by Luxe, Eva
After a while, the sounds of her vomiting stopped. I walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door.
“Are you alright in there?” I asked.
“I’m fine,” she said.
I heard a tap running, and then she opened the door. Her skin was shiny with a sheen of sweat. Her lids drooped, and her hair was a little disheveled.
“I think you need to go to a doctor,” I said.
Lacey shook her head. “I’m fine.”
“Yeah, you said that. And now you’re throwing up. This isn’t a good sign, Lacey.”
She kept shaking her head. “Really, it’s fine, Hanson.”
She walked to the kitchen again. I followed her. I wasn’t going to let this one go.
“Why are you being so difficult?” I asked. “I get it if you’re pushing me away because you don’t want to get too close to a client. It’s confusing, but there’s logic to it. But why are you rejecting help now? Why is it so hard for you if someone cares?”
Lacey turned to me. I expected her to be angry. Instead, she looked like she wanted to cry.
“I’m not going to the doctor. They can’t tell me anything I don’t already know.”
My heart dropped. What if it was something serious? What if she was ill? Or dying?
“Lacey, what do you need? Do you need treatment? If it’s about cash, I can take care of it. You know I can.”
She shook her head. “It’s nothing like that, Hanson,” she said. She took a deep breath, and tears rolled over her cheeks. I stepped closer to her.
“Hey,” I said. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”
She shook her head and turned away from me.
“It won’t be,” she said.
“Come on,” I said, spinning her carefully around to face me again. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please.”
I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to care for her. The urge was suddenly so strong, I didn’t know what to do other than go with it. She looked at me, and her eyes were like ice.
“I’m pregnant, Hanson.”
I blinked at her. “What?”
She nodded. “You heard me. I’m pregnant. I’m going to have a baby.” She hesitated, and I didn’t want to hear the next words out of her mouth. “It’s yours. I didn’t want to tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I just didn’t know if it was fair to burden you with this.”
What the fuck? I hadn’t been ready to hear this, she was right. But it wasn’t like I was going to bail on her now.
“It’s not fair to burden you with this either,” I heard myself say, even though I hadn’t planned on speaking.
My body felt like it had turned to lead. Her face fell and I realized that what I said could be taken the wrong way.
“What I mean is, we both made this baby and it affects both of us. I’m here for you.”
Tears were streaming down her cheeks, now, and I felt like shit for not choosing better words to comfort her. A baby hadn’t been in the cards for me, not any time soon. I had just started turning things around for myself. I know she felt the same way. But underneath that was some excitement and hope— and that’s what I should have been focusing on.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me right away,” I told her, even though I knew that wasn’t the best thing to say, either.
I seemed to just be saying whatever words came to mind in stream of consciousness style.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “But it could wreck everything, for both of our careers. I didn’t want you to have to deal with another problem, when I’m supposed to be solving problems for you.”
“Don’t think of it that way,” I told her, reaching out to hug her. “This isn’t a problem. I mean, yeah, it’s unexpected, but it’s not a problem.”
That had to be a better thing to say. I was sure of it. And I meant it. But she didn’t look very convinced.
She pulled away from my grasp, making me feel rejected. I tried to tell myself I had bigger things to worry about now than my feelings, but this one wasn’t a pleasant one.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I thought you should know, but I don’t need anything from you. I’ll be fine.”
She turned around and walked to the front door.
“Where are you going?” I called after her.
“You have to go,” she said, opening the door and holding it open.
“Lacey…” I said, following her and trying to hug her, wanting to stay with her.
But she was insistent.
“Hanson, please,” she said, shaking her head and looking like she was going to cry. “Just leave. Please.”
I stepped outside the door, not because I wanted to but because I didn’t feel I had a choice. It was her house, and she was telling me to leave.
For a second she stepped out with me and I got my hopes up, but it was clearly just to make sure I was leaving. Because with a firm nod, she turned around and went back in, closing the door behind her.
And just like that, she was gone. I couldn’t help but think she had taken two things with her that were mine— her, and our baby.
Chapter 32 – Lacey
When I was younger, I had thought the worst thing in the world to do to someone was what my dad had done to my mom. I was a love child, and my mom had been his side dish. Instead of picking up the pieces when he’d broken my mom’s heart, he’d told her to stay away from him and gone back to his perfect life with his perfect wife.
I had grown up with a father I only saw occasionally to preach to me about mortal sins and repentance. I thought it was better for a child to not know his or her father than to have a broken home like that.
After I’d left Hanson, I had stood just outside the door, gasping for breath and unable to breathe. I had thought that doing it all alone would be hard. Now, I felt like it would be impossible. But I just didn’t want to give Hanson anything to regret, and my child a life of misery.
I didn’t tell anyone about it, of course. For some reason, I knew instinctively that I wanted the baby, even though in the past I hadn’t thought I had wanted children. Now that the reality was upon me, I felt differently.
But I had to protect my own career and Hanson’s. Word couldn’t get out that we had had sex and created this child; that the baby was his. He didn’t seem to care enough about his career to protect it, but I would do it for him because that was my job.
It would be two months before I showed, and if I changed my style, I would be able to hide it a while longer still. I didn’t want anyone at the office to know about it. I didn’t want anyone to know about it until I had decided what I was going to do.
I hadn’t even been able to tell Kina. I hadn’t known what to say or how to say it. I hadn’t known what response to expect from her, and that had been just as terrifying.
The plane was late. I waited in the passenger lounge, drinking orange juice that tasted like crap, considering the price I’d paid for it. I paged through a magazine, not taking anything in. I had to fly to Houston, Texas with the Sharks. They were playing an away game against the Houston Hornets, and Coach Thompson had not only implored me to watch the game live after everything I’d done for Hanson, he’d also bought me a ticket.
It wasn’t first class, of course, but I preferred it that way. I didn’t want to sit with the other players, and I didn’t want to take up first class space when I felt like a nobody. I also didn’t want to look at Hanson when he so obviously wanted nothing to do with me.
When we arrived in Houston, I was taken to the Crown Plaza, a four-star hotel that had everything I could ever need. It was luxurious and large and a real treat. I took a bath in a large jet bath in my bathroom, the moment I had time for myself.
On the night before the big game, a knock sounded on my door. When I opened it, Brian McMurray stood in front of me. He was the star running back, a solid man with a friendly smile and Hanson’s best friend.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asked.
I
nodded and let him step into the room. He walked to the middle of the room and turned around.
“I don’t mean to meddle, Miss Townsend, but I can’t help but notice something’s up between you and Hanson.”
I blinked at him. “If you don’t mean to meddle, then, why are you?”
Had Hanson sent him to talk to me?
He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but he’s a wreck. I missed out on my chance for love, but I’m not going to let him miss out on his.”
I looked at him, wondering what he meant, but he didn’t elaborate and instead just kept talking about Hanson instead of about himself.
“I’m not under the illusion that you were the one in the wrong. Hanson can be a real ass. But I need you to know the full story before you judge him for whatever he did.”
I frowned and sat down on my bed.
“Okay, I’ll listen,” I said.
Brian nodded and pushed his hands into his pockets.
“I know you’ve been called out to fix up his image, and there were parts that needed fixing for sure. But he was suspended for six games for something he didn’t do.”
I frowned. “You’re talking about the DUI?”
Brian nodded. “Yeah.”
“I know,” I told Brian. “He’d told me. He wasn’t even driving that night and had instead just fallen asleep in the limo. I mean, that’s what he said anyway…”
I trailed off, embarrassed that I was doubting Hanson, but not knowing what to think anymore.
“Hanson wasn’t the one who fell asleep in the limo. It was me. I had been partying hard and got some wild hair and declared I was going to drive home. I’m a lightweight and not used to drinking so much and I can’t handle it as much as some of the other guys on the team can. I was adamant that someone better give me the keys and a car. So, Hanson got the limo keys and took me in there to sleep it off. While we were in there, the cops came.”
“Oh.” It dawned on me. “So, when Hanson told me that he wasn’t driving but he had keys in his hand and was in the car…”
“It was because of me.” Brian nodded. “He was babysitting me, making sure I didn’t go anywhere. The keys had been in my hand, because I was insistent on trying to drive but Hanson told me to just lay my head down and think about it, so I passed out like that. Then when the cops came he just took the keys out of my hand and took the fall. He didn’t even tell me until the next horrible day when I sobered up and bailed him out of jail and begged him to tell me exactly what happened, because I felt so bad.”
“Why would he do that?” I asked.
“Hanson knowns how hard it’s been for me to get where I am, and I’ve been through some crazy shit in my short lifetime. He’s a nice guy, nicer than you know, and he’ll put others before himself in times where you least expect it.”
I looked at Brian, unable to find the words. I was completely speechless.
“He knew what it would do to my career, and he took the fall for me,” he continued. “He was suspended, and in the time he was off, he spiraled out of control a little. It’s all my fault. But I can guarantee you, Lacey, he hasn’t even looked at another woman since he met you. You changed everything about him. I know everything looks bad but he’s acted like you guys are in a committed relationship when, to my understanding, you’re not, right?”
I shook my head. We were not, in fact, together and I had, in fact, literally pretty much run away from him. I sucked, big time.
“Well, you wouldn’t have been able to know it. He is head over heels for you. That photo with the woman,” he said. “The blond?”
I nodded.
“She set him up. Something like the model at the gym, but worse. Her friend had a camera, and she set him up to nail him. I don’t know why, but she did it. Everyone wants some drama by being with Hanson and if he won’t be with them, they just act like he was. But I can guarantee you he wasn’t. Hanson wasn’t interested in her at all. He turned her down. All he could talk about was you.”
“Me?” I asked.
The news was too much. I was getting confused.
“I don’t understand,” I said.
Brian sighed. “I’m not here to tell you what to do. If you don’t want to be with him, that’s your business. But don’t judge him too harshly. He’s a good guy. And he seems absolutely devastated that whatever happened between you… happened… to end things, I mean.”
He looked at me, but I don’t offer any explanation. He continued.
“So, just in case it had anything to do with that night or otherwise with your perception of him, I just wanted you to know what things were like from my perspective. I feel that’s the least I could do for him, after everything he’s done for me. Even though he would kill me if he knew I was here talking to you.”
He nodded at me when I didn’t have anything to say to that and walked to the door.
“I have to get ready for the game.”
“Thanks for coming…”
I told him as he walked out, and I wanted to add, I guess?
It cleared up some things, but left me feeling shitty. I didn’t know why I hadn’t just opened up to Hanson and talked about things.
Brian disappeared. I put my hands on my stomach and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. My head spun with the information Brian had given me. Hanson had taken the fall for Brian? Why would he do that? I didn’t even know if I would do something like that for someone.
I understood that Brian had come with the best intentions. Instead of clearing things up for me, though, I felt even more torn.
Not only was Hanson someone that had been building his reputation up bit by bit, it turned out he was also a damn decent guy. I was having his baby. Killing his reputation now seemed worse than ever.
When I thought about the baby, I couldn’t figure out if it was better for the baby to have a father who might potentially walk out on him, or never know his father at all. And I suppose it wasn’t fair of me to think that Hanson would walk out on him; I had just been thinking worst case scenario.
Perhaps my father had struggled with similar issues, but it felt like he’d been wrong and I was right. Or was I just as wrong? Was I justifying it the same way he might have done once? His reputation had been on the line, and he’d made a mistake.
Were we really all that different?
I had to get ready to go to the game. It was why I was here, but I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to watch Hanson and know that I would never be able to make it all right again. I didn’t want to get dressed and pretend to be fine when I wasn’t.
I wanted to stay locked in the room, in bed, feeling sorry for myself. If I weren’t pregnant, I would have drunk all the alcohol in the little fridge. Instead, I had to make do with coffee and tea and morning sickness that came at all times of the day.
When I couldn’t hold it anymore, I picked up the phone and dialed the number by heart. I waited for the phone to ring, and when it did, I prayed it wouldn’t go over into voicemail.
On the last ring, Kina picked up, out of breath like she’d been running.
“I didn’t think I would hear from you,” she said. “I thought you’d be getting ready for the game.”
“I should be,” I said. I swallowed hard, trying not to cry. “I just needed someone to talk to.”
My voice cracked at the end of my sentence.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kina asked, knowing that I was crying. “Tell me what happened.”
I took a deep breath.
“It’s such a long story and I don’t know what to do.”
“Okay, start from the beginning,” she said.
And I did.
Chapter 32
Hanson
I didn’t play well in the game against the Houston Hornets. We’d still won, but it hadn’t been thanks to me. I guess the team had gotten used to winning without me.
Lacey had been there to watch, but I didn’t get the feeling she’d
been very interested. She had sat down the entire time, quiet and dejected when I’d found her next to Coach.
I knew what was getting to her, of course. She was pregnant with my child, and we weren’t together. I didn’t think it would make any woman happy, but Lacey was different.
At least, she was different to me. I had fallen for her. I had to admit to that. There had to be some way to make this work.
She was pregnant with my child. When I’d heard the news, I hadn’t known how to react. I hadn’t thought something like this would ever happen. I should have considered it, with how much I’d fucked around, but the truth is that you never feel it until it hits you personally.
At first I hadn’t felt good enough to be the father of this child and a partner to Lacey. She was the kind of woman that deserved a real man to court her, to take her out, to make love to her, to marry her. I was none of that. I was a player who had fucked her a few times and had been hoping to leave it at that.
She deserved more.
That was what it was about. She deserved more than me. I wanted her, but what was I offering her? A man that had been with so many women he’d lost count? Sure, I could give her money and security and all that, but what did she really want?
I felt like I wasn’t enough. My image was bad. She of all people would know. And I was an asshole. I was better some days than others, but a better asshole was still an asshole.
No, I wanted Lacey to have the best. And me? I wasn’t the best. Although, being a father did sound like something I could get used to. I’d always wanted to do it. Just not so soon. I’d wanted it to be when I was ready. When I was a better person.
I’d had a ten-year plan where I became so fantastic I was practically someone else. I guess meeting Lacey had just pushed me in that direction faster than I had been planning to get there.
“Are you going to be in this mood all the way home, or are you going to talk to her?” Brian asked next to me.
I glanced at him.
“Leave it alone, Brian,” I said.
He shook his head. “Look, man. You bailed me out when things were up in the air for me. I can’t exactly do that for you here, but I want to help you. And if you really want to be happy, you’ll go talk to her. At least try to work it out.”