“What do you mean you don’t know about Marcus?” Ellen asked. “He’s nice.”
“Exactly. Too nice.”
“I see what you mean,” Ellen said. “Could be suspicious.”
Good Lord my neck hurt from the ping pong talk.
“And you’re going out with him,” Henry said.
“No, Henry, it’s not a date. If I was going to date anyone, I’d date Hal.”
I smiled.
Henry gasped.
My smile dropped. “Why did you do that?”
“Isn’t that kind of incestuous?” Henry asked.
“I beg your pardon,” I stated. “We’re not related.”
“We not related Henry.” Ellen said. “We’re lifelong friends.”
“Oh,” Henry said. “In that case. It probably isn’t incestuous.”
“Not at all,” Ellen said. “Look Henry, fifteen more minutes.”
“I hope there’s room for us in the karaoke line up. I want to sing that song with you.”
“I bet there is, Henry.” Ellen turned to me. “Hal is there room in the Karaoke line up?”
I opened my mouth to respond.
Henry did, “El, if there was, there may not be now. He’s here. Not there.”
“True.”
“Are you going to sing, Hal?” Henry asked me.
“No, I won’t …”
“I bet you sing good,” Henry said. “Does Joe sing?”
“Old songs,” Ellen said. “I think. Not sure. Hal?”
I tried to answer, but couldn’t.
“Maybe singing will help his mood,” Henry said.
“He’s always like that, Henry,” Ellen said.
“But he yells.”
“He talks loud. It’s a family trait,” Ellen commented.
“Hal doesn’t talk loud. Or do you?”
I bit my lip, made a ‘T’ with my hands and smiled. “You two will drive me insane trying to keep up with your conversation. I’ll see you at The Fallout.” I made my turn to leave.
“Hal?” Ellen called out. “Was there something you needed?”
“Yes. But …for the life of me can’t remember now. I see you two in a bit.” I bid them farewell with a smile, and I left. I could hear that chattering about Mary Agnes even as I made it down the hall. Hearing them go back and forth in one, nonstop, endless stream of conversation made me wonder if they were like that in the shelter with my father. And it was then I wondered if they were like that, how did my father handle them?
***
If there was one thing my father was good at was taking control. A natural born leader, he would just assume that rule. I often wondered how we would coexist as leaders in one camp.
He acknowledged me as leader here, yet, knowing my father would overrule me simply based on genetic right of seniority.
I lead my camp, but he led me.
A family trait of talking loud was not as predominant as the family trait of drinking.
We enjoyed our drink. Even Jimmy, my brother and he was the mild mannered one. The navy will do that do you.
By the time I returned to The Fallout, a measly one hour later, it had transformed into a party atmosphere.
Not everyone was lined up to sing, but there were quite a few.
And somewhere in my absence there was a turning point.
From having a good time, smiling, and laughing, to downright partying.
I was asked to talk to Mary Agnes about hogging the microphone. It wasn’t her turn in the lineup, and she kept rushing the stage area. Plus, our new resident Disc Jockey was fearful of letting her sing her next song.
Which was?
I Touch Myself.
Good Lord.
I feared that, too, and in conveying it to my father, he laughed.
“Ah, that would be goddamn hysterical, Hal,” my father said. “She’s drunk imagine.”
I winced. “No. I’d rather not.”
“So you just want to what?” my father asked. “Remove her from the line up or lose her song.”
I snapped my finger. “That’s it. Thank you.”
I informed the DJ of what I was going to do, and then I walked over to Mary Agnes. She handled the fact that the track was messed up, and said she’d pick another. I was relieved.
The DJ was not, but I had to admit it was funny and entertaining when Mary Agnes got up and sang, ‘Hit me Baby One More Time.’
Our stern, effective, straight forward retired General Nurse was so intoxicated, I basked in the thought of the next day when she would physically and emotional feel the results.
I wasn’t responsible for The Fallout, yet everyone approached me and thanked me as if I were.
‘Thank my father,’ I told them. “This was all him.’ they’d respond that they already told him their thanks, but were telling me thanks for allowing it.
Not allowing it wasn’t even a consideration.
The entire energy lifted.
I talked to everyone. I made my rounds around the place, drink in hand. I wanted to drink more but a part of me felt that wouldn’t be right. Someone had to maintain control.
“You’re back,” she said.
I turned. Margot stood there.
“I’m back.”
“This is so great, Captain,” she said. “Everyone is having a good time. Are you?”
“Yes, yes I am.”
She sipped her drink. “I’ve been watching. You’re playing Captain and keeping an eye out.”
I nodded. “Yes, I am. Guess I’m still on the job.”
“Hinders your fun.”
I titled my head. “It does.”
“Would you like to …have a little more fun?”
“Absolutely, who wouldn’t?” I shrugged.
“Do you like surprises, Captain?”
“Who doesn’t?”
She giggled. “I was thinking of pulling a surprise later on. What do you think?”
“Would it be a surprise that is enjoyable?”
“I think so and fun. A lot of fun.”
“Then do it. I look forward to it.”
“Great.”
I saw the look on her face. Margot produced an ornery smile. I wondered what she was up to, especially since she needed my permission. I’m sure in her slightly intoxicated state, combined with everyone else’s great mood, whatever she planned to do later in The Fallout would go over big time.
Perhaps she was going to sing I Touch Myself.
The DJ wouldn’t have complaints, then, I bet.
Like I said, everyone was having a great time. Everyone … except Ellen.
Oh, sure she put on that smile, but I watched. She sat at the small table by the dart board, watching Henry and Marcus play darts. She smiled, but then her eyes cast down to her drink and her face changed.
I made my way to her.
“Hey, Hal.” She glanced up.
“What’s going on?” I asked her.
“What do you mean?”
I pulled the chair over and closer to her, sitting down. “I know you. That smile is fake.”
Ellen cleared her throat, cupped her drink, looked at Henry, then at me. “I want to have a good time. I thought I would.”
“And?”
“I can’t stop thinking. Thinking about my kids. That last song was Taylor’s favorite. It just makes me miss them. It makes me miss life.”
“Life goes on right here, Ellen. Look around.”
“I am. I see. But not my life, Hal. I just feel … at times I feel alone. You know?”
I did and I conveyed that through a compassionate nod. “And I’m sure, El, missing Pete doesn’t help.”
From her drink to me she looked quickly. Her demeanor changed briefly. “Hal, please.”
“El, that was your husband.”
“And you know better.”
“You’re right.” I sighed out. “Can I help?”
“You do.”
“I do?”
“When we read
. When you discuss your characters. When we get into those long talks. I feel comfortable. I forget. You, Hal, are my return to life.”
“Wow.” I exhaled. “I feel honored.”
“No, I do. I’m glad you’re sharing that with me again.”
“I’ve always shared with you, Ellen. It’s just great to share up front and personal.”
“Yep. I know. And … you aren’t getting tired of it.”
“Are you kidding me?” I asked. “Heaven’s no. Why would you say that?”
“Because it’s like a drug right now. It makes me feel good, so I seek it out. Why else do I find you during the day to ask?”
“I thought you were into my new story,” I said.
“Oh, God, I am.” She laid her hand on her chest. “But now I have to wait until tomorrow to find out what happened to Steven and Link.”
“Why do you have to wait until tomorrow?” I asked.
“First, look around. Second … when I spoke to you earlier, you hadn’t finished the scene. I know how you are about reading it before it’s finished.”
“Agreed.” I finished off my drink, set my glass on the table and stood. “First, this doesn’t matter. I want to get out. Second …. I’ve got about a page left.” I returned the chair. “Give me a half an hour?”
“You gonna finish?”
“Absolutely. And If I don’t. We can work on my log book again.”
She did it. She genuinely smiled. “See ya in a half an hour.”
I bid goodbye to Henry and Marcus, though I didn’t think they noticed. On my route out, Margot stopped me.
“Are you leaving, Captain?”
“Yes, I am,” I replied.
“For the evening?”
I knew what she was getting at. Her plan. She wanted me to stick around and watch. “Margot, your surprise … are you still gonna pull it?”
“If you want.”
“I do. And …I am positive it will go over.”
“Oh, yeah?” she smiled. “Are you leaving because you can’t wait?”
“Yes. I just can’t wait. I feel compelled to get back to my room and get creative right away.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be creative too, if you want.”
“I’m sure just pulling the surprise is enough. Good luck.”
She gave me a smile and thumbs up.
Settled. My father didn’t see me leave, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind anyhow. I left The Fallout enjoying the ever growing quiet hallways as I distanced myself from the noise of the music and party.
***
I made it back to my room and was immediately motivated and inspired to finish that scene. I knew I didn’t have as much left as I told Ellen, but I wanted enough time to get it down.
I had just finished, in a record twenty minutes, and I was reading the last line when there was a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I called out, thinking ‘perfect timing’.
“Captain.”
I blinked and turned from my computer. “Margot.”
“I came about the surprise,” she said.
“That’s great.”
“I’m glad you think that way. So do I.” She took in a huge breath, lifting her shoulders as she did, then she undid her shirt. Perhaps I should have noticed when she walked in, but I didn’t. I was looking at her face. A button down shirt that was once a man’s was all she wore. Unless she wore shorts underneath. She held a pleased and determined look on her face.
My mouth opened to speak as she lowered the shoulders of the blouse over her arms, exposing her beast. Breast that were large, and too perky, screaming out ‘look at the breast job’.
“I know it’s been awhile for me,” she said seductively. “I think it’s been a while for you. I’m yours. Tonight. Tomorrow.” She dropped her shirt. “Whenever.”
“Margot, I …”
“Hey, Hal, I’m …” Ellen burst in the room.
I looked at Ellen. Immediately, stunned, Margot turned completely around in her full-naked glory.
After a shocked pause, Ellen’s eyes widened. “Oh my God. I am sorry. I am … so, sorry.” She backed up. “Sorry.” The door closed, she was gone.
“Ellen.” I stood. My eyes shifted to Margot and I bent down to the floor, handing the shirt to her. “I’m sorry. I misled you somehow. I’m... sorry. Forgive me.” After a hand exchange of the garment, I flew out of my room. Ellen was walking down the hall. “Ellen,” I called out to her. “Stop.”
Ellen did. She backed against the wall and covered her face. “Oh my God, Hal, I am so sorry. I thought we were getting together. I thought.”
“So did I.” I grabbed her wrist. “Look at me.”
“I should have knocked. I am so embarrassed right now.”
“You?” I lowered her hands. “Me. I was just as shocked as you El.”
She looked at me, and then looked away.
I thought she was angry, until I realized Margot had approached us.
“I’m sorry,” Margot said. “I had no idea. Ellen, I had no idea. I thought … Captain, I just thought.”
“No.” I stopped her “It was crossed signals. I’m sorry.”
She nodded. “Ellen, again …”
“Don’t apologies to me,” Ellen said. “I’m fine.”
“I’m embarrassed,” Margot said.
“Why? You have great breasts.”
The nervous tension and humiliation we all felt broke at that second, Margot chucked, and shirt back on, she walked away.
“That was awkward,” Ellen said.
“Tell me about it.” I motioned my head toward my room. “I finished the scene. Shall we?”
Ellen followed.
We stepped inside, and she stayed close to the door after she closed it. I didn’t notice until I was just about to sit at my computer. I hesitated before sitting. “What’s wrong?”
“It just feels weird. That was a weird thing to see.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Ellen giggled.
“What?” I asked.
“When I walked away, I thought … I thought that you had turned the women here into your sex slaves. Briefly I thought that.”
My mouth dropped open. “Good God, Ellen. That’s horrible.”
“Yeah, but Hal, there was a naked woman here.”
“I didn’t ask her to come.” I walked to Ellen. “I have … I have a terrible problem with miscommunication when it comes to women.”
“You? No.”
“Is that sarcastic?”
“No. I’m serious.”
“Before Jade died, we broke up.”
“I didn’t know.”
I shook my head. “Not important.”
“You ... you broke up after a nuclear war?”
“She was upset, depressed; I thought it was about the dog. I was talking to her about the dog. She agreed she loved him and he was the reason she was depressed.”
“Oh my God. She was that bad?”
“Yep.” I nodded. “Then she said she wanted me to know it wasn’t just the sex.”
Ellen shirked. “Jade slept with your dog.”
“See. See.” I pointed. “I thought that first. She was confessing she was having an affair.”
“Oh.” She didn’t seem fazed.
“That doesn’t shock you?”
“What? Jade having an affair? We all knew. At least suspected her and that Sergeant that was always hanging around.”
“You all suspected and didn’t say anything?”
“Hal, what if we were wrong? Huh?” Ellen asked. “No. You had to find out on your own.”
“Was I that stupid?”
“No, just proud,” Ellen said.
I exhaled. “You’re right. But do you see. I have this miscommunication with women. I think they’re talking about one thing and they’re talking about another. Reflecting back on my conversation with Margot, I should have known. But I was blind, uninterested and it didn’t even cross my mind when
she said she wanted to pull a surprise. I thought she was going to do a bold karaoke song.”
Ellen laughed. “You’re a good guy, Hal. But a guy.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, someone like Margot, and you didn’t go for it.”
“I have morals, Ellen. I never have slept around. You know that.”
Ellen nodded her agreement.
“And … you have to be careful. In a community this small. You make one physical commitment; you might as well be committed. No room for head games or break ups, or stuff like that.”
“You’re not ready for a partner.”
“Oh, after the hurt I felt over Jade, yes, I believe I am. And I’d love to have the companionship, both physical and emotional. The company at night, the person I can count on to be there. I want that, just not with her. I want companionship, and I want to be comfortable with the person.”
“So does any woman stand a chance with you, oh, Great one?”
I shook my head at her sarcasm. “Yes.” I laughed, exhaled, and then noticed how close we were standing. “Yes.”
“Hal … do you realize, do you realize we …”
“Yes.”
Ellen laughed. “You cut me off. That may be a reason you have miscommunication problems with women.”
“I’m sorry; I just thought you were going to say something.”
“What did you think I was going to say?”
I shook my head.
“Hal?”
“Fine. Barring further embarrassment to this night, I thought you were going to say we would be a good connection or partnership.”
“No, that wasn’t what I was going to say.”
“Fuck.”
She laughed. “I was going to say do you realize we are already doing that? Sharing, being companions, it was natural. The only thing we aren’t doing is … well.” She cleared her throat.
“I worry. That could be awkward.”
“It could be, yes.” She nodded. “But I don’t think you have a clue how good it feels when you hug me.”
“I do.” I stepped closer. “The simple touch of someone …”
Ellen inched to me. “Kiss me, Hal. Just see what happens. If we don’t spark, we don’t spark. If we do…”
I silenced her and stopped her sentence with a soft kiss. Simple.
“You interrupted me again,” she said. “Miscommunication.”
I smiled and this time, I brought my lips to hers, kissing her just a bit longer. Keeping it soft, and pulling away only slightly. It felt so good. “Are we miscommunicating?”
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