by Smith,T. M.
“It’s not like you don’t know what it is he do, you got no damn right ta be actin like a fool. He ain’t the one keeping secrets.” Beau froze, the realization slamming into him like a wave. He knew how he would react if he weren’t aware of what William did for a living until after the fact. And yet, here he stood, the one keeping the secrets. “Fuck!”
He was so angry with himself that he wasn’t paying attention, forgot to be cautious around the broken glass, cringing when he felt the sharp edge of broken glass dig into his hand. The blood dripping onto the floor behind the bar spurred Beau into action. He quickly grabbed a bar towel and wrapped his hand, digging the duct tape out from under the sink and wrapping it around the towel until it was so tight his fingers tingled. Worrying about his circulation was of little consequence at the moment—cleaning up his toxic blood on the floor of the bar that was his livelihood, that was so much more important.
An hour, a pot of boiling water and a bottle of bleach later, Beau was satisfied that the two drops of blood that spilled were gone and no longer a concern. Unwrapping his balled up hand upstairs in his bathroom, he was relieved to see the cut was minor and no stitches would be required. It was 2016, but nurses in the ER were still hesitant when it came to treating patients with HIV. Dousing his hand with peroxide, he hissed at the sting, grabbing a bandage and covering the open wound, then wrapping his hand with medical tape.
Beau was beat and his nerves were fried. How could I be so fucking stupid? He mentally whacked himself over the head, grabbing a bottle of water and two ibuprofen, before plopping down on the couch. “Lord, dis boy gonna wear me out.”
He grabbed his laptop and opened it, signing in to check email and pay a couple of invoices that were due. The icon in the top, right corner of his laptop called to him. Open me! Open me!
Beau hadn’t clicked on that icon since the night William had cornered him in the storage room at Tristan and Jordan’s graduation party downstairs. He knew better than to click the link, he knew it was a mistake—curiosity killed the cat and all that.
Sliding the laptop onto the couch, Beau went and tossed his empty water bottle, grabbing a beer this time before slowly walking back out into his living room. He walked in a circle around the couch, staring at the laptop as one would watch a venomous snake, the icon still screaming his name. “Ah hell and fuck it all!”
Sitting down, he set his beer on the coffee table and picked up the laptop, clicking the icon that went directly to the All Cocks INC. main page. One of the worst mistakes he had ever made, ever. There, in living color, the first fucking five-minute promo to pop up was William—his William—naked and on his knees, his cock hard and pointing toward the sky. What came dangerously close to sending Beau into a blind rage was the guy that was behind William, one arm wrapped around his waist holding him in place while he slammed into him from behind. Jacob, well, Jae Hart was the name on the site.
The promo for the video read, Connor shows All Cocks’ newest model Jae Hart that a real man can take it up the ass.
It was like a fucking train wreck—Beau knew he needed to stop, shut the laptop and walk away, but he couldn’t. He found himself studying William’s face, his expressions, listening to the way he spoke and comparing Connor in the throes of passion to William, naked and writhing underneath him on a table in the bar. He began picking the video apart, noticing subtle differences in the way William moved as Connor, a way he didn’t move when he was with Beau.
Connor was all angles and poses, William was wild and unkempt, a fucking tiger in Beau’s hands. Connor made superficial comments, spurring the rat bastard fucking him on. “Oh yeah, Jae, you get me so hard, yeah, pound my hole!” There wasn’t the heat Beau always heard in William’s pleas in Connor’s voice, it sounded very much, almost…scripted? Remembering the way William panted and begged while Beau rubbed him in that cave made a particular organ stand up and take notice. Beau grabbed his dick, hard, squeezing to the point of pain. “Traitorous one-eyed worm, not gonna happen.”
Great, I done gone and lost my fucking mind now, I knew that boy gonna kill me. Got me sittin here yelling at my own goddamn dick!
Slamming the laptop closed with much more force than necessary, he tossed it onto the coffee table and stomped into the bathroom, stripping and climbing into the shower. The hot water worked wonders for his sore muscles, easing some of the tension in his shoulders. When the water ran cold he shut it off, drying himself off and falling into bed, staring up at the ceiling. Enough was enough. He couldn’t carry on this charade any longer. First, he’d ask William to stop doing porn. If he cared enough about Beau to step away from that part of his life, then Beau was certain he could be honest with William about everything and not lose him in the process.
After tonight, Beau realized that he would not be able to handle his partner having sex with anyone else, so if William refused to quit, Beau sharing his HIV status would be a moot point. At least that was what he told himself, trying to justify the fact that he’d been lying to William for months. Alma had told him as much just the day before when they’d talked on the phone.
“A lie by omission is still a lie my boy, you know dat bettah dan anyone I would tink.” Alma’s voice rang in the back of his mind. And she was right.
Chapter 11 | How Much Do You Care?
William never had his phone on him when he was shooting, so he didn’t get Beau’s text asking if he wanted to meet for lunch until the following evening. He shot a quick text back, apologizing, explaining he was shooting all day and asking if tomorrow would work. He got a one-word response: Yeah. A little odd, William thought, but then, Beau wasn’t one for texting much.
Finally having the ability to work and live in the city was a blessing as far as William was concerned. He was able to sleep until ten since he wasn’t meeting Beau until noon for lunch. If they were still shooting out at the house in Mamaroneck, he would have probably spent the night and had to get up at the ass crack of dawn to fight with traffic getting back into the city, and still have time to get things done before lunch.
On the drive to the restaurant William’s gears were turning. It was probably time for him to start thinking about another line of work. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to abide his lover fucking other guys for a living, so how could he expect Beau to? Over the past twelve years he had gone from a model to a dancer and eventually a porn star. He’d traveled the globe for shoots for magazines and gigs to dance as far away as the Cayman Islands. Six years in the industry was a long time to make your money face down, ass up, and William was about ready to call it a day.
The parking god took pity on William, a spot was easily grabbed and he set off on foot for the two block walk to the restaurant. As soon as he turned the corner he saw Beau, obviously looking for him, his eyes darting around. The smile William was awarded when Beau finally saw him made his insides flutter. As soon as he was close enough for Beau to grab, he was pulled into those big, strong arms.
“Hey you.” Beau kissed the tip of his nose, then took his hand and led them into the diner. William didn’t realize how hungry he was until the aroma of food hot off the grill assaulted his senses. The line to order was long so they had plenty of time to peruse the menu. Beau ordered a crab cake sandwich, William a chicken souvlaki on pita bread, and they tucked away at a tiny table in the back.
“I meant to ask the other night, but completely forgot. How did your appointment with Tristan go?” William asked as soon as they sat down.
“Good,” Beau nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich and groaning. “Damn, dats good. How bout you? Everyting all unpacked at the studio?”
William nodded. “Yep. Business as usual from now on.”
Beau sat his sandwich down, taking a drink from his bottle of water and clearing his throat. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” William responded.
“Let’s say you and I continue dating, you gonna to keep working at All Cocks?”
“That d
epends.”
“On?” Beau prodded.
“On what we decide right now, I assume.” William smiled, reaching across the table and grabbing Beau’s hand. “The porn was never meant to be anything more than a means to an end. It was a way for me to get what I wanted and make some damn good money at the same time. I always knew, well hoped anyway, that I would meet a guy that I cared about enough to quit.”
Beau leaned closer, his voice just above a whisper. “And do you?”
“Do I what?” William bit his bottom lip to stop from grinning. He knew exactly what Beau was getting at, but he wanted to hear the man say the words.
Rolling his eyes, Beau sighed. “Do you care enough bout me to quit?”
“Ask me and find out?” William was having entirely too much fun watching the exasperation cloud Beau’s features. He also wanted Beau to be certain enough to literally ask him to quit. Then William would know that Beau was in it for the long haul.
“Cher, I don’t want to be the man dat is jealous or intimidated by his partner. But…” his eyes drifted down and Beau began fiddling with his napkin. William sat back, crossing his arms over his chest and biting his tongue to stop himself from laughing out loud. This big, brooding, occasionally ill-tempered man sitting across from him was intimidated by his job. It wasn’t the intimidated part that had William ready to bust a gut, it was the uncertainty he saw in Beau’s eyes and in his posture. The always confident, cocky Cajun continued to surprise him.
The clock slowly ticked while Beau took his time choosing his words. “I watched one of your videos the other night, after you left.”
Now William was confused. “Wait, you sit here beating around the bush, instead of just outright asking me to stop shooting. But then you tell me you were watching my videos. You’re confusing me Beau, could you please spit it out and tell me what you want? Where is this awkwardness coming from?”
Beau sighed, reaching for William’s hand, running his thumb over his knuckles before finally looking into his eyes again. “I was…upset after you left. I didn’t go online ta watch you, but den I did and it was dat sombitch Jacob fucking you.” There was a flash of anger in Beau’s eyes that caught William off guard. “Dat boy just rub me the wrong way. I realized sumtin watching though. I want to be the only man dat touches you like dat, the only man dat make you come undone.”
“See, was that so hard?” William smiled, leaning across the table, lowering his voice, one eyebrow raised. “Now, was there something you wanted to ask me?”
“Damn boy, you gonna make me work for it ain’t ya?” Beau laughed, shaking his head and leaning across the table as well, mere inches from William. “Will you stop? Please.”
“Since you asked nicely,” William answered before meeting Beau in the middle for a soft, gentle kiss to seal the deal.
***
Victor looked up, smiling, when William walked into his office. “William, how are you? Beau is being good?”
William snickered, plopping down into the chair in front of Victor’s desk. “Yeah, lunch was good, Beau’s good. Listen, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Victor’s pen froze, his eyes lifting from the page in front of him to William. He reached for his cell phone, pushing a button and bringing the phone to his ear, never taking his eyes off William. “Hey babe, you come in here please. And bring Matthew.”
Andrew and Mattie joined them a few short minutes later, closing the door to Victor’s office behind them. “What’s up?” Mattie asked, moving a stack of papers on the corner of the desk before sitting down. Victor growled at him. Mattie basically ignoring him, shrugged him off.
“Well, I wanted to talk to Victor and he called you guys in…”
“He is quitting.” Victor cut William off mid-sentence.
“I expected as much.” Andrew moved over to stand behind Victor, rubbing his shoulders, probably trying to settle his nerves.
Mattie scooted further back onto the desk, pulling his legs up and crossing them under him. “Matthew, get off!” Victor barked, only to be waved off again.
“Are you doing this for yourself? Or for that sexy-ass mountain man?” Mattie asked.
Andrew and William both snorted. “Both.”
Victor stood and came around his desk, physically picking Mattie up and turning, dropping him into the chair next to William before walking back behind the desk and sitting down again.
“Ya big brute!” Mattie shrieked.
“Guys. Focus,” Andrew snapped, glaring first at Mattie, then Victor, before giving William his attention again. “How much time can you give us to bring in some new guys, William?”
“How much time do you need?”
“A year,” Victor said, very matter of factly.
“Oh, shut the hell up.” Mattie rolled his eyes at his husband. “What do you think Andy, a month? Six weeks, tops.”
Andrew nodded. “Yeah, four to six weeks was what I was thinking as well. Will that work for you, William?”
William nodded, a little dumbfounded—that went far better than he thought it would go. Odd, but better.
“You all be getting out of my office,” Victor snarled.
Andrew came around the desk and drew William into a hug, whispering in his ear. “Just ignore him; he always gets pissy when a model leaves, he’ll be fine.” Andrew pulled back, his hands on William’s shoulders. “You’re doing this because you want to, right? Not because you have to.”
“I’m doing this because he asked me to, yes, but if I’m honest, I think this particular journey was coming to an end regardless. Beau is simply a bonus.” William had thought long and hard about everything the previous night after his conversation with Beau over lunch. Whether or not his current job was a deal breaker for the man or not no longer mattered. What mattered was that William was willing to walk away from that part of his life for just a chance at a life with Beau.
Andrew smiled, pulling him in for another hug, this one a little tighter, lasting a little longer. “Oh would you stop monopolizing William and move your ass?” Mattie snapped, shoving Andrew aside with one thrust of his hips before wrapping his slender arms around William’s neck. “You know you will always be a part of our family and you are always welcome in our home.” Mattie’s voice was muffled by William’s shirt, but the sentiment was loud and clear. The three of them cracked up when Victor snorted and proceeded to cuss at them, in Romanian.
“How many times do I have to tell you, if you’re going to cuss me out, you could at least have the decency to do it, in English!” Mattie leaned over Victor’s desk, yelling at him.
Andrew shoved William toward the door. “Run, I’m pretty sure Dracula is fixing to show his fangs.”
“Or he’s gonna bend Mattie over the desk and fuck him until he shuts the hell up,” William joked.
Andrew’s blue eyes flared; he obviously liked the seed William planted with his smart-assed remark. Grabbing William by the arm, he walked him to the door, said goodbye then shoved him out into the hall, slamming and locking the door behind him.
“What the hell?” Chris was walking toward William with Linc right behind him.
“Don’t ask.”
“Oh-Ohhhhh. Boss man is fixing to pound Mattie on his desk again, eh?” Linc’s words were polished off with a loud groan that could clearly be heard through the closed door as the three men scrambled back down the hall toward the break room, trying not to trip over each other.
Chapter 12 | Coming Clean
Beau paced the small open space in his living room, anxious and agitated. Was he really going to do this? It was his decision whether or not to tell William about his HIV status, just as it was his decision whether or not to enter into a relationship with the man that had been ruthlessly pursing him for months. Beau felt confident that William wanted to be with him enough to adapt, but who really knew anything? Life was unpredictable, volatile and a road to heartache more often than not.
William had slowly worked his way into B
eau’s heart; when the hell had that happened? Probably somewhere between the hand job in the storage room, and taking cover from the rain in a tiny cave while playing miniature golf so they could make out like teenagers. He didn’t know if his heart would survive the loss of another lover—even if he and William weren’t technically lovers yet, he would mourn the loss just as severely as he mourned Izaiah if William walked away from him now.
The room started spinning, black spots clouding Beau’s field of vision. He dropped to his knees, the dizziness and ringing in his ears making the room feel like the tunnel at the fair that shook and shifted while you tried to make it through to the other side. The certainty he’d felt the day before when he asked William if he cared enough to quit shooting porn had flown right out the window with the morning sun. No, No, No, No, No! This wasn’t supposed to happen! I don’t want him to have to survive me when I die!