Without looking up for confirmation, I slipped out of the booth and into the crowd, clinging to my unwanted drink like a life preserver. I found a couple of girls I hadn’t caught up with in a while over by the pool tables. We chatted for a few minutes, then I bowed out and let myself get lost in the crowd once more. I watched some friends play darts, meandered toward the bar, and more than once considered making an escape to the terrace. Or the exit.
Wherever I went, short of leaving, I figured I could only avoid him for so long. The crowd was thick and the lights were down, but I had no doubt he could home in on me just as I’d homed in on him since the moment he walked through the door.
So it was no surprise when the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end a second before a hand rested on my elbow. Chewing the inside of my cheek, I turned.
“Hey, you.” Scott inclined his head slightly. “You okay?”
I forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
The lift of his eyebrow called my bluff. He pursed his lips. “I could go for some fresh air. How about you?”
I nodded, but said nothing. He led the way, and the knot in my stomach twisted tighter with every step.
Up on the terrace, he leaned against the railing, hooking his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. “So, what’s up?”
I shrugged as casually as my tense muscles would allow. “It’s…” I looked out at the city. Where to start? I hadn’t even sorted it enough in my head to put it into words, let alone expect him to understand.
The other night had scared me. That much he knew, but he didn’t know how deep my fear ran. It went beyond the claustrophobia and immobility. It was everything that had happened after the bindings came off that had left me unnerved and on the verge of panicking.
Had he simply been trying to comfort me with a gentle touch? Was it just to calm me down and reconnect, or did we really make love? Was it a fluke or a natural progression of feelings we weren’t supposed to have?
“Have I done something wrong?” he asked.
My head snapped up. “No, no, you haven’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“No. I mean, yes, I’m sure. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Maybe I did. Maybe we both did. Maybe it’s not wrong at all. Maybe—
“Krissy, you haven’t said a word to me since you left the other night, and you’ve been avoiding me since I walked in this evening.” He cocked his head and raised his eyebrows. “If it’s not something I did, then what’s wrong?”
I shifted my gaze back out to the city. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth as the words refused to come. I released a frustrated breath. I’d come here tonight hoping to talk to him about this. Then, like I’d done all week, I’d avoided him like the plague because I was afraid to talk to him. And now that he was unavoidably here, I hadn’t the faintest idea what to say to him.
I didn’t realize he’d moved from his place against the railing until he set a tentative hand on my waist from behind. For a moment, he was still, probably waiting to see if I’d recoil. When I didn’t, he put his arms around me and kissed the side of my neck.
“Talk to me, Krissy,” he whispered. “Whatever’s bothering you…”
I sighed, putting my hands over his. “It’s… everything that happened the other night.” And I do mean everything.
He slid his hands out from under mine, then gently turned me around. When I tried to drop my gaze, he lifted my chin with his finger.
“You’re not the first sub who’s freaked out, baby.” He paused. “Do you still trust me?”
My heart skipped. Of all the things I’d questioned in the last few days, it had never even occurred to me to question my trust in Scott.
“Yes, absolutely. Probably even more now after the other night.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “You figured out I was panicking before I even had a chance to drop the whip.”
“So you know I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe and keep you from getting scared.”
I nodded.
“Like I told you the other night, when you push boundaries, sometimes they push back.” He smoothed my hair. “Sometimes they push back hard. But I promise you, as long as you’re my submissive, I will always be ready to catch you if that happens.”
“I know you will.” I stood up on my toes and kissed him lightly. “And it’s nothing you did or didn’t do. I guess I just didn’t realize how much it freaked me out.”
“Maybe bondage just isn’t your thing, then.”
“Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of being into BDSM?”
Scott laughed. “It’s not all or nothing, you know. You obviously enjoy the dominance and submission aspects. If I’m not mistaken, you’re becoming quite the little pain slut.” A cautious smile crinkled the corners of his eyes, and I couldn’t help returning it.
“Okay, you’ve got me there.”
“So, just because being bound isn’t your thing doesn’t mean kink isn’t your thing.”
“Fair enough,” I said quietly.
“There are so many facets of this lifestyle,” he said. “Some people do everything, some people do one or two things.”
“Is there anything you don’t do?” I paused. “I mean, besides choking?”
“I’m not into humiliation,” he said. “Giving or receiving. For some Doms, that’s an effective way to establish and maintain dominance. For some, it’s just what they enjoy. It’s never appealed to me, though. Ditto with puppy play, pony play, things like that.”
My eyebrows jumped. “Something tells me I might regret this, but puppy and pony play?”
He chuckled. “Exactly what it sounds like. The sub is dehumanized, treated like a dog or a horse. It goes beyond just collars, which a lot of subs and slaves wear. Kennels, crawling on hands and knees, butt plug tails—”
“I, um, I think I’ll pass on that part.”
“I’m with you. Degradation and humiliation are fine for those who enjoy it, it’s just not my thing.” He trailed his fingertips down the side of my face. “So, there’s no reason to give up BDSM as a whole if one thing or another isn’t your thing.” He squeezed my hand. “You still enjoy the rest of it, don’t you?”
“Yes, very much so.”
He shrugged. “Then why stop? It’s not like you’ll have your sub card revoked if you don’t let me tie you up and gag you.”
“That’s good to know,” I laughed.
He smiled. “I’m serious, though. If you enjoy other aspects of BDSM, there’s no reason you should feel obligated to do another aspect that you don’t enjoy.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Bondage aside, are you still interested in continuing with this?”
“Yeah, yeah, definitely.” A few knots loosened. A few, but not all.
He smiled. “Good, because I was really hoping you would.”
I managed a smile in spite of my pounding heart. “Enjoying it, then?”
“Of course I am.” He kissed me lightly. “If you only knew how long I’d been hoping for a chance to have you as a sub.”
“Oh? How long?”
He laughed. “Years.”
Before I could speak, he pulled me into a deep but tender kiss that didn’t do a damned thing to settle my other concerns.
God knew I’d wanted him since the day we met, but I never imagined we’d be doing this. More than that, I never imagined I’d feel this way about him. And what did I feel? Was this love? Whatever the hell it was, did I dare let it continue in case it got any deeper than it already was? Even now, as we stood in a gentle embrace after speaking at too intimate a distance for the friends with benefits we were supposed to be, I couldn’t decide if this was right or wrong.
But what about Amy? What about his other subs? What about Matt? I couldn’t fall in love with Scott. Not when they were in the picture. I just couldn’t.
Maybe this wasn’t anything like that at all anyway. We were crossing lines and pushing boundaries together, so was this intimacy just a side effect of being
able to trust someone as deeply as I had to trust him as my Dom?
Yes. Yes, that had to be it.
Not love, just intimacy. Trust.
That was all it was.
Scott’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. “Are you still comfortable going to the club tomorrow night?”
My stomach fluttered. I’d forgotten all about that. “That’s, it’s tomorrow night?”
He nodded. “We don’t have to go unless you’re comfortable.”
“I think I am.”
“You think you are?”
“I’m just not sure what to expect, I guess.”
He smiled. “Well, it’s nothing like this place.”
“God, I hope not,” I laughed. “This place doesn’t exactly set the mood, you know?”
“Hey! Need I remind you that we started our sexual shenanigans in this very place?”
“My point exactly.”
“Bitch,” he muttered, but he couldn’t keep from chuckling. Then his laughter faded and he touched my arm. “Are you sure you’re comfortable going? I mean, there will probably be some culture shock.”
“Culture shock? That’s an interesting way to put it.”
He shrugged. “Best way I can think of to describe it. They don’t call this a lifestyle for nothing. Some of the people there live and breathe kink, and while they’re inside the walls of the club, almost everyone lives and breathes it. You’ll see and hear things that are completely alien to you.”
“Sounds like a fun place to people watch, if nothing else.”
He laughed. “Yeah, you could say that. But you’re still gaining confidence with all of this, and so far, you’ve only had me in the room. Tomorrow night, there will be a lot of people around.”
I swallowed. The only person who I was concerned about was standing right in front of me. It wasn’t that I distrusted him, or he unnerved me. Quite the opposite. That was what unnerved me.
He raised my chin with two fingers. “Krissy?”
“I think I can handle it.”
“I don’t want to drag you there, though,” he said, almost whispering. “If you’re not comfortable—”
“No, I want to go.”
“You sure? It can be a bit overwhelming the first time.”
I shrugged with one shoulder and smiled. “You’ll be there.” Those three words sent my pulse skyrocketing. He’d be there. I couldn’t tell if that thought turned me on or unsettled me.
“Okay, well, if you’re still comfortable with it, we’ll go,” he said. “If you want to leave at any time, though, for any reason, just say so.”
I nodded. “I will.”
His brow furrowed for a second, then his expression relaxed and he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “I think it’ll be fun. I just don’t want you getting overwhelmed.”
“Can’t promise anything there. Not quite as confident with all of this as you are.”
A breath of laughter cooled my forehead before he met my eyes. Stroking my cheek with the pad of his thumb, he said, “No one’s expecting you to be one hundred percent certain about all of this at this point. Everyone has to start somewhere.”
“Let me ask you something.”
“Go ahead.”
“I know you’ve got years of experience, but you don’t seem to bat an eye at anything. Were you, when you first got involved with all of this…”
“Was I nervous and clueless?”
“Yes, exactly.”
He looked out at the city as he put an arm around my waist. “Oh, Krissy, I could tell you some stories, believe me. I’ve always been curious to a fault, and I did my time as a bumbling idiot.”
“Oh? Do tell.”
“Shit, where to begin.” His eyes lost focus for a moment. Then he shook his head and chuckled. “Took me a long, long time to get confident with a flogger. I had a couple of subs who got really annoyed with me because I wouldn’t hit them hard enough.”
“Really? You?”
“I’m a sadist, but I was terrified of actually injuring someone. That was one long, frustrating road, let me tell you.”
“Obviously you got over that.”
“Oh, I’m still conscientious about it,” he said, “but I’ve learned the lines and limits. I know my own strength, I know what my subs can handle, I know what different implements can do. It just took a while.” His lips pulled into a grin. “It took a while, and a couple of very aggravated subs.”
“I guess you could do worse than erring on the side of caution, though, right?”
“Yeah, but I took it to a bit of an extreme.” His eyes lost focus again, and the humor evaporated from his expression. Barely whispering, he said, “Once bitten…”
“Meaning?”
He swallowed, then shook his head. “Nothing.” Caressing my cheek, he said, “Anyway, is that all that was on your mind?”
No. Not even close. I looked into his eyes, and an electric shiver worked its way down my spine. My confusing melee of emotions still existed in the back of my mind, but it could wait. I’d sort it out in time, and we could address it then. For now, we were back on the same page enough for me to exhale, and if one thing was absolutely undeniable, it was my physical reaction to him. All he had to do was meet my eyes, and my knees trembled. A light fingertip on the side of my face, and I was at his mercy. A kiss, and I was wet enough for him to fuck me without another moment’s foreplay.
His eyebrow lifted slightly and his hand drifted into my hair. The breath he drew was nothing if not a prelude to a repeat of his question, but I spoke first:
“Yeah, that was it.”
“You sure?”
I nodded. Then I glanced at the door. “Think we should go back and be social before everyone starts wondering where we are?”
“No.” He didn’t give me a chance to react to his simple declaration before his fingers curled in my hair and he pulled me into a gentle kiss. After only a second’s hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him.
By the time we separated, we were both breathless.
“I think we should get out of here,” he whispered, and even his soft tone didn’t invite negotiation. I nodded as much as I could with his hand in my hair. His grip tightened and his eyes narrowed. I whimpered as my friend transformed into my Master before my eyes. “Tomorrow, we’ll go to the club, maybe play with another Dom or sub, or in front of them. But tonight?”
I wetted my lips. “Yes, Sir?”
He smiled, the silent approval in his expression giving me permission to release my held breath. Just before he kissed me again, he growled three simple words that turned my bones to liquid:
“Tonight, you’re mine.”
Chapter 18
“Sure about this?”
I looked at Scott as I buckled my seatbelt. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, but there’s still time for second thoughts.” He shifted the car into reverse and glanced at me in the low light. “I’m serious. Are you sure about doing this?”
I took a breath. “Is it okay if I say I’m nervous, but still want to do it?”
He smiled. “Absolutely.” He backed out of the parking space and pulled out onto the main drag. “Let’s talk ground rules. This is a bit different than what you’re used to.”
“How so?”
“More people involved, mostly.” He glanced at me. “There will be a lot of people there, and it’s not uncommon for Doms and Masters to swap subs and slaves. Another Dom may want to ‘borrow’ you as a sub, or a Master might want to watch you with his slave.”
I gulped. “Okay…”
“Are you comfortable with that?” Another glance. “I’m not asking for blanket consent to anyone who asks, but are you comfortable with the whole idea?”
I chewed my lip. “I guess I won’t know until the situation presents itself.”
“Fair enough. But if you’re opposed to it, if it really makes you uncomfortable just thinking about it, tell me now.” He looked at me again, eyebrows rai
sed.
“Would it be in front of a whole group? Out in the open?”
He shrugged. “It could be. Or it could be in a private room.”
“If I went into a private room with another Dom, would you be there?”
“If you want me to be, yes.”
“I do.”
He glanced at me again. “You’d rather not be alone with another Dom?”
“Is that okay?”
He squeezed my leg gently. “Of course it is. I just want to know where the boundaries are.” He smiled at me, then returned his attention to the road. “You might find yourself in some unusual situations tonight. It would be next to impossible for me to tell you everything that could happen, but I’m telling you right now, you don’t have to do anything. You have your safe words, and any Dom who values his membership—or the ability to chew his food—will honor them without a second’s hesitation.”
“Scott, are you suggesting you’d resort to physical violence to defend my honor?”
“Honor?” He snorted. “Woman, you’re with me. What honor?”
“Point taken.”
“You weren’t supposed to agree with that.”
“Too late.”
“Bitch.” He shot me a playful glare. “Anyway, in all seriousness, it wouldn’t come down to that. He’d be booted out of the club before I could even ball a fist.”
“But if it did come down to that, would—”
“In a heartbeat.” His voice was completely devoid of humor, and his protectiveness made my stomach flutter. There was nothing territorial or possessive about him, just the assurance that he wasn’t about to let me get hurt.
He squeezed my leg once again, then returned his hand to the wheel. “So, you’re okay with the idea of playing with another Dom or sub if the opportunity presents itself?”
“I’m not opposed to it.”
He shot me a grin. “Good. Just remember, you can always say no or use one of your safe words.”
About an hour after he picked me up, we pulled up to the club.
The “club” wasn’t a club at all, but a house. A mansion, to be specific. It was a massive place, situated in the middle of a huge chunk of forested acreage. Secluded. Private. Perfect.
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