by Kyra Lennon
However, he didn't push the issue, and instead said, “So, are you enjoying yourself?”
I nodded and gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I am. How about you?”
“Oh, I don't know. I think I'm a bit old for all this clubbing.”
He may have been significantly older than the likes of Jesse and Jude, but by no means was he old.
“Rubbish!” I told him, “I saw you out there giving those hormone filled teenagers a run for their money!”
“Well, I try.” He laughed.
The bartender handed me my drink, and in that moment I decided to ask Bryce the question that had been plaguing me all evening.
“Bryce, where’s Radleigh?”
His shoulders sank. I’d obviously uttered the one question he hoped I wouldn't ask. “He told me he didn't feel like clubbing tonight.”
“Right,” I said with a hint of sarcasm. “I understand.”
He just didn't care enough.
“Leah, come on. It's not like that.”
“It's okay, I get it.”
“I don't think you do.”
“Well, by all means enlighten me. Because I would love to know what goes on inside that head of his.”
I'd tried really hard to make it through the night without making a big deal out of Radleigh's absence, but I was leaving in less than twenty four hours and it was becoming more and more apparent that he wasn't going to swoop in and beg me to stay. Not that I was genuinely expecting him to. That was more like the desperate hope of a pining woman. And that hope was fading rapidly.
“Have you even talked to him lately?” Bryce asked.
“No. But he hasn't spoken to me either.”
Bryce rolled his eyes. “You're both as bad as each other.”
“He made it quite clear that he doesn't care whether I leave or not. Why would I approach someone like that?”
“Because his enormous ego prevents him from making the first move.”
“All he had to do was show up here tonight, say goodbye, and that would be the end of it.”
“Would it?”
“Yes,” I said firmly, not wanting to confess my feelings to Radleigh's closest friend. “It would.”
As I walked away from Bryce, that horrible ache began to fill me again and I sat down at the nearest table, not bothering to check whether it was already taken. The weight of the grief I’d been carrying around had got too much. I needed to let it pass. Not that it ever really went away. But sometimes it was stronger. Talking about Radleigh instead of just thinking about him had made it more real again.
I couldn't stand it. I hadn't left America yet and I missed him already.
“Leah, come and dance with me.”
Miguel was offering me his hand and I let him lead me down to the throng of clubbers, where he gently pulled me close to him.
It felt kind of nice to be in his arms again. Not in the same way it used to. But it was comfortable, familiar. And as always he had come along at the right moment to save me.
It had stopped being awkward whenever we saw each other. Everything that had happened between us seemed to have been brushed under the carpet. We never mentioned it at all. Not just me cheating on him, but the whole relationship. It was sad that it had to be that way because the time I'd been with him was something I'd never forget. But if pretending we had never happened was what it took for us to have a friendship, I was happy enough with it.
“So, where is he?” Miguel asked.
“Where is who?”
He raised his eyebrows in a 'don't pretend you don't know who I mean' kind of way.
“Let's not go there.”
I hadn't yet recovered from the last mention of Radleigh.
“I thought he'd be here,” Miguel pressed on.
“I thought he'd be here too. But he's not.”
“He really is a dick.”
“You won't hear any arguments from me on that score. I'm looking forward to the day when I won't ever have to see him again.”
“Right. Now tell me the truth. I don't doubt that you think he's an idiot, it's a popular opinion. But that's not all of it. You’ve been looking around for him all night.”
I was ready to protest but the only thing that came out of my mouth was a tiny squeak, followed by a lone tear that slid down my cheek.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “I'll shut up now.”
“I'm sorry too,” I told him, resting my head on his shoulder and trying to stop the flow of tears that had been threatening to fall all evening. “Apparently I’m over-emotional tonight.”
“Well, maybe if you were honest about what's upsetting you, it might be easier.”
“I thought he’d be here. For one last petty argument if nothing else.”
“Like I said, he's a dick. I don't know how he could let you leave like this.”
“Simple. He’s just not bothered.”
“Leah, do you love him?”
I froze for a second then looked up at him with uncertainty, and he said, “Tell me.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
I hadn't even needed to think about it. I knew, just as I had known for weeks, maybe even months.
If my confirmation hurt Miguel, he didn't let it show. Instead, he gently placed his hand on my cheek and brushed away my tears with his thumb. “Go and see him, angel.”
At his use of the nickname he gave me, I hugged him tightly.
“I'm scared, Miguel.”
“I know you are, but you can't leave without seeing him. You have to go.”
He took my shaking hands in his and I said, “Thank you.”
“I just want you to be happy. Now go and talk to him before I change my mind and tell you it's a bad idea.”
With a small laugh, I kissed him on the cheek. “You're amazing.”
“Right back at ya. Want me to come with you to find a cab?”
Shaking my head, I said, “No thanks, I'll be fine. Will I see you in the morning before I go?”
“Yeah, what time do you have to leave?”
“I have to be at the airport for nine-thirty. I'm meeting Will, Freya and Bree in the hotel lobby at eight thirty.”
“I'll be there.”
I gave him one final hug before darting through the crowds to grab my bag, then I made my way out of the club without a word to anyone.
All the way back to the hotel, my stomach was churning.
What will I say to him? What if he asks me to stay? What if he doesn't? What if he won't even talk to me?
I almost told the taxi driver to turn around and take me back to the club. I didn't have the slightest idea what my opening line would be when I saw him.
After paying the cabbie, I stepped nervously out of the cab and made my way inside. I decided to check the bar before going to his room. It was a good thing I did too, because that's precisely where he was. He was sitting on a stool at the bar, a bottle of beer in his hand.
Wearing the blue shirt. The one he wore to the wedding.
Great minds, indeed.
My heart stopped as I saw a woman sidle over to him and sit at the stool next to his. He looked up at her as she began to make her play for him, but much to my amazement, he glared at her and said something which clearly caused offence. She scurried back to her friends, looking completely mortified.
I didn't much fancy being rejected the same way.
Oh, come on. What have you got left to lose at this point?
Steadying myself, I walked into the bar, head held high to convey a confidence I wasn't feeling.
“Drowning your sorrows?”
Radleigh looked up from his beer bottle, his face set as if he were about to rip someone's head off. When he saw me, his expression didn't change much.
“Aren't you supposed to be at your leaving party?” he sneered.
He was clearly drunk, but I took a seat beside him anyway. “Aren't you supposed to be at my leaving party?”
“Why would I be there?”
“A d
ecent night out? Hundreds of scantily clad women for you to get your claws into?”
“What do you want?”
“I have no idea,” I answered, honestly. “I don't know what possessed me to leave my own party where I was having fun, to come all the way back here to find you drunk in a bar.”
“You wanted to see me?” he asked, the first glimmer of something more positive in his voice.
I nodded. “I guess I did.”
The air seemed to crackle around us, and he reached forwards to rest his hand on my thigh. Warmth spread through me at his touch, along with a tingle of pleasure. He had made only the tiniest movement but it made everything slide out of focus.
Everything except him.
“Why did you want to see me?”
“Would you really have let me go without saying goodbye?” I asked softly. “Because that's all I wanted. To say goodbye.”
Our eyes connected in a silent conversation, an understanding.
“Excuse me, Miss,” I heard a voice say, “can I get you a drink?”
Without taking my eyes off him I said, “Do I want a drink, Radleigh?”
He shook his head, and in one fluid movement the two of us stood up and headed for his room.
.
Chapter 20: This Is It
I didn't even have time to breathe.
The second we got into Radleigh's room he slammed me up against the door, crushing his mouth against mine.
He smelled incredible. The strange combination of beer and the scent of his aftershave made me a little lightheaded, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawing him in closer as his hands moved from my waist to unzip my dress and slide it down over my shoulders.
I unbuttoned his shirt and let it drop to the floor, my hands gripping his back. He let out a low growl and lifted me up, kissing me hard as his hands began to slide underneath my dress. He carried me over to his bed and we fell on to it. I didn't care that for a moment he was crushing me, I couldn't breathe anyway.
A soft moan escaped my lips as he pushed my dress up, his fingers digging into my hips as his tongue danced with mine.
A thousand emotions ran through me at once, from fear to excitement, but none of it compared to how much I wanted him. I couldn't think about what had happened before – all that mattered was the moment we were caught up in, my hands clawing at his back and his kisses on my neck.
I loved the way he felt, the feeling of his muscles beneath my fingertips, tracing his tattooed arms with my tongue, the tautness of his stomach.
He was perfect.
Tell him. Tell him now.
My words were lost as his hand slipped inside my knickers, teasing me, making me shiver with anticipation. I raised my hips a little, willing him to go further but he continued to remain in control causing me to let out another moan, this time of frustration.
I raked my hands through his hair as his lips found their way to the swell of my breast, but before I even had the chance to enjoy the sensation I felt his weight lift off of me and he rolled away, sitting up on the edge of the bed, his head down.
Not entirely sure what just happened, I didn't move for a moment. I hadn't been ready to stop, and I certainly hadn't expected him to. When he made no move to come back I sat up, my head still spinning.
“Radleigh?”
“You have to go.”
Surely I’d misheard him.
I shuffled across the bed, pulling my dress up. “What?”
“You have to go,” he repeated.
“Why? I thought .. I mean …”
I didn't actually have a clue what I meant. All I knew was that less than a minute ago, we’d been about to engage in some wild, frantic sex.
“What?” he asked, his blue eyes looking at me coldly. “What did you think?”
Resisting the strong urge to pull him back on top of me so I could show him, I said, “Why don't you tell me what you're thinking? First you ignore me for four weeks, then you bring me up here, half undress me and then change your mind! What do you want from me?”
“I want you to go!” he said, firmly. “Just get out of my room and go back to your party.”
I refused to move, still reeling. With the strength of my feelings for him and the emotion of knowing I was leaving in the morning, being rejected by him – again – caused angry tears to spring to my eyes.
“What is this? Your final attempt to drive me crazy? You couldn't have asked me to leave you alone when we were in the bar instead of bringing me up here and-” I stopped abruptly, my words sticking in my throat.
“You said you wanted to say goodbye. What did you think would happen?”
“I didn't have a thought in my head, actually. I just wanted to see you.”
“Now you have. So you can go.”
I stood up to straighten my clothes but he didn't even look at me. He kept his back turned and stared straight ahead at the wall as if I wasn’t even there.
Without another word, I left his room, pausing for a second to look back at him, willing him to turn around and say something. When he didn’t move, I closed the door.
The night was long and sleepless. My head ached, my eyes were sore and puffy.
And it was time to go home.
Freya greeted me with the usual strong cup of coffee, which I really needed having only managed one measly hour of sleep.
As she perched herself on the edge of my bed, she said, “What happened with McCoy last night?”
I didn’t look up from my coffee cup because I didn't want to discuss it, and I particularly didn't need a lecture. Things were hard enough already.
“We were worried about you,” Freya went on. “Miguel said you'd gone back to the hotel. I wanted to come back to be with you, but … well … he told me you'd gone to see Radleigh.”
I would have been angry with Miguel for confessing my secret, but really, he’d done me a favour. If Freya had come to the hotel to find me I would have been in no mood to talk to her.
I nodded. “I did.”
“Why?”
“I needed to see him,” I said, my voice quivering already.
“Oh, Leah,” she said, moving closer to me to put her arm around my shoulders. “What did he do now?”
“It doesn't matter,” I told her. “I'm going home today, so it just doesn't matter.”
“Then why are you crying?”
I let my head flop on to her shoulder, too tired and broken to stop the tears. “I'm such an idiot. I thought … I thought he’d be happy to see me.”
“And he wasn't?”
Cringing at my patheticness, I confessed what had happened in Radleigh's room. Freya listened carefully while I told her he’d thrown me out after things got heavy between us.
“How could he do that to you?”
“I don't know. It was so humiliating.”
Maybe he never intended to sleep with me at all. Maybe he meant to make me feel the way I did.
Stupid, unwanted and desperate.
“Why should you be humiliated, honey? He was the one who started it, you didn't throw yourself at him.”
“That doesn't change how completely embarrassing it is to be kicked out of a room by someone who you …” I trailed off again. “I didn't expect it, and let’s be honest, being rejected by Radleigh McCoy has to be the ultimate slap in the face. He never turns anyone down.”
“Did you want something to happen between you?”
“As soon as I saw him I did. But that isn't why I went to see him. It wasn't about sex.”
She didn't answer and I looked up, seeing the realisation suddenly hit her. Her mouth dropped open.
“You love him, don't you?”
I nodded. “How stupid can you get?”
“It's not stupid. You can't help how you feel.”
A look of sadness crossed her face, forcing me out of my own self-pity.
“I guess you know how that goes,” I said.
“Yep.” She sighed. “I do.”
&
nbsp; It wasn’t the same, not when Will loved her too. I was done revealing the truths of their relationship though. They had to do some of the work on their own.
“Can you at least tell me it gets easier?” I asked, hopefully.
She shook her head. “I wish I could. It's not always unbearable, but it's never easy.”
I made a face. “Well, you're a great help.”
The two of us began to giggle.
“Leah, what will I do without you?”
“You'll be fine,” I told her. “You'll still have all your friends around you. I'll be at home on my own.”
“Then don't go. Stay here.”
I shook my head. “I won't find another job as good as the one I had, and even if I did, it wouldn't be the same as working with you every day. I need to go home. Besides, with the way things are with Radleigh, I just want to be as far away from here as I can.”
Freya nodded. “I understand. I really do. I just wish things were different.”
“Me too.”
An hour later, my bags were packed and it was time to say a final goodbye to my friends. Both Freya and I were trying to hold it together as we stepped into the lobby to meet Will, Bree, Jesse and Miguel. We both failed.
The tiredness, the grief at having to leave them all behind seeped into every part of me, and I still couldn’t stop myself sweeping my eyes around the room for Radleigh.
Will was the first of my friends to wish me good luck, and make me swear to keep in touch. I assured him he wouldn’t get rid of me just because I wasn't in the same country as him anymore. There was still unfinished business regarding him and Freya. Even if I wasn’t right there to guide them, I hadn’t finished hoping they’d figure things out.
Bree was next. She gave me the tightest hug I’d ever received and said, “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“I'll miss you too,” I told her, trying to control my tears. “I can't believe I won't be able to steal clothes from you anymore.”
She laughed through her own tears. “I'll come and visit and we can swap. I hear the shopping in London is great!”
I nodded, and laughed. “Yeah, it is.”
“Then we have something to look forward to,” she said, in her usual sunny way. “I’m going to call you every day to make sure you don't forget!”