by Tatum Throne
TJ turned away as tears broke free from his green eyes. He leaned his hands onto the tile counter. Coiled tension vibrated through Parker’s body as he came in close to TJ, blocking him in against the counter from behind. He sensed TJ tensing. That was okay. Parker could take his time and go slowly with him. Parker wanted to cross the line with TJ but knew he couldn’t go far without damaging what they had. Parker embraced TJ from behind, holding him closer than he should and closer than he ever had before. At first, TJ tried to pull away but Parker held tight until TJ relaxed within his arms.
Parker’s long hair fell over his shoulder and onto TJ as he leaned down to whisper into his ear. Heat coursed through Parker’s body. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should’ve known. I should’ve protected you.”
“You did. You saved me and that woman,” Parker said.
“I could have killed both of you.”
“Stop second-guessing yourself. All we have is instinct and our gut in the field. If we lose that, we can lose direction.”
TJ pulled away. “My actions could have killed you.”
Parker grabbed TJ by the coat and muscled him up against the table. “You are not going to blame yourself for the near miss. I made the choice to jump that barrier to help you.”
“I could have lost you. I couldn’t live with myself with your death on my hands.”
The despair in TJ’s voice nearly broke Parker’s heart. TJ struggled to get away. Parker pressed his body into TJ’s, making his heart race for a man he shouldn’t want. Their mouths were inches apart. “You had the situation under control.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know you did. I know you,” Parker said.
“Bullshit. You don’t know me.”
“Enough of this!” Parker turned him against the wall, shaking him once to get his attention. His gaze dropped to TJ’s soft, full lips and slowly lifted to look into his golden-flecked green eyes. “I can feel the love you have for me. I know you.”
All the air seemed to leave TJ. Parker balanced him up against the wall with muscle. “I’m not capable of loving anyone.”
“Only because you’re as afraid to love as you are to hurt.”
TJ tried to shove him away but Parker held tight. He wasn’t about to let TJ go, not when he had TJ right where he wanted him. Their eyes held tight. Heat sparked within TJ’s green eyes. It was then Parker knew that TJ wanted him but was afraid to lose it all if he did. He was afraid to let go of his heart and love.
TJ’s eyes widened with surprise as Parker leaned down, kissing him hard. Parker groaned as TJ relaxed. TJ’s arms came around his waist, pulling them closer. They kissed passionately as though they never would again and maybe they wouldn’t. If it got out among the SWAT team…
He couldn’t and wouldn’t think about it now. All that mattered was that TJ was in his arms and it felt so right even though there was a list of reasons why it was completely wrong.
Parker’s heart hammered as he deepened the kiss, flicking his tongue over TJ’s lips and inside his hot, wet mouth. He wanted to know if he tasted as sweet as he kissed. For the love of God, he did. Parker’s cock flexed hard, punching out against TJ’s dick, ready and willing to sword fight for the next ten hours. Parker moved his hips possessively over TJ’s to prove that he was bigger and would take control in the bedroom. A whimper of desire mewed from deep inside of TJ, nearly making Parker’s knees go weak. The sound was so intimate and vulnerable that it made TJ’s soul seem suddenly exposed. Parker wanted to protect TJ at all cost, regardless of the consequences that could ruin their careers.
Parker groaned as TJ’s hands moved up into his hair, kneading and clenching the silk strands. TJ’s hand settled on the back of his neck as he tried to take control of the kiss. It was going too far too fast. The base of Parker’s cock flexed tight, pulling his balls in hard as his spunk threatened to erupt from his cockhead. TJ moved, brushing his hips over his throbbing cock.
It was all too much. The orgasm spiraled up the base of Parker’s cock, taking him by surprise. Parker locked it down but not before he shot a rope of cum into his boxers. He was breathing hard as he broke his lips away. Parker reluctantly pulled his body away from TJ. He would not humiliate himself by coming all over TJ after one erotic kiss.
* * * * The room spun from lack of oxygen as TJ opened his eyes. TJ’s lips were wet and hummed from their kiss. What happened? One second they were going hot, heavy, and hard and then everything stopped. TJ licked his lips, trying to get another taste of his best friend’s sweet lips over his tongue. Parker looked as though he just made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. Parker cut his gaze away and paced around the kitchen as though the heavy cock in his pants was a weapon that had been improperly discharged.
“I shouldn’t have pushed you like that,” Parker said. Did he mean the shove or the kiss? TJ stuffed his hands into his pants pockets and leaned back against the wall. TJ knew he wasn’t good enough for Parker. TJ was raised on the wrong side of the tracks. Parker wore dark jeans and a police-issued T-shirt that came with the job as a SWAT doc. He looked good. He looked like a man that would take control in the bedroom. He looked like the kind of man TJ needed to feel whole again. TJ never felt so broken and raw in his entire life. In front of Parker, he felt exposed. In front of Parker, he felt whole. The combination left him feeling shattered and complete. He’d never felt this way about anyone.
TJ’s prick pounded like a bass drum for relief that wouldn’t be coming soon enough. Parker kept pacing around the kitchen like a caged panther. He ran a hand through his long locks. TJ wanted to be the one running his hands through Parker’s hair. He looked down at the floor since it hurt too much to look at Parker. God, he couldn’t trust anyone to risk loving again. It hurt too damn much. The last time he opened his heart to loving, he’d gotten it played by his boyfriend. At the time, TJ thought they were exclusive. Later, he found out that he’d been one of many. He was lucky their relationship hadn’t gotten past foreplay.
“Damn it,” Parker cursed.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry about what happened.” Parker came to stand in
front of TJ, forcing him to lift his head. “This complicates things. That’s it.” “I know it does. That’s why it won’t be happening ever again,” TJ said.
Parker’s eyes hardened. “Is that the way you want things to be between us?”
TJ couldn’t think straight with Parker standing so close, and his cock humming for a release that wouldn’t be happening until he was at home fucking himself in the shower. “Yes.”
“You’re running from me.”
Silence. “I’m not good for you or anybody right now. I may never be. Trust me.”
Parker came in close. His voice was low and bordered on threatening. It turned TJ the fuck on. His cock hummed, begging to be tugged on. He wanted Parker to be doing all the tugging.
“I decide what I want and when I want it. You won’t decide for me.”
A shudder of desire vibrated through TJ’s cock, making pre-cum weep from the tip. His heart raced for all the right reasons that seemed suddenly as important as breathing air. What if he let go with Parker? What if he said yes again to another forbidden kiss? TJ got off on Parker taking control on the mats. It was one of the reasons TJ liked training with him when he could. Parker pressed his hands against the wall, blocking him in. He leaned down so close that they were eye to eye.
“I decide what I want. Not you,” Parker said.
Heat shimmered in those blue eyes, making TJ’s mouth go dry. It felt as though Parker was marking his territory by drawing a line in the sand. What would happen if TJ crossed that line? TJ so wanted to find out. “You don’t want a fuck-up like me. Trust me.”
“Say it one more time. I dare you.”
Parker’s threat was too good to ignore. Maybe TJ wanted this fight. Maybe he wanted to be punished. Maybe he wanted this fight with Parker to get his mind off other
things. He leaned in closer, so that they were only a breath away. “I’m a fuck-up. You don’t want me.”
A growl came out low from Parker, sending an exotic tremor of anticipation through TJ’s body. “You asked for it.”
TJ was knocked off his feet and flung into the island with a controlled force that rattled his teeth together. Parker was holding back. He could do more damage. He was just proving a point right now. Parker locked his arms under TJ’s. A thick cock pressed between the crack of TJ’s ass, making him groan in surprise. TJ had to buck the urge to rub his ass up and down on that pole. The feel of Parker’s cock tight against his body had him almost ready to give up the fight.
Almost.
Right now, he was scared that Parker was changing the rules of their relationship without his consent. “Release me.”
Parker’s lips brushed over his ear. “No. Not until you take it back. You will not say you’re a fuck-up ever again.”
TJ’s heart raced. He was serious. He wanted him to take back the truth of how he felt and what he was when the lights went out at night. Parker’s hold tightened, and his hips rubbed hard. His cock pressed solidly between the crack of TJ’s ass, thumping seductively against his anus.
TJ was breathing hard. “Why do you care?”
“I just do.”
“Parker.”
“Say it.”
“I can’t.”
Tension eased from Parker’s arms as he loosened his hold. Parker dropped his hands to the island, blocking them in. Heat licked over TJ’s neck as Parker dropped his mouth, kissing his way over his nape. A shiver went through his body as he magically found his erogenous zone with no trouble at all.
“Turn around.”
The command came on a long husky note accented with a sharp staccato of hurry up. TJ obeyed and was shocked when Parker came in fast and hard with a brutally honest kiss. There was an animalistic quality to his kiss that made TJ feel owned. All the pent-up fascination and desire TJ felt for Parker exploded into a white hot need of desperation. TJ didn’t want to chain down the lust he was feeling. He wanted this, and he wanted it now.
Parker’s cock flexed hard through his jeans, causing pre-cum to spill from TJ’s cock in response. TJ wanted to get down and dirty, fast and hard. He rubbed his hand down over Parker’s thick cock and was rewarded with a groan of approval. How far would they go and how fast should he take it? It seemed so wrong that their first kiss would lead to screwing, but TJ wasn’t going to stop this from happening. TJ cried out as Parker’s hand locked onto his cock through his jeans. He was on the edge of coming.
TJ pulled away. “I’ve waited too long for you. Stop, I’m close.”
The corner of Parker’s mouth lifted and fell into a hard line. “Don’t come yet. I have plans for you. For us.”
TJ was certain Parker could feel the hum of his cock through his pants as he gripped him tightly. TJ licked his puffy lips as he tried to make sense of what was happening between him and Parker, but deep down he didn’t want to make sense of it. He just wanted it with his best friend. Maybe it was going too fast, and he should put a stop to it before either one of them did anything they would later regret. Parker reached for the zipper on TJ’s fly.
Too late.
Parker unzipped him and muscled out his cock, palming it tightly and giving it a possessive stroke. TJ cursed as Parker stroked again, using his pre-cum for lube. “We should stop this.”
“Not yet,” Parker said. “I kind of like what we’re doing here. Oh, fuck, TJ.”
It was the reaction men tended to give him when they saw his cock for the first time. TJ was thick and long with a big cockhead that was ready to explode. TJ looked down, watching Parker stroke his heavy cock. Parker led him by the prick through the kitchen and into the living room. Like a dog on a leash, TJ didn’t mind being dragged along. Parker positioned him in the living room in a black leather chair.
“I like to watch,” Parker said. “Stroke it off for me.”
He was serious. “Do you?”
“Yes.” Parker gave TJ a lingering kiss. “Stroke it. I’ve waited too damn long. I want to see you. Now.”
Parker backed away, sitting in the chair opposite him, spreading his thick thighs wide. The thought of Parker ordering him around nearly made his sauce fly. TJ unbuttoned and spread his legs wide. He pushed his balls down with his left hand as he stroked himself up with his right. “Like this?”
“Yes.”
Their eyes locked and a shiver went through TJ’s belly as he moved his hand up and down over his big cock. A groan of desire shot through TJ as Parker’s eyes moved south over his cock. Parker adjusted his cock as he watched TJ pump his shaft. TJ bit his lip and closed his eyes, flinging his head back against the chair as he worked his cockhead in his fist. He wanted Parker on him, in him, and taking charge. He wanted Parker’s mouth sucking him off.
“Eyes open,” Parker commanded.
TJ’s eyes snapped open, burning with the need to come as Parker watched him stroke off. Every muscle in TJ’s body flexed hard. He wanted to come so bad. His balls tightened up. Parker edged forward.
“Come… come for me. I want to see your eyes dilate when you do.”
Oh, fuck. TJ shouted as the orgasm spiraled up from his toes, making long, thick veins of cum shoot from his cockhead. He rubbed himself off as three more eruptions shot from his cock like a longdormant volcano. He was groaning as he came down from the hard, rough ride he gave himself.
Their eyes locked. Parker’s burned bright within the low lighting of the room. He crossed the room as TJ finished stroking himself. Parker leaned down, kissing him hard. He flicked his tongue deep inside, taking ownership of TJ.
“I’m ordering in,” Parker said. “Chinese okay?”
TJ felt off off-balance and breathless despite having his ass planted in the leather chair. “Sounds good.”
While Parker was on the phone, TJ went to find the bathroom. He found it down the hallway. He shut the door and went to the sink. He washed up and then leaned onto the counter. This was going to change things between them. Life wouldn’t be the same. Their friendship wouldn’t ever be the same. What were they doing?
Hell, their professional relationship was never going to be the same. TJ splashed cold water onto his face. He looked up into the mirror as water dripped down. How could he be so foolish? He let his guard down by confessing how he felt about Parker. He shouldn’t have. He didn’t want Parker’s pity. Yeah, but you want his love, don’t you?
TJ groaned as his prick started to harden again at the thought of having more of Parker. Jacking off in front of Parker had been a dirty erotic high he shouldn’t have indulged in. What the hell were they doing? TJ dried off his face and told himself to stop being such a pussy. They could handle this by not doing it again. This was a onetime thing. It had to be, otherwise it would strain their professional lives.
Parker was in the hallway waiting for him to come out of the bathroom.
“Don’t pull away from me,” Parker said.
“This is going to change things between us,” TJ said.
“Not if you don’t let it.”
TJ shook his head and looked away. “We shouldn’t have done anything,” TJ said.
“Are you finished?” Parker asked.
TJ wasn’t sure what they were, and right now, he was too emotionally tied up to figure it out. He crossed his arms and took up space on the wall opposite Parker.
“Don’t destroy what we have before it's even begun,” Parker said.
“I need to figure some things out before this goes anywhere.”
“I’m here for you.”
TJ felt his heart bleed. He desperately wanted to fall into Parker’s arms and forget all about the last forty-eight hours of his life. How could he even begin to explain how he was feeling about the near miss on the bridge? “I know.”
“You really want to shut me out.”
Parker cursed. He was pissed. He had every reaso
n to be. The doorbell rang, and Parker went to pay the delivery guy.
They stared at each other from across the kitchen. TJ felt an undercurrent of lust thrumming through his body. Parker was beautiful, and TJ should be hands off. He wasn’t hungry but God help him, he wanted to fuck Parker until dawn came and went again.
“I’ll drive you home,” Parker said.
It wasn’t what TJ wanted but he knew it was the safest thing for his heart. Parker grabbed the food as he went out the door. They drove across town with nothing but the naked truth hovering between them. All this time, they’d both secretly wanted each other, but both had been holding back due to the job.
Parker shut off his Jeep in the driveway of TJ’s townhouse. The rain had started fussing again with giant drops hitting the windshield.
“You’ve been torturing yourself over this for the last two days, haven’t you?” Parker asked.
“Yeah.”
“You need to shake it off, TJ. You can’t let work pull you down. You need to find a way to let this stuff go.”
“Exercise helps,” TJ said.
TJ could feel Parker’s eyes trained on his profile, but he couldn’t meet that intense gaze without giving everything he secretly wanted away. He wasn’t ready to admit that he wanted all the things he never had growing up. A quiet house in the country, a white picket fence, and a man to love him through long, cold winter nights. Over the years, he’d been saving every penny he made to buy that house. Parker was the man he wanted, and he had exactly the type of place TJ always dreamed about.
“Don’t worry about RAT. Just do your job.”
“I’ll try not to.”
“Maybe you need to take some time off.”
“I was thinking the same thing, but I have too many cases going right now.” TJ glanced at Parker. “Thanks for dinner.”
“I’ll see you in a few days for your testing.”
A shiver stormed through TJ’s body at the thought of being away from Parker for so long and the thought of him being there for the test. “You’re coming?”