the bed. It was of a sole gondola, lit by the moonlight. The significance of the lonely, empty vessel was poignant. I shook the image off and checked my bank account and flight details as a distraction.
‘Venice is amazing,’ Jen said, as she bounded in draping herself against the door.
‘I take it you’ve had a good morning, then?’ I asked, snapping my laptop shut.
‘I did.
I took a gondola ride, visited the Basilica and Doge’s Palace. I bought this on the Rialto Bridge.’ She pointed to the colourful scarf around her neck. She twirled around, clapping like an excited five-year-old.
‘Have you got time for a drink somewhere or are you still sorting your life out? I can’t stay in this room a second longer.’ She was practically bouncing.
‘You’ve literally just walked in!’ I gave her a look of disbelief, which went unacknowledged. ‘Give me half an hour and I’ll meet you in the bar.’
Thirty minutes later we were in the bar sheltered from hot bubbling sun by a fixed canopy, enjoying coffee and cake. ‘I’d love to bring Graham to Venice,’ she said, stuffing a forkful of cake in her mouth. I smiled politely and stared down at my plate. I certainly got the appeal, but thinking of another couple enjoying what Ben and I had wasn’t going to win any excitement from me. ‘You’re still upset aren’t you?’
I nodded slowly. ‘He only left yesterday. I’m sure I’ll be fine soon.’ I wasn’t sure I’d be fine soon, but I would’ve loved for Jen to believe me.
She rubbed her chin. ‘Why don’t you just come home for two weeks and see how you feel? This is like a frustrating rom-com film: will they? Won’t they?’ She tossed her head from side to side to emphasize the last part.
‘It’s a won’t they, Jen. All I’ve ever done is lean on people for support. Mum and Dad, then you, then Daniel, then you again. I’m a grown woman. I need to lean on myself for a change. Going home is not in my plan.’
Jen gave me a puzzled look. ‘Okay, this is a whole new you. I’m not saying come home for good, just come home and meet up with him – see if the feelings are still there.’
‘Look at me, here, now, doing something on my own, for myself. I’ve given presentations, been scuba diving, wandered some of the most beautiful cities on earth on my own.’ I left out having a one-night stand and mugger-bashing for obvious reasons. ‘I finally make decisions for me, and I’ve made one – I want to travel whilst I can. Ben knows that, which is why he didn’t ask me to stay. He respects my choice. My choice Jen.’ I glared at her.
The Holiday Cruise Page 26