by Ashley Beale
"Keep doing what you're doing, Hope. You'll make a difference in others’ lives, and that is what matters."
His hand reaches over and holds onto mine. He may have never been a friend, but instead my boyfriend, it still feels comforting having someone from my past life making sure I'm doing okay now.
We don't talk, or move, until our food is brought out. When it gets placed on the table, the two of us separate our hands and talk about what DJ has been up to, and how he got into coaching. He has a son named Preston, but he isn't with the mom. They dated for two years but now just remain close. By the end of the conversation, I find myself even more proud of DJ than I thought I'd be. I'm glad to have had this talk with him. I'm glad we can actually have each other as friends. Not that I plan on getting too close to him, but as someone I may need. As I'll be someone for him when he needs to vent.
Walking out of the restaurant, DJ opens the door to allow me to go first. I turn back to smile at him and walk straight into the... well... into something. I back up and look at an angry older man. "Excuse me," he says with a gruff attitude.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I quickly tell him, moving out of the way.
DJ holds onto my arm as the man's party walks into the restaurant. That is when I'm met with someone just as angry looking. Not exactly the person I was expecting to see here. "Nice shirt," Wes says with an evil smirk.
My stomach ties into knots. I feel sick in an instant. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and I'm not even dating Wes, but everything about this situation has me feeling nauseous. "Hi," I squeak out. It’s the only intolerable thing I can manage to say.
He raises a brow, but not at me, instead to DJ, who still has a hold on my arm. "Keeping my girl company I see?"
My girl? My. Girl. He just said that. Didn't he? Or am I just hearing things? I'm not his girl, and I didn't think he wanted me to be either. I'm so confused. And a little scared. And extremely embarrassed, even though I shouldn't be.
"Oh, I didn't know. Sorry. I'm DJ, just an old friend from high school." His hand leaves my arm to shake the hand of Wes, who doesn't return the gesture. He just stands tall, accessing DJ with very judgmental eyes.
Wes looks to me after a very awkward moment. "Since you're here, I may as well see if you want to do dinner tonight. Five at my place?"
"Yeah," I say too quickly. Exhaling a much needed breath, I slow my pace down a little. "Yeah, um, I'll see you then."
He grabs my chin and pulls my face towards him, laying his lips onto mine in a hard claim. He wants DJ, and apparently everyone else in view, to see that I don't belong to anyone else. Which oddly enough is okay with me. When he pulls away, his eyes bore into mine, making me nervous all over again. "Have a good day with your... friend."
Without so much as another word, Wes continues through the restaurant to meet with his party. I try not to stare long, but I can't seem to help myself, even as DJ pulls onto my arm. "Let’s go, please," he mutters.
On the ride home, DJ doesn't say much until we're close to my place. He looks over at me and I can feel the judgment radiating off from him. "Someone you met in prison?"
Any embarrassment I had shreds away and is entirely replaced with fury. "Excuse me? Why yes, I met Wes in a damn women's facility!"
He looks back to the road, ignoring my snippy remark. "You've been out a week. How'd the two of you meet?"
"Dammit DJ. I wanted a friend from you. Not... whatever this is! I'm not with the guy, my roommate brought me to a party and I happened to meet him. He makes me feel..." Well I can't exactly finish that statement, because I can't even begin to explain what he makes me feel.
"Happy? Loved? Wanted? Abused?" DJ starts listing off these sarcastic remarks.
"He doesn't abuse me, jackass," I spit off. "He makes me feel... well... like shit. There. Happy now?"
He slows down before pulling off to the side of the road, not even twenty feet from where I need to be. His body whips around to face me. "He makes you feel like shit, and you like it? What is wrong with you?"
"I can't believe you're asking me that, especially after the conversation we just had!" I can't help but fire back at him with my attitude. Everything that was going great just changed in matter of minutes. I can't help but be completely upset by that fact either.
He sits back in his seat and looks up, whispering something under his breath. Just as I'm about to exit the car and walk the rest of the way, he finally speaks up so I'm able to hear him. "You want to know why Nora and I split?" I don't even get a chance to answer when he just continues. "Because I let this shit get the best of me too. I thought she deserved better. I thought I was ruined and unable to be loved. I didn't think I should have been allowed to have a family, especially one so perfect. And I lost everything I had over my insecurities."
"But you didn't kill her, DJ."
"No, but you didn't either."
"I did..."
"No," he cuts me off, looking in my direction again. "It was a matter of events. What we had planned was uncalled for and would have ruined her for life. It was a shitty plan that our dumbass teenage selves came up with. You didn't charge at Jenny, you charged at her friend. Things played out the way it was meant to play out. I don't have much faith, but I do believe everything happens for a reason. No one even had the slightest idea she'd die, or even get injured, but it’s obvious it’s formed the two of us into better people. You want to make a difference for Jenny? Then learn to love yourself for the first time in your life. You were mean because you didn't know how to love yourself the way the rest of the world loved you."
Deep down I know he is right, but my stubbornness won't accept it. Not yet.
I reach for the door handle when he leaves me with his last words of advice. "You have to accept her death and move on. Her family did, now it’s your turn."
"Bye DJ," I tell him before slamming the door shut. I walk the rest of the way back to my place, cursing at myself for being... well... for being me.
Wes
I'm not sure what the hell just happened. I was pissed. I was... jealous. I'm not supposed to be jealous. I'm not supposed to give two fucks who Hope hangs out with, and what guys are in her life. Yet¸ when I saw that fucker, and his hand on her arm, I was ready to knock him out. My blood was boiling because of this damn meeting with my dad over Paul, then seeing Hope with that douche bag had me ready to kill a mother fucker.
This morning with my dad, Donald, and Tuck, we started discussing why Paul was to be sent to Texas, and how we were going to hide him, then my dad got a call from Trapp. His research backfired, and one of his so-called friends ended up betraying him. Now Trapp is looking at dad, and knows Paul is around. We can't send him to Texas, because the second he gets on the bus, he is fucked. All buses, trains, planes, any public transportation is going to be looked into. Paul will be found.
He'll also be found if he sticks around.
Our first plan was to keep Paul hidden, which we did just before meeting up for lunch. Now its figure out how to get Trapp off our trail. Play it off like we were doing something for a client and not for ourselves. We don't need any of us caught up in Trapp Sumners bullshit, because that'd more than likely mean our lives.
Of course I can't even concentrate at the task at hand because I'm stuck on some chick I hardly know. Maybe I need to hit a damn bar up and bring home fresh pussy. Maybe that'll keep my focus straight. Except, the thought of having any other chick in my bed doesn't sound interesting. I'm ruined. I'm fucking ruined. And it’s all because of Hope Manson.
"We don't have time to screw off. What do you think?"
I look at my dad after realizing he was speaking to me. "Think of what?" I ask him.
He looks even more livid than before. "Of the damn plan. What is with you lately?"
"Nothing. Just... this shit. Tell me the plan. I'm listening."
"Let’s keep Paul where he is for a week or two. He has enough food and clothing. By then we can get Sumners off our trail, and hopefully we can wor
k shit out with him to trust us. In the meantime, we need to eliminate anyone that can be a threat to any of us. Once things get settled again, we're getting Paul out of here, maybe to a mid-western state, where no one will think to look. I'm sure we can find a place."
"It could work."
We all agree. Or at least, none of us argue.
We have Paul at a friend of a friend of a friend's cabin just an hour outside of Raleigh. I can't imagine anyone will find him there, and if they do, then dad really has some stupid fucks working for him. He often has to expand his circle of friends, but only for business purposes. With situations like this, he keeps his trust in those he has known the longest. Those who he'd give a damn lung to. So if one of these guys are snitching on my dad, I'll kill them myself.
After lunch is done, instead of heading back to the office, I head straight home. Without so much as a second thought, I dig through the fridge to find some chicken. There isn't much I can cook, but one thing I'm real good at is a chicken stir-fry. It was actually Edison’s mom that taught me to cook it. She used to cook it just for me and when I got old enough, she taught me the steps. I had it mastered in less than a year.
The stir-fry is finished twenty minutes before Hope is supposed to arrive. My body can't handle waiting for her. I don't have patience for some reason. Walking around the house, I actually pick things up and do some cleaning. This isn't like me. I need to snap out of this before I get anymore hooked.
The girl drives me completely insane. She has no self-respect, she is easy, she doesn't put up a fight for anything, and she is fucking beautiful. She is sexy as sin. She has a secret she is hiding that has me wanting to pick her brain apart. I want to know everything about Hope, except I know when I do, I'm either going to run or I'm going to want her to stay forever. I don't know how this girl has pulled herself into my life this quick. It makes no sense to me. The only thing I do know for certain, is I want her to stay... at least for a little while.
When she finally shows up for dinner, I calm myself down enough to open the door and put on a facade that I'm completely chilled out. She smiles wide at me when I let her in, but it’s not her smile that has me hypnotized, it’s that damn dress that is nearly glued to her. For a tiny girl, she has some serious curves. I'm about to say fuck it when it comes to dinner and instead get a taste of Hope's body, but I'm starving, so I decide to torture myself a little.
I serve us each a plate of my stir-fry. Hope moans with her first bite. "Did you make this?" she asks before she even swallows.
"Yeah, it’s the only thing I can really cook."
"It’s amazing. I love it." She doesn't say much more as she shovels the food into her mouth.
After dinner, Hope slowly saunters her way towards the bedroom, giving her hips a little sway back and forth. The girl can't seem to ever get enough of me, and knows damn well I can't get enough of her. I can't believe I'm stopping her, but there is just one thing that I can't seem to get out of my head. Its only gotten worse she walked into the house today with that beautiful glow.
"Who is that guy from today?"
Her face contours into something less seductive but she doesn't look upset that I asked. I guess she probably assumed I would. "His name is DJ. He was my high school boyfriend. We haven't seen in each other in a few years, and ran into one another. We just had some lunch and caught up with one another."
"Yeah? How'd that go?" I walk closer to her but don't touch her... not yet.
She bites down on her lip and looks away from me. I can tell a nervous habit when I see one. "Started out good, didn't end that way though. Don't worry, I'm sure we won't be seeing each other again." She still doesn't look at me. I'm curious if it’s because of me or because of something the idiot did that upset her, but something obviously did.
"Look, if my kissing you upset you, I'm... I'm sorry." Even though, I'm not sure if that statement is true.
I can see her lips lift into a smile, even though she is still looking away. I step forward and bring my hand to her cheek, pulling it so she has to look at me. Her eyes slowly lift to meet mine and her smile widens. "It surprised me, but it most definitely didn't upset me. Thank you though."
"Did it upset you when I called you mine?"
"It scared me a little."
"Me too," I admit.
"I liked it," she says softly.
"Me too." I bring my lips and lay them on hers, much softer than normal. I didn't realize quite how full and luscious her lips were until now, I'm too busy being rough with her. I haven't had a chance to savor any bit of her, so tonight I'm doing just that. I'm being gentle and sweet. I'm exploring every inch of Hope's body, with both my mouth and hands.
I'm making sure I take care of her fully, as many times as her sweet little body can handle. Then... I'll fuck her once more. Hard.
Hope
I'm not sure how it happened, but everything has changed. We've become a couple without the actual label. We've spent the last three weeks stuck in his apartment. He has only asked twice about visiting my place, but all I mention is that I have a roommate- which isn't exactly a lie- and we end up staying at his place.
I managed to pick up contracts with three more schools, but they're only once a month each. This all means I barely work once a week. Since I don't have to pay for much aside from food and the occasional essentials, I'm able to save up a little cash here and there. I've often thought about getting a waitressing job, but unfortunately the only thing that comes to mind is how it'll take time away from Wes. I just don't want that... yet.
I promised I wouldn't be selfish. It was my guarantee to Jenny that I wouldn't be, so I've held myself back from falling for Wes. I keep forcing myself to hate different things about him. The more I find about him that frustrates me, I swear the more he starts to adore me, and this vicious cycle starts all over again. I love to hate him. He hates to love me. It’s frustrating and annoying and so much fun.
The one thing I do worry about though, is when he finds out the truth. When he finds out I killed someone, then what? Is he going to stay, or will he run? Is this going to destroy everything we have? We may not have a label on what this is, but it’s not something I want to lose. Not anytime soon. He has become my everything in the last month. I haven't made any friends, except the occasional coffee with Karah. I have no life aside from Wes.
Even DJ and I have nothing. He completely ignored me the last time I was at the school. It’s not like I expected us to be friends, especially after how our conversation had ended, but I expected to be friendly with one another. I was wrong there. Again, I probably deserved it.
Tonight Wes is bringing me out to a dinner party that his dad's company is throwing. It’s another step I wasn't expecting to take with him- not only meeting his family, but his employers as well. It just seems huge to me. It’s formal as well, and I'm not exactly one that has money to buy anything fancy. When I told Karah the other day, she said she'd bring me thrift shopping on her lunch.
I meet her at the little boutique I have become frequent at. Every time I need something new to wear, I find myself making my way here- to the point the owner, Beatrice, and I have become on a first name basis. We walk in together and when I spot Beatrice, I let her know I'm in need of something formal at a very decent rate.
While the three of us dig through the racks, Karah goes on about her date last night with some guy named Dodge. Once she is done gushing, I look over at her flabbergasted. "What about Tristian?" I ask.
She doesn't even flinch. "Oh, we're still... whatever."
I keep looking at her, unable to understand. "Wait... what?"
"We're not in a relationship. We're free to be with whoever. I can't imagine I'm the only one in his bed, he shouldn't expect the same with me." She continues hunting through the racks.
My stomach has a very unsettling feeling. The thought of Wes with anyone else angers me completely. I don't like that thought, but the two of us are not official. Does that mean he expects this?
I don't want to ask him about it, but now its going to bother me.
Shaking off my bad feelings, I continue looking for the right dress while Karah goes on some more about her night with Dodge. Beatrice comes over to me, holding up a gorgeous blue dress in front of me. The chest area is a little tight, with a low dip, but not too far to be considered inappropriate. The sleeves are made completely from lace, matching the color of the dress, and from the waist down looks as though it flows. It’s beautiful and absolutely perfect. "How much?" I ask her.
"Only thirteen, but for you... seven."
"You don't have to do that," I tell her.
She shakes her hand at me. "I want to. Go try it on, make sure you look saucy."
I laugh at the old lady before grabbing the dress, bringing it to the fitting room with me. When I come back out, both Karah and Beatrice make it known the dress is beyond perfect. Looking in the mirror, I fall madly in love. "Now for some shoes," I say, almost sad. More money to spend, but it'll totally be worth it looking like this.
"I have black stilettos with blue pointed toes, it'll be perfect. I'm a seven, you should fit into that, right?"
I nod my head with smile upon my face. "Yeah, perfect."
Perfect. It’s all perfect. I just hope it remains that way.
After shopping with Karah, I thank her and we go our separate ways. I end up back at my place so I can shower and get ready for tonight. By the time I get my hair and makeup doing- using Karah's supplies like she suggested I did- then get dressed. While hunting for my shoes, someone knocks on the door frame. I look up to see one of the other girls in the home. I think her name is Sloane, but I honestly cannot remember. "Hey," I say.
"There is someone here looking for you."
"Oh... um... thanks."
She simply nods her head and walks back down the hall. I hear her skip down the stairs and say something about me coming, but I don't hear the response, so I'm not sure exactly who it is visiting me. I haven't told Wes where I live, so I can only assume its DJ. I just find it odd for him to randomly show up. Instead of playing the stupid guessing game with myself, I slide my feet into Karah's stilettos and head out of the room, grabbing my pocketbook on the way out.