Silencing every doubt flooding her, she parked and exited her car, mounted the steps, and pressed the doorbell. Just as she was getting ready to leave, Tracy Carlisle swung the heavy door open, her bright smile fading into surprise before brightening again.
The older woman wrapped her arms around Kelsey and pulled her into a tight embrace. One that Kelsey could never have predicted. “Kelsey, honey, I am so happy to see you.”
For a moment, Kelsey stood still, shock immobilizing every cell on her body. The flood of emotions quickly replaced it, and she returned Tracy’s hug, every moment of missing the members of the Carlisle family she’d already begun seeing as her own bringing stinging tears to her eyes. “You don’t hate me?”
Tracy gripped Kelsey’s biceps and held her back from her slightly. Her dark blue eyes stared deep into Kelsey’s heart. “Come inside.”
The familiar and welcoming living room that managed to somehow hold a measure of warmth and comfort despite the open, spacious layout seemed to enfold Kelsey in an embrace just as Connor’s mother had. She settled onto the plush sofa with the other woman and braced herself for the gentle but thorough dressing down she knew she deserved.
“Long ago, Mike and I made an agreement between ourselves to mostly stay out of our boys’ relationships.” Tracy quirked her lips to the side and lifted her brows. “Family involvement can be the worst thing for any relationship, and unless we had significant concerns, we’ve kept to that pact.”
Twin tears made paths down each cheek, but Kelsey paid no attention, too focused on the small measure of redemption she found in the older woman’s words.
She patted Kelsey’s hand gently. “Connor never talked about what happened, and you don’t have to, either, but if you have a single thought that we wouldn’t welcome you back, you need to wipe that away right now.” Tracy dipped her chin and gave Kelsey that penetrating stare once more. “Whatever created this thing between you two, I am certain you two could work through it.”
The icy chill of reality accompanied the encouraging words. This wasn’t simply asking forgiveness for a mistake, although that would certainly be part of it; this was asking Connor to be willing to sacrifice something he’d always wanted. To accept the her that she was now.
And that…might be asking for more than even her tenderhearted Picasso was capable of giving.
Chapter Ten
Connor
Six Years Earlier
On the third slow blink, Connor’s eyes stayed closed. Immediately, he was transported to a secluded cabin tucked away in the woods. The low din of traffic exchanged for the sounds of wildlife and a nearby babbling brook.
The serenity embraced him, calming his senses. Until Kelsey deposited herself in his lap. Wordlessly, she joined her lips to his. A warm summer breeze enveloped them, every moment an intoxicating bliss.
Her mouth moved from his lips to his ear. “Connor.”
He tightened his hold on her and kept her firmly against his chest. “Shhh, gorgeous, just kiss me.” Something firm gripped his shoulder, and his entire body shook.
Warm air tickled his face as Kelsey spoke softly. “You need to wake up, Picasso.”
Everything around him disappeared, and her dorm room, and the single bed he’d fallen asleep on while waiting for her to come back from class, came into laser sharp focus. He smiled lazily at her where she perched on the edge of the mattress beside him. “Hey there, gorgeous. This might be the best wakeup call I’ve ever had.”
Crimson colored her cheeks. “You do realize this is my room, not yours.” Her gaze darted to the door for a moment. “And I have a roommate who will have a fit if you’re here too much.”
He sat up on the bed and tugged her close to him. “Yeah, we need to talk about that, but first kiss me?”
An inch away from their lips joining, Kelsey pressed her fingers against his mouth. “I’m not taking a chance on morning breath there, Picasso.” She reached into the drawer of the stand beside her bed and extracted a strip of wintergreen gum, shoving it in his mouth.
He rolled his eyes but chewed obediently. “I’ve only been asleep for twenty minutes at the most.”
A slow smile curled her lips. “Yeah, but I have no intention of this being a quick peck.”
Connor groaned as her arms wound around him and pushed him back down on the bed, proving the truth in her words. His hands stroked up and down the length of her spine.
Unaccounted-for time passed as they lay completely entangled in one another, the real world fading into oblivion; the only thing that mattered in those endless moments was the other one. Kelsey sighed into his mouth as he rotated them to lay side by side, arms and legs fully entwined.
When they finally broke their kiss, Kelsey stroked a finger down the side of his face. “Now, what was that thing we needed to talk about?”
Connor grinned and moved in to capture her lips again. “I forget, but let’s do that again and see if it jogs my memory.” He nuzzled into her neck. “But my brain sucks. It might take doing this a lot before I finally remember.”
Light, tinkling laughter preceded a soft shove against his chest. “You’re such a liar. You’ve got a three-point-eight GPA. Pretty sure that means you have a pretty damn good brain.”
“And that makes your four-point-oh superhuman.” He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and leaned his head forward to rest against hers. “I’ve been thinking about summer. And my genius girlfriend’s grad school in the fall.”
Her smile faltered. “What…were your thoughts?”
“That I love you.” He cupped her cheek. “That I know we’ve only been dating for six months, but I’m not okay with living over two hours away from you for the next two years.” He’d spent hours with various scenarios running through his mind last night as he stared at his ceiling, trying to ignore the ever-present ache in his arms when he wasn’t holding Kelsey. “I know you’ve got plans back home during the summer, but I wanted to talk to you about your graduate program. And us.”
The light completely evaporated from her countenance. Lines formed between her brows, and she curled her lips down. “I’m completely lost.” A hint of a sparkle shone in her eyes despite the confusion and gravity written across her face. “Although I do like that you’re thinking about our future.”
He scrambled off the bed and dug in his backpack, pulling out a bent folder with pages sticking out at all angles. “I’ve been researching internships. In Chapel Hill.”
Her brows shot up, and she grabbed the file from him, skimming through the printout for various architectural firms in Chapel Hill. The ones closest to the UNC campus had a star near the top left corner in blue permanent marker. “Connor…”
Criss-crossing his legs beneath him, he sat at the foot of the mattress and collected her hands in his. “I know this is a big step, and it’s asking a lot. You don’t need to answer me now, but…is this something you’d want?”
“Yes.” The single syllable exited her mouth in hurried breath as soon as he’d finished speaking. “But is this what you want? Your family is here, your life is here, your future is here.”
A slow smile curved his mouth. “My future is whatever I want it to be.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to the tip of her nose. “And right now, I think Chapel Hill is looking pretty damn good. We could either get a place together off campus so you can save money or I’ll just get a studio apartment that I spend as little time at as humanly possible while I visit you in your dorm.”
Kelsey giggled and pulled him, falling back against the pillows with him on top of her. “Let’s give living arrangements until May to decide, but…I really freaking like the idea of you being in Chapel Hill, too.”
He kissed her softly, because he couldn’t not. His hands trailed along her curves, his fingers curling between her and the mattress, pulling her into him. “I love you, gorgeous,” he managed to gasp out before they both lost themselves to the oblivion desire’s fulfillment offered.
She held his f
ace between her palms and smiled. “I love you too, Picasso.”
Connor’s chest swelled just as it did every time she spoke the words. What he didn’t say was right now the only future he could consider was with her. What he didn’t say was that after only six months he knew they belonged together for the long haul. What he definitely didn’t say was that he knew no matter what happened, they were meant to be.
***
Kelsey
Six Years Earlier
He slammed the tailgate of his SUV closed and brushed his hands off. “Well, gorgeous, I think that’s everything.”
Kelsey wound her arms around his waist. “You didn’t have to move me back home, you know. My parents are perfectly capable of helping me just like they did when I moved in.” She rolled her eyes before lifting up onto her tiptoes to trail her lips along his jaw. “Although they freaking love you, which might be mildly annoying.”
Connor pulled back slightly, gripping her hips firmly in his hands. “First of all, it is going to be weeks before I get to see you. I’ll take every extra second I can get.” With a groan, he held her tightly again. “And second, getting your parents to like me is all part of my master plan.”
She shoved him slightly and stepped back out of his embrace with mock horror etched on her face. “I knew it! You are some psychopathic stalker.” She pressed her lips together, folded her arms over her chest, and nodded her head. “You were just playing the long game, weren’t you?”
“Dammit, you figured me out. The whole soup-covered stranger incident was a total charade. I threw marbles across the floor to make you trip.” He grabbed her close again, eliciting a high-pitched “eep” from her. “But you managed to reform me. You oughta be proud, gorgeous.”
Her breath was stolen as his lips found hers then moved to her cheeks, her temples, and landed on her neck, his tongue tracing lazy patterns on her sensitive skin. “Damn, Picasso, you need to calm down. My bedsheets are all packed away, and neither of us wants to make contact with whatever remnants of bodily fluids of residents past cover the mattresses up there.”
Connor laughed and released her, opening the passenger’s door for her, just as he always did. She couldn’t resist giving him a peck on his cheek as she passed for being thoughtful. For being considerate. For being hers.
She paid little attention to the direction he was going, lost in a heated debate on the best band of all time—which, despite his protestations, was clearly The Beatles and a fact she made him acquiesce to when she pointed out that their song was one of The Beatles’ biggest hits—until a little over thirty minutes into their drive. Her brows drew together as she looked out the window. “Connor…I think you made a wrong turn somewhere.”
He lifted their hands that had been joined the entire drive and brushed them across his mouth. “Just trust me, gorgeous.”
Moments later, her chest ached with overwhelming emotions as he pulled into the same parking space they occupied the night of their first date. The day was nearly as idyllic with a bright sun in the sky, a warm breeze blowing across a nearly crystalline lake, and the low hum of couples and families and friends around them.
“Connor,” she breathed out his name through the thickening in her throat. Unable to control it, and really not wanting to anyway, she grabbed his face in her hands and captured his mouth with hers. The steering wheel prevented her from climbing into his lap, but the responding moan and immediate presence of his arms around her was a damn close second.
Warmth and passion, love and lust all mingled together to fuel their kiss, deepening the act with the intense emotion each sparked in the other.
After countless moments passed in the haze of passion and affection, Connor broke away and reached behind her seat. “It’s not burgers from the drive-thru, but,” he pulled a large insulated bag out, “I figured we would need to eat before we go.” He palmed her cheek, and his sapphire gaze softened. “And it will probably be a while before we can come back here.”
The bread on the ham and cheese sandwiches was a little smushed and the strawberries had clearly been bruised. He lifted a shoulder and ducked his head. “I, um, might not be very good at packing lunches.”
Kelsey cut a sideways glance to the boxes and bags filling his car. The ones she had unpacked and repacked after Connor had spent the night helping her get things ready. “Yeah…that’s an understatement, Picasso.”
“Hey, at least I try.”
She swallowed her bite of food and leaned forward to give him a peck on the cheek. “You do. You definitely do.”
They finished the meal and allowed time for one more heavy make-out session before getting on the right road to lead back to her home in Richmond. The drive was mostly blanketed in silence as Kelsey’s mind was lost to the same dark, intrusive thoughts. She had no issue being on her own, but to go from seeing Connor damn near every day to more than a month of only phone calls before their schedules would allow them a break was…not a pleasant concept.
Connor gave her a few questioning looks as they drove but kept any minimal conversation light, stroking his thumb across the back of her hand as they traveled.
Once at her house, her parents appropriately fawned over Connor, even her father, who wasn’t a fan of his youngest daughter dating anyone, and then they all worked to unload the SUV. In the fading sunlight, they stood beside the vehicle, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms.
“You could wait until tomorrow, you know. It would be smarter.” She buried her face in the soft cotton of his shirt and firmed her hold, willing time to stop for just five minutes. “Get some rest, have a good breakfast, and then get on your way.”
Connor chuckled and rested his chin on the crown of her head. “Do you think that will make saying goodbye any easier?”
She sniffled as the tears she’d banked for so long threatened to spill over at the mention of “goodbye.” “No, but it means I can delay the inevitable.”
“Seven weeks, gorgeous.” He pushed her slightly from him and kissed her forehead, temple, and cheeks before joining his lips with hers. “We will talk every day, and I promise I won’t completely trash the apartment before you get there.”
She swatted at his chest. “Listen, I’ve seen your dorm, and I expect that you’ll do better with our place. I swear if I show up in August to find the entire place smelling like sweaty gym socks and old pizza, you’re in serious trouble.”
The week before graduation, they had driven to Chapel Hill and spent an extended weekend looking at apartments to find the perfect one. Connor had put a deposit down right away and was scheduled to move in and start his internship with a large firm that summer while Kelsey shadowed at various medical practices, banking a few much needed clinical hours.
But that also meant that Connor would be left to his own devices and…less than ideal cleaning standards for three months before Kelsey could bring her moderate OCD organizational and cleaning skills into the mix. A thought that might have haunted her in the early morning hours.
“I promise I won’t wreck the place.” He kissed her softly. “And I promise to stock up on lots of bleach so you can have fun ridding the apartment of any lingering bachelor odor.”
She grabbed his face and locked their mouths together, heated, heady, and full of promises she couldn’t fulfill standing in her parents’ driveway. “You aren’t a bachelor, Picasso. Don’t you forget it.”
Chapter Eleven
Connor
Present Day
They’d dated for six years; five of those they’d lived together. Connor was used to seeing Kelsey every day. He knew her better than he knew nearly anyone in the world other than his younger brother Dean.
And he knew when something changed. Like this morning.
The third day of therapy, he told her to stop ringing the damn bell and just come in. Now in the second week, she sailed through the door humming…although the off-key tune and her footsteps stopped as soon as she hit the living room carpet.
; To be fair, he might have been scowling. Possibly.
Of all the things he missed about Kelsey—and that list was pathetically long—one of the hardest ones to live without was her tone deaf singing. Waking up to total silence, aside from the frequent drumline playing in his head, was a form of torture he never thought possible. Kelsey had always been up first and was usually singing a song in an unrecognizable way that was horrifically off key and completely her own style.
And it was one of those things that made him fall even deeper in love with her.
“Sorry.” She drew out the final syllable of her one word apology. After a moment of awkward silence where she toed the carpet with her clog and Connor fought the urge to beg her to sing…anything, she held up the bag he hadn’t noticed her carrying. An impish grin curled her lips, and the perpetual stabbing pain in his chest throbbed harder. “But I brought muffins.”
His lips tingled with an unspoken sarcastic retort, but Wyatt’s words mingled with his own desire to find out what the hell made her leave and created a blockade. Instead, he took a deep breath and smiled. “Thanks, Kels.”
A new and unexplainable calm blanketed the air around them as they went through the familiar exercises. Connor’s smiles weren’t quite as forced, even laughing when Kelsey completely ruined a joke she was trying to remember from one of her other clients.
It was just like it had always been.
Until she lowered the platform from where it was stored, hanging flush with the wall, and clicked the support bars on either side in place. She stood in front of him and rested her wrists on either metal pole. “Today is going to be the day. I can feel it.”
Connor rolled back slightly. “I don’t think I’m ready to try and fail again.”
She stepped forward, pulled him back onto the platform, and knelt beside his chair. “You’re not going to fail. You’ve been working your ass off, but it’s time for the rubber to meet the road here and we get you on your feet.” Her hand settled on his knee, and lightning shot from the contact. “I believe in you, Connor.”
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