“Not where people are. But a big one, Char. Big enough that they won’t exactly be scrambling to secure a crippled prisoner. One last trick, and I’m out.”
I breathed. In and out, in and out. If Adam were listening, if he were planning to grab Isaiah, or to try to shut me up, he hadn’t made up his mind yet. Maybe, for once, I could beat him to it.
In and out.
I’d lost an arm.
I’d lost my mother.
But why? For what?
I turned back to Isaiah. “I’m not going.”
He let out a breath, frustrated. “I can’t tell you where we’ll be. If you know, then he can find us. It will be years before we reach Eirenea. Who knows what will happen by then. We may never make it.”
“I know.”
He wrapped a hand around the rail of the cot. “Charlotte, we may never see each other again.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
“Look at me.”
I took in all of his face at once, like drinking too much water too quickly, so that I had to stop for air. The smoothness of his mouth, the dark glasses. The set of his head on his neck. Strong, or just stubborn. Earnest.
Somehow, he saw me too. “This really is goodbye,” he said at last.
“I’m sorry, Ise. I’m not done yet.” I shifted on the bed. “Take care of them. It’s a good family. It will be.”
He leaned in close and kissed my forehead. “Always, little bird.”
He stood to leave, stopping to look back when he reached the doorway. Then he rapped once on the frame and was gone. Whatever he’d spiked my drip with wore thin, and the tendrils of nothingness pulled me back into the pillow. I slept again.
At last, I awoke for good, and Eren was at my side, just like he promised.
“Eren.” I spoke urgently. “I’m letting you go.”
“What?”
“I’m letting you go. We’re not meant to be married.”
“But we—”
I lifted what was left of my arm barely off the stark white bed in an open gesture. “I was never meant to be married. We never made any sense, anyway. You don’t know what I’m like. What I’m really like. But more importantly,” I touched his arm with my remaining hand, “my life was never meant to be so precious. I can see that now.” I gestured at my forearm, which ended before my wrist. “Look at me. Everyone can see that now.”
“Charlotte, that makes no—”
“I’m not done. You said once that Isaiah is a criminal. Well, so am I.” I waited, but Eren was, at last, silent. “You don’t understand the Remnant, but I do. And I’ll never stop fighting for it, for what it stands for. And I don’t deserve your mother’s ring, not that you were planning to give it back to me. I feel like I’ve been riding this split. Between my family and the rest of the world. The Remnant and Central Command. Me and everyone else. But I can’t do that anymore. Believe me, it’s better this way.”
“Speak for yourself.” Eren didn’t look hurt. He leaned back, slightly, his eyes wide. As far as I could see, the only indication that he didn’t like what he was hearing was the slightest push of his jaw. It was barely forward. Everything else was, as ever, solid.
“You don’t know about the crimes I’ve committed. The people I’ve hurt. Everyone’s in pain. So you made me into something in your mind. Something you needed at the time. But it’s not real.”
“Of course I was in pain. Of course I needed you! I’m not stupid, Charlotte. I know you’ve been to prison.”
“I know you’re not. But the kind of person who does the things I did—it’s someone who doesn’t care about the people she hurts. I have so much to make up for. I can’t be divided like this. I can’t keep doing everything backwards.” A wracking cough shook my body, and I realized that my throat was sore. I continued, rasping. “Think about this, Eren. Think about what we’re up against. An was prepared to kill a hundred thousand people just to save her Ark. Her loyalties are not divided. She could have been with Shan, but she’s not. She’s strong.”
“Being with me doesn’t make you weak, Charlotte.”
“I’m not trying to copy her. I’m trying to defeat her. But that’s what we’re up against. She’s single-minded. Like a machine. So that’s what I have to be. Isaiah always understood this. I should have listened to him. I lost my arm for the cause, Eren. Stopping that nuke from firing. And I understand something now: it was worth it.” I paused to cough again. “Everything makes sense now. My mother died for me, but she never wanted me to hide. I can feel her with me, Eren. All the time. And she wants me to fight.”
He looked at me sadly. “The fight is over, Charlotte. All that’s left is to survive until we reach Eirenea.”
I had to make him understand. “This isn’t over.”
He held his face in his hands. “It is, Charlotte. It is over.”
I reached up and took his wrist between clumsy fingers. My lips were so dry they cracked. But he let me pull his k-band to my mouth.
An Zhao was listening to us. I could feel it. So was Adam.
“It’s not. Over.” I took a deep breath. “The Remnant isn’t over. This isn’t over.”
“Charlotte!” Eren jerked his band away. “You’re going to get us killed!” He stood as though electrocuted and gave me a final, angry look before stalking out of the room.
He didn’t get it. He never had.
Our race had all but died in an inferno, and those few of us who remained were falling through space toward the dream of a planet we might never see.
But my family was safe, and so was Isaiah. It was enough.
I had been asleep for too long, but I was awake now. Adam hadn’t killed me. That was his first mistake.
In time, he’d make another.
“You can’t keep me here forever,” I whispered into the empty room. “This isn’t over.”
An army of the dead waged war on my mind, and I did not sleep again.
Acknowledgements
Thanks to God for loving me.
I owe debts of gratitude to Will Nolen, Morris Liddell, and Jenna Wolf I’m pretty sure I can never repay. Except to you, Will. I figure carrying your children should about cover it.
Major thanks to Natasha Bardon, Lily Cooper, Rachel Winterbottom, and all the fantastic minds at HarperVoyager UK. I am honored to work with you. Thanks to Richenda Todd for your editorial support and to my book brothers and sisters at HVUK and HVI.
My sincere thanks to Eleanor Ashfield for your brilliant comments and support, and for pointing out that dictatorial regimes don’t just casually lend spaceships to rebel fighters. I loved working with you!
Thanks to Benjamin Morris for your friendship and extraordinary insight into storytelling.
I’m deeply grateful to those who have been so tremendously supportive of me during the release of The Ark, including the Book Aunts and Uncles (Alex, Courtney, Sammy, Elizabeth, Holly, Jennifer, Julie, Lauren, and Jordana.) Thanks to Lesha Grant and to my family, especially my mom and dad (HI!)
Thanks to my sweetheart and companion of many years Miley, who was a very good girl. To Taylor, my new puppy, who shows enormous promise in her housetraining efforts: welcome to the family. We’re going to love each other for a very long time.
Love, love to my William, my Ava, and my Liam, and to the child I’ve yet to meet.
- Laura
About the Author
Laura Liddell Nolen grew up in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. She has a degree in French and a license to practice law, but both are frozen in carbonite at present. She lives in Texas with her husband and two young children. The Ark was made possible in part by a SCBWI Work-In-Progress Award. Laura can be found on Twitter @LauraLLNolen. This is her first novel.
Also by Laura Liddell Nolen
The Ark
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Au
stralia
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Canada
HarperCollins Canada
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New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited
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http://www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
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http://www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
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