by Smith,T. M.
“Dat’s what he tell me.”
“And you…please don’t take this the wrong way Beau, it’s just a question…you believed him?”
Beau finally lifted his head to look at William then, the pain and anguish that he saw in the depth of Beau’s blue eyes literally floored him. Every fiber of his being wanted to set the beer down and crawl over to Beau, curl up in his lap and promise him that everything would be okay. And while he had already made up his mind about staying, regardless, he still felt he needed to know the entire story in Beau’s words before they could move past the elephant in the room.
“Yes Cher, I believe him den and I believe him now.” The certainty that William could hear in Beau’s voice held no room for argument. William nodded, rolling his hand, silently telling Beau to continue. And he did. William already knew the happy stories having listened to Beau talk about those previously. Tonight’s conversation was one of pain, regret, loss and loneliness. Beau told William how betrayed he felt when Izzie blamed him for it all, saying Beau being gone all the time drove him to do the drugs, and therefore drove him to his HIV diagnosis.
“Dat was the one and only time I walked out on him, Will. I went straight to his momma and cried like a babe, I felt like someone done gutted me. Lord if Alma didn’t leave me sleepin on her couch and go tan his hide a good one. I wake up wit him sitting on the couch watching me sleep, my legs in his lap. From den on we faced it all together, until Izzie got too sick to face anyting.” Beau paused, his eyes misty and distant.
“I might just be repeating words you’ve either been told or thought a hundred times, but, you know that it wasn’t your fault, right? I mean, yes one could argue a modicum of blame for Izzie being lonely while you pushed yourself to get your degree. But you did not hold a gun to his head while he held the needle to his arm Beau, you realize that, right?” William held his breath while he watched Beau contemplate his answer, which worried him. Of course Beau probably blamed himself at the time, having to put his lover in the ground would have weighed on his soul and his psyche. But years of therapy, hindsight and surviving his HIV diagnosis should have proved to Beau that he was not actually at fault.
“I…fuck.” Beau ran his fingers through his hair, pulling on the ends and sighing. “I did for many years Cher; it’s a damn miracle I’m not in the ground beside him. I felt lost, alone…vulnerable. I hit rock bottom about six months after the funeral, woke up to one pist off Haitian momma standing over me wit a sheet in one hand, a broom in the other.” Beau snickered, smiling for the first time since he fetched the beers.
It was herculean restraint that kept William from pulling Beau into his arms and holding him. Later, he’d show Beau how he felt without words. Later. Right now, the truth needed to be set free, every disgusting and dirty sentence. Beau turned to him, still smiling, some of the sadness draining from his eyes. “One day you gonna meet my Alma and you’ll see, dynamite dat woman is, wit a short fuse. Anyway, I drank myself into a stupor, passed out on the hardwood floor in a puddle of my own vomit. When I woke up and looked up into her eyes dere was fire in dem and wished I was dead, would’a been far bettah than dealing wit Alma.”
“She said she was gonna clean me up, tie me up wit the sheet then beat the stupid outta me wit the broomstick if I didn’t get my ass up off dat floor, get cleaned up and be back in the kitchen in ten minutes. She den proceeded to tell me she done lost one son, she was not gonna lose another cause I was too pigheaded to realize I was not dead, I was alive.”
William scooted a little closer to him, taking Beau’s hand in his and twining their fingers together. When Beau looked first at their joined hands, then up at his face, William smiled at him. “She sounds like an amazing woman Beau, and I hope I do get the honor of meeting her one day.” Beau nodded. “So, correct me if I’m wrong, but an HIV diagnosis does not automatically mean you will present symptoms of AIDS, right?”
Beau nodded, “Right. The doctors say dat Izzie’s immune system was already shot from the years of drug use. Den he waited too long to go see a doctor, by the time we knew what we was doin, it was too late, his virus had mutated to full blown AIDS. Bless sweet Jesus it was the twenty-first century when Izzie got sick, he was afforded bettah treatment dan the people dat contracted twenty years ago. It was only enough to prolong his life for a couple years dough, and den, he was gone.” The last few words were barely audible, the grief Beau felt over losing his lover still obviously very painful for him.
“Dat’s why I pushed you away, why I push everyone dat try to get too close away. I don’t want anyone to live trough what I did, Cher.” Beau gave him a tired, sad smile, reaching up and cupping William’s cheek in his hand. “Watching your lover die is a fate I never wish on anyone, least of all someone as full of life as you.”
William glanced at the clock—two in the morning. The six pack was gone and they were yawning, completely raw and worn out from the evening’s conversation. “We are both exhausted Beau; I think it’s probably time to call it a night.”
Beau nodded, standing. “I’ll walk you down to your truck den.”
William grabbed his hand and pulled Beau back down to the couch. “Okay, I listened to you; now I need you to hear me. I’m still supremely pissed off at you for keeping this from me. In the beginning, yes, but these last couple of months, not so much. Part of me wants to get up and walk out that door and take some time to gather my thoughts, figure out exactly how I feel about everything you’ve just told me. But then there is the part of me that is falling in love with you Beau, and I think that is the part of me I’m going to listen to. This is not over, we still need to talk more and while I trust that you would never intentionally do anything to hurt me the fact remains that you did hurt me by keeping this from me. That trust has been fractured, Beau, but it’s not broken. I’m not a stupid man, I know you keeping me in the dark about this was some form of self-preservation, just, promise me there will be no more secrets between us.”
Beau nodded frantically. “I promise you dat Cher.” The tears that he had managed to keep at bay fell freely down his cheeks. He smiled, leaning closer to William and stealing a soft kiss. “You are the most amazing man I tink I have ever met, William Richards.”
Standing, he held his hand out to Beau. “Come on, let me take you to bed and hold you. Let me show you that I can be trusted to care for you Beau, because I do care. Let me prove to you that your heart is safe with me.”
Chapter 14 | Is This Real?
William’s internal alarm went off far too early in the morning considering the late night they’d had. It afforded him the time to examine every delicious inch of Beau’s body, which was worth the lost sleep. The man was huge, everywhere, very anatomically correct, you could say. At six foot four inches tall and roughly two hundred plus pounds, Beauregard Boudreaux was a force of nature that had blown into William’s life and ensnared him mind, body and soul. His long brown hair and bushy beard, both flecked with wisps of grey, framed his round face roughly. It wasn’t just his personality that had drawn William to him from the start; his piercing blue eyes and full lips played a part, as well as the man’s gorgeous body.
He wasn’t ripped or as defined as William was, but he obviously took care of himself and it showed. Beau didn’t have many tattoos but William knew that each area of his skin that was inked held a special meaning to him. His right arm from shoulder to elbow carried a likeness of Izaiah with the initials, IJF scrawled underneath in cursive. His left upper arm held a rose with two ribbons running through the stems. Marta and Alma were scrawled onto the ribbons—his and Izzie’s mothers’ names. The ribbon that held Alma’s name was brighter, showing that it was not a part of the original ink, but had been added a few years later. There were a few other smaller tats scattered, but the ones on his arms were the most intricate and beautiful.
William was absently running the tip of his finger over the initials when Beau stirred. Eyes slowly blinking open, he smiled up at William. “Mornin
beautiful,” his eyes went to the movement of William’s hand. “Izaiah Jeremiah Fontenot.”
“Maybe one day I’ll hold a place of honor somewhere on your body.” William said before stealing a quick kiss. Before he could pull away, Beau flipped their bodies to where William was underneath him, flat on his back, lifting his knee up to graze the underside of William’s balls, pulling a low moan from the man he had wanted in his bed for far longer than he could remember.
“Beau,” William gasped, his grip on Beau’s arms tightening.
When Beau bent and kissed him, William melted into him. “Cher, I want you so bad, but we gotta have a conversation before we bring sex into dis. Still, I want to taste you, can I?”
“Oh hell yes, please. But is it safe?”
Beau nodded jerkily. “Yes, since I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I can suck you wit’out a condom, but you cannot reciprocate.”
William’s eyes rolled back in his head when Beau’s fingers found their way into his boxers, tightly gripping his already half hard dick. “Oh fuck! Yeah, I’m sure I need to know why you brushing your teeth makes a difference, but you can tell me later. Just…” Beau did that thing with his thumbnail, flicking the slit of William’s dick and he lost all train of thought, the big man reducing him to simple whimpers and groans.
A tiny niggle in the back of his mind screamed, How do you know this is okay? But as he’d told Beau last night, he trusted him. As gutted as Beau had been after losing Izzie and spending the better part of the last fifteen years basically alone, William knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Beau would never do anything to put him in harm’s way. Already extremely aware of William’s body language, Beau answered his question, still stroking him slowly. “When you brush your teeth, your gums often bleed.” That made sense; William nodded, too wrapped up in the feeling of Beau’s huge hand working him over to actually speak.
“Oh Fuck!” He shouted, his back bowing up off the bed when Beau bit down on his nipple. There had only ever been one other person to figure out how sensitive William’s nipples were and that was Kris Alen when they shot a scene way back when Chris first started working at All Cocks. It only solidified his decision to stay with Beau, knowing that the man paid that much attention to how William’s body responded to different touches and caresses. The warmth of Beau’s mouth traveled further down his body, his tongue dipping into William’s navel, making him shiver.
When his mouth disappeared and his hand stopped moving, William lifted his head to look down and see why Beau had stopped. “Oh shit, holy fuck.” Beau was kneeling in between William’s legs, staring up at him like he hung the goddamn moon. His cheeks were flushed and the blue in his eyes was a barely noticeable ring around fully dilated pupils and possibly the most needy stare William had ever seen. “Holy hell, you are so fucking sexy right now, Beau.” When Beau’s tongue flicked out and licked the head of his cock William’s toes curled and it took everything he had not to close his eyes. He wanted to watch as much of this as his mind would allow.
They maintained eye contact while Beau licked and sucked and teased, fondling his balls with his fingers, using the wet, slippery trail of saliva that was dripping down his crease to moisten his hole. When Beau swallowed him to the root William thrashed on the pillow, grabbing two hands full of that long hair and crying out. “Fuck yeah, Beau, please tell me I’m not dreaming.”
He whimpered when Beau let his cock fall from his lips, slowly crawling up William’s body and leaving a wet, hot trail from his balls to his neck with his tongue.
“Not dreamin Cher, dis is real, you are mine.” And then Beau’s mouth was on his as one of his thick fingers pushed into William’s ass.
“Oh…my God,” William groaned, eyes wide and full of need, he stared up at Beau.
“I need to be inside you, but I won’t fuck you until you know the dangers. For now, dis will have to do.” Beau said with a sly grin as he pushed two fingers deep inside William’s body.
William grabbed two hands full of hair again, this time pulling Beau down for a mind blowing kiss as Beau added a third finger to his ministrations. William writhed and moaned; it felt so fucking amazing to be filled with any part of Beau, he couldn’t bring himself to care that it was only fingers at this point.
“Beau, I’m close.” William panted against his lips. When he opened his eyes, god, he could come just from the look on Beau’s face. A twist of his fingers rubbing against William’s prostate was all it took and his seed spilled out, covering his stomach.
He was just catching his breath when Beau sat back on his heels and fisted his own cock in a tight grip. William laid there and watched as Beau held the condom at the top with one hand and roughly jacked himself with the other. The big man’s body shook when he came, filling the condom quickly. When he caught his breath, Beau crawled out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. William could hear the water running, then the toilet flushed and Beau was back beside the bed with a warm washcloth, wiping William’s seed off his belly.
“I didn’t even see you grab a condom, much less put one on.”
“Good, dat just means I was doing you right when I was sucking your brains out through your dick den, don’t it?” Beau responded. William laughed and moved over to the middle of the bed, making room for Beau to lie down beside him.
“So, who all knows?” William asked.
“Roni, Terry, anyone that donates to New Horizons, and Tristan.”
“Gabe and Micah?”
Beau shook his head. “No, Tris would never tell dem unless I said it was okay.”
William had more questions but he was cut off by Beau’s chirping phone. “Speak of the devil, it’s Tris.” He grinned, pressing the talk button. “Hey dere Tris, what you need?”
“Yeah, uh-huh, maybe, let me see.” Beau laid the phone on his chest and turned to look at William. “Tris say dey cooking on the grill today, wanna know if I wanna come.”
William thought about what, if anything, he needed to do that day. “Yeah, I’ve got no other plans.”
Beau brought the phone back to his ear, his eyes holding William’s gaze when he spoke. “Yeah Tris, dat sounds good, what time you want us dere.” William could hear Tristan’s voice, but not the words he was saying. A huge smile slowly formed on Beau’s face. “Yeah, I finally pulled my head outta my ass. See you at two.”
William sat up, still looking down at Beau. Pushing a strand of hair out of his face, he stared down at Beau and despite the harsh dose of reality he’d been dealt the night before, he truly felt at ease, confident not only in his feelings for Beau; but in his decision to stay with him.
“What is it Cher?” Beau watched him closely.
William smiled, shaking his head. “Nothing really; just, do you want to tell them? Gabe and Micah I mean.”
“Yeah, I tink I do. I’m tired a livin my life in shadows Cher. I don’t wanna rent a billboard, but, I tink we can tell Tris’s men.” William agreed. It had to have been hard for Beau, living his life with HIV and not having anyone to come home to, not having anyone to take care of him. But that time in his life was over; he had William now.
Beau kissed him before reaching for his phone again. “Dere’s one more person we gotta call first, Cher.” Beau winked at him, pressing the small button on the phone to put it on speaker. The voice that trailed over the line was obviously female and, even though William didn’t think it possible, had an even thicker Louisiana Cajun drawl than Beau.
“Beauregard? Dat you, boy?” William couldn’t help but grin; the love and concern poured off the few words she said.
“Yeah Mama, it’s me. I uh, well, I told him, William, I told him everyting.” Beau winked at him.
“Well it’s bout damn time, boy. Is he dere right now? Cause I wanna talk to him. Somebody need to be tellin him not to be puttin up wit none a yo foolishness.” William laughed out loud. He couldn’t help it; she had Beau’s number alright.
“Who dat?” Alma barked.
&
nbsp; “Dat’s William, Mama. I got you on speakerphone so he heard everyting you just gone and said.” Beau held the phone out between them. “Say somethin, Cher.”
“Uh…Hi Alma; nice to meet you. Well, over the phone at least. And trust me, I know all about his foolishness; I’ll keep him in line,” William teased, winking at Beau.
Alma cackled on the other end of the phone. “Oh tank you sweet Jesus, you done gone and given my boy another strong-willed young man. It’s so nice ta talk to you too, William. Now, tell me bout yo family.”
Beau took the phone off of speaker and handed it to William before walking off to the bathroom. William sat and talked with Alma the entire time Beau was in the shower, hanging up just as he came back into the room. “Wow, that was the strangest third degree ever.” William laughed, his eyes trained on Beau, who was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Yeah, she can be a right pain in the ass, dat woman. But I love her more dan life itself.” The towel dropped as Beau bent to get a pair of boxers from the bottom drawer of his dresser, giving William a bird’s eye view of his gorgeous cock and balls. A bead of water trailed down Beau’s back, disappearing into the crease of his ass and William groaned, wishing he were that drop of water.