The Deepest Red

by Miriam Bell

  “Well Miss the church turns away no one in need.” His smile is warm when he continues. ”You can call me Bryan.”

  I straighten.

  “Millie,” I say, reaching for my beret and releasing my hair.

  “Nice to meet you, Millie. Make yourself at home.”

  I nod when he gestures me inside. Behind me Connor remarks to Clover.

  “Wish it was that easy when we asked her name.”

  She laughs, attempting to hide the sound with a cough. I ignore them and instead allow my eyes to soak in the alluring beauty of the sanctuary. The low evening light shines through the stain glass windows giving the space a dream like appearance. Rows of cushioned seats face toward a small stage where a wooden cross hangs on the back wall. Intricately carved beams cross the vaulted ceilings accenting the ornate brass chandeliers hanging above the center aisle.

  “I’ve never been in a real church before,” I whisper aloud to myself.

  “I’ve been in a few since Clover and I started heading North.” Connor steps close behind me. “They’re all beautiful in a way even if they’re falling apart.”

  His breath on my ear causes a shiver.

  “You cold?” he asks, concern in his voice.

  His hands enclose on my arms and start to briskly move up and down. The rapid movement creates a soothing heat.

  “It’s a lot warmer in the sleeping quarters.” I hear Bryan say but I’m unable to focus while Connor’s hands are on me.

  I feel myself being pulled toward a back door- Connor’s hand gripping mine as I follow him through the passage. I’m not used to these small touches from him. My eyes narrow on our hands linked together, wondering what has changed. If he notices what he’s doing or not, I can’t tell. Connor just acts as if it’s the most normal gesture in the world.

  I’m lead through a narrow hallway into a larger room where signs for restrooms are written on multiple doors. It appears to be a small lobby area. In the corner of the room, Bryan opens another door to reveal a small room with an oil lamp sitting on a nightstand. A metal frame bed takes up the small space- the sheets nicely made.

  “The girls can sleep here and we can sleep in the room next door. There are plenty of blankets and other oil lamps,” Bryan says, turning toward us.

  “Where ever my cousin sleeps, I sleep,” Connor announces abruptly, dropping my hand.

  The absence of his touch drains the warmth and comfort of before.

  “Son, this is a church you can’t sleep in here with the girls. It’s sinful,” Bryan response baffled. “and besides, they’re safe here,” he continues.

  Connor glaces at Clover then at me.

  “I don’t care,” he comments, looking into my eyes.

  I step forward.

  “Clover will be fine. We can take care of ourselves,” I say, my stare pleading with him not to cause trouble.

  He arches one of his eyebrows.

  “Connor relax,” Clover replies, laying her supply bag on the floor.

  I rub my hands up and down my arms venturing to recreate the soothing warmth of before. I fail. Connor’s steely gaze watches the movement as if he were a cat about to strike.

  “Clover isn’t the only one I’m worried about,” he states simply.

  The noise of Lonnie opening a door in the lobby distracts me.

  “We’ll sleep in here, they’ll sleep in there,” Lonnie says as he notions to each bedroom. “but before we go to sleep, we can hang out here.”

  He opens his arms wide as if showing off the large space of the lobby- a smile stretching wide across his cheeks. It seems the carefree Lonnie is finally resurfacing after the hard day.

  “I don’t see a problem with keeping the doors open,” Jay says clearing his throat.

  “There,” Lonnie beams. “Problem solved.”

  He aims his mocking smile at Connor. Careful Lonnie. The image of Connor gracefully killing all those infected flashes in my mind. Connor just nods at Lonnie as if he could care less but I can tell he has other plans for a solution.

  I enter the large lobby area and sit on the floor facing toward the restrooms. The carpet is rough and uncomfortable but I don’t mind after walking for so long.

  “I like the idea of us hanging out here because I can’t sleep this early,” I comment, reaching up and grabbing Clover’s hand.

  She gives in easily and settles down beside me. Chevy explores the nearly empty room until finding Clover and I on the floor. He hops between us, growling playfully.

  After a few minutes everyone joins us on the old floor. We all rest in the large room with a small oil lamp between us. I lean back against the sheetrocked wall and listen to the conversation. Lonnie and Bryan talk as if they have known each other for years. The rhythm of their voices provide some comfort in the dimly lit room.

  I learn that Bryan has been on his own since he was twenty-six years old. He’s now forty-two and traveled here from a city called Newnan. I decide then that all the names of the cities outside of the prison are weird. I also learn Bryan had a wife, who was killed by an illness a few years ago. They never had any children. Since his wife passed away so many years ago I wonder why he chose to be away from other people for so long. I don’t dare ask though- not wanting to attract any attention to myself.

  Clover sits beside me, joining in on the conversation after a while. She retells to Bryan what Connor had spoke of about the infected.

  “I haven't seen any of them but I’ve noticed the animals in the woods have gotten scarce. I haven’t trapped near as many as before,” Bryan says as he turns a knob on the old oil lamp.

  The flame through the glass gets a little brighter. I hear his voice echo in a sorrowful tone.

  “Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise. You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy! For your dew is of light, and the earth will give birth to the dead. Come, my people, enter your chambers, and shut your doors behind you; hide yourselves for a little while until the fury has passed by.”

  Bryan’s quote sends a chill up my spine; frightening me. I’m made aware of the shadows on the wall.

  “Isaiah Chapter 26 verses 19-20,” Jay remarks.

  “Very Good,” Bryan responds.

  I give Jay a confused look and glance down; fingering the fabric of my shirt. I’m now numb to the coldness of the room while my body works desperately to gather heat. The sensation is odd. I listen to the slight mumbling of the guys still talking but don’t pay anymore attention. Bryan’s words replay themselves in my mind as Clover begins to pet Chevy. The puppy lays curled along our legs- settling happily between us. I can tell Clover has distanced herself from us- her brain clicking off for the night. I don’t blame her. I feel almost willing to go to sleep myself if it wasn’t for the nightmares.

  I let my hand glide through the puppy’s soft fur. The repetition becoming soothing to me. My heavy eyelids fly open when Connor slides down the wall to sit flush up against me.

  “If you’re going to fall asleep, go to bed. Don’t stay out here,” he comments in a flat tone.

  Connor bumps my shoulder with his and winks. A slight smile appears on my tired face.

  “The bed would be too cold for me. There’s much more body heat in here,” I say trying to pry my eyes from his.

  “You heard what the man said earlier. This is a church, I can’t sleep with you so stop asking,” Connor retorts.

  I hit him hard with my shoulder, laughing slightly. When I glance up Lonnie is watching us. His face is expressionless but a hint of warning is in his eyes. I peer down to my hands in my lap remembering the warmth of Connor’s grip.

  A shiver runs down my back when I feel the heat of his breath on my skin. I realize that his voice reminds me of the low rumble you hear right before a bad storm.

  “When you and Clover turn in for the night. I want you to prop up what ever you can against the door- a piece of furniture or the bed if you have to.”

  I close my eyes and enjoy his sultry vo
ice- imagining the storm clouds. I can almost taste the rain. I nod my head.

  “I plan to sleep right outside the door so if you hear the wood bumping a little it’s just me,” he continues, placing his fingers on my chin so he can turn my face toward his. “Do you understand?”

  I’m surprised to see the intensity in his face.

  ”You’re insane. I told you, Clover will be fine with me,” I say annoyed with the direction the conversation is going.

  He leans slightly closer to me.

  “You know it isn’t only Clover I worry about,” Connor replies.

  His eyes glance down to my mouth. A quick surge of heat engulfs my body.

  “Do you understand?” he says again more quietly- his face so close to mine.

  “Yeah?”

  I bite my bottom lip nervously.

  If I allow myself, I could lean into him and close the distance between us. I could begin to forget about the events from earlier- what happened the last time I forgot myself with him. The sharp pain and anger I felt after he left me standing breathless resurfaces and I quickly turn away. Breaking eye contact with him doesn’t make his presence disappear. I still perceive his body sitting flushed with mine. I ignore it and lightly stroke Chevy’s back. I listen to Clover snore as her hand remains resting across the puppy’s chest.

  I stand slowly, trying not to stir the puppy.

  “Can you carry her to the bed?” I ask not bothering to look at Connor.

  I nod my head toward the bedroom when Lonnie’s eyes find mine.

  “Going to bed,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t wake Clover.

  “That’s a good idea,” Lonnie says when he stands stretching his lower back. “What do you think Jay?” he asks.

  Jay glances back to us and watches Connor remove Clover’s knife before picking her up. I remember back in the tree house how fast she materialized with it and I’m glad again that I didn’t wake her.

  “Yeah, let’s go,” Jay says.

  Lonnie’s twin disappears a moment later into the other bedroom. I give a small wave to Bryan as I follow Connor into our room. He gently lays her on the sheets and brushes her blond hair away from her dirty face.

  Walking toward me he says, “Remember what I told you earlier.”

  I gaze past him to Clover sleeping on the bed. She appears so peaceful and young laying there.

  “I put her knife on the nightstand,” he remarks as he stops in front of me.

  He waits for me to say something but I don’t. A sneer appears on Connor’s lips.

  “You’re welcome,” he states, walking past.

  The light shut of the door behind him leaves me feeling alone in more ways than one.

  “I don’t remember saying thank you,” I mumble when he’s gone.

  The air is warm and comfortable as I peer around the dim room, looking for anything to barricade the door. There is not much I could use. The space is small, holding only the bed, nightstand and one small dresser. A wooden cross hangs over the bed’s headboard where Clover rest peacefully. On the nightstand sits an oil lamp, Clover’s knife and a thick book. I walk over and pick up the aged book. The cover is worn and faded but I can still read the title on the front- The Bible. When I crack open the book, I marvel at how thin the pages are. They’re so light and delicate. On the inside of the front cover I read a handwritten message.

  “To my sweet son. May God share the truth of His story to you so you may know your own.”

  A light knock on the door startles me so that I almost drop the book. I place it back on the nightstand and proceed to open the door. Cracking it slightly, I see Connor’s fierce glare zeroing in on my face.

  “I don’t hear anything being moved across the doorway,” he states unrelentingly.

  “I know, give me a minute, stalker!” I whisper angrily and slam the door.

  I wince when I hear Clover stirring but give a sigh of relief when she doesn’t wake up. I move the small dresser in front of the doorway, blocking the way in or out of our small room. I make faces at the barricade wishing Connor could feel my irritation through the wood. I know he’s there just like he told me he would be. He’ll probably be there all night sleeping on the rough bug covered carpet, I realize. The knowledge is comforting and allows me to breathe a little better.

  After blowing out the oil lamp, I lay awake on the hard mattress for a while snuggled up beside Clover. At first resting so close beside someone in a foreign bed feels strange but with her the notion disappears quickly. When I received new living quarters at the prison, Tessa would once in awhile crawl into my bed. We would whisper about the scouts or she would listen as I told her stories I’d read from one of the books on my floor. She always found it hard to sleep and when she did I often woke her from nightmares. Dad would never allow her to stay with me while I was still living within the constraints of the library. I always felt bad for her to be left alone in such an isolated area. She always had to sleep in the infirmary because no family would take her. In hindsight, I think she enjoyed the excitement of sneaking out to spend the night with me. The only thing that ever blocked her from my room was a thin sheet draped over the doorway and as long as she didn’t sneak in every day, no one noticed. Tessa spent many nights keeping me company with her mocking comments and childish laughter. I’m surprised at how much I miss her.

  Before I moved out of my dad’s quarters, I had begged him to allow Tessa to stay with us but he wouldn’t. I was told even now, considered an adult, that I was too young to take her. As soon as I get back that would change. I will demand that she live with me. How could they tell me no after what I’ve had to go through these last few days.

  In the dark with my mind racing, I long to see Tessa and Dad more than anything. Tomorrow. I will be back home. I’ll make things right with Dad and I’ll move Tessa in with me. The heaviness on my heart lifts slightly and a small smile forms on my lips. Suddenly, I don’t feel as alone anymore.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I wake with a start from the night’s recent nightmare. My heart is racing and sweat covers my skin in a fine sheen. I sit up attempting to calm my breathing.

  “Are you okay Millie?” Clover ask as she lightly touches my shoulder.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Just bad dreams.”

  Clover gives a slight smile as if to say I’m sorry.

  “I didn’t want to wake you before but now I wish I had.”

  She leans away still watching me closely. With my heart still beating fast I notice her hair is restyled in a beautiful fish tail braid.

  ”I wish my hair would do that,” I say before I can stop myself.

  “I’ve another hair band if you want to try?” Clover suggest, bouncing on the bed toward me.

  I nod my head as her fingers work through my hair with such ease.

  “I used to do this with my sister every morning. Your hair is a lot thicker than hers,” Clover says in a soft voice.

  She continues to work through the tangled mess.

  “There. It’s perfect,” she says after a while.

  I run my hand over the trapped hair admiring the pattern. The braid is simple but elegant. I reach for my beret.

  “Thanks, Clover,” I say with a smile. She smiles back.

  We spend a little time gathering our things. I shuffle through my bag looking for a clean shirt to wear. When ready, I fasten my weapons to my waist as Clover secures her blade to her back. We attempt not to make a sound as we remove the dresser from the doorway.

  When I open the door, I have to stifle a laugh. Laying on the floor with a pillow is Connor. He looks younger and almost boyish in sleep. It doesn’t help matters much that Chevy is laying on top of him covering the length of his chest- his little head hanging off of Connor’s shoulder.

  “Awwww. How cute,” Clover says peaking around me.

  Clover’s voice wakes Chevy instantly. He jerks up to attention, standing on Connor’s chest.

  “Ow! What the hell?” Connor grabs the pupp
y and tosses him away.

  Chevy’s nails scrape against the carpet, preparing to bounce back with vengeance- his tail wagging frantically. Before the excited puppy reaches us, Connor tucks him into his side, trapping him.

  “Settle down fur ball,” he demands, struggling to control the ball of energy.

  The puppy whines a little as he gives in to Connor’s hold. I laugh out loud.

  “We didn’t mean to interrupt your quality time,” I comment, taking in Chevy’s happy face.

  Connor grins and releases the puppy as he stands up.

  “Good boy.”

  With the new freedom, the fluffy puppy circles us, only to become cradled in Clover’s willing arms.

  “That dog is rotten,” Connor remarks, eyeing Chevy’s lopsided tongue.

  “Jealous he’s on to someone else so soon after sleeping with you?” I ask innocently.

  Connor smirks at me but remains silent.

  “Me and Chevy are going to go wake up Jay,” Clover announces as she brushes past Connor and I. “This is going to be fun.” I hear her say aloud as she steps into the boy’s room.

  “Do you think it’s safe for her to do that?” I ask Connor, concerned.

  “Yeah, I snuck in during the night and removed their weapons while they slept,” he replies. I give him a pointed look. “What? I didn’t want them getting one up on me.”

  I sigh.

  “Connor, I think if they had wanted to do anything they would have already.”

  He tilts his head.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. Don’t worry I’ll give the weapons back.”

  I narrow my eyes at him.

  “They shouldn’t have been removed in the first place,” I say, annoyed.

  “Isn’t my fault they don’t watch their weapons. You always keep your weapons on your person, if they’re missing, you notice,” Connor says as if it’s a no brainer.

  My eyes travel down his body and land on his weapons still in place.

  “I took mine off,” I muse, my eyes traveling back to meet his.

  Connor steps closer to me.