by Cindy Wilder
It was so hard to stay in bed knowing he was right there. Midnight had passed, and I was still awake. I had talked to him as much as possible and sent him messages while he was gone. I never missed a single day. The thought of not sending him my daily pictures felt strange. I knew I still needed to do it while he was home. As I grabbed my phone, I laughed. I grabbed one of the dirty magazines he had hidden in his room and set it on my bed. When I snapped the picture, I had to laugh. I couldn't imagine what someone would think if they found my phone and went through my picture gallery. It was filled with some very strange pictures of me, food, porn, and so much more.
Me: At least I have porn. Thanks for that.
I was laughing so hard as I hit send on that picture.
Kyle: Very funny. Give me back my porn. You don't need it. What else did you keep of mine?
Me: Are you comfortable over there? Are your girlie surroundings making you feel any less manly?
I heard him laugh through the wall. It was the best sound in the world. He was there. I wasn't going to waist one moment with him.
Kyle: I'm all man, Carrie. There's no way a set of sheets and some curtains are going to change that. Are you enjoying yourself over there? Are you snuggled in my sheets with my porn?
Me: Yes, sir.
Kyle: I don't like this whole apartment thing you have going on. You should just stay here. Why do you need to move out already? What if you need something? Rosie's not going to come over and cook for you. You can't take that many classes and work that many hours.
Me: It will keep me busy and mind off of things.
Kyle: What things?
Me: Just things. I plan to cook for myself. I've been taking care of myself for years. I won't need anything. You've done pretty well, and you bailed as soon as you turned eighteen. Why was it good enough for you to leave but not me?
Kyle: That was different.
Me: Sure it was. I really don't see why you care. You're not here. What does it matter?
Kyle: Be ready at nine.
Me: Why?
Kyle: I need you to take me somewhere. Bring the stuff for all of the apartments you're looking at.
Me: You are not spending your vacation looking at apartments for me. I'm doing what I want. I didn't get to tell you what to do. My dad's not even putting his nose in it.
Kyle: Ready and downstairs at nine o'clock sharp, or you'll be visiting the pool again.
Me: I've got porn to get back to. Goodnight.
I heard his ass growl through the wall. Did he realize he was at home? People here didn't have to do what he said. He told me about things that happened to him, but I tried not to follow it too much. If I did, then I worried about him even more. There was no way I wanted to do that more than I already did.
My eyes opened when I heard a noise outside. It was only seven o'clock. I got up and looked out the window. Kyle was swimming laps in the pool. I sat on the edge of my window and watched him go back and forth as smooth as he always had. There was no way I could take my eyes off of him. He had done that same thing every day the summer I was there before he left. When he was done, he began doing push-ups. I was completely mesmerized watching him go from one thing to the next in his workout. He didn't need any equipment. His swim lasted thirty minutes and his exercises another thirty. I could see sweat dripping down his chest from upstairs. He wiped his face with his shirt and jumped back into the pool. The way the water dripped down his body was so sexy. He had no idea the hold he had over me. When he headed for the house, I took off for the bathroom. I knew he was going to need it.
I took the fastest shower I could and quickly brushed my teeth. At nine o'clock, I knew he was going to be waiting. Wearing only a towel, I swung the bathroom door open to make a quick run to my room. I jumped when I ran into a hard wall of muscle.
"Shit," I gasped. "Sorry."
"For what?" he asked.
"I tried to take a fast shower. I knew you'd want one as soon as you came in," I said.
"Were you watching me?" he asked.
"What?" I asked. "No. I just figured you were out there."
"Sure," he said. "Did you enjoy the show?"
I looked up his slick, hard chest, and my eyes connected with his. He had the silliest smirk on his face. Oh really, I thought. Two can play at that game. I reached out to him, as my towel slid down and barely covered my breasts. My fingers rubbed from his belly, which I felt tighten under my touch, all the way up to his throat. I pulled my finger back, looked up at him, stuck my finger in my mouth, and sucked as I shifted from foot to foot.
"I very much enjoyed the show," I said.
He was looking down at me. I could see his throat swallow hard. His eyes were looking down my towel, so I released my hold on it a little more, knowing he could see straight down it.
"I have to get ready now," I said. "I have an important meeting with a very grumpy man. I wouldn't want to disappoint him."
Just as I went to turn around, he reached out and grabbed my arm. I could feel his touch shoot straight to my core. Before he could say a word, I pulled out of his hold and took off for my room. As soon as the door closed, I fell back against it. I knew I was wet for him. The way his eyes looked amazed me. I honestly felt like he could see straight into my heart.
It was hard being so close to him, knowing he was only there for two weeks, and not touching him. I knew what I wanted but was sure he didn't want the same. With all of his time away in the service, I was sure he had his pick of women. There was no way he'd want anything to do with me. I wasn't the idea perfect girl. I was still a virgin and didn't have much to offer.
At nine o'clock sharp my phone buzzed.
Kyle: Where are you? I'm getting grumpy.
Me: Give me a second. I'll be right there. You do realize you're home right now, right?
I slipped my shoes on, grabbed my stuff, and took off down the stairs and out the front door. He was waiting on my porch swing. As soon as I closed the door, he was up and over to me. He had on a pair of shorts and a tight t-shirt. I would have much rather he put on something that hung from his skin. It was going to be a long day. As he walked by, I smelled his familiar smell I missed so much and took a long sniff.
"Did you just smell me, sweetheart?" he asked.
I let out a grunt and walked passed him to the garage. As soon as the door opened, he let out a laugh.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"Your dad didn't buy you a new car for graduation?" he asked.
"I don't want one," I said, as I walked to my passenger door.
"Why?" he asked. "You could get something better than this."
"I don't want anything else. I want this one. You're driving," I said, as I tossed him the keys and got in the car.
He got in and looked over at me.
"You drove this all the way here from your mom's house," he snapped.
"Sure did," I answered. "I'm a big girl now."
I put a huge grin on my face, and he shook his head.
We went from apartment to apartment. He had something shitty to say about every single one of them. I was getting tired and irritated.
"I'm hungry," I said. "We need lunch. Go wherever you want. I'm paying."
He thought about it for a minute before pulling out onto the road. It was quiet. The radio was off, and I could hear the sounds of the road under the tires.
"Just stay at your dads," he said breaking the silence.
"No," I said.
"Why?" he asked.
"Why did you leave?" I asked.
"That was different," he snapped.
"No," I said. "It wasn't. I've been taking care of myself since I was twelve. You know that. You're the only one that knows that. Why do you care where I live? You're not here."
"I do care," he said. "I can't stand the thought of you living an hour away from your dad. What if you need help? Who's going to help you? I'm fucking hours away. It was hard enough when you were at your mom's house."
"L
ook," I said. "Between working, hanging with your friends, and banging whoever, you're pretty busy. I want to have a life of my own. I can't do that living under my dad's roof. I'm going to be so busy with work and school. I don't want to have to answer to him. I never had to answer to my mom. She never gave a shit where I was. Between my dad and Rosie, they always know where I am."
"Why are you going to work full-time and take classes full-time? Your dad offered to pay for the apartment. Get a bigger one in a nice area and take classes. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. I don't understand why you want to load yourself down so much, Carrie."
"I don't want to talk about it," I said. "We need to eat."
"Fucking talk to me," he said. "Do I need to text you about it?"
"About that," I said. "I want you to take your phone back when you leave."
"Hell no," he snapped.
I could see his grip tighten on the wheel. Why did he feel the need to control everything, I wondered?
"I can get my own phone," I said. "I'll give you the number so you can check up on me."
"It's not about checking up on you," he said through gritted teeth.
"Then what is it, Kyle?" I asked.
He sat silent as he drove.
"Should I text you about it?" I asked.
He hit his hand on the wheel and looked over at me.
"I'm sorry," I said, as I reached over and patted his arm. "I shouldn't have said that. You're only home for two weeks. I don't want them to be stressful. I know I've been giving you a hard time. I'm sorry, Kyle."
He pulled into a restaurant lot and shut the car off. I got out and walked around to his side. He got out with a bummed look on his face. I stood in front of him and looked up at his eyes.
"I'm serious," I said. "I'll stop messing with you. I want to take care of myself. I've watched my mom suck off of my dad for years. She's going to be screwed now. She wants me to give her rent money even though I'm not there. I don't want to be like her. I always want to be able to take care of myself. Nobody else is going to do it for me. If I let my dad pay my way, I will always need him. He's going to pay for my classes. I won't let him pay for anything else. I won't let you do it either. It's not your job. You have your own things to worry about. I need you to stop worrying about me. You don't understand. It's hard for me with you gone. I can't say anything else. It's just hard."
"I'm still paying for the phone. It makes me feel like you're there when I need you. It's not about checking up on you. You have no idea how much it helps that you're there at the touch of a button. I feel like you're right there with me. It helps me get through the day. If you pay for the phone, you can ignore me. I know it sounds so dumb, but it makes sense to me. Keep the phone. I need you to."
I nodded my head and pulled away from his arm. We needed to get off the subject before I poured my heart out to be rejected. Lunch went fast. I was hoping he would be more understanding about the apartment. The next one we went to was the one I really wanted. It was only thirty minutes from my dad's house, and it was perfect. I knew it was small, but it was affordable. Kyle liked the area it was in and was happy my dad wouldn't be that far away. I still planned to go to dinner once a week to see Rosie.
"Don't they have anything bigger? I like the place, but the apartment is small," Kyle said.
"I like it. It won't be as big of a pain to clean. It has two bedrooms. I know they aren't big, but I can use one for an office."
"What if I come to visit?" he asked.
"You want me to save a bedroom for you to visit once every two years?" I asked. "I'll tell you what. If you come to visit me, I'll let you have the bedroom while you're here."
"Are you positive this is what you want?" he asked.
"It is," I said. "They said I can move in right away. It's available now."
"Okay," he said in a sad tone.
"Thank you for coming with me today," I said. "Even though you're a pain-in-the-ass, I'm happy you were here when I did this."
"Anytime," he said. "When are you moving in?"
"You just want your room back," I said.
"No," he said with a smile. "I was going to help you."
"I'll do it myself. You need to rest and enjoy the pool. You only get two weeks off, Kyle. There's no way I would ask you to work on your vacation."
"You're not asking," he said. "I'm telling you that's what I'm doing."
"I feel so sorry for the guys you work with. You are so damn bossy."
"Get used to it," he said.
An hour later, I was the proud renter of my very own apartment. I was so excited that I was doing it on my own. As soon as I walked in the door, I began packing my stuff. I had taken a lot of stuff out of boxes since I had gotten there, but it wouldn't take long for me to be packed. I was so excited. The radio on my phone played as I danced around the room happily filling box after box. I jumped when I saw him in the doorway.
"Don't stop because of me," he said with a laugh.
"What do you want?" I asked. "I'll be vacating your room soon."
He shook his head and the smile left his face.
"Will you go with me to look for furniture?" I asked.
He nodded and turned to walk away.
"Hey," I yelled out.
When he turned back to look at me, I felt my heart melt. He genuinely looked sad, but I wasn't sure why. I ran to him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and was surprised when he put his around my back and held me tight. The heat from his body warmed me instantly. His firm chest was pushed against mine. I held tighter to him. We stood there silently. I didn't want to let him go.
"Thank you so much for everything," I said, as I pulled back to see his face. "You'll never know how much you mean to me, Kyle. You're the reason these last two years have been bearable. I could never thank you enough. I didn't want to go apartment hunting alone. You saved me from that, just like you always do. I know I can get on your nerves, and I know that I mess with you way more than I should."
His breath brushed across my face, and I felt my breathing change.
"I worry about you all the time. I seriously can't believe you're here. The thought of you leaving tears me up inside. I don't want you to leave again."
"I know," he said. "I'm just glad I was able to come home. When you said you were moving out, it scared the shit out of me. I'm happy that I've been able to see where you're going to live. I'll always be there for you. You know that, right? I've never found someone I was able to talk to the way I do with you. You're very important to me. We've come a long way in two years. I still feel bad for judging you."
"You didn't know what my life was like. I understand why you thought the things you did," I said. "You're so warm. I don't want to let you go. I'm so afraid you'll disappear. When I don't hear from you for a couple of days, I get all freaked out. I'm so damn afraid they're going to send you someplace dangerous."
He ran his hand through my hair, and I melted into his chest. Rosie yelled up the stairs for dinner. I pulled back from him and smiled. She always had a way of pulling me back to reality when it came to him.
My dad seemed happy for me about the apartment. He talked me into letting him buy my furniture, but I knew I was going to keep the costs down. I was surprised he was being so nice about my moving out on my own. Part of me thought he was just happy I wasn't going back to my mom. I would still be close enough to see him. Working for him was actually fun. Between that and school I was going to be so busy.
Kyle went shopping with me the next day for furniture. I purchased everything for the living room as a set. For the kitchen I picked out a small table with two chairs. I did purchase a desk, bookshelf, and file cabinet for my second bedroom.
We made three trips back and forth between the house and apartment. I decided to take my bed, dresser, and television from the house. Kyle helped me take things apart and carry them down the stairs. I was covered in sweat, and he looked as if he had just gotten started. He grabbed a pair of trunks on his way o
ut the last time. We were going for a swim at the apartment pool once everything was put together.
Everything got done in record time with Kyle there. He had the bed put back together in minutes. The rest of the furniture would be delivered the following morning. Kyle's time had flown by. He only had two more days left before he had to leave. His mom didn't seem to care that they hadn't spent any time together. I felt bad for him and wanted him to know how happy I was that he had come back to visit.
We were the only ones in the pool at the complex. I was impressed with the size and warmth of it. They had chairs and tables all around the deck. It really was a nice place. He must have seen the huge smile on my face. I watched as he swam over and pulled me into his arms.
"You really are happy about this," he said.
"I am," I said. "I've had to deal with my mom's shit for so long. It feels so good to know I can do whatever I want in my own place. I can walk around naked if I want. I can sleep until noon. I can stay up all night watching movies. I know it sounds silly, but I'm so excited about being alone."
He let out a sigh.
"I know what you mean," he said. "I'm around people all day long. The thought of being alone doesn't sound so bad. I don't think you should take a full load of classes if you really plan on working so much for your dad. You still need time for you."
"Between working for him and taking classes, I won't have time to think. You have no idea how good that sounds. I need to keep my mind busy. I can't stand sitting around wondering if you're going to call or text. I worry so much. My mind spins with so many thoughts."
"What do you think about?" he asked.
I closed my eyes and let my head fall back. The feeling of the hot sun on my skin comforted me.
"We need to eat," I said.
"Carrie," he said. "Talk to me, sweetheart."
I shook my head no and pulled out of his arms.
"I want to order pizza. It'll be my first meal in my new place. We can sit on the bed and watch television. Are you sure about the phone?" I asked changing the subject. "I don't feel right talking to other people on a phone you pay for."
"I've never said anything about that," he said, as he walked behind me out of the pool. "It has unlimited everything. It's attached to my plan. Talk to whoever you want. I would never say anything about it."