He winced at the well-deserved dressing down from his brother. “You’re right, and I’m sorry, but Dean, things have changed with Kelsey.”
His younger brother rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. Connor couldn’t help but notice the change in the man since he’d begun working at Wyatt’s ranch. He’d not only bulked up physically, but his cocky youthful swagger had evolved into a quiet confidence that made Connor proud of Dean’s growth. “This better be damned good. What’s changed?”
Connor ran his tongue along the suddenly dry roof of his mouth. “We…” He searched his mind for the right words. Since their one-time rekindling, everything between them had stayed strictly over-the-clothes, but the air between them completely shifted. Gone was the tension of fighting the urge to fall back into everything they once were. Instead, it was replaced with the easy familiarity of lovers and friends. “We talked.”
Dean blinked slowly three times. “You talked. Do you want a frickin’ reward for that? Talking doesn’t change keeping your family in the dark about something this important.” Thick brows drew together, and in that moment, more than normal, Dean was the mirror image of their eldest brother Tanner. “From me. Con, you kept this from me.”
Guilt shot pain through Connor’s midsection that managed to override the incessant ache from muscles still screaming at being used after being confined to casts and bandages for so long. “I’m sorry, D, I really am, but it’s Kels. And things—”
His foot hanging in midair on his way to the sofa, Dean stopped and turned to face Connor. “Are you guys…?”
The question was one Connor didn’t have a definitive answer for. He enjoyed the peace and easy companionship that had descended upon him and Kelsey too much to disturb it with questions about the future. At least not yet. “I don’t know yet, but we are definitely heading somewhere good and…” He shuffled over to the recliner and dropped gingerly into it, propping his elbow on the arm and rubbing his temple with eyes closed. “I love Mom and Dad. I love Tanner. And, hell, I even love Wyatt, but they can be a bit much.”
Some of the tension pulling at Dean features softened, and he threw himself onto the couch diagonal to Connor’s seat. “I’ll give you that. We Carlisles are best served in small doses.”
The heavy weight that filled Connor’s gut eased as their normal casual atmosphere returned. “I really am sorry, Deano, but I could also use some advice.”
“From me?” The younger man squirmed in his seat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Don’t you think Tanner or Wy would be a better choice? They have all that disgusting happily ever after shit going on, and I’m over here with the girl I love eight thousand miles away on the coast of Africa.”
Connor quirked a brow and twisted his lips to the side in a self-satisfied smirk. “Damn, little bro finally willing to admit he is in love with Jillian only about five years too late.”
Dean grabbed one of the chevron-printed throw pillows off the couch and whipped it at Connor. “Shut up. She’s coming home next spring. I haven’t missed my chance.” He threw Connor a cocky grin. “Even Wyatt managed to pull off a comeback kid routine, and I’m twice as charming and at least three times better looking than him.”
The statement, even said jokingly, sobered Connor. “Do you think Kels and I can, too? Hell, this isn’t half as bad as Tanner, and I’m certainly not even a fifth of the asshole Wyatt is. You think I got a shot here?”
“Maybe you could start by telling me exactly what the hell happened, Con.” Dean settled back into the plush sofa. “All we know is one day y’all are planning the wedding of the century and the next she’s gone and you’re drinking away your sorrows at every bar in the county like you’re the star of some bad country music video.”
Cautiously, Connor readjusted himself, still tender in many places. But his doctor’s appointment the day prior, with Kelsey in tow, had been a stellar one. Cleared to resume many normal activities. Including the one he was most interested in, the one he’d asked about when she’d left the office to bring the car around.
“In the beginning, I didn’t know.” He held up a finger and pointed it at his brother with a narrowed gaze. “And this shit stays between us. I don’t need a Carlisle intervention for me or Kelsey.”
Palms out, Dean hid defensively behind his hands. “Wyatt and I talk business, and Tanner and Izzy are too frickin’ lost in each other to notice much of what goes on around them. You know you have my loyalty anyway. It’s how we survived childhood with those two assholes as our elders.”
Lifting his chin, Connor smirked. “Call Wyatt your elder sometime when I’m around to watch. Should be a good show.”
Dean grabbed at the bare couch fruitlessly. “Dammit, did Kelsey take all the pillows with her when she left? I need my frickin’ ammunition.”
“She told me why.” Connor blurted the words out and silently hoped Kelsey could understand that he needed to talk this through and that he wasn’t spilling her secrets just to hurt her. “And it still hurts like hell, because at the end of the day she didn’t trust me, but…I kinda get it, too.”
Trepidation filled Dean’s blue eyes. “What was her reason?”
Connor held out two fingers from each hand pointed toward the opposite palm and rotated them around each other in a circle. “First, we gotta back up some. Remember how we always talked about kids?”
His younger brother made a gagging sound. “Yeah, it was gross and weird. You were like twenty-one and had been on four dates and started spewing all that love, marriage, and baby carriage crap. And then I lost my damn wing man.”
Connor volleyed the pillow back at Dean, and it landed squarely against the other man’s head. “Just shut up and listen, Deano.”
***
Kelsey
Present Day
Lemon verbena swirled around her as soon as she crossed the threshold. This time it brought a smile to her face at the welcome familiarity. As did the soft, “oh, you came,” that preceded Izzy’s arms wrapping around her.
Kelsey lost herself to the openness she hadn’t realized she missed so desperately until the first time she’d come looking to Izzy for help. “If the offer for a class is still on the table, I’d love to see if I could still manage a few poses.” She ran a hand down her spandex-clad thigh. “I’m a little out of practice and incredibly tense.”
A knowing smile curled Izzy’s lips, and she nodded. “One day I’ll have to tell you the story of my first session and what led to,” she waved an arm around to encompass the sleek, modern studio Kelsey knew Izzy’s husband had been heavily involved in helping her create, “all this.” She tilted her head, warm chocolate irises penetrating through the calm exterior Kelsey offered. “It might hit home for you in more ways than one.”
Izzy linked arms with Kelsey and switched the topic as they waited for the rest of the next class to arrive. But the other woman’s seeming insight stuck with Kelsey as they chatted and throughout the class.
Each pose Izzy led the room in challenged the body Kelsey had long been neglecting in favor of working ever-increasing hours. The back bend not only tested the strength and flexibility of her body, but it put an unexpected pressure on her emotions. Vulnerability wove through her tumultuous emotions, nearly halting the movement. Much sooner than Izzy directed, she pulled herself out of the position and stood with her eyes closed.
At the front of the room, Izzy called out the next transition softly. “And down into the child’s pose.”
Kelsey dropped to her knees and folded her body over her legs, stretching her arms out in front of her, palms resting on the mat. She leaned further into the pose, pushing her limits, and the frail dam around her heart cracked.
She stayed in the same position long after Izzy directed the next, the vinyl beneath her collecting the seemingly never-ending tears that poured from her eyes. A great flood she was helpless to stop.
Soft footsteps stopped beside her, and a hand trailed down her spine in a comfo
rting motion. “Stay where you are as long as you need.”
By the end of the class, even though she wasn’t certain she could trust herself not to fall apart again, Kelsey collected her mat and wiped a towel across her face and the back of her neck.
Izzy caught her before she could make it out the door. “You don’t have to go.” She offered a serene smile that managed to ease a measure of the tumult in Kelsey. “We can go to my office and chat if you need to.”
The woman that Kelsey had formed an inexplicable bond with wasn’t who she’d ever imagined seeking advice from, but in that moment, she couldn’t imagine talking to anyone else. Barely contained emotions erupted, and fresh waves washed over her, fat tears rolling down her face. “Please.”
An arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her to the older woman’s side as she led her into the small room they’d been in just a few weeks earlier. Unhurried moments passed as Izzy gently pushed a bottle of water in Kelsey’s hand and offered tissues for the never-ending rivers flowing from Kelsey’s eyes.
“It’s kind of scary when that happens.”
Izzy’s statement pulled Kelsey’s gaze from where it was focused on her fidgeting fingers in her lap to humored chocolate irises. “I-I didn’t mean to worry you…”
“Oh, not for me.” Izzy took the seat on the small couch beside Kelsey. “For you. Or at least I was terrified when the same thing happened at my first class. As soon as I went in the pigeon pose, so many things I didn’t even realize I was feeling just came out and…” She chuckled lightly. “I felt like an idiot at the time, but after, it was like a thousand-pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. One I didn’t know I was carrying.”
Kelsey twisted her fingers through the hem of the teal tank top and bit down on her lower lip. “Did…have…” She huffed an exasperated breath that caused one of the locks of hair that had escaped her messy bun to fly out. “Have you talked to Connor lately?”
Izzy smirked and lifted both brows. “Tanner usually checks in every couple of days, but Dean made sure to not only inform every one of his brother’s latest leap in recovery, but also his intentional lack of notification.” She covered the other woman’s hand. “It wouldn’t have happened this soon with anyone but you.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s because I’m the only one who knows how to deal with his stubborn ass.” Kelsey swallowed back some of the concern. “We talked, and I…explained…everything. Why I left and why we can’t be together. Did he…did he say anything about that?”
“I kind of figured.” The woman who was once so close to becoming her sister-in-law offered the most encouraging and empathetic smile Kelsey had ever seen. “I’ve been in the Carlisle family for more than a decade because, let’s face it, once they meet you, you’re part of the family. For siblings, those four boys could not be more different, but they share one trait with their father that runs even more strongly than the identical blue eyes. Once they love, they love forever.”
The deep truth of the statement hit the raw spot on Kelsey’s heart she couldn’t imagine ever healing. “That’s exactly the problem. Connor deserves to have the life he wants, the family he wants. And his love for me?” She shook her head and dropped her eyes. “He’d give up every dream in a heartbeat because he loves me so damn much. How can I let him do that?”
“Has it ever occurred to you that what Connor wants is you?”
A handful of words that had never crossed Kelsey’s mind smacked her in the face with an icy blast of truth. “Am I a complete idiot to admit that it hasn’t?”
Izzy chuckled and patted her hand. “Not in the slightest, but I think you need to give Connor a little more credit. And remember that every family looks different. Just you and Connor are a family. Or you could be if you’ll let him.”
Could he forgive me? As soon as the question popped into her brain, an immediate and enthusiastic affirmative followed it.
With a brief but tight squeeze, she whispered her gratitude for the much needed perspective in Izzy’s ear. As well as a quick farewell. Without stopping at her apartment—not home because the only place that defined that word was the one she had created with Connor—for a shower or clothing change, she drove straight to Connor’s and burst right through the front door.
Exactly as she expected, he was sequestered in the small room at the back of the house that he’d created as the “perfect” studio. The cane propped on the easel tore at her heart, but seeing him standing in front of the canvas under his own power soothed some of the ache.
He turned gingerly, his brows tightly drawn and mouth turned down into a ridiculous frown. “Kels? What are you doing here?” His eyes roamed the length of her body. “And what the hell are you doing out in freezing temperatures in a tank top and yoga pants?”
Without any input from her brain, she took two large steps forward and grabbed his face, pulling it close to hers. “I don’t deserve a second chance. I bailed on you. On us. I broke the team that I kept telling you we were.” She sniffed and tried to ignore the fat drops rolling down her face. “I promise I’ll never run again, Connor. Can you please forgive me?”
He closed the small space between their mouths and joined his lips to hers in a kiss that was all too brief yet managed to be the balm her aching heart needed. “I’ve already forgiven you, gorgeous. And I never stopped loving you. Not for a single second.”
Gratitude thickened her throat and nearly stole her ability to speak, but she had to tell him the one thing that finally clicked on in her brain. “We’re family. Exactly as we are.” Before he could answer, she kissed him again and poured every ounce of pain, love, dedication, and remorse into the single action.
Chapter Twenty
Connor
Four Years Earlier
He closed the door to their bedroom gently, not wanting to wake Kelsey now that she’d finally gone to sleep after spending hours sobbing. He hated feeling helpless, but the charred remains of the building left nothing for him to do. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he shot off a text to his boss again, thanking him for letting Connor leave when Kelsey called and letting him know he’d be there first thing in the morning to catch up on the latest office they were working on.
Nothing for him to…
An idea sparked in his brain. Softly he twisted the knob and peeked into the bedroom once more, needing to see her slumbering form and assure himself that she was safe.
He descended the steps to the kitchen as fast as he dared. He gathered all his supplies, hooked the specialty LED light onto the table, and spread the graph paper out in front of him. Later he would do exact measurements and create a computer-generated design with perfected lines and wiring maps and everything they would need.
But for now he had to get the basics down on paper. Maybe, just maybe, if she could see everything laid out, she would have hope and be able to see that despite the heavy setback, this could be an opportunity. She’d always complained that she wanted a bigger exercise area and different dimensions for her office and…
He took into account as many of the things that he’d heard her wistfully denote as necessary changes when the practice grew and she could open her own custom-built facility. Nothing embodied “lemonade from lemons” like taking this devastation and turning it into what she dreamed of.
Connor spent the next two and a half hours as Kelsey slept to scratch out a rough drawing of what her office could be. She’d definitely need to tweak it, and he was used to working with particular clients—and knew Kelsey’s perfectionistic tendencies well—to be prepared for many adjustments, but he hoped she would catch a little thread of excitement knowing she had the chance to get everything she wanted.
An image of a phoenix rising from the ashes popped into his brain, and his fingers itched to recreate the vision on a canvas, but he commanded his rebellious brain to focus on the task at hand. He needed to give her a glimmer of light when she woke up, and since he hadn’t mastered the ability to turn back time,
this was his best shot.
Before the sketch was fully fleshed out on the paper, the boards above him creaked, and within moments shuffling feet descended the stairs. Connor stood and met her at the bottom of the steps, his arms opening to enfold her in a supportive embrace.
He kissed the top of her head. “Did that help at all?” He was at a complete loss as to what to say.
Rubbing her temple, she closed her eyes and buried her face in his chest. “The conga line in my brain went away, but…” Her heavy sigh and sniffle ripped at his heart. “What am I supposed to do now?”
Connor tightened his grip on her and swallowed back some nerves. “Maybe I can help.”
She lifted her head and gave him a watery smile. “I love you, and I love that you want to be my hero, but…I don’t know if even you can fix this.”
He dropped a small kiss to the tip of her nose, linked his fingers through hers, and pulled her toward the table. “I don’t know if this will fix everything, or even anything, but just take a look at this and tell me what you think.”
Complete silence caused the nerves to curl into a ball in his gut. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe he should have waited to approach rebuilding until she’d fully processed the loss. Maybe this was the dumbest idea he’d ever had.
“Kels, this isn’t for you to start tomorrow or even look at, I just—”
She threw herself into his arms, locking her legs around his waist and linking her arms behind his neck. She buried her face in his neck, and the convulsing sobs shaking the body he held in his embrace did nothing to lessen his doubt and concern.
“This…is…p-p-p-perfect.” She pulled back and cupped his cheeks in her palms. “You are perfect.” Her mouth melded with his, taking away any chance he had at responding. The hard, demanding kiss dissolved into a gentle, soft affirmation of love and commitment and appreciation.
Meant To Be Family (Meant To Be Series Book 3) Page 13