He stood from the bed and took off his briefs. From the drawer in his nightstand, he pulled out a condom.
“How long have you had those?” June ran her fingertips over his back.
Benjamin looked at her over his shoulder. “I bought them about a week before Thanksgiving. I hoped you’d decide we were worth the risk.”
June let her hand drop back to the bed. “Ben, there’s something I should tell you.”
“What is it?” He shifted to face her.
June held his gaze. “I haven’t had sex in nineteen years.”
Chapter 8
Benjamin’s breath left him. His thoughts tumbled over each other in confusion. More things made sense now: the contradiction between June’s sexy lingerie and her shy touches. Her passionate kisses and bashful reactions.
Doubts took hold of his mind. He wanted June so badly, he hurt. But this was a lot of pressure. She’d been celibate for nineteen years. His year of abstinence now seemed like a moment’s hesitation. What were her expectations, either consciously or subconsciously? His wife had found her satisfaction with another man. Could he please June?
Benjamin searched her worried features. “Why were you abstinent for so long?”
June crossed her arms over her breasts. “It wasn’t exactly a choice. I had other priorities.”
Benjamin rubbed a hand over his face. He breathed in her scent where it lingered on his skin. His body hardened. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Why do you have to say anything?” June sighed. “I’m not telling you to make you uncomfortable. I just thought you should know.”
“I’m not uncomfortable.” Benjamin turned back to her. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Absolutely.”
Benjamin hesitated, then offered her the condom. “Help me with this.”
June looked from Benjamin’s sexy smile to the condom in his hand. She rose up on her knees and lowered her arm to accept the packet. He was introducing her to a lot of new things tonight. She’d never handled a rubber. The thought of touching him so intimately caused her pulse to quicken. She rolled the condom over his erection, taking her time as she went up his length. Then she stroked him, marveling at his size and thickness. And at his response to her touch. She’d made him do that.
“I think you’ve got it.” There was humor and desire in Benjamin’s voice.
He climbed onto the mattress, crowding her back. June laid down as Benjamin came over her. He positioned himself between her legs and balanced his weight on his forearms. He held her gaze as though searching for something in her eyes.
“I want you.” June rested her hands on his shoulders.
“I’m beginning to think that I need you.” He pressed his mouth to hers.
Benjamin entered her with one long, deep thrust. Then he held still. June gasped, stunned at the sensation. He was stretching her. Oh, man. When was she going to catch her breath?
“All right?” Benjamin whispered in her ear.
June shivered as his breath blew against her neck. “I think so.”
Benjamin nibbled her neck. “Are you sure?”
June moaned. “I’m sure.”
Benjamin moved in her. He awoke an intense feeling in her core that radiated throughout her entire body, her legs, her toes, her stomach, her breasts. Her eyes flew open in shock. She’d never felt this way before. Benjamin was above her. His chiseled features were sharp with desire. His ebony eyes were dark and shone with a hunger that made her feel beautiful, powerful, strong.
She pulled him closer, straining to meet his thrusts. He pushed harder, faster. She matched his movements, pumping her hips to take him. Benjamin lowered his mouth and claimed her breast. June cried out as a sharp jolt of pleasure shot to her core. Desire flowed between her legs.
Benjamin shifted his hips to stroke her spot. She bit her lip. Oh, he felt so good. Pleasure flooded her body. Her breath came in short, sharp pants. She wrapped her legs around his hips and held on tight. Benjamin groaned into her ear. June arched up into him. He pressed deeper inside her. She felt his every inch. Her muscles strained. Her core clenched. Blood rushed through her veins. Her pulse drummed in her ears. Then her body shattered again. Her climax rolled over her in pounding waves. June grabbed on to Benjamin, holding him close. He tucked her against him, shaking as he followed her in his release. He pulsed into her. June was shaking apart, spinning around. Her body soared up, then drifted down to rest.
Sometime later, June felt the chill air against her bare shoulders. Benjamin tucked her closer against his side.
She kissed his neck. “That was worth waiting for.” Her voice was soft and dreamy.
“Yes, it was.” His chuckle was low and sexy in the dark room. He kissed the top of her head. “It’s getting late. I’ll make dinner.”
June lifted her head to focus on the digital clock on Benjamin’s side of the bed. It was almost six o’clock in the evening. “I’ll help.”
They cleaned up. Benjamin loaned June a navy-blue sweat suit. She rolled up the legs and sleeves, but she was still swimming in the outfit.
She joined Benjamin in his kitchen. “What are you making?”
“My specialty, spaghetti.” He looked at her over his shoulder. “You’re beautiful. But I prefer the matching lingerie.”
“This is much warmer.” June laughed. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“You can keep me company.”
June took a chair at Benjamin’s bleached wood kitchen table. They talked about the center, the better-than-expected registration for the Christmas dinner dance, their plans for when their children were on Christmas break and Trinity Falls in general. The conversation topics carried them through dinner. Afterward, June helped Benjamin clear the table and clean the kitchen.
This had been the best day Benjamin had had in almost a year. He didn’t want it to end. “Since we’re going to spend Christmas Day with our kids, do you want to exchange our gifts on Christmas Eve?” He escorted June into the living room.
“You bought me a gift?” She paused, looking up at him in surprise.
“Am I presuming too much about the gift exchange?”
“No, I have something for you as well.”
What a relief. “Great—”
June’s cell phone rang. It was in her purse, which sat on his coffee table. “Excuse me.” She found her phone. “Hi, Darius. What’s up?”
Darius? Why is he calling June on a Saturday night?
Benjamin considered June’s body language as she spoke with the other man. From her end of the conversation, it sounded as though they were making plans to get together. Soon. Jealousy and suspicion sank their fingers into his skin.
“Okay. I’ll call you when I have more information.” June ended the call.
“Does Darius call you often?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
June dropped her phone back into her purse before facing him. “You sound jealous.”
“Just curious.”
June considered him in silence. “Good, because you have no reason to be jealous. I’m not Aliyah.”
Benjamin flinched. “I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. Your good friend, who has a girlfriend, called to ask about his brother, my son. You can’t convince me that your suspicion about my phone call doesn’t have anything to do with Aliyah’s infidelity.”
Benjamin straightened from the wall and paced farther into the living room, past June. “Maybe it does. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. But, Ben, try to forgive Aliyah.”
“How can I?” Benjamin massaged the growing tension from his neck.
June crossed to him and put her warm hand on his back between his shoulder blades. “Because she’s the mother of your children.”
Benjamin scowled. “She should have remembered that before she destroyed our family.”
“I agree.” June moved her hand in a circular motion
on his back. “What she did was ugly. She hurt you and she hurt your children. But if you don’t try to forgive her, your anger will only hurt yourself. Look at how suspicious it’s making you.”
Benjamin expelled a deep sigh. “You’re asking a lot.”
“I know. But you’re a caring, compassionate person. You can handle it.” There was a smile in June’s voice.
No pressure. But June had a point. He didn’t like being in a constant state of anger, with his heart on ice and hating the holidays. He didn’t want to be that person any longer. Besides, forgiving Aliyah didn’t mean he’d forget what she did.
He dropped his hands and faced June. This was still the best day he’d had in a year. And he still didn’t want it to end. “Can you stay the night?”
Interest flashed hot and bright in her tawny eyes. “I’d like that.”
He took her into his arms and kissed her. At this rate, tomorrow would also be the best day he’d had all year.
Aliyah’s phone number showed on Benjamin’s cellular phone caller identification Thursday morning. He considered letting her roll into his voice mail. But then he heard June’s voice asking him to forgive her.
Benjamin saved the electronic file he was updating and answered the call. “Hello, Aliyah. What can I do for you?”
“I want to spend Christmas with the children.” She had his full attention.
“You were with them at Thanksgiving.” Benjamin turned away from his computer and stared blindly across his community center office.
“I know. But this is Christmas.” She sounded wistful.
He’d never imagined he’d have to negotiate which holidays he spent with his children. Now his ex-wife wanted to renegotiate them. Unbelievable. “It’s too late to change plans. Terry and Zora are driving to Trinity Falls tomorrow.”
“I know. But tomorrow’s only December eleventh.” Aliyah sounded excited. “They could spend that next week with you, then fly to Chicago Christmas Eve.”
“You can’t have both holidays.” Benjamin felt a spurt of anger. “We told Terry and Zora that you’d have Thanksgiving and I’d have Christmas this year. Next year, we’ll switch.”
“But they always celebrated Christmas in this house.”
Benjamin frowned. “Are you actually going to use the fact that I let you keep the house against me?”
“Please, Ben, I don’t want to spend Christmas alone.” She used the wheedling voice that had always annoyed him.
“Then spend it with your parents.” Benjamin was ready to end the call.
“That’s another thing.” Aliyah seized on a new argument. “If they spend Christmas in Chicago, they’ll be able to see their grandparents.”
“They saw your parents over Thanksgiving.” Benjamin drummed his fingers on his desk. “They’ll spend Christmas with my brothers.”
He wasn’t giving in. They’d made the holiday agreement at the beginning of the year. He’d been looking forward to celebrating Christmas with his children. He’d even put up a tree. Thinking of his tree reminded him of spending last weekend with June. It had been the best weekend he’d had in a year, despite her lecture on forgiveness.
Aliyah’s voice broke into his thoughts. “I’d really like to see them, Ben.”
“So would I, Aliyah.” Benjamin stopped drumming his fingers. He sat back on his chair. “Maybe we could come to a compromise.”
“What?”
He glanced at the calendar on the wall across from his desk. “Christmas is on a Friday this year. You’re welcome to spend the weekend with us at my place.”
“I thought you had a townhouse.”
“I do.” Benjamin leaned into his desk. “It has two bedrooms. You and Zora can share the guest room. Terry can use my room. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“It sounds kind of crowded.” Aliyah sounded skeptical.
“It’s only for the weekend. That’s your choice, Aliyah. Take it or leave it.” Part of him hoped she’d decline.
“I’ll take it. Thank you, Ben.”
“Don’t thank me. Thank our children.” Or more accurately, she should thank June. “Let me know when you’ll be arriving.” Benjamin ended the call.
He wanted to forgive the mother of his children. But why did he feel as though he was making a mistake?
Chapter 9
June grabbed the gift bag from the passenger seat before getting out of her car Christmas Eve. There was a spring in her step as she approached Benjamin’s door. She was still riding the wave of triumph after the community center’s successful Christmas dinner dance. She’d enjoyed delivering I-told-you-sos to Benjamin in a variety of fun and creative ways, like the chocolate chip cookie cake with I Told You So written in frosting. Luckily, he was a really great sport.
She pressed the doorbell and waited for Benjamin to answer. June was twitchy with excitement, anticipating his reaction to her gift. She was certain his children hadn’t given away the secret. She also was curious as to what he was giving her—a Dancing Santa, perhaps?
“May I help you?” The woman who answered Benjamin’s door was a stranger.
Am I at the wrong address? June looked around. The other townhomes had Christmas decorations on their doors, in their windows, and/or on their front lawns. This was the only unit that wasn’t decked out for the season. No, she was definitely at the right place. Then who was this woman?
June glanced at the stranger’s black yoga pants and formfitting, low-cut, black sweater. “I’m looking for Ben Brooks.”
“He’s not here right now.” The other woman smiled. “I’m his wife.”
His wife. His wife.
June pressed her hand against her stomach as a wave of nausea rolled over her. Her ears were ringing.
His wife. He’d said he was divorced. He’d said his ex-wife lived in Chicago. How could this be happening again?
June backed away from the door. “It’s nice to meet you.” She forced the socially acceptable greeting from her numbed lips.
“Who are you?” Benjamin’s wife regarded her with open curiosity.
“Oh, I work with Ben. I just came by, but since he’s not here, I’ll just go.”
“Do you want to leave a message?”
“No, no, I’ll just see him at the office Monday.” June turned away. She had to get to her car. “Just . . . have a merry Christmas.”
“You, too.”
June jumped onto her driver’s seat and locked the doors. She turned the key in the ignition, then immediately threw her car into gear. She reversed out of the parking lot and maneuvered out of the townhome complex. But once she was around the corner, she pulled her little Toyota over. The tears were coming too quickly. She could barely see to drive. June put her car in park, turned off the engine, laid her head on her steering wheel, then succumbed to sobs of hurt and pain.
His wife. His wife. His wife.
What was wrong with her? Why did this keep happening?
Her parents’ judgment came back to her, screaming in her ears when she’d told them she was pregnant. Whore, harlot, sinner. She’d known better than to become romantically involved with Benjamin Brooks. But her affair with him hadn’t been a weakness of the flesh. It had been a yearning of the heart.
Sometime later, June drew a deep, shuttering breath. She sat up and pulled a tissue from a small packet in her purse. She used it to dry her eyes, wipe her cheeks, and blow her nose. June took another deep breath before starting her car again.
She couldn’t keep going through this. The first time, she’d been lucky and had Noah. This time, all she had was a broken heart.
June’s expression was cool when she looked up at Benjamin from the threshold of her front door Thursday afternoon. But her tawny eyes were pink and puffy. Her nose was red. Benjamin’s heart sank. He knew he was late. Am I too late?
When he’d told his brothers Aliyah was staying with him and the kids this Christmas weekend, they’d been shocked. They’d called him every kind of an idiot under the su
n. Ignoring the pain in his back brought on by one night on the torture couch, Benjamin had rushed home, hoping to intercept June before she met Aliyah. When Aliyah told him June already had left, he’d called himself several other choice names. Ignoring his protesting back again, Benjamin had rushed to June’s house.
Would she hear him out or banish him to the cold for good? “May I come in?”
She stepped back, pulling the door open wider. Still she never said a word. The cold grip of fear grew tighter.
Benjamin entered her home. “Is Noah here?”
“He’s visiting friends.” June seemed to take her time locking her front door. “He’ll be home for dinner.”
Benjamin unzipped his parka. “It’s Christmas Eve. I thought we were going to exchange gifts.” Please don’t freeze me out. I need you.
Finally, June met his eyes. “I think I may have gotten mine. Thank you.”
His shaky smile faded at the flash of pain that crossed June’s delicate features. “Aliyah’s not my gift to you.”
“Oh. Was she your gift to you?” Anger shoved aside the hurt in her eyes. June propelled herself away from the door and into the living room.
“Of course not. She’s not a gift for anyone.” No, she certainly wasn’t. Why had he agreed to let his ex-wife spend Christmas with him and their kids? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
“Here. You want your gift? Take it.” June snatched a wrapped box from her coffee table and shoved it into his stomach. The air left Benjamin’s lungs in a whoosh. Pain burned down his back.
Whatever she’d gotten for him was really hard. He caught his breath. “I have a gift for you.”
A Christmas Kiss Page 18