by Cindy Wilder
I was afraid to fall asleep. When I woke up, he would be leaving. His eyes closed and his breathing evened out. I stayed in his arms watching him as he slept.
"I've waited two years to be with you," I whispered against his chest. "I'll wait as long as it takes to be with you. I'm going to marry you one day."
The sun began showing through the window. I was still watching him. There was no way I was missing one second with him. I could sleep as much as I wanted once he left.
It was time for him to get up. His flight was in three hours. I spread tiny kisses across his chest and sucked his nipple into my mouth. He ran his fingers through my hair as his eyes opened slowly.
"Drive me to the airport," he said.
I nodded, as I looked up at him.
"Did you sleep?" he asked.
"No," I answered. "I couldn't. There's time for that after you leave."
"We have to go to the house to get my stuff," he said.
Kyle wrapped me in his arms and covered my mouth with his. It took all I had to let him get out of the bed. When I stood, I winced for a second. He stood behind me and hugged me. I was completely naked in front of the mirror.
"So perfect," he said. "You okay?"
I nodded as I fought the tears that wanted to spill so badly. He had enough to deal with. We had just been together. He knew he was my first. I knew he wasn't ready to leave and didn't want to give him any added stress.
We both got dressed quickly. I had my hair up in a ponytail and no makeup on. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I was a ball of emotions. We drove to my dad's house to get Kyle's stuff. When we walked in, Rosie threw her arms around his neck and cried.
"I'm going to miss you," she said. "I made some stuff for you to take with you."
"I'll miss you too, Rosie," he said. "You're the best."
"When will you be back?" she asked.
"I have no idea," he said.
Rosie looked over at me with a sad look. Kyle ran upstairs to get his stuff. She walked over to hug me. I heard her gasp, as she pulled the holder from my ponytail and brushed her fingers through my hair. When I looked at her, she shook her head. Oh shit, I thought. He had been kissing on my neck. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to speak.
"Not a word," she said. "You need to be careful, Carrie. Keep your hair down around your father. Are you okay?"
I nodded and looked up toward the stairs.
"I'm trying to hold it together long enough for him to walk through the airport doors," I whispered.
"Do you love him?" she whispered.
"Yes," I said. "I do."
He came down the stairs with his bag over his shoulder. It was hard not to stare at how handsome he was. He was my military man, and I didn't want to let him go. Rosie handed him the things she had ready for him to take. We drove silently to the airport. I jumped out of the car, ran over to him, and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I'm going to miss you so much, sweetheart," he said. "I'll text you when I get there."
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you," I said. "Thank you for everything. I miss you already."
"When I visit, I get your room," he joked.
"You can have the whole apartment," I said.
He wrapped his arms around me and looked into my eyes. I stood up on my toes and covered his lips with mine. They were so warm and comforting. I wanted to melt against him. Minutes passed while I was in his arms. As soon as he pulled away, I felt cold and alone. I plastered a smile on my face and waved, as he walked through the doors and disappeared into the crowd. I got into my car and my head fell against my hands on the steering wheel.
The drive back to my apartment was so quiet. I missed him so much already. It took all I had not to run through those doors to find him. I didn't want him to leave. I was so afraid something would happen to him. I was so worried that he wouldn't feel the same about me anymore.
As soon as I was safely in my apartment, I slid down the door and sobbed. He was everywhere. I could see him putting the desk together. I could still see us on the couch as he pleasured me. When I finally got up from the floor and walked into my room, I saw his t-shirt on the floor where it had somehow landed. I took off everything except for my panties and pulled his shirt over my head. The covers were still a mess from where he had slept. I got in and pulled the blanket around me. His scent filled the air. I pulled his pillow against my chest and closed my eyes.
I woke to the sound of my phone buzzing on the table next to the bed and noticed the drawer was cracked open slightly. It was dark in my room. I must have slept the entire day away. When I turned on the light and opened the drawer, I had to laugh. The entire strip of condoms was gone, and a note was in their place.
Carrie,
I can't leave thinking about you using them.
Kyle
I shook my head and grabbed my phone.
Kyle: The plane just landed. I miss you already.
Me: I miss you too. Do you think it makes me feel any better that you took them with you? Thanks for the t-shirt. I'm wearing it now and snuggled in with your pillow.
Kyle: I couldn't leave them there. I'm glad you liked it. I have to go talk to someone. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Get some sleep.
Me: You woke me up. I'll talk to you later.
Just as I set the phone back down, there was a knock at the door. I threw on a pair of shorts and looked in the mirror. My face was puffy and red. I opened the door slowly. When I saw Rosie standing in front of me, I swung the door open and fell into her arms.
He was gone, and I had no idea how long it would be before I could see him again. I knew one thing. I was going to wait, no matter how long it took.
My Stepbrother the Military Man #3
One Year Later
Kyle's twenty-first birthday came and went. It had been over a year since I had seen him. I got together with Rosie to send him two boxes filled with his favorite snacks and anything he could possibly need. I wrote him a letter and drew him silly pictures. He went out with his friends to drink, not that anything would have stopped him before. The next morning he had a pretty good hangover.
We continued talking, texting, and emailing almost every day. I still made sure to send him a picture a day. He sent me some interesting ones as well. Every single condom he took from my apartment and been sent back in a picture. Some had faces on them, and some were put on things. It was actually pretty funny, and I felt good knowing he didn't use them. Neither of us ever mentioned what happened between us the day before he left. I managed to avoid my father long enough for the giant hickey Kyle gave me to disappear.
I had completely immersed myself in my work the day after Kyle went back to the base. My dad was very proud of the amount I was getting done. When classes started, I had a full load. Between work and school, I didn't have much time to myself. Each spare moment I did have was filled with thoughts of Kyle. My schedule was filled and I followed it completely. Rosie told me I reminded her of my father, but I knew that she knew I worked so hard because of Kyle.
My fourth semester was over. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everything seemed perfect at first. Nothing was going to change my mood, at least that's what I thought. I had just finished my last final earlier in the day. Rosie called me and told me she was making dinner and that I had better be there. It had been a few weeks since she had seen me. At the rate I was going, it would be possible for me to graduate in half the time. I planned to continue on to get my master's degree as well. Business was definitely the way I was headed. I wanted to work for myself and nobody else. I'm sure it went back to me not wanting to count on anyone but myself.
My mom called from time to time. She had finally stopped asking me for money almost a year after I left. I told her that I had an apartment to pay for and other bills as well. She was pissed the first few months I was gone, but seemed to be getting over it.
I only went to dinner at my dad's house once a month. He said he understood, but I cou
ld tell he felt like I was blowing him off. Someone from his office would come by and drop things off to me a couple of times a week. He seemed proud of how hard I was working. I was surprised to hear him tell me I was working too hard. Kyle felt the same way.
Just as I was getting ready to go to my dad's house for dinner, my phone rang. I was excited to see it was Kyle.
"Hello," I said.
"Hey, sweetheart," he said. "How did your finals go this morning?"
"Great," I said.
"I bet you're happy to have two weeks off."
"I guess," I said. "I'm going to get some extra work from my dad. He seems to be backed up."
"Are you serious?" he asked.
I could hear the irritation in his voice.
"I am," I said. "I need to keep busy. It keeps my mind from wandering."
"You really need to take some time to enjoy life, Carrie. We won't live forever. I can't stand that you work so damn much."
He was snappy, and I wasn't sure why.
"What do you want me to do, Kyle? Should I go and drink and find people to spend my time with? That's not what I want. I need to finish school so I can start my own business. I'm not going to work for my dad forever. I don't want to have to count on anyone but me. You know that. What has your ass so crabby?"
"Nothing," he said, as he sighed. "I'm sorry. It's been a long day. I miss you."
"I miss you too. What's going on there?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said. "Everything's the same."
"Okay," I said. "Is someone calling your name?"
I could hear his name in the distance but couldn't tell what else they were saying.
"Yes," he said. "It's one of my friends. They want me to go out later."
"I'll let you go," I said. "I wouldn't want to hold you up."
"It's not that and you know it," he snapped.
"Calm down," I said. "I was just kidding. Maybe you should stay in and pull that stick out of your ass. If I was there, I'd pull it out for you."
I could hear him laugh through the phone. They were calling him again.
"I'll talk to you later, Kyle," I said. "Be careful."
"I will," he said in a sad tone.
"Is everything okay?" I asked. "Are you sure I don't need to kick someone's ass for you?"
"Everything's fine," he said. "I miss you, sweetheart. I just want you to know how proud I am of everything you're doing. You're going to be unstoppable. I hope you get what it is you want. I really miss you."
"I miss you too, Kyle," I said. "I'm not sure I'll ever get what I want. I'll talk to you later. Bye."
I hung up the phone and finished getting ready. Rosie was expecting me in just over an hour. She was very specific about what time I needed to be there. It was always something that really mattered to her. She made sure I was on time as a child. I slipped on my sneakers, grabbed my purse, keys, and phone, and headed out the door. The mustang was parked in its usual spot. I really enjoyed living on my own and couldn't imagine going back to living with one of my parents.
We all sat down at the dining room table. Just as we put food on our plates, my dad's phone rang. He rarely answered it, so when he did, I got up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. I heard him laugh and walked over to stand by the door.
"Hey Kyle, what's up," my dad said.
I looked over at Rosie and motioned for her to come over. We stood quietly just on the other side of the door and listened.
"I'll put you on speaker. She's right here with me," he said.
My dad clicked his phone over to speaker and I heard Kyle's voice.
"Who's in the room?" Kyle asked.
"Just me and your mom," my dad said.
"I have to tell you something. Please don't tell Carrie or Rosie. I don't want them to know," Kyle said.
"Okay," my dad replied.
I saw him turn and look at the door. When he didn't see us, he continued.
"What's going on?" my dad asked.
I heard Kyle take a deep breath in and back out.
"Kyle," my dad said.
"I'm being deployed," Kyle said in a whisper.
I felt myself gasp and covered my mouth. Rosie wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
"When?" my dad asked.
"Soon," he said. "We are being sent to Afghanistan. They haven't given us all of the details yet. I could be gone for less than a year or an entire year. I just wanted to let you know. Please don't tell them yet. I will tell them when I can."
"Shit," my dad said.
I looked at Rosie in shock. My dad rarely ever swore. The only other time I heard him do it was when he was talking to my mom.
"Let me know what you need, Kyle," my dad said. "Keep us updated. I can't believe this. Be careful."
His mom did her usual.
"Be careful," she said.
That was it. She didn't shed a tear. All she had ever told him was how worthless he was. It took all I had not to run through that door and yell at her to at least tell him she loved him. My dad hung up the phone, and I turned to Rosie.
"You aren't running on me," she said. "You will sit through dinner. Do you hear me?"
I nodded.
"Don't even try to leave here. I'm just as upset as you are. We have to act like we don't know, Carrie. Let him tell you in his own time. I know that boy cares about you."
"Please make a cheesecake and cookies," I whispered.
"Why?" she asked, but I didn't answer.
I took a few deep breaths in and out before I walked back into the dining room as if nothing happened.
We sat through dinner. It was the quietest it had been in so long. My dad looked like he was going to break down, and I knew if I spoke I was done. As soon as dinner was over, I walked back into the kitchen. Rosie was hard at work on what I had asked her to do.
"I'll be here early in the morning to pick them up," I said.
She shook her head at me.
"No, Carrie," she said. "You heard him. He wants to tell you on his own."
"If you want him to have that before he's sent away, you'll have them ready in the morning. There's not one thing you can do to change my mind," I said, as I leaned in to hug her before turning and walking out the door.
I opened a new text to my dad as soon as my eyes opened in the morning.
Me: I'm going on a small vacation. I have two weeks off of school. Is it okay if I catch up on my work when I get back?
Dad: Where are you going?
I thought for a moment. He never spoke to my mom anymore. They couldn't stand each other, and he had cut her off after their conversation when I was sixteen. There was no way he would check with her.
Me: I'm going to see mom and some friends who have been asking me to visit.
My dad still had no idea that Kyle paid for my phone. He thought I got it when I moved out on my own.
Dad: Okay. Be careful. Text me when you get there.
Me: Okay.
I grabbed everything I could think of and shoved it into bags. My mind was on Kyle, but I was trying to think about other things. As I looked around my apartment to make sure I had everything, I couldn't help the fear that flowed through me. Fear of losing Kyle. Fear of him never coming back. I didn't have a choice. I had to see him.
When I got to my dad's house, Rosie gave me her stern look.
"Think about what you are doing, Carrie," she said.
"I have to see him before he leaves, Rosie," I said. "What if I never see him again? I can't not go. I have to do it. Do you have what I asked you for?"
She moved around the kitchen quickly. I watched her pack a cooler with tons of ice and the cake. She handed me the cooler and the cookies.
"Be careful. That's a very long drive," she said. "Text me."
"I'll be at my mom's house," I said, and she nodded.
Halfway through my drive, my phone rang. It was Kyle. I didn't want to lie to him, so I knew I needed to be careful what I said.
"Hello," I answered.
"Hey, princess," he said. "How are you?"
"I'm great," I answered. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," he answered. "I'm sorry about being so crabby. I was just having a rough day."
"What happened?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said. "It was just one of those days."
"Where are you?" I asked.
"I'm just sitting around with the guys. They want to go out to dinner tonight. I think I'm going to go. Are you having a good day?"
"Of course," I said. "I'm talking to you."
Our conversation went on. It took all I had not to say something about him keeping things from me. He was really pissing me off. I had to wonder if he was going to wait until he was on his way to tell me. He let me go after about an hour. I knew he didn't realize I was driving, and I was glad he didn't ask. Lying to him wasn't my thing. I cared too much about him to do that.
The drive seemed like forever. I checked into my room and took my bags in. The room had a fridge, so I stuck the cheesecake in it. My stomach was growling. I hadn't eaten anything yet. My only priority was getting to him. I just had to figure out how to get to him since I was there. I was sure I couldn't just walk onto the base and find him. Shit! I hadn't really thought it through. I grabbed my phone to call him and see if he would tell me anything. He answered on the second ring.
"Hey, Carrie," he said.
"Hey," I said. "Where are you? It sounds so loud."
"I went out to eat with the guys," he said. "We're just getting ready to order."
"Oh," I said. "Where did you guys decide to go?"
He told me the name of the place, and I quickly wrote it down.
"Is it on the base?" I asked.
"No," he said. "We needed a night out. It's not far from it though. Can I call you back in about an hour?"
"Sure," I said. "Have a great time."
We hung up and I hauled ass to the front desk of the hotel. The girl at the desk knew exactly where it was. I was happy to be at a hotel not far away from him. She gave me directions, and I was on my way.
It wasn't a long drive, but to me it felt like hours. I had no idea how he was going to react to my being there. He could tell me to leave. For all I knew, I could walk into a very pissed off Kyle. I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. No matter if he was mad or not, I was going to see him. It had been over a year since I had last seen him. Who knew when he would return. I didn't even want to think about him not returning. There was no way I was losing him. He would be back. He had to be.