by Kim Jones
“Ready to go inside and thaw out, babe?” he asked, rubbing his hands up and down my leather clad arms. I nodded to him, anxious to see everyone, but my smile died when I noticed no cars and no lights on inside the house. I might have been wrong, or had anticipated too much. I was expecting to see the front yard illuminated with lights from the house, hear music blaring out, and find a slew of cars in the driveway. I mentally kicked myself for being so ungrateful and selfish, a move that was still new to me. Luke reassured me with one of his winks, and the fire inside me ignited once again, as I took in all that was Luke. He was dressed head-to-toe in leather. His thick jacket was zipped up to his neck, and the cut he wore so proudly was displayed on top of it, for all to see. Four chain extenders linked the cut together, each one hanging loosely over his abdomen. His black chaps covered his denim-clad legs, but left that perfectly toned ass of his fully visible, even through his baggy jeans. He grabbed my hand, interrupting my eye-raping, and pulled me toward the door in the carport that led to his kitchen.
“Welcome home, baby,” he said, opening the door and gesturing for me to walk inside. I looked behind him at all of his brothers, who stood patiently waiting for me to enter. All that was, except for Regg, who tapped his foot in what seemed to be anticipation. I shook my head and entered the house, my hand feeling its way down the wall for the light switch. When the lights came on, and the kitchen came into view, I gasped at the scene. Streamers lined the large doorway that led into the living room, along with balloons and a welcome home banner. Enough food to feed an army littered the bar in the kitchen, and a large, two-tiered cake, decorated with the words “PROPERTY OF LLC”, sat on the table. Had there not been a still-lit cigarette, with red lipstick covering the butt, smoking in the ashtray, I would have thought no one was here. The house was completely quiet, as I walked through the kitchen and to the entryway of the living room. Then suddenly a chorus of “SURPRISE!” rang out, leading me to jump back into Luke’s arms, and the lights in the living room were turned on to reveal a host of smiling faces all looking at me. I covered my mouth with my hands, as my eyes filled with tears at the sight of all the familiar, and not-so-familiar, faces. I watched as my nephew Logan’s little body made its way through the crowd and into my arms. At the sight of him, my tears fell freely down my cheeks. He smelled delicious as I squeezed him to me; a mixture of soap and little boy.
“Oh, I missed you so much,” I whispered into his ear, as I relished the feel of his arms around my neck.
“I missed you too.” He pulled his face back, so that he was looking into my eyes, and placed his hands on each of my cheeks. “I’m really glad you’re here ‘cause I’m hungry.” Laughter erupted from deep within my chest at his honesty.
“Well, let’s eat.” I kissed his forehead, and placed him on his feet, which were propelling him toward the kitchen as soon as they were on solid ground.
“Glad to have you home, baby.” I looked up to see Brooklyn standing before me, her arms snaking around my shoulders and pulling me to her. She was typical Brooklyn, dressed in black leggings, thigh-high boots, and a button-up shirt covered in skulls, wearing bright red lipstick, and holding a cigarette between her fingers.
“Thank you, Brooklyn,” I said, through a sob.
“Oh, no. We can’t be having you crying, now you’re home and safe. We have a lot of drinking to do, so dry them tears and start having a good time,” she said, giving me a squeeze that was just a little too tight.
“Okay, okay. You have had her long enough, now move on.” I recognized Red’s voice immediately, and couldn’t help a sob escaping from my throat once more.
“Naw, now you are gonna get her all worked up again,” Brooklyn chastised, but released me from her grip, and into Red’s waiting arms. I felt Red’s lips on my hair as she kissed me, then pulled me back so she could get a proper view.
“I did good on the clothes, huh?” she asked, through a smile and tears of her own. I nodded my head and looked down at the leather outfit that she had provided for me.
“Yeah,” I said, with a laugh. “You did.”
“Okay, I’m not gonna hog you. There is a long line behind me, and I have a man to see.” She pulled me to her once more then almost pushed me down to get past me. When I heard her squeal, I knew Regg had presented her with the four-foot stuffed rose. I laughed when I turned to see her jump into his arms, nearly knocking him over in the process.
“Hey, sis.” I closed my eyes and smiled, replaying the endearment over and over in my head. I had once longed to hear those words my entire life, and now I could hear them every day. My Maddie was here, and she was safe. Guilt consumed me when my eyes landed on those blue ones of hers that I loved so much. She had my father’s eyes. Her smile was almost shy as she stood in front of me. Neither of us was sure what to say at first, but when a single tear fell from her eye and rolled down her cheek, words were not necessary. The reunion was beautiful as we found comfort in each other’s arms. It was Maddie who stayed strong this time, caressing my hair and holding me, as I cried into her shoulder. I felt tears of her own stain my shirt as she cried into my neck. Her body, which stood slightly taller than mine, wracked with silent sobs as I tightened my grip around her waist. We stood there in the living room, ignoring the people around us as we tried to squeeze every year we had lost into one single hug. When my tears had dried, and her body stilled, I pulled back to see her face and we both laughed, as our thumbs went to each other’s eyes to wipe away the mascara that had smudged against our cheeks. In that instant I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her that it was me who had taken the life of the only father she had ever known; she deserved to know that it was me who had pulled the trigger. I had had a choice, and I had taken the path I had thought was the best for everyone, but as I looked into her eyes, I realized that maybe I had made the decision on the basis of what was best for me. Sensing my tension, she clasped my shoulders and plastered a smile on her face. “Let’s stop all this crying. I think you deserve a drink.”
Chapter 2
Dallas
My stomach hurt from laughing so hard at my new-found friend and sister, Punkin. The kids had been put to bed, only after I had read three stories to Logan, not such an easy task when your mind is fogged by an abundance of alcohol; the food was put away, and everyone was ushered into the clubhouse for an adult party that I was in dire need of. I was on my fifth drink, a Red special, and had to take precautions when I took a sip, in fear of Punkin saying something funny that would lead me to spray liquid onto everyone around me. I had recently learned that Punkin was Possum’s ol’ lady and I was quickly reassured that they had an open relationship, although I nearly died when I remembered a very happy Possum getting a blow job only weeks before. Punkin was in her early fifties, and had spent the last twelve years of her life serving out a manslaughter sentence in the Central Mississippi Correctional Facility for Women. I was alarmed at first, but found myself a cheerleader for the defense team when I learned that she had killed her abusive husband. I didn’t really agree with the way she had gone about it, stabbing him forty-seven times in his sleep, but who the hell was I to judge? After twelve years of good behavior, and numerous therapy sessions, we now had a fully reformed Punkin, who loved peppermints, Sprite, and a biker named Possum.
“I’m telling you, I jumped in that twenty-three degree water without a second thought. I was high as a kite while I’ll was runnin’ from the police, but I was sober as a judge after I hit the bottom of that river. I lost my fuckin’ shoe and everything. Them motherfuckers didn’t get me though.” I laughed through my drink and my attempts at not spraying it failed, as I laughed harder at, a now covered-in-Red-Bull-and Vodka, Red. “You just can’t make this shit up,” Punkin informed us, oblivious to our laughing, as she sat wringing her hands. Her cigarette, which I noted had never been pulled from the corner of her mouth, dangled loosely with each word she spoke. Red leaned over, wiping the drink from the front of her shirt, and offer
ed Punkin an ashtray. When she refused with a wave of her hand, I laughed louder. I stood, clutching my aching ribs, and left the conversation in search of the bathroom. I thought of how strangely amazing my life had become, and considered how crazy it had been for me to encounter a group of bikers, never knowing that one day I would be a part of that group. I, along with so many others, had assumed that all bikers were trashy, dope-dealing, unemployed felons, whose main mission in life was to break the law and intimidate people. If someone had told me that I would one day be sharing drinks and conversation with a woman named Punkin, who was the ol’ lady of a biker named Possum, I would have laughed in their face. It’s funny how shit works out. I looked up to find a red-faced Marty exiting the hall that leads to the bathroom. His crimson face deepened when he saw me.
“Oh, hey, Dallas. Having fun?” I had said all of my hellos, and had received all my welcome home hugs, hours ago, yet Marty still looked surprised to see me.
“Hey, Marty. You okay?” I asked, eyeing him warily.
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Just checking the bathrooms. It’s hard to get over that PROSPECT phase once you have been in it so long.”
“I bet. How long did you PROSPECT?”
“Three hundred and eighty-six days,” he said without blinking. Damn, did he have a reminder or something?
“I have an app on my phone. It tells me. That’s not something you wanna forget if one of the patch-holders asks you. Ya know?” I smiled at his uneasiness, and attempts to distract me with conversation.
“I do now. So, are the bathrooms safe?” I asked, gesturing down the hall with my hand.
“Oh, yes. Of course. They’re all yours,” he said with a tight smile. I noticed a thin line of sweat break out on his forehead, and was about to again ask him if he was okay, but he got in ahead of me as I opened my mouth to do so.
“Gotta go. I’ll see ya around, Dallas. Good to have you back.” He all but ran away from me, leaving me to wonder what in the hell his problem was. I walked to the ladies’ room, pushing the heavy wooden door open to find a radiant Maddie on the other side.
“Hey!” She said with a surprise. What the fuck was up with everyone being so surprised to see me? I had started to ask, when realization suddenly slapped me in the face.
“You’re fucking Marty!” I accused, poking her with my finger.
“What? You’re fucking crazy, Dallas,” she said, rolling her eyes and avoiding my accusing stare.
“Yes, you are! You just fucked him in the bathroom! He looks just as guilty as you do!” My mouth was agape in an all-out smile.
“Did you see him? Did he say something?” she asked, confirming my suspicions.
“I knew it!” I said laughing. I pushed my way past her to find the toilet, leaving her to panic.
“Dallas, please don’t say anything. I mean, it’s nothing. I swear.” I looked up from my seated position into her blue eyes, which were blazing with fear.
“Of course I won’t say anything! What’s it matter anyway? Hell, y’all are grown.” I froze, and stopped midstream as I gaped at her. “He isn’t married, is he?” Marty had told me his story, and he had never mentioned a wife, but I knew that men were fully capable of lying.
“Hell no! It’s not that,” Maddie said, defeated. I watched as she jumped up to sit on the sink, picking at imaginary lint on her shirt. I resumed my duties as I let out a relieved breath, and watched as my sister struggled to find the right words to tell me about it.
My sister.
I liked that.
“Maddie, you can tell me anything. I won’t tell Luke, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Her head snapped up at my confession, and relief flooded her pretty face. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Did she think I would share her secrets with Luke? Out of fear of my own thoughts, I elaborated, trying to convince my only sister that the things we shared were strictly between us. I had always told Luke everything, because I had had no one else to trust and rely on, but now that I had a sister, things were different. “I promise anything you tell me is for my ears only. I would never sell you out to Luke. But I don’t see why it matters anyway. You are both single adults who want to have a non-committal, sexual relationship. There is nothing wrong with that.” I had joined her at the sink and stood before her, drying my freshly washed hands on my jeans, as there were no paper towels. Marty had checked the bathrooms alright.
“But it does matter. Luke would never let me date Marty. A long time ago, he told me to never fall in love with one of his brothers. He said it should never happen.” I rolled my eyes at Luke’s pathetic demands.
“Believe it or not, babe, Luke can’t tell you what to do with your own life. If he loves you, which I know he does, he would want you to be happy, and if Marty makes you happy, then that’s who you need to be with.”
“It’s not that easy, Dallas. Luke may woo you in the bedroom, and he may be your knight in shining armor, but he’s a force to be reckoned with. Nobody crosses Luke. Nobody.”
“Leather.” I mouthed at her. Her brow wrinkled in confusion, and it was all I could do not to laugh. “He’s my knight in shining leather.”
“Well, whatever the hell he is, I tell you one thing he is not, and that is a man who goes back on his word. He gave his word that any man that puts his hands on me will have to face him.” I smiled at Maddie’s worried expression, and squeezed her hands in reassurance.
“Then it’s a good thing you have a man that isn’t a pussy. He knows what he wants and he won’t let anything stop him. Not even the big bad LLC.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Her defeated tone cut me deep, and I suddenly made it my life’s mission to ensure that if a relationship with Marty is what she wants, then that’s what she’s going to get.
“Do you want me to talk to Luke?” I offered, hoping she would trust me enough to let me help her out.
“What!? Fuck no, Dallas!” She shouted in disbelief. I took a step back at her show of hostility. “Let the man keep his fucking balls, will ya? How’s it gonna make Marty feel if you go barging off to Luke demanding he let us be together? I can handle this on my own.” I felt pride swell in my chest, as I watched my little sister take a life-altering event into her own hands. Although it didn’t quite eclipse the pang of hurt I felt at knowing that there really are things in life she doesn’t need my assistance with.
“You’re right,” I said, surrendering and deciding to let her work out her love-life problems on her own. “I’ll stay out of it, but let me ask you a question.”
“What?” She snapped in exasperation.
“Is it just sex, or is there more?” I watched as she struggled to answer my question. She jumped down from the sink and started fidgeting with her make-up and hair, giving me the answer I needed before she even spoke.
“I don’t know. Maybe more. It’s just started. When I got back from Texas, he was here. I needed somebody.” She turned to me, and I watched as her eyes turned dreamy when she started to explain, “I was messed up, ya know? I had so much shit going on in my head, and he just came up to me one day with a plate of green apples and peanut butter. It’s my favorite, and when I asked how he knew, he just said ‘I pay attention.’ When Luke left, I found myself in the clubhouse drowning in liquor. He carried me inside after I passed out and I begged him to stay. And he did. The next day we spent all day together. He told me about his ex-girlfriend, and I told him about Logan’s dad, and we just hit it off. We haven’t even had sex.” I raised my eyebrows at her in disbelief.
“Really?” I asked, incredulously. This was so evident in my tone of voice that Maddie actually frowned. Great, Dallas. Make her feel like a slut, why don’t you?
“I thought it would be easier for you to believe that it was just sex, but it’s so much more. We understand each other. This is my life. This club means everything to me, and he gets that. Imagine being me and trying to bring in someone from outside the club.” I stared at a very confused and heartbroken M
addie, as I tried to find the right words to comfort her. Did I understand? Could I be her and choose to love someone outside the club? Luke had taken that chance on me. He had brought me in not knowing how I would react, and it had worked in his favor. Would Maddie have the same luck?
“How do you explain to a man that being around a bunch of guys the majority of your time is normal? How do I keep him from getting jealous, or prevent the accusations that are sure to come? What man would not get pissed at one time or another and throw the words, ‘I know you are fucking one of them’ at me. Not to mention the turmoil he would have to go through each time I bring him around. It’s not possible, Dallas.” She was right. The only reason I was able to handle it was because I was here all the time, and had gotten used to the women being around. For a man, it would be different, unless he saw a patch in his future.
“Well, if you feel that strongly about it and think this thing with Marty may go somewhere, then you need to tell Luke,” I said, using my best motherly tone.
“And what happens if Luke says no? Then what?” It was apparent that Maddie had zero faith in Luke. She had already convinced herself of the outcome, but I had yet to hear her say she was willing to give Marty up. I tried a different tactic, hoping to persuade her that maybe Marty wasn’t the one for her.
“Who knows, this may not even work out. I mean, you barely know him.” I shot her a reassuring smile that was wiped from my face immediately, as if she had slapped it from me.